Hi I'm MildredHubble

[MildredHubble]

Hi everyone! I thought since it was recommended, I should introduce myself.

I'm going by the name MildredHubble as it's a reference to one of my favourite series of books from my childhood - The Worst Witch. I recently discovered that several more books had been published in this series since I was young, so I've been catching up and remembering how much like the disaster prone protagonist Mildred Hubble I have always been. So even though I'm male (though I don't always feel I identify as such all the time) I thought I would adopt her name here. Just as an aside, if you are wondering, I'm not particularly fussy about pronouns, he/she etc are fine by me. I have a tabby cat like the original Mildred. One thing that will become obvious about me is that I love cats! I would have 100s of them if I could!

I've arrived here, as recently, perhaps over the past year, I've started to wonder if I might have some (possibly mild) autistic traits. For quite a long time I've perhaps not been aware that the spectrum is maybe a bit broader than I had imagined. I felt it silly to consider I may fall somewhere on it. But after some conversations online with some wonderful people who were autistic, and finding I shared a great deal of similar symptoms and experiences, I have started to wonder.

Sorry if this introductory post gets a bit long/verbose.

I should maybe give some information about myself. First of all, I really like to have space and a lot of time to myself. I don't dislike people, I'm not scared of people. I just like time to explore my interests and hobbies. I have people around me who I feel safe with and I have a small group of very solid, long standing friendships. I don't think I've fallen out with a single one of my friends for decades now. They understand me, I understand them. They never hold it against me if I lose touch with them for a while. They understand that I have only so much "social energy".

I've felt like I'm often misunderstood. It seems to have improved a bit over the years but it feels, at times like I'm just not on the same wavelength with people despite my best efforts. I know this is a bit of a cliché, but I do at times feel like I'm from another planet and my friendly gesture of a handshake has been interpreted as a declaration of war. I find the strange politics and games people play extremely uninteresting. I hope that makes some kind of sense? I'm not really interested in climbing to the top of any ladders or greasy poles. I'm not interested in popularity contests, but it seems in general that I'm weird if these things are not a priority for me.

Throughout my life I've been entirely puzzled by people asking me a question then getting mad at me when I give them a straight answer. They seem to read all kinds of crazy (to me) motivations for my response. A representative example might be…

Them: "Would you like driving lessons?"

Me: "Oh no thanks, I passed my test a little while ago."

My response is interpreted as "showing off" or "arrogance", when quite simply, it seems obvious to me that driving lessons would not be worth the time or money in my situation. It never entered my mind that a simple statement of fact could upset someone so much. It just seems there's this odd social "dance" I'm expected to do and I'm completely oblivious to it and always have been.

Then there's the no sequiturs like…

Me: "The sun's out earlier today…"

Them: "What are you trying to say?!!! Something about me being late yesterday!!!?"

Also, the situations when I seem to miss some sort of beat and I find the other person staring at me with an odd mixture of confusion, disgust and contempt. I have felt that maybe this could have been an occasion, due to some discontinuity with my presentation as male and maybe sounding a bit, well, "girly". This is one of the things I've been at pains to hide quite often and I wonder if this could be considered masking.

I have, on the face of it, various hobbies. I'm super interested in retro computers, I really like electronics. I was always "that kid" who pulled apart everything to find out how it worked. I still do this and I've learned a lot from it. I like music and music production, car mechanics and (for reasons I won't go into) although I don't so it much these days, I like drawing or painting. I say "on the face of it" as to me, these hobbies are all connected as I see them as essentially "reverse engineering" and one area of interest spread out into the next.

I tend to get on a lot better with people that share similar traits with me, than others do. It might seem a tautological I guess, but the sorts of people that are ostracised for having similar traits to the ones I've described just seem to "twig" with me. We seem to have the right social "interface". There have been situations in work where I've heard all kinds of nasty things said about someone, only to meet them and immediately "get" them and share similar interests with them. I understand their reluctance to socialise with colleagues and that not hearing from them isn't their attempt to wind me or others up. As I say, I need my space and can appreciate others' need for it. I don't take it personally like others seem to.

I'm not a total disaster socially, but it can and does make me anxious. Sometimes I can get into a bit of an avalanche, conversationally when I'm talking about a subject I'm really interested in. If I'm lucky I will notice the vacant expressions or yawning before I commit too much of a faux pas. The difficulty is that this can be hard for me to judge, if someone expresses a shared interest. I kinda realise that perhaps their interest isn't quite as obsessive as my own when they seem to recoil a bit.

I can hold conversations but if I'm thrown off script I can recoil quite significantly too. For example, if someone makes a joke (possibly even at my expense) I tend to be in "thinking literally mode" and lose my orientation and the way I emphasise words can go all to pot and I turn into a bit of a gibbering wreck, trying to reverse engineer the conversation on the fly.

I guess I should also mention that quite a while ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and also dyslexia. After quite a long while being in recovery due, I think, to medication, I've had a lot more serious episodes of depression in recent years. As such, right now I don't feel like I'm writing this very well or doing a particularly great job of covering everything adequately. I'm also aware of the length of this post already. I guess being on here though will afford me the chance to elaborate over time.

I've had some rather distressing experiences with a psychiatrist also, so that really does put me off discussing this with a doctor. So I thought talking to others might help me figure a few things out.

Well, this feels a bit rambly. It probably reflects my current state, that being half asleep and quite dozy. My apologies if this all is a bit hard to read

Thanks for reading this far! I appreciate your patience!

 

[tree]

 

[Nitro]

 

[Fino]

I'm sorry if reading the whole post would have answered my question, but it's too long for me. I was just wondering, are those examples real? Because I can't imagine them happening. I mean the ones about the driving lessons and the sun.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome to MildredHubble!

Glad to have you onboard.

 

[Aspychata]

Thanks for the intro. I also have a childhood book l still adore.

That describes me too, l am not motivated by much, except to be left alone. Not motivated to be friends with anyone however there are some people in my life l care deeply for on many different levels.

Welcome.

 

[Luca]

No worries about the long post, you seem lovely! Welcome
I can relate to a lot of what you've said, although I'm more on the extroverted side.

 

[Rodafina]

Hello @MildredHubble,
Welcome!

I guess being on here though will afford me the chance to elaborate over time.

You nailed it right here. I remember well having first joined the forum and wanting to get everything out right away. It’s so exciting and hopeful to be able to express oneself about some of these things with the actual potential for finding understanding, support and simple friendship. I hope that you have that positive experience here.

 

[Isadoorian]

Hi, and Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[MildredHubble]

Thank you all for your welcomes and replies!

@Rodafina You are quite right, quite a lot kinda spilled out. I was a bit unsure about sharing as much as I did. Partially because it's the first time I've talked openly about it all. I also worry about posting everything in one go and driving people mad with such a long post. I haven't listed everything I experience in my post, I might still be writing it now if I had lol!

@Fino They are essentially real examples. I just changed them a little. Thinking about it I suppose it's unlikely anyone would be able to identify me by giving the real examples. So in the first one I used "driving lessons" as a substitute for "beginners coding lessons". I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert at coding, I can muddle through most things I need to get done. But basically I was asked if I wanted to go on an introductory course at (a discounted) £50 per month fee. I didn't think it would be worth it to give up my time, or money as it seemed a bit of a step backwards considering it really was just the very basics. I wasn't rude to the person who asked me. I asked some questions about it and concluded that it would be a bit of a backwards step. "Not for me..." Similar to being offered driving lessons when you already have your license.

The second example was when I was outside at work and a (we'll call them a colleague) came around the corner. I said hi/good morning and commented that it was bright early today (It was getting close to spring and the bright morning sun was reflecting off everything so it was a bit hard to ignore).

I can't think of why but apparently they assumed some sort of subtext, nothing was further from my mind. I should probably mention that this colleague usually turned up at least 10 minutes late and would pretend they had arrived an hour earlier and had just been in another part of the building. I knew this but never mentioned it. Though the department manager had caught him out a day or two before. I was honestly very confused by his response, which was quite angry "You're not the only one that gets in early!". Maybe it should have been obvious to me? I just didn't expect dots to be joined that way.

Thank you for your warm welcome @tree @Isadoorian @Luca @Aspychata @SusanLR @Nitro I hope I didn't miss anyone!

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome, seems like you fit in here, and I hope you will find joining in here supportive and useful. I liked those Worst witch books, and remember some other series's fondly too. It's certainly a great name! I love cats too, plenty of cat lovers here, my cat is currently asleep in a small cardboard box that was on it's way to our allotment when she claimed it for her own. Cute.

 

[MildredHubble]

Hi and welcome, seems like you fit in here, and I hope you will find joining in here supportive and useful. I liked those Worst witch books, and remember some other series's fondly too. It's certainly a great name! I love cats too, plenty of cat lovers here, my cat is currently asleep in a small cardboard box that was on it's way to our allotment when she claimed it for her own. Cute.

Thanks Thinx Cats are the greatest creatures on the planet in my opinion! They are perfectly content with some nice food, a few toys, snuggles and of course!... The odd cardboard box! I usually find whenever I buy a new thing for my cat, like a cat tree, he usually prefers the box I found a solution though, buy things that are made of cardboard! He has a little cardboard house that he likes to get a bit of peace and quiet in and I'm sure he likes that it hasn't ended up in the recycling bin

 

[mollusk]

Hi everyone! I thought since it was recommended, I should introduce myself.

I'm going by the name MildredHubble as it's a reference to one of my favourite series of books from my childhood - The Worst Witch. I recently discovered that several more books had been published in this series since I was young, so I've been catching up and remembering how much like the disaster prone protagonist Mildred Hubble I have always been. So even though I'm male (though I don't always feel I identify as such all the time) I thought I would adopt her name here. Just as an aside, if you are wondering, I'm not particularly fussy about pronouns, he/she etc are fine by me. I have a tabby cat like the original Mildred. One thing that will become obvious about me is that I love cats! I would have 100s of them if I could!

I've arrived here, as recently, perhaps over the past year, I've started to wonder if I might have some (possibly mild) autistic traits. For quite a long time I've perhaps not been aware that the spectrum is maybe a bit broader than I had imagined. I felt it silly to consider I may fall somewhere on it. But after some conversations online with some wonderful people who were autistic, and finding I shared a great deal of similar symptoms and experiences, I have started to wonder.

Sorry if this introductory post gets a bit long/verbose.

I should maybe give some information about myself. First of all, I really like to have space and a lot of time to myself. I don't dislike people, I'm not scared of people. I just like time to explore my interests and hobbies. I have people around me who I feel safe with and I have a small group of very solid, long standing friendships. I don't think I've fallen out with a single one of my friends for decades now. They understand me, I understand them. They never hold it against me if I lose touch with them for a while. They understand that I have only so much "social energy".

I've felt like I'm often misunderstood. It seems to have improved a bit over the years but it feels, at times like I'm just not on the same wavelength with people despite my best efforts. I know this is a bit of a cliché, but I do at times feel like I'm from another planet and my friendly gesture of a handshake has been interpreted as a declaration of war. I find the strange politics and games people play extremely uninteresting. I hope that makes some kind of sense? I'm not really interested in climbing to the top of any ladders or greasy poles. I'm not interested in popularity contests, but it seems in general that I'm weird if these things are not a priority for me.

Throughout my life I've been entirely puzzled by people asking me a question then getting mad at me when I give them a straight answer. They seem to read all kinds of crazy (to me) motivations for my response. A representative example might be…

Them: "Would you like driving lessons?"

Me: "Oh no thanks, I passed my test a little while ago."

My response is interpreted as "showing off" or "arrogance", when quite simply, it seems obvious to me that driving lessons would not be worth the time or money in my situation. It never entered my mind that a simple statement of fact could upset someone so much. It just seems there's this odd social "dance" I'm expected to do and I'm completely oblivious to it and always have been.

Then there's the no sequiturs like…

Me: "The sun's out earlier today…"

Them: "What are you trying to say?!!! Something about me being late yesterday!!!?"

Also, the situations when I seem to miss some sort of beat and I find the other person staring at me with an odd mixture of confusion, disgust and contempt. I have felt that maybe this could have been an occasion, due to some discontinuity with my presentation as male and maybe sounding a bit, well, "girly". This is one of the things I've been at pains to hide quite often and I wonder if this could be considered masking.

I have, on the face of it, various hobbies. I'm super interested in retro computers, I really like electronics. I was always "that kid" who pulled apart everything to find out how it worked. I still do this and I've learned a lot from it. I like music and music production, car mechanics and (for reasons I won't go into) although I don't so it much these days, I like drawing or painting. I say "on the face of it" as to me, these hobbies are all connected as I see them as essentially "reverse engineering" and one area of interest spread out into the next.

I tend to get on a lot better with people that share similar traits with me, than others do. It might seem a tautological I guess, but the sorts of people that are ostracised for having similar traits to the ones I've described just seem to "twig" with me. We seem to have the right social "interface". There have been situations in work where I've heard all kinds of nasty things said about someone, only to meet them and immediately "get" them and share similar interests with them. I understand their reluctance to socialise with colleagues and that not hearing from them isn't their attempt to wind me or others up. As I say, I need my space and can appreciate others' need for it. I don't take it personally like others seem to.

I'm not a total disaster socially, but it can and does make me anxious. Sometimes I can get into a bit of an avalanche, conversationally when I'm talking about a subject I'm really interested in. If I'm lucky I will notice the vacant expressions or yawning before I commit too much of a faux pas. The difficulty is that this can be hard for me to judge, if someone expresses a shared interest. I kinda realise that perhaps their interest isn't quite as obsessive as my own when they seem to recoil a bit.

I can hold conversations but if I'm thrown off script I can recoil quite significantly too. For example, if someone makes a joke (possibly even at my expense) I tend to be in "thinking literally mode" and lose my orientation and the way I emphasise words can go all to pot and I turn into a bit of a gibbering wreck, trying to reverse engineer the conversation on the fly.

I guess I should also mention that quite a while ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and also dyslexia. After quite a long while being in recovery due, I think, to medication, I've had a lot more serious episodes of depression in recent years. As such, right now I don't feel like I'm writing this very well or doing a particularly great job of covering everything adequately. I'm also aware of the length of this post already. I guess being on here though will afford me the chance to elaborate over time.

I've had some rather distressing experiences with a psychiatrist also, so that really does put me off discussing this with a doctor. So I thought talking to others might help me figure a few things out.

Well, this feels a bit rambly. It probably reflects my current state, that being half asleep and quite dozy. My apologies if this all is a bit hard to read

Thanks for reading this far! I appreciate your patience!

very relatable-- I also take things very literally and love having time to myself (despite also having a few really awesome close friends)

 

[MildredHubble]

very relatable-- I also take things very literally and love having time to myself (despite also having a few really awesome close friends)

Few people seem to understand how entirely wonderful it can be to have time and space to yourself, at least that's what I find :-/

It irritates me when people describe it to me as being "antisocial". I'm really not that at all. But when I find myself with hours or days to just focus and work on some project, it feels like a real treat!

It's never been enjoyable when someone has pushed me into social situations, particularly if I had planned to do something on my own.

I have a friend (since we were 8 years old) who I used to really enjoy working on music and electronics etc with. But sadly as we've gotten older there's less time for that :-(

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! I also concur that having one's own space and freedom can be rather liberating.

 

[Storm Hess]

Hello.

 

[Shaddock]

I find the strange politics and games people play extremely uninteresting. I hope that makes some kind of sense? I'm not really interested in climbing to the top of any ladders or greasy poles. I'm not interested in popularity contests, but it seems in general that I'm weird if these things are not a priority for me.

I can relate to that. I don´t think that you´re weird.

Throughout my life I've been entirely puzzled by people asking me a question then getting mad at me when I give them a straight answer. They seem to read all kinds of crazy (to me) motivations for my response. A representative example might be…

Them: "Would you like driving lessons?"

Me: "Oh no thanks, I passed my test a little while ago."

My response is interpreted as "showing off" or "arrogance", when quite simply, it seems obvious to me that driving lessons would not be worth the time or money in my situation. It never entered my mind that a simple statement of fact could upset someone so much. It just seems there's this odd social "dance" I'm expected to do and I'm completely oblivious to it and always have been.

Then there's the no sequiturs like…

Me: "The sun's out earlier today…"

Them: "What are you trying to say?!!! Something about me being late yesterday!!!?"

yeah... I also had to learn how "NT" people understand things and how to make questions or answers to them. I try to say things now so that they understand me. it´s like speaking different languages. so before I say something, I have to consider who the person is and then I use a different way to say things. a different language.

I try sometimes to say things in the language of the other person and not in my own language. so it can be that I explain the same thing to different people in different ways and with different words.

can not see what is wrong with your examples and why the other person not understood it.

sometimes there are things like "would you like drinking coffee?", which is probably an invitation and not a question if you like to drink coffee. most people say things not directly, they say them indirectly and you first have to decrypt what they are actually saying.

it was hard for me in the past, but I think I´m at least better now in that. but sometimes it´s still annoying.

what you write looks quite reasonable for me.

and a late "welcome here" from me : )

 

[MildredHubble]

Thanks @Shaddock I'm glad that you can relate to what I'm saying. Since joining here I have certainly felt a lot better understood. I don't think there has been one instance of one of my posts being as misunderstood as I've found my responses in the real world to be.

I have actually experienced similar things to your drinking coffee example. I remember one occasion it seemed to have gone over my head that everyone in the office had decided to get food ordered in for lunch. The conversation went somewhat like this...

Them: "So what kind of burrito do you like?"

Me: "Not so keen on burritos personally."

Them: Slightly angrily "Well we can't just order something special for you!"

Me: Puzzled "Why order for me?"

Them: "You know we had decided to order burritos!"

Me: "Oh right I see, no I didn't know, just came back into the office about 30 seconds ago."

Them: "No you didn't!" (He had literally just opened the door to let me in lol!)

Me: "Well I'm good, just order for yourself."

Then I was subjected to a lecture about essentially going along with the wishes of the team.

So ultimately I ended up eating a rather expensive burrito that I didn't want and being made to feel guilty because when I went to the nearest ATM to get cash to pay, it had been out of service. They spent the rest of the day quizzing me on if I had got my share of the bill yet.

I do feel like at times I have to almost analyse the speech patterns and kinda mimic them in an effort to prevent misunderstanding.

But yeah, suffice it to say, I didn't last long in that particularly miserable job. When I think of those times I often feel this strange mix of relief and disappointment. I really wanted to love that job but it just wasn't worth it anymore. Each day made me feel like I was going crazy!

 

[Shaddock]

Thanks @Shaddock I'm glad that you can relate to what I'm saying. Since joining here I have certainly felt a lot better understood. I don't think there has been one instance of one of my posts being as misunderstood as I've found my responses in the real world to be.

I have actually experienced similar things to your drinking coffee example. I remember one occasion it seemed to have gone over my head that everyone in the office had decided to get food ordered in for lunch. The conversation went somewhat like this...

Them: "So what kind of burrito do you like?"

Me: "Not so keen on burritos personally."

Them: Slightly angrily "Well we can't just order something special for you!"

Me: Puzzled "Why order for me?"

Them: "You know we had decided to order burritos!"

Me: "Oh right I see, no I didn't know, just came back into the office about 30 seconds ago."

Them: "No you didn't!" (He had literally just opened the door to let me in lol!)

Me: "Well I'm good, just order for yourself."

Then I was subjected to a lecture about essentially going along with the wishes of the team.

So ultimately I ended up eating a rather expensive burrito that I didn't want and being made to feel guilty because when I went to the nearest ATM to get cash to pay, it had been out of service. They spent the rest of the day quizzing me on if I had got my share of the bill yet.

I do feel like at times I have to almost analyse the speech patterns and kinda mimic them in an effort to prevent misunderstanding.

But yeah, suffice it to say, I didn't last long in that particularly miserable job. When I think of those times I often feel this strange mix of relief and disappointment. I really wanted to love that job but it just wasn't worth it anymore. Each day made me feel like I was going crazy!

it´s nice that you feel comfortable in this forum : )

maybe they had a contract with the burrito seller to rip off the workers from their money and so it´s just a seller strategy to bring the workers to buy a burrito

but I think this is maybe too unlikely : D

don´t know, but maybe this is peer pressure. most people want burrito, so they expect everyone to do the same.

I would make conversations shortly to make them uncomplicate.

you could have answered "thanks, but I´m not hungry" (they pay when they are ordered, when you order nothing, you or they have not to pay it)

or "I can´t stand mexican food." or "I can´t bear mexican food."

or "I have no money with me, can I give it the next day too you?"

I think most "NT" people just want that you give them the answers they expect. so there are couple of "average" answers to a couple of "average" questions. it´s not important what you really think. just give an answer, which is "average" and fits in. (but of course which helps you to implement what you want) so it´s like memorizing what answers fit for what questions and vice versa.

but sometimes people are just jerk faces and make you feel bad no matter what you do or say, then you could have done literally nothing.

sometimes people want to misunderstand you or they want to be misunderstood. that´s a kind of malicious behavior.

 

[MildredHubble]

it´s nice that you feel comfortable in this forum : )

maybe they had a contract with the burrito seller to rip off the workers from their money and so it´s just a seller strategy to bring the workers to buy a burrito

but I think this is maybe too unlikely : D

don´t know, but maybe this is peer pressure. most people want burrito, so they expect everyone to do the same.

I would make conversations shortly to make them uncomplicate.

you could have answered "thanks, but I´m not hungry" (they pay when they are ordered, when you order nothing, you or they have not to pay it)

or "I can´t stand mexican food." or "I can´t bear mexican food."

or "I have no money with me, can I give it the next day too you?"

I think most "NT" people just want that you give them the answers they expect. so there are couple of "average" answers to a couple of "average" questions. it´s not important what you really think. just give an answer, which is "average" and fits in. (but of course which helps you to implement what you want) so it´s like memorizing what answers fit for what questions and vice versa.

but sometimes people are just jerk faces and make you feel bad no matter what you do or say, then you could have done literally nothing.

sometimes people want to misunderstand you or they want to be misunderstood. that´s a kind of malicious behavior.

Well you know, I vaguely remember something about them knowing the guy or at least being on friendly terms with the business. Whatever it was, I was made to feel quite bad about just wanting to buy my usual sandwich from a small supermarket and pay with my contactless card. Having change in my pockets bothers me lol!

It was certainly peer pressure. I hadn't been there long and it was my intention to avoid ruffling anyone's feathers.

The thing is I usually only spent around £5 on lunch if I hadn't brought my own. The burrito cost around £15 with a donut and coke. I wanted Coke zero as I hate diet coke. I ended up with diet coke anyway.

The burrito was like a slab of grease wrapped in tin foil, which stuck to it like glue. It also tasted kinda off to me. Of course I got accused of complaining that my insanely expensive lunch was not to my taste. In the end I had to throw most of it away.

Of course when I went to the ATM (or cashpoint as we call it here) it was out of service. So when I returned without the money for my share the response from one member of staff was "Well it was working fine when I used it?"

I said I was happy to travel further to draw out some cash but it would likely take a while. Of course this was viewed as me trying to avoid paying.

I can't understand why someone using an ATM at 9am means that it can't be out of service at 1pm when I tried to use it lol!

I agree with you that some people want to be misunderstood or want to box you in to respond in a certain way. I can understand it happens, but at the same time it feels like a pretty alien concept to me.

The issue with me having no cash caused some pretty dumb responses. I asked if I could just pay for my order by card over the phone and was told that it would just confuse everything, though I'm not sure exactly how lol!

I kinda look back at that event and wonder why I allowed them to push me into spending more on lunch than I would ever dream of. Like they had a right to dictate how I spend my money.

This wasn't the last incident. They tried to push me into a lunch at a restaurant attached to the building I worked in. This would have been about £25 at least. When invited I just politely but more firmly declined. When asked why, I told them (quite honestly) I couldn't afford to spend that on lunch. Then they started questioning me on where my money had gone so soon since "you were just paid last week..." Really shows just how entitled they were! I don't think I should have to justify my finances to anyone!