Hey. Woman recently diagnosed with SCD, here

[royinpink]

A great thing I took away from identifying as an Aspie was that I had to give up comparing myself to my peers, especially by age. I would see someone my age with a great job and beat myself up for not doing what they did or having what they had. Now I see that I'm on my own journey, and that comparing myself to and defining myself by others is a losing game--and a sure route to depression! I'm only just now, at 34, learning how to accept myself for who I truly am.

I was also underemployed for a long time, so when I hear about my colleagues buying houses and going on expensive vacations, I still have to remind myself that I'm on my own path, and their actions have nothing to do with my life.

By the way, I loved Linguistics and Philosophy in university! (I majored in Communication Studies, and I gravitated towards the Humanities courses.) I took a great Philosophy of Language class that went through Kripke, Wittgenstein and Chomsky.

After getting my Bachelor's Degree, I ended up going to a college (what Americans call 'Community College') for a two-year Business Marketing Diploma program because I felt like I needed some more practical skills. I had terrible interview skills and little work experience, but a part-time job in retail helped me come out of my shell. Took years of patience and a lot of work on myself to figure out how to get jobs!

I think I'm a long way from that kind of acceptance. I want to meet others' standards and my own high standards, which are incompatible with each other, and I am failing both. But it's nice to hear that it can and does work out.

 

[Daniel]

I think I'm a long way from that kind of acceptance. I want to meet others' standards and my own high standards, which are incompatible with each other, and I am failing both. But it's nice to hear that it can and does work out.

Oh yeah--it took a long, long time for me to get to the point where I just feel that it's okay to accept myself. Took a year of therapy and cost me my marriage. It's working out, but it didn't come cheap or easy! And I've still got a long way to go.

But don't be discouraged--trying to accept myself has been a lot better than not accepting myself!

 

[royinpink]

I'm interested in philosophy in general. My favourite is Soren Kierkegaard. (Love the name Soren too.)

I'm interested in linguistics in general. I write poetry which (to me) is speaking using particularly chosen specific words and at the same time saying something meaningful while having it all fit into a coherent creative whole which moves people.

I think linguistics and philosophy play a role in my poetry. At least I like to think it does.

I'm

I haven't read any Kierkegaard but I should. They say his work bears similarities to Nietzsche, right?

There are just so many different disciplinary approaches to linguistics--computational linguistics, anthropological linguistics, formal and functional linguistics, psycholinguistics, etc.--that I wanted to get an idea of where you were coming from. I started out taking a formal linguistics course, Syntax, which I loved (like solving puzzles all the time!), but then I took a course on anthropological linguistics that introduced me to semiotics and became convinced that anything based on Chomsky's ideas was fundamentally wrong.

I like that definition of poetry. Do you share your poetry online anywhere?

 

[royinpink]

Hello Royinpink,

welcome to AC, nice to meet you,

I seen you said you were an English teacher in HK, what grade level do you teach? i know a few students who are in school there (Law Ting Pong) one being a student on the spectrum (I know I am old enough to be his mother, but I get along well with any age of aspie)

I teach grade 7 (which is certainly a challenge!). I have a couple students on the spectrum, too. It's actually why I read more about ASD and wondered if I had it. One is a girl diagnosed with Asperger's and a boy more recently diagnosed I think similarly to me (since they said he had significant social deficits, but 'many strengths'--he's very gifted, especially in math and science).

 

[islandria]

[QUOTE royinpink, post: 124382, member: 10953"]I haven't read any Kierkegaard but I should. They say his work bears similarities to Nietzsche, right?

There are just so many different disciplinary approaches to linguistics--computational linguistics, anthropological linguistics, formal and functional linguistics, psycholinguistics, etc.--that I wanted to get an idea of where you were coming from. I started out taking a formal linguistics course, Syntax, which I loved (like solving puzzles all the time!), but then I took a course on anthropological linguistics that introduced me to semiotics and became convinced that anything based on Chomsky's ideas was fundamentally wrong.

I like that definition of poetry. Do you share your poetry online anywhere?[/QUOTE]

I haven't noticed that Kierkegaard and Nietzsche were similiar. Nietzsche seems quite depressing to me while Kierkegaard offers a lot of hope.

I only share my poetry with people I'm comfortable in relaxed settings - open mics usually.

I'm an artist at heart. The philosophizing and wordsmithing is just a ruse to appear like I know what it's about. I just play with colours. Sometimes it ends up being something.

 

[royinpink]

Oh yeah--it took a long, long time for me to get to the point where I just feel that it's okay to accept myself. Took a year of therapy and cost me my marriage. It's working out, but it didn't come cheap or easy! And I've still got a long way to go.

But don't be discouraged--trying to accept myself has been a lot better than not accepting myself!

I can't imagine losing a marriage. That must have been really difficult. I hope I don't have to go through something similar...I don't think I'm strong enough anymore.

Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[royinpink]

I haven't noticed that Kierkegaard and Nietzsche were similiar. Nietzsche seems quite depressing to me while Kierkegaard offers a lot of hope.

I only share my poetry with people I'm comfortable in relaxed settings - open mics usually.

I'm an artist at heart. The philosophizing and wordsmithing is just a ruse to appear like I know what it's about. I just play with colours. Sometimes it ends up being something.

They definitely have different attitudes toward Christianity--and many other things! But they are considered the 'first existentialists' or like, proto-existentialists, for their views on subjectivity and objectivity. I think. They also both explore and challenge the boundaries of philosophical writing style, I think Kierkegaard more than Nietzsche.

On the subject of Nietzsche and writing style, I noticed that he mentions visual thinking in The Genealogy of Morality: “...but he who thinks in words, thinks as a speaker and not as a thinker (it shows that he does not think of objects or thinks objectively, but only of his relations with objects—that, in point of fact, he only thinks of himself and his audience).” I wonder if that has been something that's contributed to the misunderstanding of his writing. I think it's not so difficult, but many people find it impenetrable. Sorry, tangent.

Nothing wrong with being an artist! I think it's great that you're able to create with words, but we're all missing out on getting to hear your art.

 

[islandria]

They definitely have different attitudes toward Christianity--and many other things! But they are considered the 'first existentialists' or like, proto-existentialists, for their views on subjectivity and objectivity. I think. They also both explore and challenge the boundaries of philosophical writing style, I think Kierkegaard more than Nietzsche.

On the subject of Nietzsche and writing style, I noticed that he mentions visual thinking in The Genealogy of Morality: “...but he who thinks in words, thinks as a speaker and not as a thinker (it shows that he does not think of objects or thinks objectively, but only of his relations with objects—that, in point of fact, he only thinks of himself and his audience).” I wonder if that has been something that's contributed to the misunderstanding of his writing. I think it's not so difficult, but many people find it impenetrable. Sorry, tangent.

Nothing wrong with being an artist! I think it's great that you're able to create with words, but we're all missing out on getting to hear your art.

To be honest, I only have 3 thin books of Nietzsche's, one of which I read a few years back. I find it interesting but I haven't gotten heavily into it. I've got Works of Love by Kierkegaard and have read it a few times. It seems to resonate with me. You're prob right about the Nietzsche comment.

I'd like to get into it more but my new discovery of Asperger's and being on the Autistic Spectrum has my investigation in overload.

By the way I'm in the middle of reading Simone deBeauvoir's autobiographies. She was very close to Jean-Paul Sarte, who was an existentialist. (It was a short-lived movement). But her autobiographies are fascinating.

Lots of fun.

 

[islandria]

(It was a short-lived movement).

Short-lived, but hugely influential. We are all influenced by it in our thinking!

 

[royinpink]

To be honest, I only have 3 thin books of Nietzsche's, one of which I read a few years back. I find it interesting but I haven't gotten heavily into it. I've got Works of Love by Kierkegaard and have read it a few times. It seems to resonate with me. You're prob right about the Nietzsche comment.

I'd like to get into it more but my new discovery of Asperger's and being on the Autistic Spectrum has my investigation in overload.

By the way I'm in the middle of reading Simone deBeauvoir's autobiographies. She was very close to Jean-Paul Sarte, who was an existentialist. (It was a short-lived movement). But her autobiographies are fascinating.

Lots of fun.

Nietzsche can be a bit of an undertaking, but a rewarding one. I am all Nietzsche-d out, for awhile, though. Maybe I will pick up Works of Love sometime. I thought it was interesting 'cause I seem to relate better to writers who think visually, and now I've learned that that happens a lot in the autistic community, apparently.

Oh, you were recently diagnosed too? I was very obsessive when I first thought it might apply to myself as well. Hope the investigation is rewarding for you and those around you are supportive!

Simone de Beauvoir rocks. I dunno about Sarte. The first thing I read by her was this talking about the reactions to her work, and it's just awesome. "A wild cry of rage, the revolt of a wounded soul – that they could have accepted with a moved and pitying condescension; since they could not pardon me my objectivity, they feigned a disbelief in it. For example I will take a phrase of Claude Mauriac’s which perfectly illustrates the arrogance of the First Sex. ‘What has she got against me?’ he wanted to know. Nothing; I had nothing against anything, except the words I was quoting. It is strange that so many intellectuals should refuse to believe in intellectual passions"

 

[I am that which I am]

Hello and welcome.

I did not know they decided to add SCD to the DSM-V until you mentioned it. Yes it does not seem like there is a big difference and would be useful as a separate diagnosis. The other stuff may have been reduced in those diagnosed if they are adults as they learn to hide or do something other than those behaviours to appear more like an NT. *facepalm* Sometimes I really disagree with the people in their ivory towers (researchers and health care professionals) despite being one of them. Like their (recent) decision to change certain names and separate several diagnoses into an idiotic mish mash of dozens of terms which essentially speak to the differing severity of the original diagnosis. Like dysthymia, which is a less severe but chronic form of depression which could easily be called chronic mild depression instead, a term that is much clearer, more descriptive, and already used. Or their belief that AS must be cured. But I digress.

Yes AC is a good place to figure out if the diagnosis is correct or not.

I also noted I tend to have far too high standards for myself and have to learn to tone that down a bit. What would you like to be doing instead of teaching? I gather something related to linguistics and philosophy?

 

[islandria]

Nietzsche can be a bit of an undertaking, but a rewarding one. I am all Nietzsche-d out, for awhile, though. Maybe I will pick up Works of Love sometime. I thought it was interesting 'cause I seem to relate better to writers who think visually, and now I've learned that that happens a lot in the autistic community, apparently.

Oh, you were recently diagnosed too? I was very obsessive when I first thought it might apply to myself as well. Hope the investigation is rewarding for you and those around you are supportive!

Simone de Beauvoir rocks. I dunno about Sarte. The first thing I read by her was this talking about the reactions to her work, and it's just awesome. "A wild cry of rage, the revolt of a wounded soul – that they could have accepted with a moved and pitying condescension; since they could not pardon me my objectivity, they feigned a disbelief in it. For example I will take a phrase of Claude Mauriac’s which perfectly illustrates the arrogance of the First Sex. ‘What has she got against me?’ he wanted to know. Nothing; I had nothing against anything, except the words I was quoting. It is strange that so many intellectuals should refuse to believe in intellectual passions"

Hey, you sound really interesting. For a long time I wrote cuz like 'cause because it's the right was of abreviating because, right? I just recently switched to because.

I'm self diagnosed with asperger's and adhd with whatever those 2 letters are after it - one's an 'i'.

I find writing on this forum extremely (whatever the word is that I don't know how to spell and the spell check on my phone - a samsung note 2 - does not have it in it. So rather than spell it wrong I will just say it can be frustrating because when I reply, it automatically moves words to the top of the window and they get mixed up. I'm hoping to get a macbook this year.

I'm sorry, I didn't read your full post. (My eyes are sore and I'm trying not to use them). But I will when they don't feel sore.

Is that you in the avatar?
Do you know what an avatar is? I didn't look it up. (Google's my best friend. {Not a literal statement, but I'm sure you know that. }) When I first used this site someone used the word for someone else's picture and now I'm assuming that you can use it for all representational pictures of ourselves.

I know it says member underneath but I can't delete it because if I leave my font, I will lose my place in the window and it won't allow me to find it. (The window freezes). And I know this is completely boring and I've said nothing of interest.

Sometimes you just have to let it all go - surrender..
And then move on. : )

 

[royinpink]

Hello and welcome.

I did not know they decided to add SCD to the DSM-V until you mentioned it. Yes it does not seem like there is a big difference and would be useful as a separate diagnosis. The other stuff may have been reduced in those diagnosed if they are adults as they learn to hide or do something other than those behaviours to appear more like an NT. *facepalm* Sometimes I really disagree with the people in their ivory towers (researchers and health care professionals) despite being one of them. Like their (recent) decision to change certain names and separate several diagnoses into an idiotic mish mash of dozens of terms which essentially speak to the differing severity of the original diagnosis. Like dysthymia, which is a less severe but chronic form of depression which could easily be called chronic mild depression instead, a term that is much clearer, more descriptive, and already used. Or their belief that AS must be cured. But I digress.

Yes AC is a good place to figure out if the diagnosis is correct or not.

I also noted I tend to have far too high standards for myself and have to learn to tone that down a bit. What would you like to be doing instead of teaching? I gather something related to linguistics and philosophy?

I really appreciate your comment. Someone understands!! Haha. You say you are one of the researchers/professionals. What is it that you do?

My therapists originally suspected dysthymia, too (I guess since I am pretty good at like, getting myself to dressed and to work in the mornings no matter what, and I am not good at being aware of or expressing emotion). But the psychologists who diagnosed me with SCD said my responses indicate chronic major depression. Whatev... From what I've read, the 'chronic' part has greater implications for treatment than whether it is mild or not.

Yeah. I would rather be a philosophy professor. Teaching, okay, but teaching people who really want to learn rather than playing games with 7th-graders. I can handle 7th-graders, like, one at a time. I wrote an explanation of why I'm not pursuing a philosophy degree, but it is really far too long, so I will just say I did go back to school once in preparation for applying (to get better grades, recommenders and a writing sample in philosophy, etc.), and the experience was the 'last straw' in convincing me that it was impossible. : P If I were someone who could network, churn out papers I don't really believe in, make stellar presentations, endure the very real possibility of being unemployed or adjunct lecturing, in debt, with no time for my own research, not to mention teaching properly...I would do it in an instant. But I feel it's just too unrealistic. I have to look at my abilities and say, no matter how much I love it, that is not me.

 

[royinpink]

Hey, you sound really interesting. For a long time I wrote cuz like 'cause because it's the right was of abreviating because, right? I just recently switched to because.

I'm self diagnosed with asperger's and adhd with whatever those 2 letters are after it - one's an 'i'.

I find writing on this forum extremely (whatever the word is that I don't know how to spell and the spell check on my phone - a samsung note 2 - does not have it in it. So rather than spell it wrong I will just say it can be frustrating because when I reply, it automatically moves words to the top of the window and they get mixed up. I'm hoping to get a macbook this year.

I'm sorry, I didn't read your full post. (My eyes are sore and I'm trying not to use them). But I will when they don't feel sore.

Is that you in the avatar?
Do you know what an avatar is? I didn't look it up. (Google's my best friend. {Not a literal statement, but I'm sure you know that. }) When I first used this site someone used the word for someone else's picture and now I'm assuming that you can use it for all representational pictures of ourselves.

I know it says member underneath but I can't delete it because if I leave my font, I will lose my place in the window and it won't allow me to find it. (The window freezes). And I know this is completely boring and I've said nothing of interest.

Sometimes you just have to let it all go - surrender..
And then move on. : )

Oh yeah, took me awhile to figure out what you were referring to! I used to be very pedantic about grammar (my friends would probably say "Used to be?!?!"). I think majoring in linguistics finally beat that out of me, haha. But some habits die hard. I still write 'cause and 'til (for until, rather than till). But I CAN write other ways now, woo hoo!

No, it is not me in the avatar. I don't have such awesome goggles. But I don't look that dissimilar, I guess, otherwise.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[I am that which I am]

I really appreciate your comment. Someone understands!! Haha. You say you are one of the researchers/professionals. What is it that you do?

My therapists originally suspected dysthymia, too (I guess since I am pretty good at like, getting myself to dressed and to work in the mornings no matter what, and I am not good at being aware of or expressing emotion). But the psychologists who diagnosed me with SCD said my responses indicate chronic major depression. Whatev... From what I've read, the 'chronic' part has greater implications for treatment than whether it is mild or not.

Yeah. I would rather be a philosophy professor. Teaching, okay, but teaching people who really want to learn rather than playing games with 7th-graders. I can handle 7th-graders, like, one at a time. I wrote an explanation of why I'm not pursuing a philosophy degree, but it is really far too long, so I will just say I did go back to school once in preparation for applying (to get better grades, recommenders and a writing sample in philosophy, etc.), and the experience was the 'last straw' in convincing me that it was impossible. : P If I were someone who could network, churn out papers I don't really believe in, make stellar presentations, endure the very real possibility of being unemployed or adjunct lecturing, in debt, with no time for my own research, not to mention teaching properly...I would do it in an instant. But I feel it's just too unrealistic. I have to look at my abilities and say, no matter how much I love it, that is not me.

Hello,

I do research in neuroscience and focus primarily on mental health. I have touched a bit on developmental disorders but focus primarily on depression at the moment and previously worked on schizophrenia. The research I do involves examining the effects of genetic and epigenetic on depression and how these tie into complex mechanisms in the brain. Epigenetics is a more recent (well a few decades) discovery and is essentially a code on top of the genetic code that switches genes on or off (or anything in between). This is how we can have hundreds of different kinds of cells in our bodies, they all have the same underlying structure but varying how the genetic code is used allows them to develop very differently. We could be a banana (well pretty close) if everything was tweaked the right way. I know we would need chloroplasts too, i guess we just could not photosynthesize. I am still working on the degree but eventually I think I would rather focus on research than teach, but both are quite fun.

Like you, I can also get dressed no matter what and go to work or what have you. So I am still not quite sure what the difference is but Ok.

I see. I must wonder what happened to philosophy. It seems like you could actually do something with such a degree in the olden days. Well I was not there so perhaps they faced other struggles and problems. I considered philosophy as well, but yes the prospects after you get a degree were completely absent, which is quite unfortunate. Than again I taught it to myself since a young age without any books or guidance so perhaps I would not have done so well. It was not until my teens that I started to read more about it whenever I had time. Unfortunately I do not have that much time. I guess for me it is always something that I will still think about and do a little of as a hobby and churn out books that I am unlikely to publish and that no one will ever read. But you can still keep it as a hobby and maybe get to publish those essays and books that might actually draw interest. My second choice was research related to neuroscience since it encompasses many scientific fields. There is a touch of biology, medicine, psychology, but also a large part is chemistry and there is some physics as well. So to me it satisfies many of my interests.

Yes 7th graders do seem quite difficult to handle. I do not think I would ever want to teach such a class, so you are brave in your own way. I prefer sticking to university students, they are a little more serious and mature, just a little. I do also teach, proctor, and correct randomly for professors, especially in lab related classes.

 

[royinpink]

Hello,

I do research in neuroscience and focus primarily on mental health. I have touched a bit on developmental disorders but focus primarily on depression at the moment and previously worked on schizophrenia. The research I do involves examining the effects of genetic and epigenetic on depression and how these tie into complex mechanisms in the brain. Epigenetics is a more recent (well a few decades) discovery and is essentially a code on top of the genetic code that switches genes on or off (or anything in between). This is how we can have hundreds of different kinds of cells in our bodies, they all have the same underlying structure but varying how the genetic code is used allows them to develop very differently. We could be a banana (well pretty close) if everything was tweaked the right way. I know we would need chloroplasts too, i guess we just could not photosynthesize. I am still working on the degree but eventually I think I would rather focus on research than teach, but both are quite fun.

Cool stuff. Sometimes I wonder if it would be in my best interest to go back to school for psychology or something more practical than philosophy (which is ANYTHING). I have some of the same worries about it, though. I would try to say something about what you do but I would sound like an idiot, so yeah.

Like you, I can also get dressed no matter what and go to work or what have you. So I am still not quite sure what the difference is but Ok.

Am I to take it from this that you are depressed?
I don't know what the difference is either. I just know that people never believe me when I say I have problems and I guess that must be because I don't come up to them wailing, in shambles. I have no idea.

I see. I must wonder what happened to philosophy. It seems like you could actually do something with such a degree in the olden days. Well I was not there so perhaps they faced other struggles and problems. I considered philosophy as well, but yes the prospects after you get a degree were completely absent, which is quite unfortunate. Than again I taught it to myself since a young age without any books or guidance so perhaps I would not have done so well. It was not until my teens that I started to read more about it whenever I had time. Unfortunately I do not have that much time. I guess for me it is always something that I will still think about and do a little of as a hobby and churn out books that I am unlikely to publish and that no one will ever read. But you can still keep it as a hobby and maybe get to publish those essays and books that might actually draw interest. My second choice was research related to neuroscience since it encompasses many scientific fields. There is a touch of biology, medicine, psychology, but also a large part is chemistry and there is some physics as well. So to me it satisfies many of my interests.

I think it's getting a lot harder for philosophy with the dwindling places for professors and overspecialization. They say it's been downhill for the last 50 years (in terms of job prospects, competition, etc.) and not getting better anytime soon. A lot of people who quit the PhD (about 50% never finish) end up in law school or something like that. I considered going for just an MA, but basically the PhD programs are for the 'real' philosophy students who get TAships, and the MA programs are moneymakers with less quality teaching, although there are a few notable--and highy competitive--exceptions.

Philosophy was kind of the 'Aha, that's what I've been searching for all this time!" for me. I was always frustrated (not to mention bored!) that the questions I wanted to discuss weren't raised or the way I thought to solve problems wasn't the way they expected research to be done in linguistics and anthropology. And then I finally realized that that was because I was asking different kinds of questions, which philosophy was better suited to tackle. I'd already become obsessed with Peirce when we had to read a bit because of his influence on theory in linguistic anthropology, but I didn't realize that although people may use his semiotic theory there, I wouldn't get to debate its merits or explore its foundations. I couldn't argue for a theory on the basis of its being more epistemologically sound. Or, I could, but no one would be joining in the conversation with me.

That problem isn't entirely alien to me in philosophy, though, either. I finally had a professor (who himself can't maintain eye contact--I recall an entire conversation in which he stared at my chest in a totally nonsexual manner) take me aside and tell me that the problem is that I can't write what I'm passionate about. I have to stick to texts and small criticisms. I can't seek out the foundations and assumptions, at least not until I have the PhD and people would actually listen to me. And deep down, I knew he was right, and I would have to follow his advice if I wanted to succeed. But that's now how I learn and progress. Maybe I was too influenced by the depression, but I just don't see myself enduring a difficult path if what I get in return isn't the genuine opportunity to pursue my interest but just busywork intended to demonstrate technical skill and finesse more than honest inquiry.

I abandoned the idea thinking I would be able to do as you say and keep up with it as a hobby. But I am doubting myself more and more. For awhile I simply focused on getting through my days and put any interests aside entirely. It was a bad time. Even when I devote all my energies to doing what I am 'supposed' to do (i.e. teaching English), I am not as good at it as my peers, and I am more exhausted and defeated afterward. I have so much guilt and fear of failure attached to everything now, added to my already subpar abilities with time management and organization, that I don't know how I'd keep up with such a hobby. In college it took a great deal of time and energy to just allow myself to enjoy my interests again, rather than constantly dreading my inevitable failure. Now that I am not in college, I have less time to devote to that. Procrastination has been a problem for me since at least 5th grade, the first time I recall staying up until 1am to finish assignments. I bought a book that promised to help but it backfired because even the things it took for granted as no-stress rewards were stressful for me to put on the schedule--socializing? cooking? cleaning? sleep? Every day looks like an onslaught of stressful tasks that I will do poorly or at the wrong time. After the first couple weeks of meltdowns when dinners with my boyfriend did not go as scheduled, I just gave up on it (took me a month to put cause and effect together, though!), and the sight of the schedule or thought of attempting to schedule anything fills me with dread.

I am reading again, though, finally. One of my students (an aspie herself) was extolling the virtues of a kindle to me and I thought, maybe that will help me, since I always lose track of books and don't want to lug them around everywhere, and I have to squeeze them into 30 minutes on lunch break in a crowded noisy mall. With a kindle, I can use my commute to read so I don't have to feel guilty, and I focus better, I think. It's not ideal, but at least I have that. It's like having a part of my soul back, you know? Right now I'm reading about Asperger's, but philosophy is on the list. I need to buckle down and study logic so I can comprehend certain other texts better.

Sorry, I've rambled way too much. It's really cool that you write philosophy, too. What are your interests?

Yes 7th graders do seem quite difficult to handle. I do not think I would ever want to teach such a class, so you are brave in your own way. I prefer sticking to university students, they are a little more serious and mature, just a little. I do also teach, proctor, and correct randomly for professors, especially in lab related classes.

Haha...here it's odd because so much depends on individual teachers' ability to scold students and keep them in detention. Most of their grade comes from exams, so there is little personal responsibility for homework. I think that's what I hate the most. That, and having to pretend to enjoy games. My emotional flatness is a real setback--I am neither enthusiastic nor intimidating, so I have to rely all the more on having a really good, intrinsically interesting plan and rehearsing it. I totally sucked at this at first, and they assigned me a teacher mentor, which helped a lot. She still laughs at how unenthusiastic I am, though. But if I'm concentrating on the plan, I can't remember to look happy at the same time. The students have come to accept my quirkiness, though, for the most part.