I am newly-diagnosed as on the spectrum. Also diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and ADHD. All my life I've been pushed to "recover" from my illnesses, as if my issues were like the flu-- bad now, but ultimately something that will go away and be forgotten.
I'm 41, and I've been beating myself up (often literally) most of my life, telling myself to buck up and get over it. I wish I could just give up and lower expectations of myself. I wish I could just feel good about small accomplishments like cleaning the kitchen or remembering to take out the trash, because those are hard for me. I did well on some stupid standardized tests as a kid and was told I was "gifted", so my parents expected me to have a great career and change the world for the better. But my executive functioning is virtually non-existent. Everyday life is a struggle for me. I am so, so tired of trying to conform to others' expectations. If I had one wish, it would be for the "voices" in my head to stop pushing me to "get better".
I'm 41, and I've been beating myself up (often literally) most of my life, telling myself to buck up and get over it. I wish I could just give up and lower expectations of myself. I wish I could just feel good about small accomplishments like cleaning the kitchen or remembering to take out the trash, because those are hard for me. I did well on some stupid standardized tests as a kid and was told I was "gifted", so my parents expected me to have a great career and change the world for the better. But my executive functioning is virtually non-existent. Everyday life is a struggle for me. I am so, so tired of trying to conform to others' expectations. If I had one wish, it would be for the "voices" in my head to stop pushing me to "get better".
