how do you see your autism?

[Gerald Wilgus]

I feel both somewhat disabled and somewhat enabled by my autism.

It certainly is a double edged sword! There is much that I like that has contributed to a decent life: focus, interests, intellectual ability, and some, particularly social deficits, that made life hell at times.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

really thank you for these jolly and friendly words : )

I am a person who always wants harmony. I hate conflicts and my healthiness is more important for me than to be right or to proclaim my opinion. Usually I know whats right for me and I always try to get happy and how I want to live.

I broke up with my whole family, because they didn´t do myself good. It was very hard, but I knew this would be the only right way for me and I never regret this. I often felt myself like a lone fighter, who fights against the rest of the world. I fighted years against my family, just trying to survive somehow, til I could get out of there.

I am often extraordinary direct, even to people I don´t know that much. Always trying to be polite and friendly, but if there is something which has to be said, I do so. I criticized my teachers when in my thoughts there doing was wrong. I criticized an official in charge, when in my thoughts his doing was wrong.

most of the times I don´t say that much, but if there is something which feels extremely iniquitous for me, I say my opinion which such power, most of the times people instantly accepted my opinion, apologize or respected me afterwards.

I was in a boarding school some time ago. most of the time it was okay, but some things were wrong and after some time elapsed and things were not changed, I wrote e-mails to all important persons of the school, causing so much pressure on all others, things changed nearly instantly.

same goes to an unfair reduction of a caution for a appartment. I criticized the persons in charge so directly and hard, they instantly withdraw with the caution reduction.

sometimes I say "I am a like a special police unit, which enters a appartment with a battering ram." most of the time you will not see me at any times, but if there is something going on really wrongful to me, I will instantly unfold more powers than once could ever imagine and resolving the problem faster than a special police unit ever could do." most of the times I look like a weak, very quiet person, but my will (to save myself) is entirely strong. maybe I am overacting a bit, but you know what I mean. : P

some times people in school tried to bully me, because they thought I am a weak person. but as I showed that I am not willing to accept any injustice, they instantly shut up and never talked a bad word to me for the rest of the time. but most of the people respected me for my directness and sincerity.

someone said to me "you are not making any secret of what you are thinking about other people.", that's true, but sometimes I instead say nothing, if the person doesn´t bother me, because I don´t want to engage in a conflict for nothing or at all.

We have many similarities, come from a family of bright people, like to debate. lived on farm if you tried to bully me quickly let you know you would not come out unscathed. Enjoy being thought of as being strange. Incidentally my wife is a member of the German diaspora here in Canada, eighth generation IF it was not for her family and the other Berczy settlers Toronto would not exist.

 

[Knower of nothing]

It's just limitations. I don't think any of the good it does for me would be out of my reach if I wasn't autistic. I believe I could still hold hobbies and I'd probably still be invested in ethics and I also doubt it's the source of my desire to be good to people. It's a constant sensitivity for me as well, which is both positive and negative. It's an amplifier. But normal people are sensitive too when they don't drown themselves in extreme stimulus through parties, substance abuse and the internet, so it's not like you need to be autistic to be sensitive to simple things.
So it doesn't really help me and heavily restricts me. But it's also my unchanging circumstance, it's not like a home country that you can move out of with great effort. It's integrated. Like my eye color. It is what it is.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

We have many similarities, come from a family of bright people, like to debate. lived on farm if you tried to bully me quickly let you know you would not come out unscathed. Enjoy being thought of as being strange. Incidentally my wife is a member of the German diaspora here in Canada, eighth generation IF it was not for her family and the other Berczy settlers Toronto would not exist.

Interesting. After much land around me was logged over the companies sold the land to farmers who established orchards. Most came from Kitchner, Ontario, formerly Berlin.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Your right they changed the name after the war. One of my brothers likes going there for October fest, went to University there. We have a party coming up in the city. Lots Germans live there.

 

[clg114]

I like being on the spectrum. It allows me to do things and understand things that others can not. Because of this, people seek me out. It allows me to help people and I like helping people. It allowed me to make a good living for almost sixty years. For me, the only really bad part was the lack of social skills. As I have gotten older, my social skills have gotten better. So overall, I like being a Aspie.

 

[Crysalis99]

For the most part, I feel like it’s only a disability when I’m in certain situations where it clashes with the norm, such as work or in certain social situations.

This. So much this.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I like being on the spectrum. It allows me to do things and understand things that others can not. Because of this, people seek me out. It allows me to help people and I like helping people. It allowed me to make a good living for almost sixty years. For me, the only really bad part was the lack of social skills. As I have gotten older, my social skills have gotten better. So overall, I like being a Aspie.

I got passed over as for a promotion to lab supervisor, do to my lack of social skills. Two of us in the running for the position, total experience close to 80 years at the time. I had the edge in education, still lost out due to my being on the spectrum. Retired now, looking back I work best alone.

 

[Jeff T]

Your right they changed the name after the war. One of my brothers likes going there for October fest, went to University there. We have a party coming up in the city. Lots Germans live there.

Being a total map nut, I had noticed a city in Ontario in my 1898 atlas called Berlin.
I didn't recall seeing it in my more modern maps. Interesting that they renamed it after Lord Kitchener who was killed during WW1- the other side.
Another big change was in Germany- Barmen and Elberfeld became Wuppertal.

As for the effect Autism has had? I'd wish I was officially diagnosed earlier. I thought I was doing better than I actually was. If I'd understood the impact of my Autism and ADHD had on others, perhaps I would have adapted better/ been more aware of interpersonal correctness and gotten along better?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Kitchener is now actually three close related cities next to each other, Also Waterloo and Cambridge.

 

[Fino]

I enjoy being asocial. I also enjoy being oblivious a lot of the time to people's demeanor, facial expression, etc. because I often talk to people who talk about how they're so upset about how they were treated by some employee/anyone somewhere. And I have almost never had that experience and have been with people who said someone was rude but I thought they were fine. I'm exempt!

 

[FlowerFlo]

I have just last year startet to accept and research my autism. I dont really think being autistic has any usefull benefics for me .Yes i can remeber wierd facts about my special interests,but knowing when the dollhouse you have was made isnt really usefull. Sometimes i wish my brain was more like the ones of ohter people my age. Social contacts and events then would be so much easyer. I could hang out wiht my friends more.

 

[Mister Anonymity]

there are some parts of my autism, which feels like a disability for me, like my noise sensibility (I think its because the noise filter in the thalamus (part of the brain) is broken or lacks (I´ve heard about that). but some parts feel neutral or positive and like they are a natural part of mine.

I think there is a movement which sees autism as a natural kind of being and call it "neurodiversity."

Also there is a verdict which says "you are not disabled, its just that the society disables you (from doing something)." And "if most people would be autists, people without autism would be the one who counts as disabled". And I have heard that all people got autistic properties, but the most people are so less autistic (see "autistic spectrum (incident)"), so they are not called "autists."

"fun" fact: got lifetime banned for the same question in another forum, because people said that I would deny their suffering, when I say that my autism partly don´t feel like a disability for me. they started insulting me and admin said "you caused a riot, so bye." wth

Sure, I am a german, but I didn´t wanted to start world war III with that question (in the other forum) (irony).

My autism is not a problem. I have camouflage. Nobody can see it unless they really interact with me on a deeper level. I've learned to hide it better. The thing that is really bugging me is my OCD. I have routines and deeper obsessions, and my teachers often don't see it. They just see that I'm a dedicated student/Type A personality. None of my fellow university classmates have noticed either. The OCD is problematic. However, the Autism is not something that anyone notices. I'm able to mimic certain mannerisms that are socially acceptable. That being said, I don't know how long I will be able to keep up the charade. I'll take it year by year--that is if nothing goes wrong and I end up revealing my autism. I hope I don't. I love my anonymity. I don't want other people to "see" me. To the astute psychiatrist, I'm a robot essentially; but, I want to mimic being human for much longer. I don't want to be the laughing stock of a cruel society that has no time for people like us.

 

[Nervous Rex]

"fun" fact: got lifetime banned for the same question in another forum, because people said that I would deny their suffering, when I say that my autism partly don´t feel like a disability for me. they started insulting me and admin said "you caused a riot, so bye." wth

I'm sorry that you had to experience that.

It seems that everyone's experience with autism is so individual that I feel like I can only speak for myself. I'm afraid that if I attempt to speak for others, I will unintentionally make them feel like I am minimizing or invalidating their feelings or experience.

There are some people who just want to wallow in misery and look like martyrs. There are also some very insensitive types who dismiss anything they aren't personally feeling. I don't agree with either of those extremes, but the space between those two is a bit of a minefield.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I like my ability to read people, The other abilities like sorting out real life puzzles I would never give up.

 

[PinkPhilodendron]

Parts of it feel like I am enhanced (focus, hearing music, analytical and logical thinking, abstraction) and with other parts of it (especially socialising, finding and keeping friends and mates) I feel the disability very strongly.

NT friends of mine who think I am autistic but who don't know told me they are envious of me seeming to have less feelings and therefore less worries (which is wrong of course). So to the outside my/our disability might not always seem like a disability either.