my childhood was pretty severe, hated by my father, mentally ill mother, sometimes stayed with grandmother who had schizophrenia and did all sorts of things to me. escaped it all after high school at 17 by joining the military. 4 years of that was enough and at 21 was in a huge world completely on my own. as lost as i was emotionally, i was fortunate to find a job that suited me and soon discovered i was the smartest one in our business. helped a lot to win quick promotions. could not escape the depression and speech problems caused, i believe by childhood abuse and trauma.
time passes and i am at a crossroads. give up or do something about hating myself. started running. short distances and slowly at first but that changed rapidly as i worked very hard at getting 'better'. after a year i was ready to try a marathon. i had lost about 50 lbs and best of all, my depression was almost conquered. who says you can't run away from your problems. also took up bicycle racing. great fun. i was fearless. after a couple more years my depression was gone. my body was like a machine. i started traveling and ended up running marathons and doing century bike rides on six continents. i was happy for the first time...ever. i was training for a crazy trip to antarctica when in a brief instant it all ended.
a drunk in an old pickup truck ran right over top of me. i ended up in the wheel well. dead two times. docs said it was hard to believe i could survive. said it was my superb physical conditioning. after a year or so i could walk again. kept trying very hard to recover. gradually i could ride again but not for very far and not so fast.this went on for a few years. gave up on paid work and became a volunteer trying to help non-human animals.
then ,14 years after being murdered, i was driving from a long day working at an animal shelter. rounded a curve and running up the middle of the road was a large dog. reacted to harshly and dropped a wheel off the road and crashed into a stone wall, flipped 2 or 3 times, and came to a stop in the middle of the road. dead again, this time i remember(?) all that occurred while gone, and had some severe injuries, including 3 broken vertebra in my neck....c5,c6, and c7.
did survive and returned to volunteering. mental state shot along with the body. was living for my work and taking care of my companion animals. never had a human to love. what's that song........ 'cry me a river'. have to laugh or i would cry. then i hear about a.s.
that's what i meant.