Hello. This is what I’m going through

[oceanical]

Clutter isn’t a problem…. Until it’s a gigantic problem for me. I go from not even seeing the mess to desperately trying to fix the mess. It’s exhausting.

Do you have your own room or a car that’s only yours? Long before I had a stable living situation, I had a car. It was a rolling pile of crap but it was my space. I waxed it, polished the rims, and vacuumed the interior almost daily. I kept my favorite things in it and it made me feel ‘at home’. It was long before I knew anything about Autism and hadn’t self-diagnosed for another 20 years.

Maybe you could find a space that feels like my car did to me? It could even be your favorite tree at a local park. Go plant a few flowers and water them daily. It only needs to be a place where you can be certain that you have control of the noise and chatter in your head without interruption from those in your life who cause stress, even if they are well-meaning people.

Also…. college degrees are becoming less and less valuable. Employers are requiring them for good paying jobs but experience is becoming more and more what gets the job. Having said that: If you quit school, you’ll probably never go back. You have a huge decision to make.

Is it your house? Is it your name on the lease or mortgage? I’m gonna guess the answer is “No”. You can’t fix anyone else’s problems, especially if you haven’t been able to fix your own. One day you will have your own home. That’s the day when it’s your responsibility to “fix the mess”

Fortunately I do have my own room and it is my safe space.
The tree idea is an excelente suggestion, nothing helps mental health more than nature, right? I’m lucky to live with a good amount of yard that looks like a jungle… but lately I’ve been so caught up in my head I haven’t even appreciate it. I should definitely go out more.

And no, this is not legally my house, but I’ve lived here most of my life. I exist here and I contribute to the mess… I feel like I have a third of responsibility (as there are three adults living here).

 

[AspieChris]

Fortunately I do have my own room and it is my safe space.
The tree idea is an excelente suggestion, nothing helps mental health more than nature, right? I’m lucky to live with a good amount of yard that looks like a jungle… but lately I’ve been so caught up in my head I haven’t even appreciate it. I should definitely go out more.

And no, this is not legally my house, but I’ve lived here most of my life. I exist here and I contribute to the mess… I feel like I have a third of responsibility (as there are three adults living here).

It sounds like your family puts too much of their stress and responsibilities on your plate. Unfortunately, my experience has been that it never stops until I have completely removed myself from the situation.

I had to disown my entire family to get away from it. I changed my job twice for that reason also. I tend to act like Superman and do all of my stuff while handling 1/2 of everyone else’s responsibilities until I crack and lose my mind. When my head explodes and everyone else gets to see me have a meltdown, they all back off and act like they understand. Suddenly they’re handling their own problems and stop burdening me, acting like they’re doing me a favor. But every time it always slowly returns to that place where I’m expected to do stuff for them with very little in return.

The last job change I made was specifically for that reason. At 48 years old I moved to a different department to get away from people I liked and a job I excelled at, because I’m not good at saying ‘no’. I layed out specific limits for myself and boundaries that I struggle daily with not crossing. It’s the only way I have of not allowing myself to become over-burdened with other people’s problems.

 

[AspieChris]

Edit: What I mean to say is this for example:

It’s my own responsibility to plan for retirement. It’s not fair for me to expect my children to support me in my old age. It would be nice if they visit, even help me with certain things. However it would be selfish to expect them to support me financially after decades of me throwing money away on new cars and vacations, or settling for a career I enjoyed that didn’t pay enough. Even worse if I chose to enjoy my 20’s and 30’s without children, then have kids in my 40’s, only to expect them to handle the burden of taking care of an old man in THEIR 20’s and 30’s.

It might be that you’re doing exactly what you should be doing around the house and your Dad is a great guy. However, it may also be that you’re carrying more responsibilities than you should have to.

 

[oceanical]

It sounds like your family puts too much of their stress and responsibilities on your plate. Unfortunately, my experience has been that it never stops until I have completely removed myself from the situation.

I had to disown my entire family to get away from it. I changed my job twice for that reason also. I tend to act like Superman and do all of my stuff while handling 1/2 of everyone else’s responsibilities until I crack and lose my mind. When my head explodes and everyone else gets to see me have a meltdown, they all back off and act like they understand. Suddenly they’re handling their own problems and stop burdening me, acting like they’re doing me a favor. But every time it always slowly returns to that place where I’m expected to do stuff for them with very little in return.

The last job change I made was specifically for that reason. At 48 years old I moved to a different department to get away from people I liked and a job I excelled at, because I’m not good at saying ‘no’. I layed out specific limits for myself and boundaries that I struggle daily with not crossing. It’s the only way I have of not allowing myself to become over-burdened with other people’s problems.

I’m a 24 yr old student with sporadic, tiny income.

It is true that there was a time when there was too much responsibilities on me. When I was a kid my dad traveled a lot for his work. My brother was very little so he stayed with our dad’s friends, but I didn liked having to spend days in other people home. I started to stay alone since I was 12. Learned to cook and take care of my self for a few days up to a couple weeks. It is true that i didn’t receive the attention that I needed. I’m ”smart”. No teacher thought I might be in the need of help.
Sometimes I resent my dad and the people around me for never noticing I was struggling. Maybe if I would‘ve have support… a diagnosis on my neurodivergences, a treatment for my anxiety and depression… maybe I’ll be the responsible, capable adult that my dad is expecting me to be.
That is all there but I can’t use it as an excuse. This is what I have now and I have to try my best to improve from here.
Then I remember, my dad had even less support that me growing up –tho he didn’t face many sistematic discrimination that I do being trans nb and having more noticiable autistic “behaviors“, but still.

Im sorry about the problems with your family. I hope your relationship with them can improve in the future

 

[Nitro]