• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

How close are you to your family?

I'm not close to anyone in my family, not even my parents none of them really know me very well. I speak to my parents on the phone sometimes but it's mainly about my daughter or in my dad's case he's asking me to help him with internet related stuff or I'm asking him to fix my computer etc (well guide me through it as I get so far and then I forget what to do next). My in laws are okay, I feel closer to my mother in law then I do my own mum, we have the same opinions on alot of stuff wheras my mum although she's nice is.... well it's hard to explain without giving lots of examples. So I'll pick money as a quick example, my mum lent my brother all of her savings and he promised to have it back to her by xmas because it was for all the presents, of course that hasn't happened so my mum is working extra shifts so she has enough money (she'll still run up debts though to have some semblance of a 'perfect xmas'). I find that ridiculous and if it were me (and I celebrated xmas) I would just tell people I'm sorry I can't afford to give everyone gifts this year, I'm buying for my grandchildren and that's it. My mother in law has the same reasoning why get yourself in debt it's pointless, we have the same attitude towards money if you can't afford it don't get it, save up until you have the cash although my inlaws are quite well off, this was something she did when my husband was a child. He complains about it alot, how I had everything when I was a kid, every toy I ever wanted wheras he only got a few things, but I see it differently because his parents took him on lots of holidays, day trips, paid for him to have lessons (extra maths tuition, guitar, piano, languages) he did scouts and never had to miss out on a school trip, his stepfather even offered to pay for a private school that had the highest pass rate so he would have the best education but he turned it down. The way I look at it his mum provided him alot of life experiences such as skiing, visiting historical places, you know memories that last. My mum provided me with a load of toys that are long gone 90% of which I can't recall, what I do recall is her telling me to turn the lights off in the hall so the baliffs/tv licence people would not know we were home or being left alone with my evil brother during school holidays because she was always working to have enough cash to buy us the latest toys, designer clothing, re-decorate the house every few months...you know pointless crap that in the long run is worthless.

We live about 300 miles away from my family and we visit 2 maybe 3 times a year so that's the only time I speak to my brother (and that's reluctantly, he's an asshole who I hate). I have an aunt who I was close to when I was a kid but not so much now, same with my cousins, if it were not for them I would have led an even more socially isolating life as a child but I don't see or speak to any of them now, they have their own lives.

My family are also very cliquey and if your not a party animal like they are then you're doomed to be an outcast and I'm pretty much the only one in the family who hates parties/family get together's. The only other person who wasn't fond of that was my grandmother, I got on well with her because again we were alike. Whenever my cousins/aunts/uncles visit from around the country (because most of my family is in one city but a few live a little further afield) they all go to the pub and get completely wasted, I don't see the point in doing that but thankfully I don't have to come up with excuses anymore because I've lived down south for the past 9 years.
 
kelly sounds like my family. Your brother sounds like my husband's brother who is an A hole. We don't speak to him now and he lives in another city.

My mum and I never see eye to eye. I love her one "I've lived with an aspergers person for 30 years I know how to handle one". She doesn't. That's why we butt heads. My mum wants me to be a model type girl. She wants a girly girl. My sisters are that. They love make up, smelly things (you know soap, bath salts, perfumes) and fashion. I personally have no time of day for any of that frivolous crap. I'm into technology and anime and computer games. I also sew quilts and crochet toys, skills I learnt from my mother in law. mum is forever trying to make me into my sisters and it gets old really quick ... I've heard that is also one of the worst things you can do to an aspie is to force them into a box they don't belong in!! My mum also had a bit of an upset because my mother in law has filled in the gaps a bit that I needed my mum to fill. Lets just say my wedding was an eye opener. My mum had cotton wool in her ears the whole time ...

My dad and I have had an uneasy relationship but I think it got better as I got older and he could relate to me as an adult. I think my dad is an aspie and he's further along the spectrum because he's highly inappropriate in his social interactions. He's a genius if you give him tools and metal ... the things he creates is amazing. He used to rebuild classic cars from scratch ... that was his business until he got a job. but socially my dad is pretty bad to the point I can't tolerate him some times. But sometimes I see the real him.

My siblings always saw me as the uncool one growing up. My sisters were often the ones joining in to bully me. They say it didn't happen now but I remember it clearly. That has been hard to come to terms with. My brother who we think has aspergers is the one I got along with best. But my brother is much much closer to autism than anyone else in my family. He has a lot of trouble with even speaking. That's probably why we were closest growing up.

I think its very isolating when you have the whole world at you for being different then having your family be the same when you come home.
 
I'm not really close to my family at all...I talk to my sister once in a while, I don't really like being around my mom or her relatives...but I actually am pretty close to my dad, we aren't with each other 24/7 though. We just do things together once in a while, he's usually busy with work. In general though, I am pretty distant. I'm always the quietest one at family reunions, haha.
 
My mother died in 2011. Number 2 brother, who was executor of her estate, sent me and my other brothers sent a very blunt email when she got sick that HE was in charge. He says it was to keep the lines of communications open. If anything, it p*ssed everyone else in the family off. Ever here the quotation "The enemy of my enemy is my friend?" Number 3 brother, who self-diagnosed and considers the outcome to be bulls***, turned on me as soon as he bought mom's house and threw me out. He's a blockhead to begin with, who's only out for himself. Number 2 brother says I don't have Aspergers, and I'm a liar (talk about the pot calling the kettle black. He was the head-banger and a liar as a kid.)). The only one that understands is the youngest, who has a son and a daughter on the spectrum (both are low-functioning), and I sometimes wonder if he really does. I'm still waiting for the final distribution of the estate, which #3 brother refuses to sign off on, just to p*ss off Number 2 brother.

The only time they would talk to me in the past was for them to fix their computers FOR FREE. Number 2 brother also wanted me to teach his eldest daughter (by adoption) clarinet FOR FREE. I do not teach relatives, as it usually does not work (although I know a couple of exceptions to that rule.)
 
Last edited:
Meistersinger said:
My mother died in 2011. Number 2 brother, who was executor of her estate, sent me and my other brothers sent a very blunt email when she got sick that HE was in charge. He says it was to keep the lines of communications open. If anything, it p*ssed everyone else in the family off. Ever here the quotation "The enemy of my enemy is my friend?" Number 3 brother, who self-diagnosed and considers the outcome to be bulls***, turned on me as soon as he bought mom's house and threw me out. He's a blockhead to begin with, who's only out for himself. Number 2 brother says I don't have Aspergers, and I'm a liar (talk about the pot calling the kettle black. He was the head-banger and a liar as a kid.)). The only one that understands is the youngest, who has a son and a daughter on the spectrum (both are low-functioning), and I sometimes wonder if he really does. I'm still waiting for the final distribution of the estate, which #3 brother refuses to sign off on, just to p*ss off Number 2 brother.

The only time they would talk to me in the past was for them to fix their computers FOR FREE. Number 2 brother also wanted me to teach his eldest daughter (by adoption) clarinet FOR FREE. I do not teach relatives, as it usually does not work (although I know a couple of exceptions to that rule.)
Click to expand...
There have been bitter feelings over estates and inheritances in my family for generations. I heard so much about it growing up that just the thought of it actually turns my stomach. I am sorry for your loss, Meistersinger, and for the nasty fallout.

I wonder if you might reconsider teaching the child clarinet, however? She has nothing to do with those behavior of your brothers, and it is a wonderful gift for you to give to a young person. And, for what it's worth, although she may be adopted, she is just as much your niece and your brother's child as if she were his biological child. But you know that.
 
The only member of my family I'm particularly close to is my youngest brother. We are fairly similar in taste and in disposition (although he's not technically an Aspie) and we get along great. My mother and I do okay; I'm not particularly close to my dad, but we can have good conversation about topics we are both interested in. There are cousins and other relatives I like but don't speak to very often.

I'm just incredibly grateful that, however close or distant I am from my family members, there is none of the drama that some of y'all are describing. I can't see myself encountering that without being compelled to cut myself off completely.
 
My mom and me are close. I can tell her most anything. My brother turned his back on us when he started dating a rich girl. My aunts and uncle on my mom's side turned their backs on us when we lost the house to foreclosure because they believed we lost it on purpose. My dad has never really been there mentally for me and I suspect he could be on the spectrum as well though he may never get diagnosed. He has gotten slightly better with conversation over the years. Most of the time my mom and me go some where together, we are like two peas in a pod lol.
 
It's too late for me to teach her. She graduated from college this past spring with a 3.97 in astrophysics. She and her boyfriend moved to Austin, TX. She's currently teaching preschool, and her boyfriend attends UT-Austin (where I think she is trying to apply for admission.). I'm a librarian also, and if you think her Dad couldn't understand her, neither could I (and I'm the only one in the family right now that has an advanced degree).
 
I'm pretty close to my parents and my two younger brothers since we all still live at home. My brothers and I sometimes spend the evening watching videos on my laptop. We call those marathons. I have five older siblings who have grown up and moved out so I don't see them that often, so naturally we're not that close. My youngest older brother and sister and I get along pretty well when we do meet up, though.
 
I'm very close to my older sister, fairly close with my father and mother.

My sister is the only one in the family who ever really got me and my aspie-ness really plugged down and is able to understand me and my particular brand of it, so she is my constant confidant and perpetual best friend. She's actually working toward being a special ed teacher in high school with a focus on ASD.
 
In addition, I'm not on very good terms with most of Dad's side of the family, save the middle sister' s sons (with the possible exception of the eldest. They grew up on a farm, and never forgot from whence they came), the youngest sister's oldest boys (the twins), and his youngest brother's daughters(and I don't even know them well, except his youngest daughter's youngest son has Asperger's.)

Mom's side of the family, I could care less about. Like her father, they're a bunch of drunks. That whole mess started when he refused to help move Grandma to a different apartment back in the early '70's. They didn't even bother showing up for Mom's funeral, which suited my brothers and Me just fine.

The only thing I can say to anyone on the spectrum is try to act like your normal self. Act your age, but don't crawl, and don't get a swelled head, lest someone better than you comes along and deflates that head.
 
I am not close to my family at all, not emotionally anyway. Most of them live within Louisiana as do I but I've been cast aside and I've cast them aside; they've set an example for me, an example of what I do NOT want to be like.
I still talk to my dad and see him almost every day but that is the only one.
My mom and nephew are dead, the only ones who mattered.

 
My parents divorced half of my lifetime ago, and the frequency I see/hear about my father doesn't have anything to do with my activity with all other family members. I see him quite irregularly, but more than others, nowadays.
I was really close to my mother and she was the reason for my to try getting along with my brothers. While I was younger I really wanted and tried to be able to spend time with them, but after my childhood, in which I was praised little sister, things changed and they began to see me as irresponsible, I guess. They knew about my working history and so on. They're 10 and 12 years older than me, and somehow they've forgot how they didn't manage either in life at their early stages of adulthood they now were judging me about.
So after my mom, who was very dear and close to me, passed away I've not been obligated to see brothers again after funerals. Sometimes I miss them, but I feel it better to not be in touch, because I don't need their judgement at all. They don't know about my AS.
 
My mom and I are pretty close. I've kept her at arms length, as I have the rest of the world up until recently, but she is definitely my go-to, my confidant, one of the few people I have the desire to be around on a consistent basis. It breaks my heart living on the opposite side of the country from her. Sometimes I wonder if I was meant to be one of those kids that live with mommy forever.
My dad loves me and I love my dad. We know these things but don't really have much a relationship outside of that. We bond over our favorite Reality TV Show during the summertime (it's part of the reason why it's one of my longest standing obsessions) and when I'm upset he's (mostly) very level headed and gives me sound advice that neither upsets me further nor angers me. He's a good man though, I understand him and the things he does better now that the AS has been discussed. My father is definitely on the spectrum, he's one that (from what I've personally seen with him) coped pretty well over the course of his life. I wonder if his Aspielation has had as huge an effect on him as it has on me.
My sister and I are strange. When we were little she always wanted to have a relationship with me, you know, play with me, dress like me, etc. but I didn't really want that. Now that we're older I find myself wanting to have more of a relationship with her and she doesn't want that so much. Well, maybe she does, I don't know. It didn't really feel like she did when I lived there but now that I'm gone and she's almost graduated high school maybe things can/will be different. I like to think that her life is just too busy for our relationship right now...but it still hurts like hell when I text her and she doesn't even send me a one word reply...
 
All my family live in different states and none of which live close to me. The closest would probably be my mother who is an 8-9hr drive if I were to go see her. I can't say that I am close to them or not since I moved out when I got married at 16 and I'm 23 now;but, before getting married, my family gave me a hard time about who I was. I'd always scream and cover my ears whenever I felt angry, or locked myself in my room while blasting the music on high. I seemed to make enemies with people because of my 'inappropriate' side in which my husband says it may just be the AS side of me. Besides my family, I had relatives I was fairly close to before moving. Whenever I would go back, some would act as if I'm a changed person with no respect toward them and the others, I'm fine with. Also, with their misunderstandings about who and how my husband was, made it unbelievably painful for me to stay positive. I was very unhappy for what seemed like a lifetime. Anyhow, the only person I am truly close to now is my husband. Therefore, he is the one I turn to other than myself.
 
Last edited:
I got removed from my family by social services when I was 7, I was living with my Mum and step Dad, and was placed in foster care, I have seen my Mum twice since then (I'm 31 now) and don't really feel the need to be in contact with her. I've been in contact with my Dad since I was 15 and maybe see him once a year if that as he lives quite far away, I have more regular contact with my sister which is not that often either. The only family I need is my Kids and my partner :)
 
Fairly close to my parents. I speak to my mom about once a week, although she drives me kind of nuts. For the most part, the has given up on the idea of making me like her (thank god!). She gets along better with my daughter and husband. I see my brother only at holidays. We have absolutely nothing in common, except our childhood, which does mean something but we struggle to find anything to talk about. Although last Easter I found out he likes Dr. Who, so that is cool.
 
I'm very distant to my family...I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, but that's how it is in my case.
 
Right now, I'm a about a centimeter close to saying screw it, and never leaving my room, nor talking to anyone ever again. Yesterday was my birthday, and besides the automated message I got from Aspies Central, AARP and Swagbucks, none of my brothers, nor any one in my church, even as much as said happy birthday. My housemates didn't say anything, which is my fault, because I didn't tell them. Everthing I touch, do, or say hacks everyone else off, and any inanimate object I touch I end up breaking. Any customer service rep I talk to lately act as if I'm an idiot, or Act as if I speak a foreign language. I'm just tired of everything collapsing on me. I'm back to eating like a pig as a coping mechanism, as no one is willing to listen which has my GP screaming bloody murder at me for gaining so much weight and my blood sugars taking a spike upwards. Of course, it's ALL MY FAULT, since I'm a f****** stupid dumbass that should have never been born.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom