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How can I finally find love?

Markness said:
I wish I could prove my detractors wrong.
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One thing you can do is to ignore them or ignore what they say. You shouldn't let them have so much power over you. You spend way too much time thinking about them and it's only hurting you, they don't even notice it.
 
Forest Cat said:
One thing you can do is to ignore them or ignore what they say. You shouldn't let them have so much power over you. You spend way too much time thinking about them and it's only hurting you, they don't even notice it.
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What should I say when I am asked if I have a girlfriend/wife and or if I have children?
 
You could just say something like "Not yet! How about you?"

Put the question back on them. People usually ask this because they're trying to find common ground with someone.
 
Markness said:
I’ve learned that even attempting to date feels like banging your head against a wall, especially in this rough culture I live in.
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I've said it before and I'll say it again: if things aren't working out where you're living, consider a change in environment.

Yes, that can be daunting, but don't forget there are folks here who have offered to help with identifying potential options, and if course there's lots if community resources as well.
 
Markness said:
What should I say when I am asked if I have a girlfriend/wife and or if I have children?
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I don't know, it depends a lot on who is asking. But as Masked Man said, "Not yet, how about you" is a good answer. If someone asks you about that, it could just be a way to start a conversation and they're not really very interested in that. Family and work is the two things most people ask about when talking with people. If it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it, a simple "not yet" is a good way to answer it and then move on to something else.
 
Forest Cat said:
I don't know, it depends a lot on who is asking. But as Masked Man said, "Not yet, how about you" is a good answer. If someone asks you about that, it could just be a way to start a conversation and they're not really very interested in that. Family and work is the two things most people ask about when talking with people. If it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it, a simple "not yet" is a good way to answer it and then move on to something else.
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People in the crummy culture I live in (Central Texas) are quite often busy bodies and think it’s acceptable to ask others about everything in their lives.
 
Markness said:
I am glad you see me as a person and not a stereotype! :)
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Oh yes, I've known you online for a long time, you've never expressed hate or anger towards people in relationships even though you might be feeling resentful inside. That's fine, you're human, you're allowed to feel. :)
 
I'm not the sort to go throwing extreme accusations around at people on forums, because it can do a lot of emotional damage. I'll only do this if someone is persistently bullying me after me letting them off multiple times. Thankfully, nobody on this site is like that, so if you're reading this and worrying it might be about you, believe me it's not, because it's nobody on this site. :) :hearteyes:
 
Markness said:
People in the crummy culture I live in (Central Texas) are quite often busy bodies and think it’s acceptable to ask others about everything in their lives.
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I got news for you - people do this everywhere. It's best to learn how to respond because this is a human trait: trying to connect to others. I live in the upper Midwest and people do that here, too.
 
People often ask me if I have any kids. Some respect my decision not to (well, if it wasn't for my emetophobia and other sensory fears that make me feel squeamish about pregnancy and childbirth, but I don't go into all that), but some interrogate me in a criticising tone, then when I say my pet rats are my children they just look at me with disgust and say that I should have human children.
I don't mind people asking out of conversation but I don't think it's right for people to delve into it. They should mind their own business.

And I thought NTs knew how to understand other people's perspectives and respect their differences (empathy)?
 
Misty Avich said:
People often ask me if I have any kids. Some respect my decision not to (well, if it wasn't for my emetophobia and other sensory fears that make me feel squeamish about pregnancy and childbirth, but I don't go into all that), but some interrogate me in a criticising tone, then when I say my pet rats are my children they just look at me with disgust and say that I should have human children.
I don't mind people asking out of conversation but I don't think it's right for people to delve into it. They should mind their own business.

And I thought NTs knew how to understand other people's perspectives and respect their differences (empathy)?
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One of the things I've definitely noticed is that the overall educational level of the immediate population will, in many ways, determine how they treat people who are different.

I live in a college town that has a high level people with higher levels of education. There are a lot of people with PhDs who live here. And for the most part, people might ask if you have kids, but if you don't (like me) they are not judgmental about it.

In comparison, growing up I used to live in a larger city with much lower levels of education. The average person had a high school diploma and that was it. That population was much more judgmental of people who fell outside of the socially acceptable "norm."

Once again, I would advise anyone who is different (in whatever way that might be), either learn how to converse with the immediate population, or find another town in which to live.
 
Misty Avich said:
Oh yes, I've known you online for a long time, you've never expressed hate or anger towards people in relationships even though you might be feeling resentful inside. That's fine, you're human, you're allowed to feel. :)
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The only time I would feel irritated would be like when a younger cousin bragged to me and insinuated I was trying to “get her” myself. I am just glad he leaves me alone these days; I think he got the point that his actions pushed me away.
 
Markness said:
The only time I would feel irritated would be like when a younger cousin bragged to me and insinuated I was trying to “get her” myself. I am just glad he leaves me alone these days; I think he got the point that his actions pushed me away.
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How long ago was that?
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Or even trying to find someone single to even date I want to bang my head against the wall and I really nearly attempted it a few times but I found other unhealthy ways to cope.
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if you really can't find a single woman to date, maybe the universe is telling you that you should at least try to be friends with at least married women and maybe if you show yourself to be a nice guy one of them will introduce you to his lonely sister or something . also try using online dating sites, communicate with absolutely all people, at least as friends
 
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