How do you decompress in evenings?

[Aspychata]

Getting some peace is good, but not a reboot I'm seeking. I guess I seek something that would flush my brain, to take off the edge from day's stresses, so I can evening chill a bit, whilst the brain is at peace as well.

That's why l jog or run because it resets my brain. You start out slow like ten mins. Then up to 20 mins. Then up to 30. Running on pavement is bad for woman, our pelvis floor drops, so l run at gym. I noticed l can complete spatial logic problems quicker after a session. I ran thru a bad marriage, ran through my equally bad divorce too.

 

[Kriss]

Jacuzzi, heating pads. Massages, stone massages are really nice.

I haven't tried a isolation tank , or a salt room.

Warm baths really help!

When l worked in law offices, a glass of wine was my end of day reward. Because days were long.

I went to Thailand on vacation 13 years ago and since then I'm hooked on Thai massages, a regular deep pressure back massage. Was doing it bi-weekly until Corona came, it's lack probably contributes to my stress buildup

 

[Gracey]

Will the children go to bed 2 hrs earlier?

9pm seems quite late for you to begin winding down? Just my humble opinion.

I had three, quite close in age.
They'd all have a bath and bed routine to help them understand it was time for sleep.

All upstairs for 6pm, start the bath/reading/winding down routine.
Youngest were asleep for 7pm.
Eldest could read quietly, lights out at eight.

So from 7pm onwards the evening was pretty much my own.
Plenty of time to take care of myself and catch my breath/recharge in order to feel a lot calmer by bed time.
(No screens after 9 - unless I was researching/studying)

 

[Aspychata]

I went to Thailand on vacation 13 years ago and since then I'm hooked on Thai massages, a regular deep pressure back massage. Was doing it bi-weekly until Corona came, it's lack probably contributes to my stress buildup

I love Thai massage. I had it done in LA. Maybe that will get back on track soon for you.

 

[Misery]

I totally feel you on the "mental space" thing. I have a seriously hard time with "just focus on something else" because my brain has this remarkable habit of being able to focus on two things at once - whatever I'm attempting to do, and whatever is troubling me. My deviant brain accomplishes this by working the thoughts of whatever my current issue is into whatever I'm trying to focus on so it's no longer two separate issues anymore. It's really frustrating.

What kind of board games can you play solo? I didn't realize that board games could be a solo activity, and I'm definitely intrigued.

Rather than clog up a new user's post, I sent you a direct message regarding the board game stuff. Hopefully it answers your question.

As for the focus thing, yeah. One of my few talents, if you can even call it that, is that I can focus on *alot* of things at once. I can play a bullet-hell video game (hideously difficult and with a million moving objects on screen at once, all of which I can track), talk to someone next to me, keep track of my nearby dog, and think about cheese all at once. No, I dont know how.

Sounds great on paper. But it really isnt. It's only useful with my few hobbies, and when driving. Any other time, it's a problem. I was a TERRIBLE student in school because of that. And even worse when trying to work a job. I am utterly incapable of condensing that focus, and locking on to only one or two things at a time. I just cannot do it. If there is not enough things to focus on at a given time, I'll space out entirely... focusing instead on lots of things I'm just imagining. Memory will also start "bugging out", I guess I could say. I'll do weird things like try to unlock a hotel room door with my car remote, when I'm in that spaced out state. Back in school, I was like 99% of the time spaced out like that. I mean, come on... how could I focus on JUST the stupidly boring lectures? Bleh. But yeah, when it comes to stuff like that... it's nothing but trouble.

I gotta wonder how many others experience this type of issue, the whole split/shattered focus thing? Alot of those on the spectrum often seem to be VERY focused on one thing at a time. Or so it appears.

 

[Misery]

Reading your reply, it made me think of this book I found useful recently "Make Time" by Jake Knapp. Some good ideas along your lines. But my issue is different. Basically I spend all day pretending to be a normal, it takes a lot of energy, so in the evening I just want to let it go. And soaking my brain in alcohol is the only simple and efficient way I have found. But I'm looking for other ideas from people who have the same issue - tense brain at the end of the day, that needs some release.

Hm, in all honesty, that tends to be how hobbies work, actually.

Alot of stress comes from things that we HAVE to do, rather than things we WANT to do. I know I'd get stressed as heck, if I had to pretend to be normal all day (usually, I refuse to do this).

Hobbies can allow the mind to simply function the way it wants to, rather than the way it NEEDS to. Many hobbyists will often describe the things they're into as being a "zen" sort of thing. Almost meditative. My board game hobby, for instance, provides a very calming effect. AND a tactile experience (for the whole sensory stimming thing). If I'm in a bad mood or feeling messed up... I wont be, after just a few minutes of that. I'll be calm and feeling good.

That's part of why I suggest it. Some hobbies are of extreme complexity, of course. Others are of extreme simplicity. There's a VERY wide range. I personally tend towards complexity, but everyone is different. It might at least be something to look into... who knows where your personal interests might take you?

 

[Fino]

I read!

 

[cnn]

I can say that I have a parallel line of work to yours and can't turn of my brain. Also, I hate sleeping, so I have to run out of energy in my body. You might think of weights, stretching etc.

Unfortunately, I don't like the idea of massage, spa or hammam, but I wish it would change.

 

[WoodWorkingJoel]

First off, my experience and the science backs it is that alcohol ruins your quality of sleep which can lead to physical and mental depression and fatigue so I'd agree ragamuffin try quitting for a few months and see how it effects you.
In terms of unwinding I can can only saw try to find something you enjoy that's also imerrsive. TV and Gaming are the easiest but they also are not good for your sleep habits.
Reading is probably the best if you can give it a try.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Let me first say that I'm an alcoholic and an opiod and benzodiazepine addict. I've been clean since 2012.

It sounds like you have a drinking problem. If you can only go a small time without "needing" alcohol to relax, you are addicted.

Make any excuses you like, but I know what's going on. If you've been doing this for some time, and you drink "sip by sip" every night and wake up with a hangover in the mornings, you have a problem.

I've been there.

I think instead of alcohol, as an aspie you need something to fill your mind. Maybe word games or sudoku or cards? Maybe take melatonin at night. Start out small 1 mg.

But you need to cut the drinking out. Your kids are small now, but by the time the oldest is around eight, he'll figure out his mom drinks every night, and know what that means. Or worse, you'll normalize it, and he'll start drinking to "destress" in his early teens.

I'm a mom and a former drinker. I know how this goes.

Talk to someone about your drinking. You shouldn't need it every night. A lot of people have been there.

Myself, as an aspie, I found 12 step groups absolutely terrifying. I black out in large groups of people. It doesn't help. Me, I just had to look at my daughter and be like, "Okay, do I want this life for her? What's more important, my happiness, or the fact she has 100% of a fully functioning mother?"

Look at your babies. The six year old, that's the last year he'll really be a "baby", he's going to transform before your eyes into an older child during his seventh year.

Look at yourself. Your reaching out here is a first step. You know you shouldn't drink every night. Deep down you know. Now it's time to take action. Your body your choice, yes. But what about the little ones? If you're drunk enough to get a hangover after drinking every night, you know things have to change.

But I'll shut up now, because the rest is up to you.

 

[FreeDiver]

I think one of the biggest mistakes you made in life was deciding to have children. Granted, you probably didn't know any better at the time. But here's the thing. Children and SPD issues don't mix and from what I can tell from your post, it your children, and maybe your job that are pushing you over the limit. And if you're have to resort to using chemicals(alcohol in this matter), then you are in big trouble. It sound to me that you still have control over the alcohol at this moment. But beware, you could easily loose control and once you do. You'll pretty much became a slave to that stuff.

 

[Thinx]

You haven't mentioned other adults in the household, but I'm assuming there must be as the children are home when you get home. If so, I would say that probably you and that person need to think this through together, how to make this all work better. For example, the children are too small to be up after half 7, most days.

If there are communication problems between you, these probably need addressing, and if the other person is a partner, then it could be that working on your relationship would help you communicate and co-operate to lessen the difficulties and your current need to drink alcohol.

I stopped use of alcohol for stress last year, it's going well, I agree it's not easy and I would say one needs help of a partner, therapist, friend to do this, ideally.

 

[Aspychata]

Having four walls and me being alone really helps me. Not having someone around me who l dislike. Not going to stores lately. That's really helped a lot. As senior citizen, you really need your privacy. So maybe pull back on the drinking, think of a exercise even biking. You can bike outside. Or close a door and bike inside. Just something to focus for an hour. So that you don't have so much weight on your shoulders. Or get a babysitter once a week.

 

[The Notorious LFC]

You sir, are a real piece of work.... How dare you tell a parent something that horrid???? I personally think the biggest mistake you made is by telling a mother her children should have never been born. What a monster.

You are a real piece of something that I can't say on this forum.

God bless your mother, after what you turned out to be!

Isn't that exactly the same sort of oblivious rudeness typical of ASD?

Taking a strip off of someone won't alter their behaviour if they don't understand why it's such a glaring transgression. It might make you feel better, but he'll be no better so there's no reason to expect improvement. You don't owe him help, but if you're tired of seeing people doing the same negative behaviours sometimes you need to correct them instead of just criticizing them.

 

[Running Girl]

I'm a recovering addict so alcohol isnt an option. Exercise- i run, hence the name! Helps so much, not just the endorphins but the solitary time. Meditation helps too. Tv, that too. I get overstimulated so easily. Seems like there's never enough decompression time.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I think for me, medication has done wonders for my life. I take anxiety medication since 2016 and ever since i started, i find i sleep through the night. even so, there are a few things i do to help it work better. For one thing, I've found i can't really have lots of sugary foods or drinks during the day, so i limit those. i mean a muesli bar and some cookies/other biscuits/yogurt and fruit are good for snacks, but things like tea that has even a bit of caffeine in it and coffee/energy drinks as well as chocolate bars (unless it's a small one) can make acid reflux come up. I've never drunk energy drinks (rockstar energy/V/others etc) or coffee in my life but with acid reflux being a thing i can't really try it anyhow nor do i want do. I am prescribed antacid pills but those are only taken as i need them but if i manage what sorts of food i eat each day aswell as what times i eat food and don't eat much of anything after dinner, i never need to take one, and this helps the effects of the anxiety medication be stronger so i can go to bed and sleep faster. Ever since I overcame anxiety and depression, things have been even better but acid reflux is still something that's still a thing and is my main source of discomfort these days, which is incredible given where i was 2/3 years ago. But i can easily avoid acid reflux by taking all the steps i mentioned.

 

[Kriss]

Great, thanks all!! this has been extremely helpful, a great forum!
I will write these ideas out in a list, and just try one by one.
I guess it was also useful for me to just say it out, I already feel more at peace when I have formulated my problem explicitly and written it down, not just talking in my head.

 

[Ezra]

I immerse myself in my video game.

 

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

I get on my radio and listen to the rhythmic sounds of Morse code and send replies. It is very relaxing for me, also I will often do my emails to certain friends in Morse code. Or if I have had a really bad day I will get on my Xbox and use a save file just for bad moods where the goal is to just make my character a god in game

 

[UberScout]

Jacuzzi

YOU LUCKY MOTHER LOVIN SON OF A