how do you get a girlfriend?

[code-e]

how do you get a girlfriend?

 

[King_Oni]

Have you tried the "traditional" routes by dating?

 

[code-e]

simply getting a date is easier said than done. Most Aspies would agree.

How do you talk to a girl and get her to like you?

 

[King_Oni]

I don't know if I can give any advice on how to talk to a girl specific. I just talk to a girl like I talk to anyone. That apparently sticks sometimes. There have been a lot of girls/women in the past where I talked to them and that didn't work out that well.

Getting someone to like you isn't easy like that. If it were easy to make someone like you, I don't think anyone would have any issues getting a date/partner. For someone to like you there's a lot involved including your own personality, the way you look (and present yourself) amongst other things. Simply put, I can't walk to any woman (regardless of the entire aspie stuff we all have going on) and expect to "conquer" her. For what it's worth she might not even be interested in me and what I do.

So with that said, I guess that getting someone to like you, perhaps a start is to find people that share some common ground. This could very well be hobbies.

I do want to stress, that while I came across as "go date people, it's easy as that"... no it's not that easy, and perhaps aspies have a bigger obstacle than say, neurotypical people, but dating and other social involvement with other people (and how they perceive you) is one of the last things where you can play the aspie card. People should like you for who you are. If people don't like you for who you are, it's not neccesarily that you can hide behind "but I have aspergers". In a lot of cases it's that either people like you or don't like you.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Re: Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

How do you get a girlfriend?

First of all, why do you want a girlfriend? Are you interested in her as a person, or is it your sexual drive talking? Very few people that I know like to be seen as a target or a goal, they want to be valued for more than what they have between their legs.

I don't know how old you are or anything about you, but if you wanted me to be your girlfriend, for example, you would find out what I am interested in. You would also have interests of your own. You would know enough about what you like and what you want out of life that you would be looking for someone who shares those interests and values. You would take time to get to know me and allow me to take time to get to know you. You would be a confident person, not desperate or clingy. You would respect yourself and respect others.

You mentioned seduction. I want a man who is as interested and as passionate about getting into my MIND and my HEART as he is my pants. Seduce my mind, intrigue me, arouse my curiosity so I can see what you have to offer (other than the purely physical).

That is how you do it.

 

[code-e]

Re: Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

If you want a gf, you have to at least be able to talk to her. so I gotta learn to not be so shy

btw im 18

 

[King_Oni]

Re: Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

the secret formula to seduce any women is tgkreopgkroekwgprk gopkwreg pewgk gwe[gopopwg[w noooo chuck norris nooooo jfio43f2f3jifo432j f23jf o23jpf iofnnnnnnnnn

Doesn't really appear you're taking this thread very serious, does it?

 

[total-recoil]

Re: Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

I have had major issues with this because the truth is I really can't read "hidden language". I mean, I actually chat a lot to girls and many times joke with them (something that's assumed aspies can't do). In fact, I think the reason I became so chatty and able to joke and even playfully tease girls I meet is probably because I think I sort of accepted I'm not a relationship person so what the hell! I mean, relationships for me are just so incredibly difficult for some reason. Another thing I can add is the women I have become involved with for some unknown reason always tend to be not quite neurotypical. Not that they were aspies but just kind of strange and sometimes with major hang-ups. Like one Spanish woman I dated who was crazy about cleanliness.
Anyway, as I was saying, I struggle to understand the hidden language. I have absolutely no idea of a woman has the hots for me or not. Even if possibly she is interested, I have a hard time believing it and if she decides to play hard to get, I definitely interpret that as disinterested. It has the opposite effect entirely.
I know it sounds kind of sad but I think I just come to accept I'm no good at relationships at all. However, I'm absolutely amazing with animals and seem to be able to deal with them and understand them far better than humans. So, my family really think I'm odd that I'm not married and spend all my time doing electronics, playing synth and, of course, taking care of dogs.
However, for sure I have lost my shyness. I'm not really shy and quite capable of making women laugh - just gets more difficult if it becomes more than just casual.

How do you get a girlfriend?

First of all, why do you want a girlfriend? Are you interested in her as a person, or is it your sexual drive talking? Very few people that I know like to be seen as a target or a goal, they want to be valued for more than what they have between their legs.

I don't know how old you are or anything about you, but if you wanted me to be your girlfriend, for example, you would find out what I am interested in. You would also have interests of your own. You would know enough about what you like and what you want out of life that you would be looking for someone who shares those interests and values. You would take time to get to know me and allow me to take time to get to know you. You would be a confident person, not desperate or clingy. You would respect yourself and respect others.

You mentioned seduction. I want a man who is as interested and as passionate about getting into my MIND and my HEART as he is my pants. Seduce my mind, intrigue me, arouse my curiosity so I can see what you have to offer (other than the purely physical).

That is how you do it.

 

[Kelly]

Re: Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

If you find it very hard to talk to girls face to face do it online, try signing up to groups/forums/whatever revolving around your interests and don't make a sexual gf/bf relationship your goal, many people are friends first before it develops into anything else (more so online unless you are specifically on a dating website). Just to re-iterate what the others have said you want to find someone with similar interests/values etc, it's all good and well finding someone you have the hots for but what if (using a random example) you LOVE video games and she finds them boring and won't play them (which long term could develop into nagging you everytime you get on your xbox), wouldn't it be more fun to find a girl who loved video games (or whatever you are into) just as much as you do?

Don't let distance be an issue for you either, if I'm remembering this right King_oni's gf lives 100 miles away, when I first got talking to my husband online he lived 300 miles away he started visiting every weekend and eventually I moved in with him, I know of several other couples who made long distance work. Many years ago another forum I went on a girl from the UK was planning on moving to the US to marry her long distance boyfriend of 5 years (she would visit him once a year and he would visit her once a year for a couple of weeks each time but they spoke every day), don't know if it ever happened, last time I went on there she was sorting out a visa/the wedding etc.

Good luck

 

[total-recoil]

Re: Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

I have an online friend from North Carolina and we wrote one another for years. Coincidentally she loves German Shepherds too so whenever I have any dog related problem, we discuss it and vice versa. We still e-mail. I actually told her last year about the discovery of aspergers and so on. However, I think real time is always a bit different than virtual connection so no idea how we would be face to face. Really, I've had lots of female company over the years but somehow never a close relationship and amazingly when a girl came to stay with me from the U.S. some months ago it was a total disaster. It was probably my fault too as I'd got too used to my own routine and doing my own thing.

If you find it very hard to talk to girls face to face do it online, try signing up to groups/forums/whatever revolving around your interests and don't make a sexual gf/bf relationship your goal, many people are friends first before it develops into anything else (more so online unless you are specifically on a dating website). Just to re-iterate what the others have said you want to find someone with similar interests/values etc, it's all good and well finding someone you have the hots for but what if (using a random example) you LOVE video games and she finds them boring and won't play them (which long term could develop into nagging you everytime you get on your xbox), wouldn't it be more fun to find a girl who loved video games (or whatever you are into) just as much as you do?

Don't let distance be an issue for you either, if I'm remembering this right King_oni's gf lives 100 miles away, when I first got talking to my husband online he lived 300 miles away he started visiting every weekend and eventually I moved in with him, I know of several other couples who made long distance work. Many years ago another forum I went on a girl from the UK was planning on moving to the US to marry her long distance boyfriend of 5 years (she would visit him once a year and he would visit her once a year for a couple of weeks each time but they spoke every day), don't know if it ever happened, last time I went on there she was sorting out a visa/the wedding etc.

Good luck

 

[nowwhat]

Re: Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

I was good-looking when younger. Lots of girls were interested. I was oblivious, and terrified. Eventually a very forward one would make a move, or a patient one would be willing to move along at my pace. Not being aesexual, once it got to that point, I knew what to do. Them sticking around once they began to see what they had netted, another matter.

 

[ReadRothbard]

how do you get a girlfriend?

Get this book.

How to Become an Alpha Male: Attract Women and Become Successful at Seduction: John Alexander: 9781411636606: Amazon.com: Books

 

[King_Oni]

Get this book.

How to Become an Alpha Male: Attract Women and Become Successful at Seduction: John Alexander: 9781411636606: Amazon.com: Books

While getting a book and/or advice might be a good idea; I've read an article once (and I don't know where... and since it was a while ago, my chrome search history doesn't help a lot either)... but anyway, that article stressed how Aspergers (and autism) might not really go hand in hand that well with presumably NT approaches for women.

And I guess there's something to be said about becoming an Alpha male and suffering from something like social anxiety, amongst other issues.

Also; here's something to think about. A lot of "us" on the spectrum have other issues that are beyond being social with people. Attracting and seducing women is one thing... keeping them around is another. And if you've got a lot of aspie issues, that might deter some people. And a rather big number of aspies are unemployed (judging from reports I read; last time I talked to a specialised job agency in my country, they told me the rate was over 80%) a lot of women aren't interested since you don't look like you've accomplished a lot.

 

[Misanthrope]

that's true, 9/10 I could care less about keeping them around because most people I run into are very dull.
sex is meaningless to me if I don't care about the person (and I never do).
To me its easy to worm my way into someone's head and understand them and all that crap. None of it is fun or interesting, I always simply assumed everyone was this way, and maybe they are. They certainly don't seem happy.
I am far happier alone then I ever was having to constantly talk to some girl I had no desire to be around for something I didn't end up enjoying much anyways

 

[JC1986]

Honestly, just be yourself. I am not 100% sure that I fall into being NT but I guess I am close to NT and my boyfriend has AS. (I have bad anxiety and very socially awkward moments myself). His differences from anyone else that I've ever met in my life is what attracted me to him and the right girl for you would feel the same. What my friends thought was "odd" or "different" about him, I just found so incredibly endearing. While he did not get to know me the "traditional" way, he still went out of his way to find out and get to know little things about me in his own sweet, adorable ways. That honestly made me feel more special than any other guy has ever made me feel. Try getting on a dating site. That is how I met him. Eventually you will find a girl who is patient and kind and most importantly, is into you I hope this helps.

 

[Sparticus]

Get the book "Femalese" to understand women better...it's only 10,000 pages but gives you a good start! ;P

simply getting a date is easier said than done. Most Aspies would agree.

How do you talk to a girl and get her to like you?

 

[wyverary]

The only reasonable answer to this question is:

By meeting people.

Have conversations. Let a friendship grow. Find someone with similar interests, someone you can have easy conversation with.

You cannot "make it happen;" you have to let it happen.

Maybe this is overly simplified. Maybe my asexuality, and my few disastrous forays into forced relationships, has left me still a little na?ve.

Maybe others can take a more direct approach, but for many Spergys that is extremely difficult and could do more harm than good.

My two cents, as nothing more than a casual observer of human nature.

 

[apassingword]

its just something you have let happen naturally, if you don't have anything going for you are ****ed pretty much ****ed though. it just randomly happens everything will feel right, I'd just be quick and honest if you feel anything and if it isn't returned just walk away.
Matrix Morpheus - what if i told you being single is better than rushing into

 

[nonsensical]

Honestly, you must be yourself no matter how weird or idiosyncratic you may feel. Having Aspergers will complicate matters and you may think nobody will like the real you. But seriously, trying to be a different kind of guy than you really are won't work out long-term.


-Compliment her, but also be sincere with those compliments. Women need to know they are appreciated for all they do for you.

-Have compassion and be supportive of the girl you like. She needs to know you care for her and also that you'll provide comfort when she's feeling down.

-Many girls are very forgiving. Just because you screwed up saying something you shouldn't have or you acted foolishly doesn't mean it's all over. Apologize to her and learn from your mistake.

-Be honest with what's on your mind. Don't leave her in the dark if you have any concerns. It can be scary to speak your mind at times but keeping things to yourself isn't good for your mental well-being or the relationship.

-Once you found a girl who likes you back, NEVER be mean to her or make her feel bad about herself for your enjoyment or ego. There are a lot of assholes out there I see doing this. It's not right. Treat her respectfully and cherish every moment you spend with her.

-Try not to worry so much about being a smooth talker with cheesy pickup lines. If you like a girl in her entirety just let her know in a nice way. Who knows, she might even think you're a pretty cool guy too!

 

[Tarragon]

1) Act in a NT way just trying to cope with everyday life
2) Girl (or Boy - I suppose it works both ways?) sees you and thinks your fun (though it's really the shell you create to deal with interacting with people)
3) go out, have a good time, become an 'item'
4) relax a little, let your NT mask slip a little, girl/boy starts to notice and thinks it a bit strange
5) As you become more yourself, you find you don't understand what the other person is thinking.
6) Split up, wonder what went wrong
7) After a variable amount of time go back to 1, repeat.

Well, ok, this is what I find happens to me - before I knew about AS. If I could go back and do it all again, here would be my list:

1) Relax and don't worry about the future, stop worrying about whether I will find anyone.
2) go back to step 1, repeat.



I think things are just pretty random really, and things happen when they happen. If I could do it all again, this is how I would approach things. No point in "looking" as that's just going to end up with you chasing your own tail. Have fun, enjoy life, meet someone when you aren't looking. Seems to be a reasonable answer to me....