How Can I Deal With Heartbreak

[KevinMao133]

So I ran into a problem, just now

I met someone online, through a mutual friend

We talked and we shared ideas. Things are looking up

Something weird happened however, 20 minutes ago

I noticed the person I talked to, started acting weird. Like asking for favours and all that

I know her friend and her friend tells me she’s not like that

I am kind of devastated right now, like I uncovered a dark truth or something

I will continue to work hard but I need help

 

[Raggamuffin]

If you noticed a change, then politely and inquisitively ask them directly. Don't ask friends, and don't run with your inner monologue with worrisome thoughts. Just ask them, that you feel like something has changed, and query the favour requests.

Take it from a chronic people pleaser - it's not sustainable putting in huge amounts of energy into helping others. You have to start first by helping yourself.

However, if the friend gets defensive, angry, or continues with this new pattern of behaviour - then perhaps distance is prudent.

Ed

 

[Aryana]

So I ran into a problem, just now

I met someone online, through a mutual friend

We talked and we shared ideas. Things are looking up

Something weird happened however, 20 minutes ago

I noticed the person I talked to, started acting weird. Like asking for favours and all that

I know her friend and her friend tells me she’s not like that

I am kind of devastated right now, like I uncovered a dark truth or something

I will continue to work hard but I need help

What kind of favors is she asking for? If it's little things she needs your help with then I don't see a problem with that

 

[All-Rounder]

The fact your friend denies these things she's doing to you is questionable. A friend should have faith in what you're saying. The way it seems like they're their friend and not really yours.


It is painful when you're getting betrayed but you can move on with time, don't expose yourself to them for a while like a few months, then if you believe worth it, you can try to mend things with the friend who hasn't used you or move on cleanly altogether and spend your limited energy spoons on someone who's offering more reliability than these two.

Sometimes users act in crews, sometimes not but are good at manipulating the others and treating people differently at different times. If this user is using your friend as an interface to finding new victims I don't suppose they will actually show their ugly face to them as they are a different kind of resource.

If you're feeling groomed or pressured into things, being autistic it's good to be careful around such people but also, don't try to expose them as it's almost impossible and you can get in trouble for it, and because it's going to get you hooked on cat and mouse games which will further endanger you

Moving on is a great idea, but try to be open to affectionate people who are good to you, if you put up walls to quirky friendly people you might get to the colder ones who make you chase but don't retaliate.

I think that every interaction is part of learning the personality of a person, don't expect automatic success and with time some personalities are easier to spot from their interactions with others, their arguments with you and respect and care shown, the more overt and non brilliant ones get easier to predict.

Don't give up searching, don't waste your time with toxicity, health and energy is important, and eventually you'll get to the real friends that you see are not superficial connections that have positive wishes. Oh, and when in doubt, trust yourself, don't risk what is dangerous. That way you won't waste years and health and will be able to get to the quality people you deserve.

 

[tree]

So I ran into a problem, just now

I met someone online, through a mutual friend

We talked and we shared ideas. Things are looking up

Something weird happened however, 20 minutes ago

I noticed the person I talked to, started acting weird. Like asking for favours and all that

I know her friend and her friend tells me she’s not like that

I am kind of devastated right now, like I uncovered a dark truth or something

I will continue to work hard but I need help

Weird how?

What kind of *favors*? Money?
Or what?

 

[KevinMao133]

Weird how?

What kind of *favors*? Money?
Or what?

Money. They asked me to invest in crypto. I said no

I will move on but still difficult. It might take time

 

[tree]

So this wasn't a person you encountered in what is
called real life. You were never physically in the same
space.

How about the "mutual friend"?
Is that entirely an internet acquaintance?
Or what?

 

[KevinMao133]

So this wasn't a person you encountered in what is
called real life. You were never physically in the same
space.

How about the "mutual friend"?
Is that entirely an internet acquaintance?
Or what?

A mutual friend

It’s a weird situation

 

[tree]

Has the friend you know in real life actually met
this person who wanted you to invest in crypto?

 

[KevinMao133]

Has the friend you know in real life actually met
this person who wanted you to invest in crypto?

Yes. They were friends before

I just talked with my friend, who talked to the other person

she suggested we should call each other, to mend fences

 

[Judge]

Money. They asked me to invest in crypto. I said no

I will move on but still difficult. It might take time

That's all you can do against potential criminal scammers and catfish.

 

[KevinMao133]

That's all you can do against potential criminal scammers and catfish.

You are right

 

[Aspychata]

Crypto, that's a serious red flag right there. If they do contact you, you can state the clearly obvious. Crypto is something l have no desire to be involved in. You are making me feel uncomfortable by your requests. I finally asked somebody why they gave me hope when clearly the outcome was the same whenever l moved. Later l realized l had a lot of anger about this. I told the person, l never lied to you. So it was hard to go there, but l also felt like l released a lot of negative energy. It's worse when they wax on and on how much they hate liars, then proceed to lead you astray with advice that isn't in your favor. I try to see with kindness, but l also feel used, my kindness was my weakness. They actually told my friend, they wouldn't apologize to me. We are presented with obstacles, it's how we grow by handling them and moving forward.
Sorry you are feeling down right now.
My situation was l took a really big step and met this person which was scary. Now l don't want to meet people anymore. I prefer my friend that l have known for about 20 years.