How do you present yourself, how do you handle colleagues and does your employer help you?

[Jibbers]

Hello all,

I recently lost my job as a dietitian and I am currently in a process of thinking about my options. I love to help people get healthier and I am not bad at doing it either. As I love to work as a dietitian I want to continue to do so. However I have some trouble with a few things and I was wondering if you could offer me some perspective on how you manage these things.

"Are there more people on this forum who work in a social job like I do? Are there more dietitians, psychologists, etc. among us? I am really curious to your experiences and would love to chat."

One of the big pressing questions that keeps popping up is:
Event though I know my own strenghts and that I have a lot offer to offer. Why would someone hire me, with my disability? They would probably profit more from someone without autism who can get along with colleagues much easier, who can handle a higher workload and be much more flexible then I can offer. What is your experience on this matter? How do/did you share that you have autism to your future or current employer? Did you get help or more time to accomodate?

The next thing I struggle with is a bit of a convidence issue. I don't feel safe amoung groups, I feel tense and have trouble relaxing. This has a lot to do with all the past experiences I have had in classrooms and even in friend groups. I usually don't quite fit in and however hard I try to adapt, from the experiences I have thusfar, it's never enough. My most recent colleague experience was terrible, I tried to do my job but they also wanted to be friends and be social with each other. To me it is really important to keep these things seperated. I am at work to do my job and I see my friends in my spare time. Those colleagues told me I wasn't social enough and they even mentioned I looked tense, which made me even more aware of myself and insecure. While I was just starting that job and had a hard time accomodating and managing the workload.
So my question is, how do you deal with colleagues? Are you forced to be social like I was in my most recent working experience or are you allowed to be you and be in your safe work 'bubble'?

Another thing that comes to mind is: how are you currently succeeding at work, is it hard for you to manage work, household and social life? How many hours can you work without getting overstimulated/ too stressed out?

I can manage to work 3 days, if necessary a 4th. I find it hard enough to combine just my household and social life, but when I work 3 days I can find a balance that works for me without having to 'survive' all the time and stay healthy.


Thanks for reading and sharing!

 

[Tom]

Just one thought on social interaction. I noticed in all groups there is a more or less established norm (and usually an informal hierarchy). A level and type of interaction that can differ greatly from one group to another. When first arriving I tend to remain quieter (which is typical for all newcomers and doesn't stand out) but actively observe the group to see how it functions. Now as an Aspie I am my own person and have my own ways, but will make a significant attempt to blend in and adopt the groups tone and style. You don't want to remain apart/aloof because it will often be misinterpreted as you being stuck-up or disapproving/judgemental. With some groups its the high road, with others the low, with most the middle. I still do keep more or less close to my own thinking as much as possible but still show I think of them as equals, funny or smart in the way they are capable of. It may conflict with 'the job priority' (ie. if the group is goofing off, goof off with them, etc) at times but my view is that the people group is the most important tool of the job. And its healthy maintenence a parallel priority. So to work in a job with social dynamics one must develop some skill in that as well as part of the job really.

 

[GadAbout]

Pardon my bluntness, but how/why did you lose your job?

I acknowledge that it can be easier to focus on other people's experiences, but your inquiry is so broad that I'm not sure what good the responses will do you.

 

[Ronin82]

I'm involved in Behavioral/Mental health. I suppose eventually I want to become a licensed counselor, but use specialize in Animal-Assisted therapies for anxiety, depression, and trauma disorders. At this time, however, I can't handle more than one person at a time, and only for about 3-4 hours a day. That doesn't exactly translate to making a living!

My solution is to do what I can, when I can, and pray my employer will accommodate me. I'm working at a living facility for I/DD individuals, but my job is at the barn taking care of the therapeutic horses and supervising the few residents who work in the barn part-time. I have plenty of physical and mental health challenges myself, so this can be a difficult tightrope to walk. I've called in sick today because I'm recovering from a major depressive episode (this is the first day in almost a week I'm not actively suicidal). I expect to have some discussions with my supervisor/coworkers when I get back because expectations at work were a part of the depressed episode.

I'm also making plans to find a job that gives me more control of my schedule and is less demanding on my social abilities. I'll continue to volunteer at the barn, but on my terms. If I have to deliver pizzas/food, or do several ride-share gigs to make a living while pursuing my goals (even if they do tax my ability to function), I'd rather do that and have control over my schedule.

If you want to chat about social jobs (I'm also a certified life coach) PM me.

 

[Bolletje]

I'm a medical doctor. Worked in the hospital for half a year, these days I work for the goverment doing disability assessments. I don't have problems in my job. People see me as a confident, professional and kind person, if a bit reserved. My masking is so efficient that no one even noticed when I was clinically depressed and suicidal, because it didn't interfere with my ability to do my job.
I often get compliments from my coworkers for how thorough I am, I often get compliments for my patients because they feel I am very understanding and I ask the right questions.
My major problem is that I don't like gatherings of coworkers. I avoid lunch with coworkers and only attend gatherings when attendance is mandatory.

 

[SolarPoweredNightOwl]

I don't know what it's like in the Netherlands, but in the US, your employer often won't know you have ASD unless you tell them. Really the main way it affects the hiring process, in my experience, is it makes interviews much harder to pass.

The main problem I have with work is that it takes the vast majority of my energy to function at that level, and mask at that level. (Masking is blending in, pretending to be not autistic.) When I work, I do great at my career, but everything else suffers. I can have a great career, or a good and happy home and personal life, but not both.

Every job has some social demands, but some much less than others. Yours unfortunately has a higher demand (dealing with clients). Perhaps you could go freelance, or do online consultations? It would let you schedule around the amount of energy you have. Working from home would also lessen the demand to mask--you could stim almost as much as you want, take breaks, etc.

EDIT: I forgot, if you have sensory issues, being able to control your work environment is very important. Some work places have bad noises or lights or things, those will burn you out very fast.

 

[Streetwise]

Hello all,

I recently lost my job as a dietitian and I am currently in a process of thinking about my options. I love to help people get healthier and I am not bad at doing it either. As I love to work as a dietitian I want to continue to do so. However I have some trouble with a few things and I was wondering if you could offer me some perspective on how you manage these things.

"Are there more people on this forum who work in a social job like I do? Are there more dietitians, psychologists, etc. among us? I am really curious to your experiences and would love to chat."

One of the big pressing questions that keeps popping up is:
Event though I know my own strenghts and that I have a lot offer to offer. Why would someone hire me, with my disability? They would probably profit more from someone without autism who can get along with colleagues much easier, who can handle a higher workload and be much more flexible then I can offer. What is your experience on this matter? How do/did you share that you have autism to your future or current employer? Did you get help or more time to accomodate?

The next thing I struggle with is a bit of a convidence issue. I don't feel safe amoung groups, I feel tense and have trouble relaxing. This has a lot to do with all the past experiences I have had in classrooms and even in friend groups. I usually don't quite fit in and however hard I try to adapt, from the experiences I have thusfar, it's never enough. My most recent colleague experience was terrible, I tried to do my job but they also wanted to be friends and be social with each other. To me it is really important to keep these things seperated. I am at work to do my job and I see my friends in my spare time. Those colleagues told me I wasn't social enough and they even mentioned I looked tense, which made me even more aware of myself and insecure. While I was just starting that job and had a hard time accomodating and managing the workload.
So my question is, how do you deal with colleagues? Are you forced to be social like I was in my most recent working experience or are you allowed to be you and be in your safe work 'bubble'?

Another thing that comes to mind is: how are you currently succeeding at work, is it hard for you to manage work, household and social life? How many hours can you work without getting overstimulated/ too stressed out?

I can manage to work 3 days, if necessary a 4th. I find it hard enough to combine just my household and social life, but when I work 3 days I can find a balance that works for me without having to 'survive' all the time and stay healthy.


Thanks for reading and sharing!

To be honest what I’ve heard about employers it’s not the what! it’s The if ! mindset is to accommodate autism and then punish them ,my example A young man worked at Edinburgh zoo ,which said they accommodated autistic people and he was sacked !because he couldn’t look people in the eye constantly !so Edinburgh Zoo had paid lipservice to autism accommodation. Research as much as you possibly can about the companies reputation! For instance the British Army has a bad reputation for care of it soldiers ,even though they advertise themselves as being a modern! army and I am not in any way saying you are going to work for the British Army .I’m just trying to help you see how the company can be deceitful.

 

[tducey]

I am not working right now but when I have worked I've enjoyed it and had respect from my workmates and bosses.

 

[Jibbers]

Just one thought on social interaction. I noticed in all groups there is a more or less established norm (and usually an informal hierarchy). A level and type of interaction that can differ greatly from one group to another. When first arriving I tend to remain quieter (which is typical for all newcomers and doesn't stand out) but actively observe the group to see how it functions. Now as an Aspie I am my own person and have my own ways, but will make a significant attempt to blend in and adopt the groups tone and style. You don't want to remain apart/aloof because it will often be misinterpreted as you being stuck-up or disapproving/judgemental. With some groups its the high road, with others the low, with most the middle. I still do keep more or less close to my own thinking as much as possible but still show I think of them as equals, funny or smart in the way they are capable of. It may conflict with 'the job priority' (ie. if the group is goofing off, goof off with them, etc) at times but my view is that the people group is the most important tool of the job. And its healthy maintenence a parallel priority. So to work in a job with social dynamics one must develop some skill in that as well as part of the job really.

Thanks for sharing! I always try to blend in and take an interest in my co-workers/friends. One on one contact is something I am good at. Groups make me very nervous, both because I don't automatically feel safe (it takes quite some time for me to get past that point, I can get comfortable when given enough time) and because there's so many things happening at the same time, I can't always follow whats happening the way I want to and I have trouble finding the right words to participate when people talk small-talk.

 

[Jibbers]

Pardon my bluntness, but how/why did you lose your job?

I acknowledge that it can be easier to focus on other people's experiences, but your inquiry is so broad that I'm not sure what good the responses will do you.

I worked as a dietitian in a hospital for 2 months. Prior to that job I worked as a dietitian outside the hospital for over a year. Which went really well, I got a lot of compliments from clients. But I struggled to get by and therefor I found a different job.
At the job in the hospital I filled in work for colleagues who were on holiday, I was extra.
after the first month they noticed something was different about me and gave some feedback, Due to the topic of the feedback I felt forced to share that I have autism, I couldn't think of another way. I gladly accepted the feedback and tried to work on it. When it didn't get better in the pace they wanted me to improve my work they started pressuring me but not giving me time to adapt. My 'points to work on' changed in a list which they e-mailed to my boss.
Next to the things I had to improve that were work related they really stressed me about the lunch-breaks and working overtime. I had to work 40 hours due to the holiday, and i am not build to work that much. none of my colleagues had to work full-time, they all had a 2-4 day work week. So I structured my work and implemented a few boundaries so I could do my job, then crashed at home and did nothing over the weekend... also in weeks i worked 4 days. The newness of it all completely drained me.
I talked about the hours being too much, I talked about my need for a lunch break, I talked about setting a few boundaries to help myself do the job and to be able to improve the things I needed to improve. They just told me to work on the things I could do better but did not help think of solutions how I could do that. All they said was: ask more questions and do stuff better. I tried to ask more questions but whatever I did and tried, I didn't get a handle on the situation. they looked for something to hold over me and they found it and they told me I wouldn't be needed anymore. I gave it my all and I wanted it bad. And the thing is, if they had given me more time and space to accomodate I believe I would have done the job just fine.

 

[Jibbers]

I'm a medical doctor. Worked in the hospital for half a year, these days I work for the goverment doing disability assessments. I don't have problems in my job. People see me as a confident, professional and kind person, if a bit reserved. My masking is so efficient that no one even noticed when I was clinically depressed and suicidal, because it didn't interfere with my ability to do my job.
I often get compliments from my coworkers for how thorough I am, I often get compliments for my patients because they feel I am very understanding and I ask the right questions.
My major problem is that I don't like gatherings of coworkers. I avoid lunch with coworkers and only attend gatherings when attendance is mandatory.

From clients I also got a lot of compliments, I have rather efficient masking as well. One on one conversations don't drain me as much, especially when it has a purpose and topic of conversation as I practice as a dietitian. I have trouble with gatherings of co-workers as well, I hate to go on a lunchbreak and having to be social in a cafeteria, it's all one big sensory hell. I am not good at small talk and being forced to do so makes me very uncomfortable. But I have given solid and thoughtful advice and helpful guidance to my clients/patients.

Do you feel empowered by your job and does it give you energy? or do you feel drained of your energy a lot of times?

 

[Autistamatic]

I've worked full time all my adult life simply because it's not an option NOT to. I have no family safety net and the UK benefits system is so meagre one can't expect anything other than a sub standard quality of life.

No employer has known of my autism when I joined them. Interviews are not easy but once I had found my feet in my industry, had good references and bags of experience in a variety of disciplines the interviews became more of a formality - my CV did most of the work. My skillset isn't common which gave me an advantage. Being able to do the job of 4 different people at the drop of a hat is very handy, especially in small businesses.

Socially, I tried for many years to fit in, attending all the parties, the wedding receptions, the after work drinks, but I found it soul destroying. In the end I just stopped. I made excuses for a long time and eventually stopped even that. I took on the mindset of "I am there to work, nothing more."

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was outed as autistic in my current employment. I'd been with the company 10 years when it happened, and in extremely threatening circumstances which led to almost a year off work.

I went back early this year as openly autistic. Some people are no different to me, some are interested to talk about autism and learn, and a significant number have shunned me - they actually appear to be scared of me. I have accommodations in place that make life easier - not all that I'd like, but enough. I make no effort to make friends with anyone who isn't willing to make the effort with me too. If they cold shoulder me, I put them on my mental "block list". I don't have the emotional energy to bother any more. I'm polite as I always was, but I don't push myself to blend in. My mask is maybe 80% down.

The company I work for is VERY socially oriented, however, thanks to a boss who "saw the light" about me I am now excused from that. He found me a position that allows me to work alone and at my own pace instead of having to slow down and dumb down to fit in with the rest. I have headphones to block out the chatter, fluorescents removed from my vicinity and a chain of command of...just him. No middle managers, supervisors or team leaders in there to complicate things. I get clear tasks to complete but freedom to do it my own way. Results are all that matters, not methods or protocols.

I've been very lucky to end up like this though. I spent a year on a metaphorical cliff edge before things finally worked out.

You may find this of interest btw @Jibbers

 

[Jibbers]

I don't know what it's like in the Netherlands, but in the US, your employer often won't know you have ASD unless you tell them. Really the main way it affects the hiring process, in my experience, is it makes interviews much harder to pass.

The main problem I have with work is that it takes the vast majority of my energy to function at that level, and mask at that level. (Masking is blending in, pretending to be not autistic.) When I work, I do great at my career, but everything else suffers. I can have a great career, or a good and happy home and personal life, but not both.

Every job has some social demands, but some much less than others. Yours unfortunately has a higher demand (dealing with clients). Perhaps you could go freelance, or do online consultations? It would let you schedule around the amount of energy you have. Working from home would also lessen the demand to mask--you could stim almost as much as you want, take breaks, etc.

EDIT: I forgot, if you have sensory issues, being able to control your work environment is very important. Some work places have bad noises or lights or things, those will burn you out very fast.

Thanks for sharing and for your advice!
The only way an employer usually finds out is by telling them yourself (in the Netherlands). The thing is that I always get to a point somewhere in the first 2 months when I work somewhere, where people notice I'm a bit different. And it's not different in a way they just accept. Usually it's due to sensory overload, about trying to set boundaries for myself, being bad at small talk, stuff like that. But always in a manner I have to explain myself. And this has happened many times and I have tried several strategies already. But I have come to the conclusion I am better off sharing my quirk then hiding it. Even when it means I might not get hired for a lot of jobs. If i don't share it they will find out anyway and it has back-fired a few times.

I get your troubles, I can work 3 days and manage a social life (which isn't that impressive) and keep my household kind off on-point. But when I work 4-5 days all collapses including my (mental)health. I have a lot of sensory issues, whom have made me burn out quite some times in the past. I found out I have aspergers this februari so I am just starting to learn my do's and don'ts when it comes to how my autism works. I like one on one contact with patients, but I do need time to process all that happened in a day. I am thinking about starting my own company, but that's a big step/risk I need to be a bit more ready for.

 

[GadAbout]

Thank you for the additional background. First I want to point out that you were hired as a fill-in and the employer had little incentive to accommodate (beyond what is required by law, but that can always be fudged). They also had little incentive to give you more humane scheduling. The fact that they extended that to their "regular" employees reflects a longer-term investment in those people - not merely that those folks were "better" than you.

In short this deck was stacked against you from the start. I hope you don't worry too much about not being able to "improve" as they asked you to.

The only disability accommodation I ever sought was a shortened work week, which was granted in two jobs. I never did this until I passed a six-month probation period. I did everything through the employer's Human Resources department, not directly through my boss; and with the aid of a doctor, I asserted a medical condition requiring a shorter week, without ever stating the diagnosis. I had already demonstrated my ability to perform on the job and to contribute, although it's also true that I had certain frictions with other employees.

I would recommend you avoid "temp" or "floater" jobs that are almost by definition, expendable. Also, find out discreetly what you need to do to request accommodations, and don't give too much detail. Be a really top performer in a "permanent" position before requesting them.

I did think of self-employment for you before I read you had considered it. I would think you could provide nutrition counseling directly to clients who are willing to pay for access and service. You could either meet them at their home, or rent a small office space. You can also do a lot of the work by phone or online. Does the law where you are, allow that kind of activity, or must you always be supervised in a clinic setting? Even if it's the latter, you can usually work an angle that isn't considered; instead of being a self-employed dietitian, you might market yourself as a Diet Mentor or Lifestyle Coach. You might seek clients through a gym rather than a hospital.

If you CAN'T work more than 3 days a week, then DON'T work more than 3 days a week. But if you can't make ends meet like that, you'll need to decide if you are too disabled to work. One option might be to start your business on a shoestring budget, and work at something low stress like file clerk, shelf stocking, order picker, or whatever you can do that is not as people-intensive. To make your business succeed, you need to learn a lot about marketing. I did start a secretarial service and although I had to work quite hard, it was satisfying and I had a certain amount of independence; I did that for five years. Long story why I got out of that, which I won't go into here.

 

[Sherlock77]

I work full-time in an industrial shop, sorting recycling for our city contract... The typical work week is Monday to Friday daytime, 40 to 50 hours per work...

I have been there for 10 years now, and survived... My job itself does not excite me... Most employees don't socialize outside of work, at least that I'm aware of... I already have networks of people anyway... And I'm that person who is mostly rather quiet on breaks, keeping to myself, usually doing some reading... Basically like someone else said I work because I have to to survive and I'm self-diagnosed Asperger's, so it would take some work to get gov't disability, and I don't think I would want to because gov't disability doesn't pay much anyway

While my job itself does not excite me, energize me... I dive actively into my photography hobby when I'm not working... That's what keeps me going!

 

[Bolletje]

Do you feel empowered by your job and does it give you energy? or do you feel drained of your energy a lot of times?

My job makes me feel empowered most of the time. However, I have had a few clients that leave me feeling drained. It’s mostly very angry people, I have trouble dealing with those. I once had a client with severe PTSD, who felt abandoned and ignored by everyone in the world, and he projected all my anger at me. That was the most difficult consult I ever did.

 

[Suzanne]

I am not able to work and especially if that involves working with others. I have tried it in the past and failed dismally.

 

[Jibbers]

I've worked full time all my adult life simply because it's not an option NOT to. I have no family safety net and the UK benefits system is so meagre one can't expect anything other than a sub standard quality of life.

No employer has known of my autism when I joined them. Interviews are not easy but once I had found my feet in my industry, had good references and bags of experience in a variety of disciplines the interviews became more of a formality - my CV did most of the work. My skillset isn't common which gave me an advantage. Being able to do the job of 4 different people at the drop of a hat is very handy, especially in small businesses.

Socially, I tried for many years to fit in, attending all the parties, the wedding receptions, the after work drinks, but I found it soul destroying. In the end I just stopped. I made excuses for a long time and eventually stopped even that. I took on the mindset of "I am there to work, nothing more."

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was outed as autistic in my current employment. I'd been with the company 10 years when it happened, and in extremely threatening circumstances which led to almost a year off work.

I went back early this year as openly autistic. Some people are no different to me, some are interested to talk about autism and learn, and a significant number have shunned me - they actually appear to be scared of me. I have accommodations in place that make life easier - not all that I'd like, but enough. I make no effort to make friends with anyone who isn't willing to make the effort with me too. If they cold shoulder me, I put them on my mental "block list". I don't have the emotional energy to bother any more. I'm polite as I always was, but I don't push myself to blend in. My mask is maybe 80% down.

The company I work for is VERY socially oriented, however, thanks to a boss who "saw the light" about me I am now excused from that. He found me a position that allows me to work alone and at my own pace instead of having to slow down and dumb down to fit in with the rest. I have headphones to block out the chatter, fluorescents removed from my vicinity and a chain of command of...just him. No middle managers, supervisors or team leaders in there to complicate things. I get clear tasks to complete but freedom to do it my own way. Results are all that matters, not methods or protocols.

I've been very lucky to end up like this though. I spent a year on a metaphorical cliff edge before things finally worked out.

You may find this of interest btw @Jibbers

Thank you for sharing! I am so happy for you that you have fought for and found a work environment that helps you! I'm rooting for you! I watched the video and it is a really good one, thanks for sharing! I even sent it to my psychologist because she knows many more people who could use a video like that.

 

[Jibbers]

My job makes me feel empowered most of the time. However, I have had a few clients that leave me feeling drained. It’s mostly very angry people, I have trouble dealing with those. I once had a client with severe PTSD, who felt abandoned and ignored by everyone in the world, and he projected all my anger at me. That was the most difficult consult I ever did.

I get that! Anger is a hard emotion to deal with for most people. But i'm glad you feel empowered most of the time! that's what you do it for! I wish you good luck=)

 

[Jibbers]

I am not able to work and especially if that involves working with others. I have tried it in the past and failed dismally.

I bet you have tried really hard and have given it your all. I hope you'll find something that works for you in te future in whatever form that might be. Something that gives you joy and energy. I'm rooting for you!