This person wrote about some of his/her struggles with Asperger's Syndrome, but he/she was noticing these things as a youth. Here I am a little past 40 and I've been struggling with the same things since my teens.
Me too! When I read my diary from when I was a teenager, or years ago, I still find that I'm facing the same problems. It's like, I did not mature... Yes, I can handle myself better, but why am I still feeling the same thing; facing the same problems?
(Although I don't even know whether I'm Aspie or not, I always feel like I'm behind; my spouse & I always thought that I'm ADHD (without the H), but then after seeing a psychologist, found out that I'm not ADHD, just very near to it.
We didn't do any test for Asperger though; so maybe I'm actually an Aspie, or near to Aspie, or just a plain woman with some screws loose lol.)
By emotional immaturity, I don't mean controlling your emotions, I mean feeling mentally organized/responsible for yourself, understanding how people work, CONFIDENCE, all the things, in other words, associated with adult independence. Not to say that we are children, but just that we have delays in acquiring this maturity.
One of the differences I think I see between me and him/her is that I just recently began to realize just how far off-the-mark am in relation to other people my age. I don't feel like I really interact with others according to my age. Over the years many new coworkers at different jobs have told me that I'm too serious-minded. But then once they get to know me a little better, they normally start complaining against me, saying that I'm immature and childish. And honestly, I've already known the latter. I just have no idea why it is... And what really bothers me about it the most is that I don't know how to change it! I mean, how do I become/feel socially and emotionally mature within, and in such a way that it is manifested without?
I really hate the fact that I've always felt like a younger sibling whenever I've been around other people in my age group. Furthermore, I always feel much better, much more secure, more like I'm in the right group when I'm among people who are 5 to 10 years younger than me. I don't think that's normal.
I always feel this...
I'm joining as a committee event at my work. But I feel I'm not reliable. And it's not impostor syndrome. Because people also started to not rely on me; initially they asked me to do something; but maybe I didn't do the things to their standard, or I didn't do it at all.. I don't know. I feel like I'm doing something, but it always end up as inefficient or unproductive, or waste of time. I see other people are doing their best in efficient way.. I feel like a loser.
Even people younger than me are more reliable. I always experience this.
So.. sorry I don't know the answer. Maybe we need to experience, do the experiences, get involved, more and more.
Sadly, maybe we are late for our age. Although it's not to late to start anything, but we are expected to act and manage to do things suitable to our age. If we don't perform, people wont trust us to do it anymore. Usually for being a committee, or things related to responsibilities upon other people i'm not performing. It's like I'm lacking common sense.
And we have pride (?) - not as in arrogant - but as in, it's hard to be a beginner, when we're at this age, and at some kind of work. If students, they are still forgiven for being somewhat lousy at what they do, but adults at work, more than 30 years old? Usually 'unforgiven' and being seen as unreliable people.
Sorry for the rant. I feel the need to let it out. I feel like a sore loser for being a committee or supervisor just in name, not performing any efficient beneficent role.
