How did people react when you told them you had Aspergers

[WereBear]

I feel so blessed for these great responses. It's interesting because I saw a woman on here, I don't remember her name right now but she said that the first thing she tells people is that she has AS.

It really depends on the audience. I told one boss because I had found out what was making me so sick, so they did need to know. And they had an IT background, so they would "get it."

I got a note from my doctor saying I was dealing with a chronic condition, and that helped with another boss. And if it comes right down to it, I say, "I have recently discovered I have a genetic issue which cannot be cured, only managed." And that is all true!

 

[Jacoby]

I don't tell people unsolicited ever

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

Most people don't believe me because I'm "so smart" or "not like their child". I was diagnosed as a seven or eight-year-old child and am 31 now, so I've had some time to learn what people expected and am no longer forced to deal with bullies for seven hours a day. So I'm a different person than I was as a child.

 

[Katleya]

Most people don't believe me because I'm "so smart" or "not like their child".

If that happened to me, I would be fighting the urge to tell them "Newsflash: children and adults behave differently". Umm, or maybe I wouldn't really fight it, depending on context.
But that reflects poorly on those people, and shows how limited their views are. How are they going to help their child navigate life and acquire the necessary social tools if they don't even know Autism 101: if you've met one autistic person, you've met ONE autistic person.

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

If that happened to me, I would be fighting the urge to tell them "Newsflash: children and adults behave differently". Umm, or maybe I wouldn't really fight it, depending on context.
But that reflects poorly on those people, and shows how limited their views are. How are they going to help their child navigate life and acquire the necessary social tools if they don't even know Autism 101: if you've met one autistic person, you've met ONE autistic person.

I did have one lady ask me...rather desperately actually, how and when I learned to talk.

 

[garnetflower13]

Once when I joined a meet up for socially anxious people, I felt comfortable disclosing my diagnoses there and it was accepted by many. Those who felt uncomfortable, left the group.

 

[Marcus]

A lot of people took it as just an "excuse" for acting the way I did, I've lost many a friend due to misunderstandings about my autism.

Within the last few years though, people have started to come around, I don't know if they truly accept it, I feel like it's more tolerated than anything.

But it's not like I can just turn this off with a snap of my finger.

 

[Chris Russell]

I was so relieved to finally know what was responsible for all the difficulties I had experienced throughout my life that, when I was diagnosed, I just told anyone and everyone. Some people didn't care, some were mildly interested, some said 'well obviously!' and some clearly thought I was mistaken, delusional or just lying. I didn't care - I knew. I could move on. I met others like me, and I found common ground. I still tell people without hesitation, but now I am better at explaining to those who don't understand; who are misinformed... so I get that reaction less and less. I know it's hard to keep trying, but people will never get to know us better if we don't give them the opportunity at all...

 

[ftfipps]

I was an artistic, skateboarder kid growing up. Slightly eccentric but nobody would have dreamed I was autistic. My idol was Jim Carrey. In fourth grade my 77 year old teacher sent me for a psychiatric evaluation. They decided I had ADHD but there was nothing else wrong with me. I started having behavior problems again at about 13 years old. I was failing math and horse playing with my friends in class. My parents finally decided to put me on drugs and My grades improved to very good. I was in real skateboarding competitions and actually competing in them.

By 8th grade I was dating a promiscuous girl. I was given beer by a kid I really wanted to impress. I got drunk for the first time at 13. Around the same time I was given weed for the first time. I only went to school when I had to.

Make a long story short, I was sent to a residential wilderness camp for kids who chronically misbehaved. I was there for 11 months. When I got home I wanted to take the world by storm. I was in plays, I was the lead in musicals at school. I dated all the female cast members. I played football, wrestled, I was in three rock bands in which I wrote most of the lyrics and booked three quarters of our shows. I was in the church choir and I took classes at the local community college...all concurrently. Nobody ever noticed I was different in any way. I was pretty silly on purpose, I liked to make people laugh. I live for that to this day.

My problems really started when my dad moved to the west coast leaving me homeless in my mid 20's. I have lived in shelters, I have slept in the woods several times. I have slept in my car for months at a time. For awhile I would go and work ten hours on my feet walking back and forth and then go to a shopping center parking lot and crash out in my car until it got late and the temperature dropped so much I would get woken up and have to turn the heat on for awhile. I would hook up with a girl and crash at her dwelling for periods of time. I was in the wind. This went on for FIVE YEARS.

Now I have a place to live and food. I just figured out I have AS about 2 months ago. Luckily I am drug free and I am working toward employment.

 

[sneaky snek]

ive only told two or three people. one of those conversations went like this:
me: hey im pretty sure im autistic
them: WHAT have i been telling you for TWO YEARS??
me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i'm not very self aware

 

[ftfipps]

I don't even leave my house anymore. There is no point. Everybody...even my family see me as mentally challenged even though I am smarter than any of them. It's just ridiculous to care if you have a neurological disorder that only 1 PERCENT of the population has. You will never change the way 90% of people think about something. You can use the most cunning logic and reason or brilliant rhetoric but In the end, compartmentalized in that persons brain, you are just the retarded kid. And this is ACROSS THE BOARD...everyone. They may toss you a loaf of bread and call you slow If you're lucky. It elevates them above somebody..in their psychotic minds. They don't have to care about you like they do most people.

 

[Suzanne]

hence my general disdain for Americans to this day.

I know it is easy to be general, when the ones who have been nasty are of the same race, Rich. But a few Americans do not amount to all Americans and I know, because my spiritual daughter is American and my spiritual mom is American and a good friend of mine is American and been put in touch with a lady who has the same issue as me ie social phobia and hang on! She is American too! They are all lovely people. Ok, so I do not know them face to face; but since I am terrible face to face with ones anyway, I figure it doesn't matter.

And to add: be careful, because there are many Americans on here and it is not kind to them.

 

[Suzanne]

The elder's from my congregation ( priests) know I have aspergers and one of them has a brother who has aspergers and advised me to be open about it, so that it makes life a bit easier for me. The reason for this, is because I am so conscious of my surroundings that I am fearful of overtalking and I know that when I am on a subject that I like and the person does not seem to give any hints, I can just ramble on.

My husband knows and at first it was pretty bad, but he is getting used to it and being a lot more accommodating that he used to be and even sticks up for me, when I take something literal from another.

There is a lovely, I guess, signature on here that says: we do not have aspergers; we have people problems. And that is so true!

 

[loumcq]

If you want to be treated differently, tell people you're different. Disclosing is usually a bad idea. I never tell anyone, and follow the cardinal rule: any NT who knows autism well enough to know what to do with that information, I don't have to tell. They already know without having to be told.

never looked at it that way x

 

[garnetflower13]

I knew a guy in a support forum for adult Aspies, who worked at the local library. He had worked there for awhile, when he decided to disclose. His coworkers and boss started treating him differently, and he ended up having to leave the job, and had to get legal intervention. It was a mess, and I felt so badly for him because he thought he was doing the right thing.

 

[loumcq]

I knew a guy in a support forum for adult Aspies, who worked at the local library. He had worked there for awhile, when he decided to disclose. His coworkers and boss started treating him differently, and he ended up having to leave the job, and had to get legal intervention. It was a mess, and I felt so badly for him because he thought he was doing the right thing.

thats so sad and frustrating! I don't understand how people can switch like that? Like in WHAT way does it change anything if they got on with this guy before they knew he had autism? it baffles me at the sheer ignorance of some people.

I feel i've experienced a similar thing, I have been friends with my best mate since secondary school, for around 15 years almost, and we bonded because we were both wallflowers, very quiet and quirky. But we're both 26 now and it was this year I got a non formal diagnosis (awaiting formal diagnosis) and she was the first person i told because we usually share everything, and I naively expected her to go ahead and proactively read about it, but instead she was telling me things like "don't let autism define you as a person, i didn't let my depression define me" and whilst I agree to some extent, it kind of feels like she's denying or invalidating my entire character/ personality. I imagine I would have been different maybe if i grew up without ASD? I don't know I found it a bit insensitive. I know she wasn't doing it in a malicious way, but she has expected me to read up on the conditions she lives with (OCD/Perfectionism) and as a friend I felt it was a gesture of kindness and to better understand where she was coming from and what she had to deal with.

I haven't been met with that same kind of effort- yet I am the one in the wrong for not being able to cope with the social side of things. It's made me withdraw a bit. I have found it hard in this year trying to be social- because i am expected to of course. But she takes it personally every time i have to politely decline an invite, and has resulted in two major arguments in the past two years because she refused to understand how being social affects me.

I am happy staying in touch via text message in the periods where I feel i need time away socially, however long that may be being able to stay in touch even if it isn't face to face keeps me in the real world and out of my head. But its like she's punishing me because I can't meet her all the way in person at the moment. I have noticed she has stopped sharing a lot of what goes on in her life now also. I've tried to call her out on it before, but she always turns it on me again for not being able to "make the effort to meet her"

Sorry for the ramble, I just guess i'd appreciate any thoughts/comments/advice and what you would do in this situation. I'd prefer to just take time away for a bit, but we have been close for so many years it would be a shame. But i feel like now i've gotten this diagnosis, i can feel a shift in her attitude towards me.

HELP

 

[garnetflower13]

I had a similar thing happen, loumcq! A friend of many years abruptly turned away from me, and began talking down to me whenever she did speak. She clearly did not understand autism, and it really amazes me how people who knew a person pretty well, reacts so negatively when they find out about the autism.

I meant to add that sometimes one must find different friends, unfortunately.

 

[loumcq]

I had a similar thing happen, loumcq! A friend of many years abruptly turned away from me, and began talking down to me whenever she did speak. She clearly did not understand autism, and it really amazes me how people who knew a person pretty well, reacts so negatively when they find out about the autism.

I meant to add that sometimes one must find different friends, unfortunately.

im so sorry to hear you have had a similar experience, it's not easy to deal with. I agree with you, sometimes its good to see if you can get them to understand your diagnosis but as someone in this thread already said (sorry can't remember who) those who don't have a problem with your diagnosis won't need to be told to educate themselves about it, because if you care that much to someone they'd just do it out of common courtesy- its the least someone could do for you if they claim to care for you as a friend.

So you are right, I guess I shouldn't be trying so hard to try and make things work, I can't force this person to understand or to educate them they're a grown adult and incredibly intelligent too, so it wouldn't be a big deal for them either. Thanks again for responding, helping me to really decide what to do on the friends front!

 

[garnetflower13]

 

[Dillon]

I have never told anyone about my diagnosis of an aspie even a close friend who I’ve known for 3 years does not even know. I get that fear sometimes that if I tell someone about it I’ll have the person turn on me or who knows what to me in a negative way since that’s happened before and as to why I don’t say anything about it. The friends I have rarely notice at all there’s anything wrong with me so there’s no need to say anything unless if he/she really wants to know.