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ForChrist'sglory91

ForChrist'sglory91

New Member
My name is Alex. I'm so happy I found this forum! My older brother has Asperger's. I'm hoping that by talking with some of you I will better understand him. Thanks for letting me join =)
 
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ForChrist'sglory91 said:
My name is Alex. I'm so happy I found this forum! My older brother has Asperger's. I'm hoping that by talking with some of you I will better understand him. Thanks for letting me join =)
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I'm curious, @ForChrist'sglory91. From your username, I'm assuming you're a Christian (and my atheist Aspie friends on the forum start rolling their eyes :)). Is your brother also a Christ follower?
 
As someone with an older brother and mother doing their best to understand and work with me, I must say that finding people like you is always heartwarming. I hope you find your answers here.
 
Accelerator said:
As someone with an older brother and mother doing their best to understand and work with me, I must say that finding people like you is always heartwarming. I hope you find your answers here.
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Thanks Accelorator =) I'm happy your brother and mother are doing what they can to understand and work with you.
 
Beguiling Orbit said:
So let's dive right in, @ForChrist'sglory91. What, specifically, are you having trouble understanding about your brother?
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I appreciate your not-beating-around-the-bush approach ;)

Sadly, I'm having several problems with my brother and understanding him. I think the worst would be that he doesn't try to help me understand him, he just shuts me out and ignores me when I quietly explain my perspective (so he can understand me) and then I ask him to do the same.

He's rude, inconsiderate and selfish. I don't say that lightly. He seems to run everything through a filter that asks, 'what about me?' or 'what do I get out of it?'. He's explosive and hyper defensive. I can't ask him anything without him getting upset. He borderline verbally abusive (yelling at me, calling me names). I have reason to believe he tries to bate me because he enjoys tearing me down and trying to hurt me.

Another issue with him has recently come up that's really huge, but I don't know if you want to hear about that or not. It's complicated and a mess.

To give more context, my brother is 30 and I'm almost 26. He didn't find out he had Asperger's until he was 17. My mom says he's very high-functioning. He's very social and extroverted, so he doesn't fit the stereotypical norm for someone with Autism.
 
ForChrist'sglory91 said:
I appreciate your not-beating-around-the-bush approach ;)

Sadly, I'm having several problems with my brother and understanding him. I think the worst would be that he doesn't try to help me understand him, he just shuts me out and ignores me when I quietly explain my perspective (so he can understand me) and then I ask him to do the same.

He's rude, inconsiderate and selfish. I don't say that lightly. He seems to run everything through a filter that asks, 'what about me?' or 'what do I get out of it?'. He's explosive and hyper defensive. I can't ask him anything without him getting upset. He borderline verbally abusive (yelling at me, calling me names). I have reason to believe he tries to bate me because he enjoys tearing me down and trying to hurt me.

Another issue with him has recently come up that's really huge, but I don't know if you want to hear about that or not. It's complicated and a mess.

To give more context, my brother is 30 and I'm almost 26. He didn't find out he had Asperger's until he was 17. My mom says he's very high-functioning. He's very social and extroverted, so he doesn't fit the stereotypical norm for someone with Autism.
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Unfortunately I have little experience in dealing with people like that. My two cents about him "running everything through a filter" could be maybe talking about things in direct relation to him, like saying "well what if someone took your stuff, wouldn't you want it back?", or something; speak to him in his language, when you figure it out. I'm honestly not sure if that works, and you should take that advice with a grain of salt, but I don't see him changing the way he sees the world anytime soon, so working with him may need quite a few adjustments on your part.
Has he been diagnosed with anything else? Because I can't tell with "because he enjoys tearing me down and trying to hurt me"; I haven't found that as a common thing, so as much context as possible would be helpful, for everyone here trying to help. That also includes that really huge issue; maybe we'll be able to figure it out if we knew what that big issue was and how it relates to everything else?
 
Sounds like you have walked at least a couple of miles in your brother's shoes, @ForChrist'sglory91. As an Aspie Christian, the best advice I can give you is to put it in God's hands. Since your brother is a Christian, too, maybe the Holy Spirit will convict him for the way he treats you. I'll send up a prayer for you both. (To the atheists who read this post, please don't attack me or my advice. I'm not offering it to you. It's between two Christians and I will politely ask you to not debate religion on this thread. Just let it go and offer Alex your own advice).
 
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