How did you learn to fully embrace your autism?

[Ghostinthemachine]

personally,diagnosed nearly a year ago after a 3 year protracted process which was hampered by delays from pandemic.still not come to terms with it,not sure I ever will

 

[Shamar]

Whenever I'm in a group (even if it's just a family gathering or talking with friends online) I always find myself trying to blend in and mask. Like, even if everyone knows I'm autistic but I'm the only autistic one in the group I'm just kind of hyperfocused on how I can try to blend in like a neurotypical. Maybe it's to try to please them or to make the situation more comfortable for them, but I know in reality that being the autistic one in the group has its own unique strengths and weaknesses which make things interesting. Not only that, but I also know that most people (regardless of whether they're on the spectrum or not) respect authenticity across the board, just like I do.

Honestly, it feels kind of automatic still. I was diagnosed about a decade ago but still managed to live in denial for a while after, and only through sobriety have I found some kind of (or beginnings of) peace with my autism. But even through all of that, I just try to hide it on autopilot and it kind of sucks. I wish I wasn't so ashamed to be autistic.

Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated!

As some other replies have stated (or at least hinted), I never embraced my autism, but have recognized and accepted it. I'm not exactly sure what embracing it actually is. Like many here, I was diagnosed late (age 60). I accepted the diagnosis because it explained so much of my life. I am still working on dealing with the problems (trauma?) I had from not having been diagnosed earlier. Also, like others, I masked (although I wasn't really aware I was doing it) in order to try to blend in. I eventually learned, because I had no idea what I was doing, that masking actually made me stand out. Sort of like a nerd trying to be cool (which I was and did).

My advice is to be yourself. Don't try to be autistic, and don't try to be non autistic.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Other posts have suggested the same thing, but the effort is in non-acceptance. I don't think the acceptance takes any effort.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Do any of us fully embrace it? Would we even talk about it truthfully? That l feel different, that when l talk to others, they don't have logicl loops constantly running thru their heads, nor do they feel the burning need to reduce everything to the odds of it happening or not happening.

From another view: talking about Autism is justifying Autism, when it is not our label and just a handy term. Nothing needs to be justified. We just are. Imagine fish discussing why they live in water. Only things that don't live in water want to know why the fish "chooses" that. Our problem is trying to embrace things which aren't us, which often includes many ideas of "Autism."

 

[Ken]

I wish I wasn't so ashamed to be autistic.

(I wanted to respond to this much earlier, but couldn't because of my work schedule.)

This is the part of autism that really upsets me. The automatic societal assumption that autism is a badge of shame. Looking down on someone because of any "different" trait; complexion, heritage, or neurology, etc. is the definition of bigotry.

My "diagnosis" occurred "after-the-fact". I self-diagnosed after 68 years of living it. I realized I was autistic after learning what autism is. I guess that provides a different perspective than when one is diagnosed early, labeling you as autistic. Especially when the diagnosis is with the attitude of labeling you as defective.

Actually, "defective" is how I have felt all my life. My school diagnosed me as retarded. My school, or community had never heard the term, autism.

It seems odd, however, that as a person labeled as retarded, I have ended up quite successful. However, that is because my autism filtered my life towards my dream career even though my autistic sensitivities prevented any higher education. I achieved it simply due to my autistic obsession and laser focus. That has been both good and bad, but it got me the career I always dreamed of.

As far as understanding autism and realizing that it is something to embrace and should never be ashamed of; a really pivoting education on the subject was from the book, "An Immense World" by Ed Yong. While this book never mentions the word autism, it perfectly defines neural differences that autism is all about. It explains that every individual is totally unique. The book explains that one's neural wiring defines their Umwelt. Umwelt is the word defining an animal's perception of the world as dictated by their neurology and associated senses. This book made me comfortable being me and comfortable being autistic. I am no longer ashamed of who and what I am. I know this is how I'm supposed to be with a lot to be proud of. My autism diagnosis was not a badge of shame, it was an answer to my lifelong question, why can't I be normal, like everyone else? The diagnosis did not relieve anything. I'm still as autistic as ever. The diffculty remains, but having that answer makes me feel better. It's no longer a mystery.

I believe no one should ever feel ashamed of who or what they are. Indeed, you should be proud to be who and what you are. If society is ashamed of you, then it is society that has the problem.

 

[Boogs]

What actually is 'embracing your autism'?
I guess this could simply be not being in denial of a diagnosis?
But that's the negative answer (i.e. that's what it isn't), but what's the positive answer?
Is it revelling in it, or is it declaring it to others (or certain others), is it understanding and accepting your own flavour of autism? Is it some element of belonging to a group ("I'm autistic!")?
My family were almost totally non-tactile, is this me simply not understanding what 'embracing' something actually means?
Of all the various definitions I'd presume the one that applies here would be:
To adopt or support willingly or eagerly.
But that doesn't seem quite right.

Personally I absolutely don't feel ashamed, but I am most certainly dysfunctional/broken in certain areas but the biggest thing knowing I'm ND is just that my dysfunctions have a precise and specific explanation. I can now define why I'm good or bad at certain things, because I have a more accurate map of myself. Maybe that's my embracing it?

It always felt more shameful not having reasons for why I failed in the areas I did, especially being brought up being told there was "no reason not to be just as good as anyone else, and better than most" (high achieving parents, for my sins).

On a more practical level, the part I may find hardest to come to terms with is masking. I think I had it forced pretty hard on me at a very young age (very strong conformist, almost Victorian upbringing), and I find it hard to understand what's me and what's masking. I guess in some ways it helped being pretty good at it, but maybe too good at it for my own well being in the longer term.

<thinks for a minute ...>

I've definitely become more obnoxious since self diagnosing. I'm more challenging when I hear something I disagree with that matters to me. I've become far more secure in my own opinions (for better or worse) and less insecure in myself. I'm much less prepared to put myself in situations I don't want to be in.
Maybe that's my unmasking and embracing? It's so hard to tell.

On reflection, I think I do embrace it, but I absolutely couldn't say how in words, at all, even within myself (especially within myself?), only describe a change in behaviour.

 

[Wolfiedog]

i learned to not be so hard on myself.
And i forgave myself for all the stupid ways i handled situations and people through life, including the thing it made me.
Besides, what choice but to accept it?
It’s not like i can be rewired to be a normal, real person.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I never knew until my mid fifties I was on the spectrum nothing to embrace was always just myself.

 

[jsilver256]

I think the huge thing for me was post-diagnosis realizing just how much of my life was a giant coping mechanism for symptoms of various sorts. For instance, I used to read a book as a kid and refused to walk anywhere without reading a book. Like, physically walk places. Then that turned to a cell phone.

I don't use either now, but I can't look straight ahead either because of the sensory overload.

That's just one example of many, many. I had built a whole network of strange subconscious mitigations and they were all taken apart. And along with it the idea of the person I used to be. My husband slowly awakened to me how forgetful and dysfunctional I am and how hard he's been working to bridge that.

On the bright side, I do have a somewhat stereotypical talent which has kept us going. So I can't totally say I hate the disability because it has shaped the good as much as it has shaped the bad. It's a very mixed bag all around.

 

[Boogs]

I have to wonder, given my rather darker view on society, how much most people (diversive or not) go through life adopting coping mechanisms without ever realising what and why? My guess is this is likely the case, but autistics and other minorities have more or worse things to cope with on average.