Help with communicating

[Judge]

All I can offer is that it's a very tricky thing to intervene in the midst of an Aspie's meltdown or shutdown. If of course, that is what might be occurring with your friend.

From my own perspective, IMO it's best not to. That the person with a meltdown or shutdown must simply allow it to follow its course, where eventually they come out of it to face the world once more.

 

[ksheehan88]

All I can offer is that it's a very tricky thing to intervene in the midst of an Aspie's meltdown or shutdown. If of course, that is what might be occurring with your friend.

From my own perspective, IMO it's best not to. That the person with a meltdown or shutdown must simply allow it to follow its course, where eventually they come out of it to face the world once more.

Ok, thankyou Judge, I now see I've kind of looked at it from my own perspective rather than his - usually when someone is upset/angry/down etc I offer comfort, try to soothe them, help make it better... I've looked at it from my own emotional point of view. Lesson to remember in the future!

I've seen meltdowns and shutdowns mentioned, after having read about them it does sounds as though thats whats happening when he goes on one or stops communicating with me. xx

 

[Judge]

Ok, thankyou Judge, I now see I've kind of looked at it from my own perspective rather than his - usually when someone is upset/angry/down etc I offer comfort, try to soothe them, help make it better... I've looked at it from my own emotional point of view. Lesson to remember in the future!

I've seen meltdowns and shutdowns mentioned, after having read about them it does sounds as though thats whats happening when he goes on one or stops communicating with me. xx

I haven't had a meltdown in several years. But shutdowns are another matter. For me when they occur, the door closes and no one or thing can get in. By design. Though I can't honestly speak for everyone else...but that is how it is for me. So intervention of any kind amounts to a pointless, if bad idea...good intentions and all. I just have to come out of it with my own emotional and physical momentum.

 

[paloftoon]

. . . another problem can be how we are seen as being highly egocentric. And at times we are. That we exist in our own world, often isolated by circumstances as well as choice. Which presents quite a social challenge for us as well.

I stole this quote from you Judge. It is helping me with a dating situation I'm in. It's possibly a ditch-effort to try to save a good relationship that I immediately ruined with a few inappropriate questions after the date and someone who is probably even a more sensitive person than me.

 

[Gary DuBois]

Hi all. I have an aspie friend, he's the first person I've ever interacted with who has this so dealing with the emotional/social aspect of friendship with him is all new to me and I'm struggling.

I suffer high anxiety/low mood so when he has times where he goes almost silent on me my anxiety will kick in and I panic he doesn't like me anymore and I get needy and have the constant urge to communicate with him. (I've noticed a pattern where he'll txt me everyday for a couple weeks then barely anything for a couple weeks unless I make the first move)

I know this is totally the wrong move to make and I will likely push him away for real, and he does reassure me it isn't personal and he does like me but my brain tells me otherwise... I am working hard on stopping this.

I guess what I'm looking for is reassurance that this is something that happens to other people or that this is what aspies sometimes do, and maybe get some advice on what I should/should not say or do... I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this, but I'm desperate not to push him away, he means a lot to me and I want to better understand xxx

Hi Kay im pretty sure this is something that happens to other people and also what aspies do sometimes. And try talking to him or telling him i want us to stay friends but i would like if you would open up a little bit so we can communicate a little easyier and better and then say what do you think ? and/or say we can bolth be silent friends together if you would like and last but not least tell him i care about you alot and im only trying to understand you a little better