How do you deal with jerks?

[Sparticus]

Many times when I'm not nervous, anxious or feeling anti-social, I might feel like a happy puppy meeting someone who acts down to Earth [a potential friend?] But then I'll get egg on my face as they suddenly change; verbally insulting/attacking me usually in front of other people. I'm too much in shock to respond to their rudeness. Lately I've been devising/writing on Index cards how to deal with jerks. Then I'll carry the index card on me till I memorize it.

I write stuff like ignore them, agree with truth, remember I'm a valuable human being, expect mischief/troublemakers, label their behavior, write things like "you having a bad day?" etc. The last index card I wrote included "don't talk to strangers" "don't talk too loud" and "don't ask too many questions."

I will continue to do this to become more assertive. I hate bullys and aholes. How do you handle jerks and those who orgasm off of hurting you? I know I'm sensitive but I'm at the point I will no longer deal with this.

 

[Judge]

Many times when I'm not nervous, anxious or feeling anti-social, I might feel like a happy puppy meeting someone who acts down to Earth [a potential friend?] But then I'll get egg on my face as they suddenly change; verbally insulting/attacking me usually in front of other people. I'm too much in shock to respond to their rudeness. Lately I've been devising/writing on Index cards how to deal with jerks. Then I'll carry the index card on me till I memorize it.

I write stuff like ignore them, agree with truth, remember I'm a valuable human being, expect mischief/troublemakers, write things like "you having a bad day?" etc. I will continue to do this to become more assertive. I hate bullys and aholes. How do you handle jerks and those who orgasm off of hurting you? I know I'm sensitive but I'm at the point I will no longer deal with this.

If you're really talking about truly malicious people, there's not much you can proactively do to change their ways. That said, in working with such people I found one constant that always played out. Eventually they got terminated. Every single one of them.

Karma always catches up with such people. Without getting mad, or even.

 

[Sparticus]

It's more of a day to day thing...I'm hypersensitive and don't have the highest emotional intelligence. Too many times I expect the best out of people. So I'm trying something new-writing things on an index card so I can remember to at least start to verbally respond. Or ignore them and still feel good. Instead of just standing there feeling too shocked to respond to their rudeness, aloofness or coldness. Or my interpretation of it.

If you're really talking about truly malicious people, there's not much you can proactively do to change their ways. That said, in working with such people I found one constant that always played out. Eventually they got terminated. Every single one of them.

Karma always catches up with such people. Without getting mad, or even.

 

[Judge]

It's more of a day to day thing...I'm hypersensitive and don't have the highest emotional intelligence. Too many times I expect the best out of people.

If you naturally "project" such sensitivity it's conceivable that those malicious minds are attempting to exploit your good nature. Which in case I suspect your best bet would be to take the air out of the situation and try to act indifferent. After a while they might stop trying...

You answered your own question. Ignore them and feel good about yourself.

 

[Sparticus]

Outstanding Judge! Thanks for understanding and answering this. You are spot on.

If you naturally "project" such sensitivity it's conceivable that those malicious minds are attempting to exploit your good nature. Which in case I suspect your best bet would be to take the air out of the situation and try to act indifferent. After a while they might stop trying...

You answered your own question. Ignore them and feel good about yourself.

 

[Judge]

Outstanding Judge! Thanks for understanding and answering this. You are spot on.

Or as they say in Latin, "Illegitimi non carborundum". -Don't let the bastards grind you down.

 

[Sparticus]

Too funny...and true! Judge I like your posts and advice.

Or as they say in Latin, "Illegitimi non carborundum". -Don't let the bastards grind you down.

 

[nowwhat]

Well, being basically nonfunctioning socially, it's difficult. As long as its verbal, it usually doesn't bother me too much, cause that sort of thing is pretty pitiful behavior, and while I might joke around with people, bashing someone to make myself feel better, or for easy sport is pitiful in its own way. I can ignore or put up with a lot of it before it starts to bother me. If they get physical in a way I don't approve, I'll hurt them. If they are bigger and/or skilled, I'll get a tool (pole, brick, rock, stick, anything handy) and hurt them. Fixes it pretty quickly. Of course, you've then made an enemy.

 

[Ereth]

Or as they say in Latin, "Illegitimi non carborundum". -Don't let the bastards grind you down.

That's actually not real Latin. I never knew the details about it until I read up on some "dog-Latin" phrases recently, but apparently "carborundum" comes from the name of an abrasive cleaning product dating to the nineteenth century.

Back on topic:

I've learned to ignore the most harmless attacks. But if somebody gets personal about it, I like to use logic, wit and humor to respond. Humor can be a very useful disarming mechanism.

When that doesn't work, I turn around and walk off. There's no point in letting a jerk ruin my day.

 

[Peace]

Many times when I'm not nervous, anxious or feeling anti-social, I might feel like a happy puppy meeting someone who acts down to Earth [a potential friend?] But then I'll get egg on my face as they suddenly change; verbally insulting/attacking me usually in front of other people. I'm too much in shock to respond to their rudeness. Lately I've been devising/writing on Index cards how to deal with jerks. Then I'll carry the index card on me till I memorize it.

I write stuff like ignore them, agree with truth, remember I'm a valuable human being, expect mischief/troublemakers, label their behavior, write things like "you having a bad day?" etc. The last index card I wrote included "don't talk to strangers" "don't talk too loud" and "don't ask too many questions."

I will continue to do this to become more assertive. I hate bullys and aholes. How do you handle jerks and those who orgasm off of hurting you? I know I'm sensitive but I'm at the point I will no longer deal with this.

Even though I am the fastest word in the west, and excel at cutting anyone to shreds, I usually respond calmly with something like, "That Was Not A Very Nice Thing To Say". This usually stops the aggressor in their tracks, and makes it apparent to everyone else what a jerk they are being.

 

[Loomis]

I have trained myself to "not react" to insults. Most of the time I really do not care what other people think or say to me. Remaining calm and ignoring their words is very off-putting to the jerk. I also do not let their attack have any effect on how I treat them in future encounters. Once they understand their verbal assaults have no effect they quit. This only works if the words truly do not affect you.

 

[nowwhat]

I have trained myself to "not react" to insults. Most of the time I really do not care what other people think or say to me. Remaining calm and ignoring their words is very off-putting to the jerk. I also do not let their attack have any effect on how I treat them in future encounters. Once they understand their verbal assaults have no effect they quit. This only works if the words truly do not affect you.

For words, yes. For physical assaults, not so effective.

 

[Loomis]

For words, yes. For physical assaults, not so effective.

You are absolutely correct.

 

[Christy]

If you're really talking about truly malicious people, there's not much you can proactively do to change their ways. That said, in working with such people I found one constant that always played out. Eventually they got terminated. Every single one of them.

Karma always catches up with such people. Without getting mad, or even.

Unfortunately this has not been my experience, I've found the bullies get promoted.

I don't handle confrontation very well. I stand my ground and remain rational, but the physical effect on me is huge. I usually have a panic attack right in front of them. Some see the signs and back off, others see it as a weakness and increase their attack. When I still won't back down despite what's happening to me, they usually leave whilst still screaming at me (yes, this has happened on more than one occasion). All in all, I don't like people. People suck.

It's easy to say "walk away", but depending on the situation walking away is not an option.

 

[nowwhat]

That's why I have a .44.

This world sometimes requires such tools. Those that refuse to admit this are fools.

 

[Gomendosi]

How do I deal with jerks you ask?, well of course you can imagine, I get angry... but oddly, I mostly get angry with myself.
I am annoyed because I cannot fathom what has happened in this persons life that they have arrived at the conclusion their current behaviour is even neccesary, acceptible, warranted or in the long run, defensible.

It actually makes me sad for that person because no amount of talking to or offers of support or help etc. will ever make a difference to them. They have consciously chosen a miserable path in life and the only person that can change that is themselves, though therein lies the rub as I can surmise that perhaps they have become so invested in this behaviour cycle that it is now self perpetuating. I theorise that people that take on this kind of persona, possibly they were hurt initially and not being able to cope they struck out at those willing to help, which led to imaginings of persecution, bullying and ganging up when they later realised they needed help and upon asking for it, were refused or not assisted as much as they figured they should be.
Such a scenario could have led to thoughts of repercussions being visited on those the percieved slights came from and lo, a caustic personality is born!

The true fact is that people like that do not deserve your pity despite being pitiful, nor do they deserve contempt or anger or to fear reprisal. Ignore them and they do not go away as they are oblivious to all but themselves. I guess I say that truly the only way to deal with so called "jerks" is to realise them as a warning of what not to allow yourself to become.

Let people like that do what they do as it is a certainty they have very little other comforting or pleasurable pursuits in their lives... and be sure not to take it too much to heart as even the lowliest amongst us can have their moments of wisdom, wit or insight that may well be almost redemptive and of benifit to others.

 

[Judge]

Unfortunately this has not been my experience, I've found the bullies get promoted.

I don't handle confrontation very well. I stand my ground and remain rational, but the physical effect on me is huge. I usually have a panic attack right in front of them.

You need to consider exactly what I told Sparticus. Not to walk away per se, but to show indifference when provoked. If you're having a panic attack right in front of the people provoking you in real time, you aren't able to remain rational. That's your challenge. Not to lose your cool...and no matter what is in your heart and mind, to display indifference as best you can muster.

Truly cruel and malicious people can be terribly predatory. When they see you are visibly shaken by confrontation they may well press their personal attacks rather than back down. But if you appear somewhat unfazed, they're more likely to back off. I realize it's no easy task to train yourself to behave in such a manner. It's something to work at, Christy.

Whether you work in a little office where people can flagrantly violate labor laws or in a heavily regulated corporate environment, you are bound to run into these kind of people from time to time. Admittedly, in a more regulated working environment people like that are eventually going to get the boot. When you do seek another employer, keep the scale of an office in mind as well.

 

[Sparticus]

Great "I" message and believe it or not, I have to write this stuff down on an index card to memorize it. In social situations I get too flustered to remember, but not when I have my index card. Agggg....

Even though I am the fastest word in the west, and excel at cutting anyone to shreds, I usually respond calmly with something like, "That Was Not A Very Nice Thing To Say". This usually stops the aggressor in their tracks, and makes it apparent to everyone else what a jerk they are being.

 

[Sparticus]

Some of the wisest things I've read recently. Thanks Loomis!

I have trained myself to "not react" to insults. Most of the time I really do not care what other people think or say to me. Remaining calm and ignoring their words is very off-putting to the jerk. I also do not let their attack have any effect on how I treat them in future encounters. Once they understand their verbal assaults have no effect they quit. This only works if the words truly do not affect you.

 

[Sparticus]

Ok now you are cracking me up and reminding me of my gun buddies. They wouldn't harm a fly...but are intelligent beings who believe in Constitutional rights.

That's why I have a .44.