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how do you deal with your own meltdown whilst parenting?

The headphones are a great idea.
If you can use the music as a prevention to getting wound up or as a technique to bring yourself back to 'functioning'.

If you sing along to the music (if it isn't terrifying thrash metal) your daughter might like the sound of your voice? (Some form of communication when you might not have any other words to offer?) At nappy change time, bath time or playtime?

Listen, I didn't feel an overwhelming, gushing abundance of mother-earth kind of love when mine were really young.
Should someone have tried to hurt them, I would have gladly murdered the person who tried without any increase in heart rate I would imagine.
Protective, is what I actually felt.

If you're beating yourself up because everyone you know is positively glowing due to the effects of motherhood and you're not.
Don't waste your time worrying about it.
Use that time to listen to music instead.

You are where you are.
Worrying over everything and burning yourself out won't change the circumstances or the outcome.
Reaching out for help (health professionals, qualified medical professionals) and to other parents in similar circumstances to yours may ease your journey. Not so alone.

Well done, my hat goes off to you, you're already all over this.
:)
 
A note about headphones.

Over the ear with noise isolating properties are best as;

They passively block sound so no humming or pressure feeling. Not sure if modern active noise cancelling does this, but my old senheissers do.
They are comfy for hours.
They block noise coming through your head a little. Noise goes through your skull, not just through the holes.
The sound is better for the price.
Awesome bass :)
 
@OkRad - Ups and downs yes! They are now 5 and 8. Though 8 going on 18. I totally agree that 4 onwards is just delightful. They are even starting to understand aspergers a little bit now. The other day I heard my eldest say "leave mummy alone, she's in her fortress of solitude"!!
 

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