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How Do You Show You Care? (or What's Your Love Language?)

Wulven said:
I need skin contact. But, only with people I trust. It helps me be sure there not figments of my mind. And the tension in the hug tells me if their truthful or not. Words are nice. But, I likely won't trust them. Personal gifts are wonderful and unexpected. Favorite food, drink, or something I really wanted.
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That's interesting. I'm a hugger. Other than that, trust is also very important for me when it comes to physical contact. I'm not a very touchy-feely person. I've had some friends though who like to cuddle with other platonic friends. This is actually a popular activity among the student body at the university I work for. They call it a "cuddle puddle" haha. I have a hard time understanding this. I'm not cuddling anyone unless we're dating.
 
Suzette said:
@jleeb05, my take on your story is that your roommate was pissed off and still processing her anger. She snapped at you just because you were an easy target. I don't think she really meant her words. She simply does not have the emotional maturity to keep her base emotions in check. It's not you, it's her.
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I think you're right. She was upset about her relationship. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Martha Ferris said:
Was this a one time thing or an ongoing accusation? If it was a one time thing let it go. If it is ongoing I would have a conversation with her and ask her why she said what she did. Ask what her expectations are. Making assumptions and guessing is not the way to settle problems
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This is a one-time thing though she has made a comment before about the fact that I never ask her how she's doing. So I guess she appreciates it when people proactively check in on her.


unperson said:
The autistic overhelpful, too kind thing is directly linked to our poor abilitiy to ask for help, well, in acted out/theatre/subtle ways, ways that actually work. when we do ask it's just too direct, too naked, so (talking about myself really). When I used to formerly pay into people with help/rides/money/whatever, I felt I was banking future help - couldn't have been more wrong. No-one I ever helped has ever helped me, that I know of, it's all take take take.

Learning to say NO is an important life skill. How much does your roomie help you?
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Very true. I have a difficult time asking for help. A lot of my relationships are unbalanced when it comes to giving/taking. I'm sure I've contributed to this dynamic. As one friend told me this weekend, I'm always helping/listening to others that they forget I might need help or someone to talk to as well. Especially if I don't ask.
 
I know of many marriages which have lasted less than nine years. In reading your post it is apparent that you have made many sacrifices for your roommate. Is it possible that she wants to be more than a roommate? If there is any mutual interest in her, perhaps you should explore the relationship.
 
It's only been a little over six weeks since I've posted this but the update is that I've moved out! This is my first time living on my own and it's probably years overdue. The move was torture but my (now former) roommate and I are still on fairly good terms. It was as if she set me free when she said she didn't need my help. I've realized that I'm not necessarily doing anyone any favors when I try to pre-emptively solve their problems for them. And it seems no one realizes that this is my way of showing care. So instead, I've been leaving them to figure things out and trying to remind myself to ask about their lives. ie. "How's your apartment search going?" "How are you feeling?" etc.
 
i do things for people..or fix their computers / phones, do yard work. basically any acts of service. i used to be more generous with my girlfriends, and pay some of their bills for them, to help them get ahead. and doing things like having the whole house cleaned. top to bottom. in and out. so she would not have anything to have to do when she got home
 
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