How do you know if you're a clinical narcissist?

[LadyS]

I have a former close friend who I recently started to believe could be a covert narcissist. They show almost all of the clinical signs of one. I also agree that narcissists don't tend to know they are narcissists as they have very little self awareness of how they affect others--they're only thinking of getting what they want and not the collateral damage of their actions.

Also to answer @Misty Avich I know that their reaction to being called a narcissist would be an outright denial and even possibly gaslighting, making you question why you even questioned them in the first place.. covert ones are excellent at this. I recall my friend who I had called out for their sketchy behavior and them turning it around on me, saying it was my own insecurities talking. It did make me question myself, but it was just the runaround to avoid taking accountability. And thereafter, this person pretty much stopped communicating to me and anyone who didn't buy into their victim hood.

And this is someone who I have been friends most of my life, considered more of a sibling than friend. For someone to just callously throw away a close friendship because I told them they weren't totally innocent or a victim... enough to convince me of a level of narcissism.

Interesting enough, apparently there has been an uptick in internet searches for "narcissism" within the past several years.. agree with others social media is partially to blame, as many use it for "self advertisement". But also wouldn't discount the whole individualistic culture as the catalyst for it..

 

[Misty Avich]

Being called a narcissist on another autism forum really stung and it's made me question myself and paranoid that I'm a bad person underneath. It makes me want to put a gun to my head.

But my (NT) husband probably wouldn't have married me if was a narcissist because he's dated a narcissist before and she hurt him big time; lied, cheated, abused his trust, etc, and without any remorse. I'd never do any of those things and he can spot a narcissist a mile off now. He says I'm the most kindest, thoughtful, sweetest, honest, loving and understanding woman he's ever been with, and I am not making a mental effort to be like that, I genuinely am like that. I've never been a toxic person in my life. But you try telling that to the people on the other autism site. :'(

 

[Rodafina]

Being called a narcissist on another autism forum really stung and it's made me question myself and paranoid that I'm a bad person underneath. It makes me want to put a gun to my head.

It’s such a commonly used word right now. So few people understand the real criteria for being a narcissist. It is overused all over the Internet. It sounds like you are passed it, but definitely don’t take this to heart as particularly relevant. The only person that really could talk to you about being a narcissist is a mental health professional that you have been seeing for awhile.

 

[Vindiesel]

We all are on the narcissism spectrum to a degree. Narcissism at its core is simply extreme level of self preservation which can create a toxic psychodynamic in a person.

In short if you think your a narcissist chances are you are not one. Only reason narcissist go to therapy is they are losing a supply they can never replace or a mental breakdown or an ultimatum from their wife to get therapy. Which those cases are a rarity because their psychopathology puts them in a position typically that their isn’t repercussions for their actions so there is no need for therapy.

 

[All-Rounder]

I think it's because I was called a narcissist on another autism forum and I panicked. The traits given in the post above don't describe me but I have unintentionally appeared narcissistic sometimes on the other autism forum. Perhaps our internet personas can be different to how we are offline?

I think being called a narcissist says a lot about the other person, even more so on a support forum. They need to get themselves the help they need for the problem which makes them need to do that.

I notice a pattern in people, they tend to throw around diagnoses without knowing a person, and without having the studies and license to diagnose.

Our internet personas are very different, there is a lot to process in real life in comparison. When I met my ex in real life it was a huge difference, I never believed in it because if the person is honest and themselves, I would have assumed it wouldn't be that big of a difference.

My boyfriend is quite different when we are able to be face to face rather than when we are just typing. And so am I, interaction is different also, and we have to be more careful about different factors of communication.

Bad impressions on the internet aren't included in the factors of narcissism. There are a myriad of reasons for why two people don't get along online. For example communication is more difficult, facial cues don't exist, in a forum there is no one-on-one, and being autistic only makes communication more difficult. There tend to be a lot of discussions, and a lot of disagreements. Different people react differently to disagreement and express it in more or less healthy ways.

 

[Misty Avich]

^That's true. I find it easier to resist saying certain things when interacting with people offline. Although I don't go around insulting people online, I have accidentally offended more people online than offline, mostly because they got offended by things I didn't know were offensive because people in my offline world wouldn't get offended (I always know if someone is offended offline but ironically it's easier to avoid offending people offline than it is online).
I don't have difficulties with reading non-verbal social cues, and knowing the consequences comes more naturally/instinctive to me when interacting offline, but online is where I get more carried away pouring out my thoughts and not remember the consequences.
But I'm not a troll or anything. I just find empathy and social understanding easier to demonstrate offline than online. Maybe because most online forums have rules that I find difficult to understand. Also I'm not the most PC person in the world and I know some people I've met online are extremely PC and immediately hate you if they know you support different politics to them. That's what I hate about the online world. Offline most people I know have the same political views and so it feels safer to voice my thoughts and opinions.

 

[All-Rounder]

Like for autism, there are tests to take for narcissism that allow you to know if you score high or low.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I often worry that I'm a narcissist. Often in conversations I say my experience (for example, if someone said "my baby has learnt to walk today", I might say "aw that's great, I first learnt to walk at ____"). I'm not sure if this is normal or not to do in conversations. I do see others doing it sometimes but I don't always take a lot of notice. I just like people to know me, if that makes sense.

I've always seen this a great way to relate to others, but I'm starting to realize how much it can backfire! Some people get the idea you're trying to shift the focus to you or something and then they get sour (rightfully so, but some people have much more tact when relating to others that I wish I did!).

So if you said to a narcissist that they're a narcissist, how might they respond compared to saying that to a person who isn't a narcissist?

Supposedly they'd agree, but see them as positive traits rather than negative ones. I think most of us see our sometimes-narcissistic traits as a curse or something that needs to be corrected to enhance our future relationships, whereas they might look upon them somewhat fondly and say, "yeah, so?".

I've also known a few who would say things like, "I don't have any problems, it's everybody else!"

 

[Jeff T]

Narcissism = self interest.
Eating something when you are hungry, is a form of self-interest? If so, a healthy form of narcissism?
Showing friends the work done on your hobbies and projects, a healthy narcissism?
Many of our corporate and political leaders are on the higher end of healthy narcissism?
Occasionally, some with unhealthy narcissism?
When excessive narcissism is combined with the Dark Triad, is big problem for those dealing with that person?
Absolutely NO narcissism at all, also unhealthy?

Question marks because I have no training in psychology.