How did you meet your significant other?

[Callistemon]

I actually was good friends with a person but when we tried to do more, we couldn't, because we liked each other as friends too much. Funny. This is a true story.

Is this because you weren't attracted, or you didn't want to risk your friendship, or because of some kind of Madonna-whore type phenomenon, or none of these? If you don't mind me asking.

 

[Mary Terry]

My husband was my brother's college roommate, but I didn't meet him until I was in law school and he was in med school, several years after he and my brother graduated from college. He asked me to go fishing with him. I brought a picnic and a bottle of chilled wine for lunch. We caught a lot of fish that day, took them back to his apartment and cooked them for dinner. I was hooked by then!

We still like to fish. He caught 4 or 5 bass yesterday at our lake which we cooked for dinner, and a huge catfish that he filleted and froze.

 

[Aspychata]

Is this because you weren't attracted, or you didn't want to risk your friendship, or because of some kind of Madonna-whore type phenomenon, or none of these? If you don't mind me asking.

We got into bed, and it just didn't feel right. Maybe l intimidated him sexually? So we didn't even kiss. But we stayed friends. He was a shy sweet guy. We got along great. I still miss him but he married a crazy wahine from Hawaii.

 

[Forest Cat]

My husband was my brother's college roommate, but I didn't meet him until I was in law school and he was in med school, several years after he and my brother graduated from college. He asked me to go fishing with him. I brought a picnic and a bottle of chilled wine for lunch. We caught a lot of fish that day, took them back to his apartment and cooked them for dinner. I was hooked by then!

We still like to fish. He caught 4 or 5 bass yesterday at our lake which we cooked for dinner, and a huge catfish that he filleted and froze.

That guy went fishing for fish and love. And he caught both! So lucky.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

We got into bed, and it just didn't feel right. Maybe l intimidated him sexually? So we didn't even kiss. But we stayed friends. He was a shy sweet guy. We got along great. I still miss him but he married a crazy wahine from Hawaii.

Understandable. I was once intimidated by a woman who was experienced when I was not, but there was other dysfunction at play, too.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

That guy went fishing for fish and love. And he caught both! So lucky.

How can I say this? Being interested in things attracts accepting and interesting people. And having somebody making an outing fun with a nice picnic and he knew he had a keeper.

 

[Magna]

Is this because you weren't attracted, or you didn't want to risk your friendship, or because of some kind of Madonna-whore type phenomenon, or none of these? If you don't mind me asking.

I had a similar situation in my early twenties. I was in a committed relationship ("dating") with a young woman for about 2.5 years. She had a best friend (female). I became very good friends with her best friend as well. The three of us did a lot of things together (e.g. outdoor activities, swimming, skinny dipping at night, hanging out, etc). Her friend was from Colorado originally and ended up moving back there. My girlfriend and I broke up and about a year later I was looking for a change. I moved out to Colorado after never having been there before and I sublet her friend's apartment (her friend had moved in with her boyfriend at the time). Her friend and I had so much in common and were such good friends and even though I found her physically attractive and I can assume she me, the thought of our friendship ever moving to a romantic level just wouldn't have worked. It would have been weird. It was too familial and in that way I dare say it would have had a quasi-incestuous feeling to it. Yuck.

I truly love that there are many ways for people to develop relationships with each other and that there's not only one right way. For me physical attraction is a necessary precursor to a burgeoning romantic relationship just as intellectual compatibility is. For me those two things in tandem are what make a new relationship blissful. Also for me, there'd be a friendship timeline at the beginning of a relationship/friendship where once crossed, like with my friend I described, the idea of the physical part becomes weird, awkward and out of place.

 

[Aspychata]

@Magna

Very nicely put. Perhaps it was the familiarity that we had so that anything further just felt weird. It just felt like a wall. Like we were super good friends first.

For me, respect is crucial. I respect my partners boundaries always. In my lifetime, my partners have always felt safe and secure with me. I may get upset, but l never cross the line. I respect their boundaries. I don't argue with my partners. If l am with you, it's because l truly want to be with you, and arguing isn't going waste our moments together.

 

[Thinx]

Although I do think arguing can be done responsibly and respectfully, and sometimes can be useful and necessary. Mostly it depends on being able to listen to the other person and take turns giving views, as well as not walking off etc. I used to be a walker off, but as I got more secure from self help and therapy, I dont need to do that.

I do have some mini melt downs though, but my partner copes pretty well with that, or anything that's seeming a bit weird or autism related. Which they have researched and have patience for. I think having ADHD probably themselves, of the hurry up kind, where mine if I have it is the disorganised, difficult to motivate self kind.

We tell each other off sometimes when stressed, but soon get over any angst, I am likely to verbalise some apology or regret or additional explanation that helps us just get over a squabble. We love each other, is the bottom line.

 

[Aspychata]

These days l am stumbling along. Unsure of relationships. It seems that l hold zero cards yet some one wants me, and is easy going. And the one that has my soul keeps giving me little of himself. But has all the rules.

 

[Thinx]

Love is sweet. But you need to reach out to the wounded bird.

A cat my sister's neighbours lodgers brought back from Portugal, killed a big pigeon in her garden. But not much to be done except pick up the feathers, I believe she ate it. The cat, not my sis. But the pigeons mate has already moved on! It's that time of year I guess.

Humanswise though, say more...

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Magna

Very nicely put. Perhaps it was the familiarity that we had so that anything further just felt weird. It just felt like a wall. Like we were super good friends first.

For me, respect is crucial. I respect my partners boundaries always. In my lifetime, my partners have always felt safe and secure with me. I may get upset, but l never cross the line. I respect their boundaries. I don't argue with my partners. If l am with you, it's because l truly want to be with you, and arguing isn't going waste our moments together.

Respect is critical, isn't it? When one goes and becomes vulnerable with another, respect and trust brings partners together for intimacy that transcends rote sex. At least that is what I have found out. It depends on one's attitude towards intimacy and sex. Lust wanes, and then comes the deliciousness of learning your partner.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I just stuck my neck out asked for a date, asked her friends about her. helped her out a few times, including her friends, when I finally asked her for a date and we started to get to know each other amazing things started to happen. she wanted to visit her family out in the country I was going to drop her at the bus station. Went to the wrong station, realizing my mistake. offered to drive her to her parents place as I was familiar with the area, Walked in the middle of wedding preparations for her younger sister up coming wedding. she knew I was Dutch she thought she was Pennsylvanian Dutch I broke her bubble she was actually German. She comes from a family of five, three sisters and one brother. her being the second oldest. Wow did I have a Surprise for her. She had met my brother, her other landlord. So I told her I owed her one. Took her to meet my parents, let her know I came from a family of six, four brothers and one sister and I was also the second oldest, my sister was the fifth oldest, same as her brother. We had virtually mirror image families, The bond was almost instant. We both come from the country. I was from one country neigbourhood over. Her older sister and I even went to the same high school a year before I started going. a lot of people we knew and I knew were distant relatives of hers. I was from a immigrant family, her family had been in the area for 8 generations. Forty years latter I know am the expert on her family, go to guy for the history who is related to who. interesting family, member's of the "Berczy Settlers", who are very important to the history of Toronto. Her family is intertwined closely with the history of Canada and the USA. Think Hessian soldiers, and loyalists. Great history most of her family was unaware of. I love being an Aspie my Wife was a bit scared of meeting my dad. German Slave during second world war.

Funny. German families from around Kitchner started emigrating to NW Michigan for nearly free land that had been logged off by the timber companies. They started the orchards around there, producing one of the world's best tart cherries, and I like the freestone, Elberta peaches.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

my wife's paternal grand parents family fled the united states during the American revolution, as they were Pennsylvanian Deutsch, who were pacifists. some intermarried with the Berzcy settlers, both populations were of German descent. some of the the Berczy's were involved, hessian solders, in the war and were not welcome in the United states. Ontario's Governor need Skilled bodies to build houses and other infrastructure to build the village that was to become Toronto. I know that the Germans come to the new land in North America mainly to farm. My wife's family has an interesting history, very few of her family are even aware of it.

And no, our marriage did not bring Dutch back into the family the biggest misconception.

 

[Rasputin]

On an earlier thread I mentioned that while hard for us with ASD, frequently we had to make our own luck, and that effort sometimes yielded a relationship and marriage. So, here is a question for those that took a different path from enjoying being alone: How did you meet your significant other?

• What was life like before you met?
• How did you meet in real life and how did you cement the bond?
• How was life for you afterward?

Have at it people, and I'll contribute after dishes.

I met my wife at a Rock n Roll club that I visited solo. She was with a group of friends from work, and noticed me. She asked one of her friends to dance with me and invite me to join her group the following week at another club. At the time I was divorced and unattached, so I joined them the following week. That is when I met my wife.

Afterwards, I called several times asking her out on a date. After like five rejections, she agreed to go out. I must have done something right, because we just celebrated our 30 year anniversary.

Life has been generally good, but often with bumps along the way. I do not react emotionally to things like deaths of family members, marriages, and infants, and she is very close to her family. Her aunts always greet by hugging and kissing, and this causes my body to stiffen in anticipation. On the other hand, I am a good provider and am skilled at applying logic to solve problems. Unfortunately, she perceives my cold logic as lack of empathy. So life afterwards has been like a 30 year bumpy roller coaster ride. Mostly I do what I like to do now, and she does what she likes to do. This works because I am a good provider, and have been for the past 30+ years.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

a lot of use are logical in our thinking, we just found a rock and role club in town recently, music has changed over the years, looks like some of the kids rediscovered rock and roll. Just last week we saw a live band called Anvil. as old as I am, still playing after all these years kids went nuts for them. this club specializes in live bands, attribute bands. should be OK. I guess we will be hanging with the kids for a while. It's all about the music.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

a lot of use are logical in our thinking, we just found a rock and role club in town recently, music has changed over the years, looks like some of the kids rediscovered rock and roll. Just last week we saw a live band called Anvil. as old as I am, still playing after all these years kids went nuts for them. this club specializes in live bands, attribute bands. should be OK. I guess we will be hanging with the kids for a while. It's all about the music.

I agree that the young keep things interesting. When I worked in Heredia Costa Rica, I worked with a younger group of engineers. They sorta adopted me and would take me out to clubs to teach me salsa. i had a wonderful time and had a woman and her fiancee from that group over at my house and we went to Lollapalooza.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Going To watch An AC/DC attribute band on Saturday, should be fun. My wife really likes to dance. Kids should be surprised to see wild sixty four year old on the dance floor. Should be good therapy for me probably won't be able to walk for a few days after.

 

[Aspychata]

Going To watch An AC/DC attribute band on Saturday, should be fun. My wife really likes to dance. Kids should be surprised to see wild sixty four year old on the dance floor. Should be good therapy for me probably won't be able to walk for a few days after.

Love these stories here. You are never to old to dance.

@Mary Terry - what a romantic story.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Not to old too disabled, due to stroke.