• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

How are your relations with your non-aspie siblings?

kestrel said:
Note that I did, long ago, make an effort to stay connected and it went to hell in a handbasket. It's in my best interests that I remain as quiet and isolated as possible.
Click to expand...

I also made a big effort about 15-16 years ago to get closer to my sisters, after a few years of being a bit of a ghost (as they called me). While it did help, it took continuous upkeep, or we'd drift apart again. I'm glad that I took the time to do this, because I would have likely really lost touch with them. Like Kestrel noted, I also think it in my best interest to remain quiet and isolated, but I do try to work against that.

Three of my sisters keep in regular contact with each other. My oldest sister, who I suspect is an Aspie, gets "lost" in her own world a lot, lives in the north woods, and will call at the last minute if she's in town to see if anyone is up to hang out. I really like spending time with her, she is the most like me, and we have a lot in common interest wise.
 
I have 3 brothers, all who are working and successful. My older brother is married and him and his wife are doing well. We get along very well as he has some minor traits of Aspergers himself so he can understand me a bit better. My younger brothers get along with me fine and all.

I am not jealous of them for their success but I am upset because their achievements in life are being compared to mine and I fall very short. My mother can't cope with the fact that I am not working or dating like they are.
 
We aren't close but that has very little to do with my AS.
It mostly has to do with how we were raised and the situations behind it.
I am also the oldest by 4 years on my mom's side and the oldest by ~12 years on my dad's side.

I have very little in common with most of my siblings and most of my relatives as well.
It's a one of the reasons why we haven't bonded close.
 
My only sibling is also autistic and doesn't have time for me... Unless you count my dads poodle... She has time for me...
 
Well, both of my siblings are also on the spectrum. I get along well with one brother, and horribly with the other. Which is odd, because it used to be the opposite situation when we were little.
 
The title of this topic is a little misleading. Jealousy is an emotion were as relations are social interaction....... Like everything in my life I have segments. I get along fine with my parents, the usual they give me advice sometimes I act on it sometimes I don't, I get on fine with my big sister, she's a trained social worker (as is my mum) so she's aware of what's going on in my head, very understanding but there is plenty of times I upset her and she upsets me like most sibling relationships but we always make up and its fine. My relationship with my brother is virtually none existent. He and his wife have said and done very hurtful things in the past and then they demand everything is forgotten and never spoken of again and the way I am everything replays in my head. I live in the UK and another European country so I don't see them very often but If I want to talk to my brother I have to contact him. He did how ever contact me recently when he wanted a favour. All 3 of us have success in our own ways. My brother has been living his dream since 18 with the job he wanted (his marriage however has been filled with rough times). My sister has done great professionally too and is now engaged and very happy (social work can wear a person down though). I think for the most part the biggest problem I've found has been understanding or lack there of, family members and new family members through marriage being quite vindictive because I don't follow what they consider as "normal" when I haven't fulfilled the criteria/rules I have been frozen out or singled out to be shouted at and verbally attacked. I don't know how other react or feel but I'm usually confused by my apparent violation of rules which others live by. I'd love it if some of the meaner members of my family would write them down so I can follow them.
 
Alex Bogue said:
I get along with my NT siblings better than I have as a kid. And they've both beaten people up for calling me the R word.
Click to expand...
Your a lucky man. I had to beat people up myself for calling me the R word. (Just kidding everyone) that's great your on great terms with your siblings.
 
I have a NT sister and we do pretty well together. she doesnt always understand me, but that is okay. most of the time we dont see each other due to school and work situations, but we do like spending time together. sometimes i get jealous because she can do things i cant but as a whole we have a good relationship with each other.
 
Got along with my NT siblings until teenage years when they realised how uncool I was and left me out of things while thinking I never found out, and now they have spouses/partners and children and I don't, which is further reason for them to look down on me. It also doesn't help I have my mother's 'crazy' personality.

It doesn't matter I had been an expat for 20 years; nothing had changed and never will. I see them once a year to visit my mother, but it's drama I can do without. Next year I'll go see a friend instead; it's been ten years since I had seen him last and he's old and has cancer.
 
Let's see. My siblings are fanatical cultists who went into law enforcement. They tried to murder me twice, so.....strained?
 
Hmm, my brother had ADHD, so I don't think I would call him neurotypical. He also sufferes from depression and anxiety, like I do. We even see the same psychiatrist.

Though he has his own struggles I do feel a bit evious of him. Asside from a couple of jobs when he was a teenager he has held one job consistently almost from the time he left high school. In contrast I have had many jobs and endured prolonged periods of underemployment and unemployment. He also kind of stole my childhood friends as they kind of drifted away from me and became friends with him. I don't hold it against him though.

We actually get along really well. We have simmilar interests in music and gaming and share an odd sense of humor. Any time we get together it's like we're kids again, just goofing around and sharing cool things we've discovered. He also has a really cool girlfriend who encourages him to reach out to me more, so we've been seeing each other more often.
 
Great thread. Thank you to those who have shared. I also have another brother (middle child) I barely know these days. He married a teacher who just became her school's principal, and they have one son. My main problem is that I have a tendency to compare myself and my life to my youngest brother. No one understands me completely, not even Mrs. Midlife, and it is causing some issues. The bogey being recently identified, once I get firmly adjusted to how Asperger's is part of me, and get the ole' self image remade, I can better help them to understand. Dealing with PTSD issues doesn't help, although I have tried to encourage self-guided research on their parts to understand Asperger's. I really wish my relationship with my mother wasn't so bad (she's the primary reason for my PTSD) as I have a lot of questions about my early life I would like answered, unfortunately, she's a severe schizophrenic now, and dad is often drunk. Perhaps I can try speaking to Grandma about mom and myself.
 
I still feel I think I ruined my relationship with my cousin telling her I though I was on the spectrum.

Things haven't been the same ever since. Though I did move to the other side of town which probably didn't help. :(
 
My oldest brother is the gregarious one who frequently comes south and insists on hanging out with my sister and me.

My sister lives about five blocks from me. We run into each other a few times a year. We are cordial.

My other brother hasn't spoken to me since 2006, but he travels a ridiculous amount for work. I don't think there's malice there.
 
I have a distant cousin on Mum's side who is on the Spectrum apparently, he lives in residential care because Auntie Jean, his Mum, can't look after him because she has her own health problems (well the poor woman is 70 odd)
 
midlife aspie said:
I am curious about this aspect of family dynamics, where a person with Asperger's is a brother or sister of an NT. For my part, I have a younger brother who is very successful as a husband, father, career professional and provider. He is very proficient with home improvement, financial management, and social situations, in fact, he and his wife are practically friends with their whole neighborhood. By contrast, my wife and I don't even know the names of our neighbors, have virtually no visitors or friends, not great with money, and I am definitely a lousy homeowner. I work two low end jobs just to survive (wife works too), and rely heavily on my in-laws for child care. Oh, and my sister-in-law gets to be a stay at home mom too.

I have to admit that I fight bloody battles with jealousy! Does anyone else have this problem?
Click to expand...


I have one older sister (NT) who's currently at university and is very successful both professionally and socially. She's a social butterfly, constantly around people, has a huge network of friends and has a great career ahead of her. I often get really jealous too whenever my family talk about how successful she is. She and I have both suffered from anxiety but due to her overcoming it, she doesn't understand why I still suffer and so we aren't very close, we argue a lot. We just have nothing in common. I tend to stay in my room whereas she likes to go shopping, for meals, etc. I'm often jealous of her ability to communicate and network so well, but I'm glad I don't have to be glued to my smartphone 24/7 like her either (this is also one of the reasons I do not see her much as I feel ignored in her presence - living through a mobile phone screen). I'm currently unemployed with little qualifications despite being academically more intelligent. It just shows that in neurotypical society it can be very hard for us aspies to navigate. But as Rayner said, success is definitely relative. :)

TLDR; relationship with NT sister : civil but pretty much non-existent.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom