Hi All,
I'm here hoping to learn a little more about autism. I initially began learning about it to learn how to be a better friend to a good friend of mine in IRL who has it. Since then, I’ve had a number of experiences that have motivated me to learn more.
For example, earlier this summer--and following a many-hour drive--we stopped in at a relative’s home. [No, he’s not diagnosed, yes, he’s on the spectrum. It’s a family consensus and we make allowances for it.] Anyway, a bunch of us were going somewhere and we stopped in to bring him along. Well, he wanted to show me something on his computer. He does wonderful CADD drawings—I appreciate that. I also considered that I knew his “it’ll only be a minute” meant that the six of us would still be standing there in his cramped little computer room, squished in should-to-shoulder, listening to his detailed narration for the next four hours. I don’t think the room had A/C. Besides, where we were going was closing soon. So I said something like, "I'm really sorry, but we don't have time today. Maybe later. We're on a schedule." And I walked out. And then the next person walked out. And then someone else said to him, "come on, if we don't get there soon, we'll miss the last tour!" Well, we all left and managed to bring him along, too. Which all seems very benign on the surface, but I got stink-eye from him for the rest of the evening. (Yeah, the stink-eye was deserved. I tend to be the initiative-taker in the family, so he pegged that right.) Generally, I get two thumbs up from my family for my skill in dealing with him, but I didn't win any awards that day. I try to end on positives—but that day did not. Since then, I've been trying to learn how I could have handled that better.
I have a highly creative family--several engineers, a couple of inventors, a professional artist (everyone draws quite well or plays multiple instruments). We even a certified germaphobe who we love and appreciate. (Different person than above. Trust me, no offense meant or taken! He'll actually remind you about what kinds of germs you're bringing into the house if you leave your shoes on or how much oil your touch leaves behind on things that are clean, and so on, so no, germaphobe in our family is rather a term of endearment.) I'm not so creative; I don't draw or play an instrument, and I hate math; my only claim to fame are two MA's. But as to my quest... I've now taken every single free, online autism test there is--aspie, EQ, SQ, RAADS-R, TEQ, TAS, ESQ, RBQ-2. No, not compulsive--just thorough. (I'm a strong INTJ-A. Think, bull in a china cabinet. Don't worry--I'm not here to confront anything except my own ignorance.) Then the other week, I was watching my brother as we visited (he’s in his thirties), and…something clicked. Now I’m thinking his ADHD may be a misdiagnosis.
However, since I have been reading up on autism for some time now and finally think I know something about it, I am not surprised at being able to identify many autistic traits within my family. And no, I’m not aspie myself—I’ve read that a professional psychologist would adjust my scores down by up to 30%, whereupon the scores would drop well into the neurotypical range. (Besides, we know a disabilities specialist and apparently my husband already asked him that. His answer? “Everybody’s got some traits.” So, no.) But I have been wrestling with some things of my own that may be the result of my own traits getting in the way. It’s kind of like running into a brick wall.
What began as a simple ‘how can I be a better friend’ endeavor became a mission to deal better with a difficult family member (sorry—no offense intended by saying he's 'difficult'--he'd say the same of me), which now has morphed into a ‘hey, maybe these folks have some answers I need!’ quest.
So, here I am. Hi!
I'm here hoping to learn a little more about autism. I initially began learning about it to learn how to be a better friend to a good friend of mine in IRL who has it. Since then, I’ve had a number of experiences that have motivated me to learn more.
For example, earlier this summer--and following a many-hour drive--we stopped in at a relative’s home. [No, he’s not diagnosed, yes, he’s on the spectrum. It’s a family consensus and we make allowances for it.] Anyway, a bunch of us were going somewhere and we stopped in to bring him along. Well, he wanted to show me something on his computer. He does wonderful CADD drawings—I appreciate that. I also considered that I knew his “it’ll only be a minute” meant that the six of us would still be standing there in his cramped little computer room, squished in should-to-shoulder, listening to his detailed narration for the next four hours. I don’t think the room had A/C. Besides, where we were going was closing soon. So I said something like, "I'm really sorry, but we don't have time today. Maybe later. We're on a schedule." And I walked out. And then the next person walked out. And then someone else said to him, "come on, if we don't get there soon, we'll miss the last tour!" Well, we all left and managed to bring him along, too. Which all seems very benign on the surface, but I got stink-eye from him for the rest of the evening. (Yeah, the stink-eye was deserved. I tend to be the initiative-taker in the family, so he pegged that right.) Generally, I get two thumbs up from my family for my skill in dealing with him, but I didn't win any awards that day. I try to end on positives—but that day did not. Since then, I've been trying to learn how I could have handled that better.
I have a highly creative family--several engineers, a couple of inventors, a professional artist (everyone draws quite well or plays multiple instruments). We even a certified germaphobe who we love and appreciate. (Different person than above. Trust me, no offense meant or taken! He'll actually remind you about what kinds of germs you're bringing into the house if you leave your shoes on or how much oil your touch leaves behind on things that are clean, and so on, so no, germaphobe in our family is rather a term of endearment.) I'm not so creative; I don't draw or play an instrument, and I hate math; my only claim to fame are two MA's. But as to my quest... I've now taken every single free, online autism test there is--aspie, EQ, SQ, RAADS-R, TEQ, TAS, ESQ, RBQ-2. No, not compulsive--just thorough. (I'm a strong INTJ-A. Think, bull in a china cabinet. Don't worry--I'm not here to confront anything except my own ignorance.) Then the other week, I was watching my brother as we visited (he’s in his thirties), and…something clicked. Now I’m thinking his ADHD may be a misdiagnosis.
However, since I have been reading up on autism for some time now and finally think I know something about it, I am not surprised at being able to identify many autistic traits within my family. And no, I’m not aspie myself—I’ve read that a professional psychologist would adjust my scores down by up to 30%, whereupon the scores would drop well into the neurotypical range. (Besides, we know a disabilities specialist and apparently my husband already asked him that. His answer? “Everybody’s got some traits.” So, no.) But I have been wrestling with some things of my own that may be the result of my own traits getting in the way. It’s kind of like running into a brick wall.
What began as a simple ‘how can I be a better friend’ endeavor became a mission to deal better with a difficult family member (sorry—no offense intended by saying he's 'difficult'--he'd say the same of me), which now has morphed into a ‘hey, maybe these folks have some answers I need!’ quest.
So, here I am. Hi!
