How Do I Know What I Believe?

[Kavigant]

I have spent the last thirty years devoting incredible amounts of time and energy to what I have recently come to understand as my main special interest: religion and comparative theology. However, my interest has been only partially academic; the bulk of my interest has been what I long considered my spiritual pilgrimage toward God and Truth.

Over the course of this massive chunk of my life, I have at various times considered myself an adherent of several different religions, at different times. One of those religions was Christianity, and I was even baptized into more than one denomination of that faith. But I have also considered myself, at different times, Buddhist, NeoPagan, Hindu, Satanism etc. I have never lied about my beliefs - during the time I spent in each faith, I sincerely thought that I believed its creed. And I have excelled within the context of each faith, even rising to clergy within NeoPaganism.

However, after a fairly intense summer of treatment and growth, I have found that it feels as if my entire interest in religion has just suddenly stopped. I didn’t become an atheist, it’s just that after thirty years, religion just kind of suddenly became a non-issue for me in many ways. This has been quite confusing, to say the least.

It seems like I should just be able to say what I believe and then look at the various religions to see which one(s) agree(s) with my own conscience. But I don’t know what I believe. I don’t even know whether or not I believe in God/gods.

It kind of seems as though it should just not be a big deal, but I seem to have a lot of trouble with ambiguity and uncertainty, and it’s really bothering me to feel that I do not know what I believe.

*** It would kind of break my heart if it turned out that my entire thirty-year long "spiritual quest" was actually just a compulsive effort to seek meaning and certainty in a potentially meaningless and uncaring universe. What if more than half of life has been dedicated to just another attempt to mask my weirdness and fit in with mainstream society? That would be really, really demoralizing; but I would be willing to make peace with that fact if I could just ascertain that that is what I really believe. ***

 

[Tom]

If I am satisfied with the meaning and direction religion gives me in life, that is enough, for it is during life that I need it. I do hope it extends beyond, but even if it doesn't, I made the best choice I could and won't even be aware of not existing anymore.

 

[Kavigant]

This topic is complicated for me by the fact that I feel that I should be a practicing member of the Jewish faith, since that is my ethnicity. But I'm simultaneously opposed to the idea that one's race or ethnicity should determine one's beliefs, morals, or politics.
It causes me a great deal of pain to live with feelings of "betraying" my people by choosing to follow a different faith, especially during world events such as what is going on right now.
And then I experience shame and regret for over-sharing when I discuss this.

 

[TBRS1]

I don't think time spent experiencing religion is wasted.

Religion is inherently interesting, personally and culturally meaningful, and frequently offers insight into some pretty major human concerns.

I find that it isn't necessary to believe in a religion in order to learn from it.

 

[Kavigant]

I don't know what I believe, and it seems like I should know something so basic

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Only you can answer that.

Time to research philosophy and world history.

All is vanity. Give me truth.

 

[Kavigant]

Only you can answer that.

How?

Time to research philosophy and world history.

I've been doing that for the past thirty years. All it did was tell me what other people believed and believe; it did not tell me how to know what I believe.

I'm not being snarky toward you, @Yeshuasdaughter. I guess I am just asking an impossible question. It seems to me that everyone except me already knows what they believe.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

How?



I've been doing that for the past thirty years. All it did was tell me what other people believed and believe; it did not tell me how to know what I believe.

I'm not being snarky toward you, @Yeshuasdaughter. I guess I am just asking an impossible question. It seems to me that everyone except me already knows what they believe.

I believe that all the greats, from Sun Tzu, to Aristotle, to King Solomon all had the same search and came to the end of their lives still asking questions.

The fact that you are searching is good. Keep on researching. Perhaps philosophy is a special interest for you. Keep going. Research anthropological culture and belief. History and etymology. Go down the rabbit hole. Search for Truth. Let the woman holding the scales of Justice be your guide. Godspeed.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

The journey is the destination

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. –Thoreau

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I have spent the last thirty years devoting incredible amounts of time and energy to what I have recently come to understand as my main special interest: religion and comparative theology. However, my interest has been only partially academic; the bulk of my interest has been what I long considered my spiritual pilgrimage toward God and Truth.

Over the course of this massive chunk of my life, I have at various times considered myself an adherent of several different religions, at different times. One of those religions was Christianity, and I was even baptized into more than one denomination of that faith. But I have also considered myself, at different times, Buddhist, NeoPagan, Hindu, Satanism etc. I have never lied about my beliefs - during the time I spent in each faith, I sincerely thought that I believed its creed. And I have excelled within the context of each faith, even rising to clergy within NeoPaganism.

However, after a fairly intense summer of treatment and growth, I have found that it feels as if my entire interest in religion has just suddenly stopped. I didn’t become an atheist, it’s just that after thirty years, religion just kind of suddenly became a non-issue for me in many ways. This has been quite confusing, to say the least.

It seems like I should just be able to say what I believe and then look at the various religions to see which one(s) agree(s) with my own conscience. But I don’t know what I believe. I don’t even know whether or not I believe in God/gods.

It kind of seems as though it should just not be a big deal, but I seem to have a lot of trouble with ambiguity and uncertainty, and it’s really bothering me to feel that I do not know what I believe.

*** It would kind of break my heart if it turned out that my entire thirty-year long "spiritual quest" was actually just a compulsive effort to seek meaning and certainty in a potentially meaningless and uncaring universe. What if more than half of life has been dedicated to just another attempt to mask my weirdness and fit in with mainstream society? That would be really, really demoralizing; but I would be willing to make peace with that fact if I could just ascertain that that is what I really believe. ***

The reality is you should not have to fit in mainstream anything to have a relationship with God or a higher power.
Sometimes faith does feel like a box and that is challenging
However a God I believe in would love you despite your ideas, feelings, philosophies and ways of living because that is how He made you
It can feel meaningless though even through faith beliefs or relationship with God or a higher power but you can bring meaning in your life as well.
Yes God may be the meaning behind life but it can have other meanings to you as well like memories that you cherish, people you love and things you have gained, learnt or achieved.

 

[Judge]

It kind of seems as though it should just not be a big deal, but I seem to have a lot of trouble with ambiguity and uncertainty, and it’s really bothering me to feel that I do not know what I believe.

Nothing wrong with a little skepticism. But then in a cosmic sense, perhaps it's not intended for mortals to have all the answers. Imagine if on your first day of higher education that someone gives you all the answers to every exam you will take for the next few years. What would be the point of further enlightenment?

If this mortal existence is in fact a platform for us to be spiritually enlightened, then it makes a ton of sense that you aren't supposed to have all the answers, but that you are here to learn specific lessons and to learn them "the hard way", without all the answers.

And if you should stumble onto a few of those cosmic truths, embrace them with an understanding that you'll never likely have the whole picture, because it may not be intended in the first place.

Why do some find these cosmic truths while many do not? Yet another question without a clear answer.

 

[The Pandector]

It seems to me obvious what a person believes. If you believe the stovetop is hot, you don’t touch it. To the extent that you’re not really convinced, you will be less than cautious around the stove. It’s important to remember that belief and intellectual assent are two different phenomena. Intellectually, I know the stove gets hot, understand thermodynamics, but in the absence of boiling water…

Machiavelli spoke of the ‘incredulity of mankind who does not truly believe in anything new until they actually have experienced it.’ Understanding a religion and experiencing that religion are not the same thing, more’s the pity for many who fail to see it.

 

[Kavigant]

Perhaps the real truth, underneath all my words words words words words is that I actually know what I believe but that I wish it weren't what I believe. That would suck on multiple levels.

 

[Judge]

Perhaps the real truth, underneath all my words words words words words is that I actually know what I believe but that I wish it weren't what I believe. That would suck on multiple levels.

Point taken. Real cosmic truths won't necessarily work for just anyone.

In fact, for some they may be excruciating. Though in such cases I can only hope that time and thought may allow them to become better adjusted to such things.

 

[Kavigant]

I've spent thirty years and literally tens of thousands of dollars on books and hundreds of hours in churches, but I think that I am probably best described as Agnostic. Holy Crap. (so to speak)

God, I hate that. It's such an indeterminate belief, and I hate the state of indeterminacy.

Sometimes I kinda hate being bisexual because it feels as though I'm stuck in some kind of middle ground, never being straight enough for some and never being queer enough for others.

And I am afraid that being "high functioning" means that I will never be "autistic" enough for some folks yet never neurotypical enough to function healthily.

It feels as though it's my fate to be stuck in an uncomfortable middle ground.

Do I believe in the God I've met in my theological studies. No.
Do I believe that no God or Gods exist? Also no.
I do not know and will not be able to know in this lifetime.
How embarrassing to have had to figure this out in public. [insert embarrassed face]
I hate this.

Thank you to everyone who very patiently and thoughtfully replied to this thread. Sorry to have wasted your time.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I've spent thirty years and literally tens of thousands of dollars on books and hundreds of hours in churches, but I think that I am probably best described as Agnostic. Holy Crap. (so to speak)

God, I hate that. It's such an indeterminate belief, and I hate the state of indeterminacy.

Sometimes I kinda hate being bisexual because it feels as though I'm stuck in some kind of middle ground, never being straight enough for some and never being queer enough for others.

And I am afraid that being "high functioning" means that I will never be "autistic" enough for some folks yet never neurotypical enough to function healthily.

It feels as though it's my fate to be stuck in an uncomfortable middle ground.

Do I believe in the God I've met in my theological studies. No.
Do I believe that no God or Gods exist? Also no.
I do not know and will not be able to know in this lifetime.
How embarrassing to have had to figure this out in public. [insert embarrassed face]
I hate this.

Thank you to everyone who very patiently and thoughtfully replied to this thread. Sorry to have wasted your time.

You haven't wasted anyone's time. Belief isn't something one can fit in a box. It isn't black and white.

Keep learning. Keep asking questions. Never stop.

 

[Kavigant]

I have spent most of my adult life as a religious believer. Now that that is gone, I feel as though I have a big empty space inside. It's probably just going to take some time to adjust to.

I think it took some time for me to even recognize what non-belief feels like. So it took me a little while to figure out that this emptiness inside was telling me that I was actually no longer a believer.

I have made it my life's mission to pursue my own growth and Truth, regardless of the discomfort it may cause.

 

[Kavigant]

I think that, even though I have reached a new understanding of what I believe, and that this is a good thing for me, it is still painful.

I think that I lost my faith a while ago, but admitting that fact would have been too painful until right now. I am able to recognize that the cognitive dissonance has been hurting me for some time.

Sometimes we need to mourn the loss of even something which no longer serves our best interests.

 

[Gerontius]

Hi Fraxinus.
I hurt myself a lot over this stuff, because I am a Catholic of sorts (not the best sort.) I used the five proofs of God from the work of St Thomas Aquinas to prove the existence of God, but the problem is, I need an emotional connection with God, not just a logical connection. Too much of my faith/religious experience has been based in "Facts and Logic" and conservatism; I want to drop everything and run into the arms of God like a child to a father who actually cares about his sons--not go to God like some sort of freakish plaster-saint prancing prig who is Christian because it is "respectable." I've never been respectable, just odd.