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How do People Recognise Flirting?
- Thread starter Animal_Girl
- Start date
I would need to know the definition of winning. I would also need to find a situation where I was comfortable doing so. By my count, I've not socialized with any woman remotely my age since...2010? Yeah, 2010 is my guess.
And I'm dead serious about knowing the definition of winning.
NlGHTgirl
Well-Known Member
Flinty, aw, I just love to play..... sorry..... I did not mean to upset anyone....... Seriously, I suppose "winning" depends on what you determine your personal goals to be? It seems like some people here, just want to learn how to flirt? Other men just want to score in bed? or something? (Oh, There are women who enjoy devirginizing virgins.) Here are 3 ideas to ponder, perhaps, it may help you?
(I can go on and on......) I feel empathy for not wanting to date at all. I know how to wait. Celibacy is great! and there are no diseases. Ohmgosh, ew..ew ew ew, yeah, 1. Why would Anyone want to share personal space with another human????? For me, personally, Why would a female allow a man to use her body for his pleasures? She must love to volunteer, to give and to help! (I know I do!) He'd have to be super smiling special. (He should be smiling- marriage has it's privileges-hehehe ; ) (Careful, though, I'm not sure, but I'm afraid that even marriage privileges, even medication, will not help some people smile long term????????) Some folks (maybe Aspies) have very few close friends. 2. A husband, more family, friends, room mates, peer support, networking, or person with shared interests is very HELPFUL .........starting to think......perhaps, that companionship, even just friends (does not have to be married or girlfriend boyfriend), sharing, extra car, extra house, financial benefits, rent money, lawn mowing, sewing, cooking, cleaning, helping,.... should only provide positive results, right? 3. What do people have to lose?
It is difficult to socialize. Oh my goodness...... People teased me all the time as a teen in high school. I've fallen down, dropped things , a lot. I can humiliate myself constantly. I'm kind of used to it. sighs. oh well. right?
If people talk, maybe we could earn a close support person? That is valuable to me. Anything along the lines of 2, would be beneficial to me. I think? I hope for that.
What do you hope for?
(I can go on and on......) I feel empathy for not wanting to date at all. I know how to wait. Celibacy is great! and there are no diseases. Ohmgosh, ew..ew ew ew, yeah, 1. Why would Anyone want to share personal space with another human????? For me, personally, Why would a female allow a man to use her body for his pleasures? She must love to volunteer, to give and to help! (I know I do!) He'd have to be super smiling special. (He should be smiling- marriage has it's privileges-hehehe ; ) (Careful, though, I'm not sure, but I'm afraid that even marriage privileges, even medication, will not help some people smile long term????????) Some folks (maybe Aspies) have very few close friends. 2. A husband, more family, friends, room mates, peer support, networking, or person with shared interests is very HELPFUL .........starting to think......perhaps, that companionship, even just friends (does not have to be married or girlfriend boyfriend), sharing, extra car, extra house, financial benefits, rent money, lawn mowing, sewing, cooking, cleaning, helping,.... should only provide positive results, right? 3. What do people have to lose?
It is difficult to socialize. Oh my goodness...... People teased me all the time as a teen in high school. I've fallen down, dropped things , a lot. I can humiliate myself constantly. I'm kind of used to it. sighs. oh well. right?
If people talk, maybe we could earn a close support person? That is valuable to me. Anything along the lines of 2, would be beneficial to me. I think? I hope for that.
What do you hope for?
I hope for a companion. I can't really hope for more at this time because any potential girlfriend has to be number 2 to something else for the time being.
I hope to find a situation where I'm comfortable flirting. That situation does not currently exist in my life and I don't know where to find it.
It stinks to be stuck in this holding pattern, but I've no choice in the matter.
Here's what some people do in an attempt to
recognize flirting; they study it.
One question asked in this study:
Why are humans worse than machines at detecting flirtation?
https://ed.stanford.edu/sites/default/files/mcfarland/emnlp2009.pdf
They describe flirting behaviors quantified in the study.
recognize flirting; they study it.
One question asked in this study:
Why are humans worse than machines at detecting flirtation?
https://ed.stanford.edu/sites/default/files/mcfarland/emnlp2009.pdf
They describe flirting behaviors quantified in the study.
gonz
Well-Known Member
I'm the same. There came a point a few years ago when I was first learning about aspergers and reexamining past situations in light of that new information, when I came to understand that my problem wasn't that women weren't into me; it was that I couldn't read the signs even when they were right in front of my face.
It was a great relief to realize that I am not in fact a repulsive troll, but instead just a garden variety bumbling idiot.
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When you (the blonde girl) see a fellow,
pound him on the head [left click] until he succumbs (gets hearts in his eyes.)
Avoid the other girls. They are also trying to pound guys on the head.
Ignore the taken guys. You can't conquer them.
Queen of Flirting - Free online games at Agame.com
An almost Kafkaesque in metaphor flirting game is:
School Flirting Game - Free online games at Agame.com
Play in what is likely to be an unknown language.
Apparently staring at/flirting with a fellow destroys all his will &
he follows you as a ghost, completely your thrall.
Gaining as many thralls as possible is the goal.
pound him on the head [left click] until he succumbs (gets hearts in his eyes.)
Avoid the other girls. They are also trying to pound guys on the head.
Ignore the taken guys. You can't conquer them.
Queen of Flirting - Free online games at Agame.com
An almost Kafkaesque in metaphor flirting game is:
School Flirting Game - Free online games at Agame.com
Play in what is likely to be an unknown language.
Apparently staring at/flirting with a fellow destroys all his will &
he follows you as a ghost, completely your thrall.
Gaining as many thralls as possible is the goal.
I used to throw small rocks at the girls I liked when I was a kid. In a wider sense I noticed guys even later on still picked on or made jokes about the girls they liked, but in a good natured way. Its like giving attention under a smoke screen. If I thought I loved a girl I would instead heave huge boulders. Just kidding. But I did hit Teresa in the head with a brick once. But that was an accident. I meant just to throw it near her, and she turned into unknowingly. Her dad wanted to give me the belt, but I ran. So her brother Victor who had done nothing got the beating instead. Idk. I thought it was fair.
I used to throw small rocks at the girls I liked when I was a kid. In a wider sense I noticed guys even later on still picked on or made jokes about the girls they liked, but in a good natured way. Its like giving attention under a smoke screen. If I thought I loved a girl I would instead heave huge boulders. Just kidding. But I did hit Teresa in the head with a brick once. But that was an accident. I meant just to throw it near her, and she turned into unknowingly. Her dad wanted to give me the belt, but I ran. So her brother Victor who had done nothing got the beating instead. Idk. I thought it was fair.
NlGHTgirl
Well-Known Member
Hehehee, Piney13, Flirting and flashing? For some reason, I imagine the voluptuous blue eyed blonde lady doing something...... um?.....free spirited...mmm. hmmm....... Thank you,........
I wonder , Beverly, If you wore a wedding ring? if that would help your situation?
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On the Inside
Well-Known Member
I don't recognize flirting. Both my partner and my ex said they were exasperated by my inability to recognize that they were interested in me. I know someone is talking with me, maybe interested in what we're talking about, but I am unable to tell that they might be interested in me.
I also do not know how to flirt myself, I think it is because I've always felt it was kind of creepy to talk to someone simply because you are attracted to them. I know that has happened to me, and it has been uncomfortable, I don't get the motivation behind that, well, I do, but I am not motivated that way. However, people have said that I have been flirty. It is almost always with someone I already know a little, but I think they are observing me nervously trying to converse with someone who I have found friendly and easier to talk to than most, and maybe that appears as if I am flirting.
I also do not know how to flirt myself, I think it is because I've always felt it was kind of creepy to talk to someone simply because you are attracted to them. I know that has happened to me, and it has been uncomfortable, I don't get the motivation behind that, well, I do, but I am not motivated that way. However, people have said that I have been flirty. It is almost always with someone I already know a little, but I think they are observing me nervously trying to converse with someone who I have found friendly and easier to talk to than most, and maybe that appears as if I am flirting.
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On the Inside
Well-Known Member
I must say that I also have some confusion about how one turns an acquaintance into a friend, especially one of the opposite gender, without appearing to be flirting, or appear to be leading someone on. It is fraught with a wide range of dangers. This could happen with same sex, too, I suppose. It has to me. I was at a party given by a gay friend of mine, I'm straight and my partner was not there with me (she is kind of my social shield). I was having a good conversation with one of the guests ( I can be quite talkative if I've had a couple of drinks). We had just met, and I had assumed that most of the guys at this party, this guy included, were gay, though it was a mixed group.
I had taken the train to the party, and when it was time to leave, my friend mentioned that the guy I had been talking with lived out my way, and could give me a ride home. I agreed and we left. When he dropped me off, he tried to kiss me and I freaked, got out of the car and ran off inside. I have no idea if I had been mistakenly leading him on, or if he just tries that with everyone, but it surprised me that even in my 40's I could be vulnerable in this way. Never saw it coming.
I had taken the train to the party, and when it was time to leave, my friend mentioned that the guy I had been talking with lived out my way, and could give me a ride home. I agreed and we left. When he dropped me off, he tried to kiss me and I freaked, got out of the car and ran off inside. I have no idea if I had been mistakenly leading him on, or if he just tries that with everyone, but it surprised me that even in my 40's I could be vulnerable in this way. Never saw it coming.
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Flirting, HAHA! I don't even try. If I'm interested in someone, I tell them I'm interested in them. If someone is interested in me, they better come out and say it or else I'll never know.
I'm sure that there are times when my actions have been interpreted as flirtatious when I come across someone I really admire for their personality and achievements (aka: a potential role model) and have an excessive desire to befriend them. Although I don't know how often this happens, I have been accused of it before and it was extremely hurtful. As a result, when I come across friends or people in general who are absolutely convinced that a friend or acquaintance of theirs is interested in them from alleged subtle gestures alone (asking if the other person is single would be a NOT subtle gesture, short of directly stating interest, for example), I often get triggered and upset because it is a continued reminder of the ways in which I have failed, and will continue to fail in social interaction, because absolutely all of this goes over my head.
And besides. It's not just a matter of "X gesture is dangerous, try to avoid it". The danger of X gesture or behaviour varies widely between contexts and the cultural background of the other person. Virtually every sign of being actually engaged with another person during interaction can be interpreted as "flirting" in SOME context or culture (especially those who perceive every opposite sex friend as a potential mate first and foremost..... ughhhhhh I just want to shake these people until they can see the lifetime of frustration, isolation, and unfair accusations that I have been charged with as a result of this largely culturally sanctioned assumption). If I want to be safe I might as well just never interact at all.
I'm sure that there are times when my actions have been interpreted as flirtatious when I come across someone I really admire for their personality and achievements (aka: a potential role model) and have an excessive desire to befriend them. Although I don't know how often this happens, I have been accused of it before and it was extremely hurtful. As a result, when I come across friends or people in general who are absolutely convinced that a friend or acquaintance of theirs is interested in them from alleged subtle gestures alone (asking if the other person is single would be a NOT subtle gesture, short of directly stating interest, for example), I often get triggered and upset because it is a continued reminder of the ways in which I have failed, and will continue to fail in social interaction, because absolutely all of this goes over my head.
And besides. It's not just a matter of "X gesture is dangerous, try to avoid it". The danger of X gesture or behaviour varies widely between contexts and the cultural background of the other person. Virtually every sign of being actually engaged with another person during interaction can be interpreted as "flirting" in SOME context or culture (especially those who perceive every opposite sex friend as a potential mate first and foremost..... ughhhhhh I just want to shake these people until they can see the lifetime of frustration, isolation, and unfair accusations that I have been charged with as a result of this largely culturally sanctioned assumption). If I want to be safe I might as well just never interact at all.
One day at the beach walking with another person, we
passed a girl wearing a 2 piece swim suit with copious ruffles
on the top. I said I supposed that would work as well as a
doe wagging her tail. The other person had no background
tending goats so I had to explain.
When animals do what seems the equivalent of human flirting,
it is called instinctual behavior/hormonally driven. Humans
are hormonally driven, but with greater capacity for learning,
and mistakes.
passed a girl wearing a 2 piece swim suit with copious ruffles
on the top. I said I supposed that would work as well as a
doe wagging her tail. The other person had no background
tending goats so I had to explain.
When animals do what seems the equivalent of human flirting,
it is called instinctual behavior/hormonally driven. Humans
are hormonally driven, but with greater capacity for learning,
and mistakes.
ancusmitis
Well-Known Member
I don't try and I don't pay attention to it. I'm still trying to figure out how to make friends in meatspace. My next relationship may very well end up being online, though that's not really the plan.
Suiseiseki
I can't feel the back of my eyes
Usually because I don't talk to women much, I don't like talking to anyone much, though I am good looking, I know that, so when I make an effort and am not scuttling around I know they have though I generally have no interest in the ones who have.
Never anyone that pretty, I don't have money or flashy things.
Never anyone that pretty, I don't have money or flashy things.
Only about three years ago did I learn how to tell when a guy was checking me out. I also noticed them do things like raise their eyebrows very quickly then lower them, or several rapid glances at my form. I just never picked up on those things before!
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