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How Did You React To Being Diagnosed?

Hi!

I haven't received an official diagnosis yet, since my doctors are mostly unconcerned with helping me … physically, emotionally, mentally … they (just like mostly everyone else) just refuse to hear me.

I've been diagnosed with depression & anxiety, as well as being an adult child of alcoholics … but treatments for those issues have been of little help.

I first heard of Aspergers in 2005 when I started dating a guy whose son had been diagnosed as a child … I started doing research to be able to relate to him better. When I described a conflict with the son to a mental health doctor, he said those were not symptoms of Aspergers … leaving me confused, but I couldn't afford to continue with that doctor.

I've been a target for bullies all my life, and not a single person has ever stood up for me … ever. I was told not to fight back, just walk away … but they would seek me out … pursue me … go out of their way to torment me. This never made any sense … why on earth would anyone go to extra effort to be near someone they didn't like?? I was told not to let them see that it bothered me, that they would get bored & go away … this has NEVER been true (in fact it contributes to the perception that I don't have feelings). Anyway they just get pissed off and torment me even more. It's now trendy to say 'it gets better' (I know that's used specifically for different sexual orientations, but it applies because it refers to being bullied for being different) … and I find this incredibly offensive, and actually harmful. Society uses that as an excuse to avoid dealing with the true issue of intolerance, discrimination, harassment, and continued abuse. I'm in my 40s now, and I can tell you that it MOST DEFINITELY does NOT get better … especially when we are told to change our behavior when we're not hurting anyone (worthless & contradictory advice) while people in power & authority are too scared of the bullies who do so much damage to so many. Parents, teachers, doctors, management, politicians … if they aren't bullies themselves they're too intimidated to deal with them appropriately.

Sorry for the tangent, back on track. The more I became aware of Aspergers traits, the more they seem to fit me … but not my boyfriend's son … so I was confused & kept my thoughts to myself for many years, as my life has continued to deteriorate. No friends, no family, and the treatments I was given were not helping any more than a bandaid would help a deep stab wound. I started to ask professionals for an assessment for Aspergers, only to be brushed off repeatedly. Then I was forced out of a job by bullying, when 3 levels of management refused to acknowledge the problem … and even began to enable it. I asked for union representation, which seemed promising at first … but soon the union rep began advocating for the managers & bullies instead of me. Ironically, they're still collecting paychecks for refusing to do their jobs. I did my job (and did it *well*, even while being sabotaged) and got forced out. Conclusion: employment isn't about doing the work, it's a popularity contest where we have no hope of competing.

So now I have no friends, no family, no career, and no income … and still the docs won't hear me … and they say *WE* lack empathy???

If my docs had followed through with a thorough assessment, I would have had legal recourse against this workplace abuse … but instead I have nothing. Since verbal communication doesn't work with NTs, I refused to see my therapist in person. After countless hours of research and weeks of long & painful emails (citing sources, of course … my word has never counted for anything with NTs), she's finally acknowledged my concerns & is advocating for me to have a thorough assessment. This is ridiculous, because the behavior of those who are paid to help people is so typical of how Aspies are treated … they are actually proving my point and still refuse to consider it!!

This therapist is the only person in over 40 years who hasn't completely cut me off when I provide evidence supporting my stance (on ANY topic … people dismiss anything I say, so when I show incontrovertible evidence they just walk away … how does that make sense??) so after a lifetime of abuse, hardship, and pain I may actually get an explanation for being mistreated (and legal defense/recourse). I'm afraid to feel hopeful, but I have postponed my plans for suicide for the time being … until I get an answer that will give me legal recourse against workplace harassment, or run out of savings whichever comes first. The status quo is no longer an option, because (all but one of) those who are paid to help me refuse have instead done so much harm that I'm no longer able to function. I'm spending all my days researching these issues with no income, while they are well-paid for services they refuse to perform … disgusting. But I refuse to become homeless, so I may not have any other option.

I feel like I'm crashing a party uninvited, being here without an official diagnosis … and for that I apologize. My only hope is that you'll allow me to hang out at least until I get an answer. I refuse to communicate with those who won't listen, except for pursuing a diagnosis … so I basically never leave the house. It's such a comfort to read the posts of people who experience similar treatment, but I think it's rude to lurk so I'm being honest & straightforward … another perceived 'problem' with Aspies. The real problem is that NTs can't handle the truth, so they retaliate. I'm just looking for a place I can be honest, be heard & understood, and chat with others like me. Is that ok with everyone?

Sorry for the rant, and thanks so much if you've read this through.

KassieMac
 
Hugs to you KassieMac. You story is very similar to mine. I got my dx at 38, but with a lifetime of bullying and torture has made me bitter towards people and very untrusting. I have meltdowns instead of shutdowns because of the bullying (which at 40 still continues). But I have made some friends who are so awesome and have become my security blanket when I need them. I went to an Autistic specialist for my dx, since no one knew about Aspie girls. Hang in there, sending positive thoughts your way!
 
Thanks so much Raven! My insurance required a referral to see a specialists, but docs wouldn't give one. Now I'm on state healthcare so even if they wanted to, the state resists anything that costs $$. I'm pushing harder now since there's no other option, but thankfully I finally have an NT advocating for me. They never seem to have so much trouble hearing each other, even though our words are clearer & more specific. I really resent professionals saying we have difficulty communicating when the truth is they just refuse to understand. We use language as it was intended, but they ignore our words while arrogantly assuming they can read our thoughts. They make sounds we're expected to ignore, assuming we can read their thoughts. HOW MESSED UP IS THAT?? I contend that we're not the ones with the problem, but since they're in positions of authority & power we get labelled as 'disabled' and they don't even try to understand. Ugh.
 
Luckily my insurance is PPO, no referral needed. And the specialist I saw did not take my insurance, but my insurance made a deal with them. So I only paid the co-pay.
I agree, it is really messed up, when we say something, NTs look for the hidden meaning or what they want to hear instead of listening to what we say. I am very blessed in that my boss is willing to listen, even if I have to remind him sometimes. And that he gives me feedback (positive and negative). Are you in the states?
 
My diagnosis was more of a revelation and it did explain a lot of things because somehow I knew that I was always different and the oddball kid at school. It was a name to why I was different and why I did the things I did.
 
I am sorry about all the trouble you are going through Kassie, we are only to happy to welcome you are and give you support when you need it. all your symptoms tie in with aspergers.
 
Thanks so much, Raven, GoofKing, & Warwick … it's such a relief (and a pleasant change) to be heard & understood *finally*! Pathetic that the docs won't learn how to communicate with us … isn't that necessary to do their jobs??

I am in the states, Raven … Arizona … by the way, is your job hiring? I'm loyal, dedicated, & productive (as most Aspies) and won't waste time with hallway small-talk … you'd think employers would appreciate that, but all they care about is the popularity contest. The bullying at my last job was just as bad as middle school … pathetic … and to pour salt in the wound it was a school district with anti-bullying posters in every hallway, while management supported & promoted all the bullies … and they think WE don't make sense??

Yesterday I had a fairly painful & frustrating doc visit. When I asked about Aspergers she got defensive & angry, and snapped that she would enter the diagnosis immediately if I wanted (I should've said yes & walked out). Typical Aspie wanting to be understood (& hate when people are mad at me) I continued to explain. She eventually did listen & agree it was highly likely, and asked me to print & markup supporting docs for my next visit. I handed her a thick packet, and she finally stopped trying to shoo me out the door. By the end I was crying, begging for help, and apologizing (for WHAT??), and she agreed to followup … but back-pedaled the diagnosis to 'provisional'. Ironic that she only showed empathy after I started begging & crying, since they all think we don't have feelings … I hope she won't turn & use that against me.

So today I'm going to apply for Disability … it will take a few years and be torturous, but it's the only option I have left.

Thanks for the support, & wish me luck!!

KassieMac
 
I am sorry it turned out that way for you Kassie, I don't think a specialist should not act like that. Being prejudge-mental is not a professional way to do things in my opinion.
 
I work for the FDA, but we are hiring!!! In the Tempe field office, but you must have a bachelor's degree. You can find the job posting at USA Jobs.
I work in the lab at the San Francisco lab. The shining star of fed work, really hard to get fired or laid off once you have passed the probation period. Plus, having AS gives you more points and points is what gets you hired.
I lived in AZ for 10+ years, West Phoenix mostly. I hope you can get what you need.
 
I had mixed feelings. On one hand, it was nice to know there was a reason I've always been such an oddball, but on the other, it's something that can't be cured and I will always have to live with it. More so lately, though, I've had a hard time dealing with it.
 
It may just take you time to come to an understanding of your aspergers Vexx, then you may find some hidden strengths you have.
 
ravendragonwing said:
I work for the FDA, but we are hiring!!! In the Tempe field office, but you must have a bachelor's degree. You can find the job posting at USA Jobs.
I work in the lab at the San Francisco lab. The shining star of fed work, really hard to get fired or laid off once you have passed the probation period. Plus, having AS gives you more points and points is what gets you hired.
I lived in AZ for 10+ years, West Phoenix mostly. I hope you can get what you need.
Click to expand...

Thanks Raven! Tempe's too far to commute, but I'll definitely look into USA Jobs. Appreciate the tip!
 
image.jpg
It may seem like a small thing, but this means *so* much. This is what recognition of Aspergers and the possibility of a diagnosis has done for me.
 
I didnt get diagnosed till I was 40 yrs old, but have always had my issues since I was a child. But back then, AS wasnt a clinical diagnosis in the states, not untill 1993 according to my therapist. But now that I am able to put a name to it, and learn how to better cope, both myself and my wife and getting along much better now. I think I was in shock the first 6 months, didnt want to accept it or deal with it. Then I started researching it and with my wife and therapists help I came to terms with it and now call myself a proud Aspie, not ashamed of my disablity one bit. Mike
 
KassieMac said:
I feel like I'm crashing a party uninvited, being here without an official diagnosis … and for that I apologize. My only hope is that you'll allow me to hang out at least until I get an answer. I refuse to communicate with those who won't listen, except for pursuing a diagnosis … so I basically never leave the house. It's such a comfort to read the posts of people who experience similar treatment, but I think it's rude to lurk so I'm being honest & straightforward … another perceived 'problem' with Aspies. The real problem is that NTs can't handle the truth, so they retaliate. I'm just looking for a place I can be honest, be heard & understood, and chat with others like me. Is that ok with everyone?

Sorry for the rant, and thanks so much if you've read this through.

KassieMac
Click to expand...

Nothing to apologize for Kassie. Many of us are self-diagnosed. I'd say you came to the right place. ;)
 
Warwick C said:
I was just letting you know what happens in the future, as much as anything.
Click to expand...

Seeing that trophy made me feel a little like Steve Martin's character in The Jerk ... when he sees his name in the phone book for the first time and starts shouting with joy, "I'm somebody! I'm somebody!"
 
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