Hello

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. Lots of good ideas and help from others on this thread for you, I agree social communication and interaction can be puzzling, and we can be negatively interpreted. I don't think 'disease' is a useful way to think about autism, its a different neurology but there are strengths aswell as problems in how we are.

It sounds like you have been doing your PhD a while, having started a bit later than some? What are you or were you hoping to do after it, further research? Or do you have a specific job in mind?

I hope you finished the relationship with that unpleasant person who was highly critical and abusive. Who does he think he is? His behaviour was outrageous, hope he's long gone. Clearly you are clever and enjoy studying, maybe you can use and develop your thinking to come to your aid here, we are often good thinkers, and can get where we may want to be through thinking and being aware of our limitations socially but not pinning our self esteem in that area, ok so it's not our strong area, so who is perfect? No one.

What will it take to get the degree finished? I personally hate leaving things undone, but on the other hand I would if I wanted and needed to do something else instead. Thinking positively, what are your options?

 

[VictorR]

Welcome!

Sorry about your experiences with relationships.

As for your thesis - is there a possibility of getting an new or additional advisor for support, especially if it's multidisclipinary?

On your last part I'd like to echo @Rodafina in saying that I've appreciated the support I've gotten here and I hope you find the community helpful to you as well. It may not be a travel buddy, but we are here to support each other, offer a shoulder to cry on, share ideas and thoughts, and celebrate successes.

 

[Alexej]

he meant it in the sense that no one would want to have kids with an autistic person because it is believed to be hereditary.

Yes there may be a hereditary aspect to autism, but it can also happen by itself when the genes mix, so there is no guarantee that an autistic parent will have an autistic child

 

[grommet]

Hello everyone. I am a 38-year-old female who moved to NY almost a decade ago on a student visa to pursue my dream of doing a PhD. In my life I have been blessed with two amazing parents who dedicated their lives to their children's education and well-being, but also cursed with the inability to connect to people. I rarely find myself in a relationship, and in every place I tried to work or study people tried to hurt me in one way or another (from trying to make me lose my job, to openly attacking me verbally). This usually happens to my great surprise because I'm always doing my best to be pleasant, discreet, considerate of others, and focus on my work only.

I did self-diagnose with Aspergers but I do not exhibit the traits that would hinder human interaction and communication, such as lack of hygiene or empathy, and I am constantly putting conscious effort into trying to be a better person, defining my plans for the future, looking and behaving decent around others, and so on.

In my personal life, I usually attract narcissistic types who are only interested in superficial gain. My last relationship ended badly with my ex reminding me every day that I am autistic and thus unable to have a family, that I was lucky he wanted to be with me since no one else would, and that I will eventually die alone. He told me very early what others must be thinking of me when they meet me, namely that the only reason I was successful until now was my "pretty face, which is now old", and that I am one of those people who "carry a scar" that makes them different, and under any other circumstances (without my appearance and not being young anymore) they would perish.

After so many years in this great city, I find myself alone with no friends, unable to even find another place to live when my lease expires soon (it's extremely difficult to find somewhere nice and affordable to live without connections and without regular employment). I am struggling to finish my thesis due to the lack of any strong connections to people in my institution who could make this experience more meaningful. I am afraid that I wasted my best years and a good amount of money on a degree that won't secure employment for me in the near future, while also wasting my chances for a good life with someone.

I see my parents growing old together, taking care of each other, having so much to say about their lives, being so proud for everything they have achieved together, and it breaks my heart that I will never be able to offer them a grandchild or at least make them proud through my professional success. I have so much love to give, so much desire for life, but noone to share them with.

I am depressed with the thought that I cannot achieve everything I want because of the way I am, and, even worse, I'm sad watching me lose everything I worked for simply because my disease makes me unlikable. Even when I stop worrying about a future I built on weak foundations, I'm sad with my everyday; I wish I had someone to go for a walk with, talk to, listen to, share my worries or the news, laugh at silly jokes together, take a road trip on the weekend, and so on.

Apologies for the long post, happy to find this forum and to be here,
Thank you for reading.

You sound wonderful. I think the people who said those things to you are what you said, narcissists. Those are the kind of cruel things they say to control and hurt people.

I think you have done very well. You are finishing an advanced education and you have been taking care of yourself in school and living in New York city. I think you are very independent.

There are things you enjoy and I hope you can focus on doing them more during this hard time. My ex and I are both autistic and did not meet each other until we were 42. She had been with one man, the only man who asked her out, she stayed with him for 21 years. I had a little experience but when we met and started our lives together it was like life finally started for both of us. It was amazing. We were together for eight years. It did not work out but we did not say mean things to each other.

My ex and I were alone (she was not close to her ex) in our lives until we met each other and we both understood each other, we made sense, we felt like two halves. I say this because maybe you will meet someone nice who you feel closer to and better with than the people you have met.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Hi and Welcome @Lonely


Where did this come from - I have never heard this before and dont believe it

my wife and I raised two sons, my sister three sons, my brother two sons and a daughter all of us are on the spectrum. So far only one of the kids may be on the spectrum. He is doing very well-educated gifted athlete.