How do you use the internet?

[LearnedCoward]

You could also have your online friends visit you and meet them at a neutral and safe place.

Yes, this happens sometimes. Not with just anyone, though.

And the space will always be neutral and safe. Someplace like a coffee shop or maybe a restaurant. I'm not exactly going to invite them to my house if I don't know them.

One thing I have learned is just to give genuine complements and statements of appreciation when face to face. Try to remember what they talked about to you or somone else last time so you can ask them how that thing is going in their life. Most people just want to be wanted or important and it is all about them. So talk about them.

This is all stuff I already know, and can do well. However, it assumes that I have an acquaintance that I want to become a friend. I'm okay at this, but it's the meeting people that I really struggle with.

There's also a level of friendship between acquaintanceship and close friendship, which I'll call proximity friendship. For instance, neighbors that you invite over once in a while, coworkers that you hang out with sometimes after work, people from such-and-such an activity that you get together with outside the activity. Basically, you're friends because you're both in the same place at the same time and you enjoy each other's company, but if one of you should move away, the friendship is over. Earlier on in life I have had a lot of these proximity friends but very few acquaintances and no close friends. Now, I have a small circle of close friends, and I let proximity friendship slip into acquaintanceship because I lack the energy to maintain a fake surface-level friendship.

That seems to help a lot and get rid of the creepy factor.

In my case, the "creepy factor" comes from being a big scary-looking older guy who lurks around but keeps to himself and seems unable to make conversation.

I can talk to people just fine one-to-one, but struggle in group settings. I either don't know when to join the conversation without sounding awkward, or else I freeze up and literally can't talk. Nobody has any incentive to talk to me when they could more easily talk to someone else in the group who seems more willing and able to talk with them.

I finally asked my priest who is a psychologist about how to make conversation and I watched youtube videos on how to do it. It is tiring. I still haven’t made a new friend.

Exactly. It's quite hard.

Not that I'm complaining or anything. I'm just acknowledging that it will not be easy for me, but I'm going to try and do it anyway.

But I think I might could make one if I joined an interest group. When you do things as a group you have the thing you are doing to talk about.

Yeah, this goes along with what I said earlier. I struggle in group situations. I would literally have worse success joining a special interest group than I would sitting at the bar. At least if someone sat down next to me at the bar I would be able to make conversation with them.

Also, the concept of anticipatory socialization is a total mind warp for me. Apparently, NTs join special interest groups to meet people, and maybe develop a special interest along the way. I'm quite the opposite. I will join such a group because it interests me, and then if I make friends I make friends, and if I don't oh well.

 

[LearnedCoward]

Lately though I've pondered a question of how much a gamble it might be to buy something like a sofa online, as opposed to something simple like an office chair. Not sure I want to take the feedback of strangers over subjective perceptions of comfort and quality.

Why? Is it because an office chair is smaller and thus theoretically easier to take to the post office to ship back?

Otherwise most of what I purchase online tends to be electronic-related.

This seems counterintuitive to me. I would rather try it before I buy it.

I would rather buy electronics in person than online. The only obstacle is that any decently stocked electronics store is either a big department store or otherwise in a crowded shopping mall. Fortunately I don't often have to buy electronics, so I can tough it out through the crowds.

As for clothing, that's not something I'm willing to buy sight-unseen. Though I suppose there are certain brands where I'm not too concerned about size and fit issues. Jeans and such. But shirts or shoes? Never.

You must be a small or average-sized person. Many stores don't carry my size. It's easier for me to know my measurements and then buy clothes that have those measurements. Online retailers usually have some kind of scale that converts their sizes into inches or centimeters.

 

[Judge]

Why? Is it because an office chair is smaller and thus theoretically easier to take to the post office to ship back?

Mostly because to me fit and feel are relatively minor considerations when it comes to an office chair. Especially if I've already sat in a chair comparable to the one I purchase online. Though quality of construction remains something that depends largely on the feedback of those who purchased the item. Something you can't always determine by a picture- or feel alone.

With a sofa though I'm apt to become very discriminating over the quality and feel of the materials, how I fit in sitting or slouching, and most definitely to determine whether it's entirely leather or a combination of what is known as "bonded" leather and some on-organic material that usually breaks down over time and use.

What frustrates me the most is how online I have access to nearly every style of furniture. While in town the selection is quite limited in terms of types and styles I really like. Nothing worse than paying top dollar for something you're only lukewarm about.

This seems counterintuitive to me. I would rather try it before I buy it.

Depends on the item in question. With things like RAM for a computer and other PC components, you can't "try them out" per se. Where often brand name becomes a huge consideration. Though in other cases they may be products I have already seen up close and personal, but choose to buy them online based on price.

I would rather buy electronics in person than online.

I'd think most people would, provided they live in a major metropolitan area that has some of the best retailers of electronics in the country. An option I gave up when I moved far away from the Bay Area to Northern Nevada. Ironically the last time I visited a Frys Electronics was when I was in Las Vegas. Several hundred miles away.

Had I stayed in Northern California, online sales would have likely remained a moot point to me with the availability of so many retail, over-the-counter choices. To me, "Best Buy" remains somewhat of a retail oxymoron compared to places like Frys Electronics which sadly involve some real travel time and potential restrictions to get to depending on the time of year. I won't consider travel to California over Donner Pass from October to April. And I wouldn't travel some 700 miles to Vegas just to go shopping.

You must be a small or average-sized person.

Pretty much average-sized. With most clothes items availability of sizes aren't an issue. Though with shoes it seems the more common sizes are always the first ones to go from the shelves.

 

[Isadoorian]

I mainly just use Discord (Program akin to Skype but not as terrible), use Reddit, and play Multiplayer Games (World of Warcraft, Starcraft, etc)

 

[Mr Allen]

I post on here, singsnap.com, Facebook and Twitter. I also use most of the major online retailers such as Amazon, eBay, and Game.

 

[Bolletje]

Explain please? Why would you say you've "grown out" of it? Do you think it's a maturity thing, meaning that your offline relationships are far more substantial and require being a more well-rounded human being?

No, I mean that I have grown to be more comfortable in social situations, and as a result I no longer need to rely on the internet as a way of establishing and maintaining connections with people, as opposed to when I was an awkward twenty something.
I don’t feel like it’s a maturity thing. Yes, I have grown as a person, but I don’t consider using the internet for social interaction any less valid or mature than what I am doing.
I’ve met some of my best friends online as well and I still like talking to people online. I just get more energy and satisfaction from meeting people face to face.

 

[I love roses]

Yes, this happens sometimes. Not with just anyone, though.

And the space will always be neutral and safe. Someplace like a coffee shop or maybe a restaurant. I'm not exactly going to invite them to my house if I don't know them.



This is all stuff I already know, and can do well. However, it assumes that I have an acquaintance that I want to become a friend. I'm okay at this, but it's the meeting people that I really struggle with.

There's also a level of friendship between acquaintanceship and close friendship, which I'll call proximity friendship. For instance, neighbors that you invite over once in a while, coworkers that you hang out with sometimes after work, people from such-and-such an activity that you get together with outside the activity. Basically, you're friends because you're both in the same place at the same time and you enjoy each other's company, but if one of you should move away, the friendship is over. Earlier on in life I have had a lot of these proximity friends but very few acquaintances and no close friends. Now, I have a small circle of close friends, and I let proximity friendship slip into acquaintanceship because I lack the energy to maintain a fake surface-level friendship.



In my case, the "creepy factor" comes from being a big scary-looking older guy who lurks around but keeps to himself and seems unable to make conversation.

I can talk to people just fine one-to-one, but struggle in group settings. I either don't know when to join the conversation without sounding awkward, or else I freeze up and literally can't talk. Nobody has any incentive to talk to me when they could more easily talk to someone else in the group who seems more willing and able to talk with them.



Exactly. It's quite hard.

Not that I'm complaining or anything. I'm just acknowledging that it will not be easy for me, but I'm going to try and do it anyway.



Yeah, this goes along with what I said earlier. I struggle in group situations. I would literally have worse success joining a special interest group than I would sitting at the bar. At least if someone sat down next to me at the bar I would be able to make conversation with them.

Also, the concept of anticipatory socialization is a total mind warp for me. Apparently, NTs join special interest groups to meet people, and maybe develop a special interest along the way. I'm quite the opposite. I will join such a group because it interests me, and then if I make friends I make friends, and if I don't oh well.

I have joined things but like you say, they become just an aquaintence. However, after doing this five years, the aquaintences are coming up to me when they see me in Walmart. So maybe they are moving up to not proximity status but at least closer in that they’ve seen me a thousand times and now think they know me. We are all dying off as we get older so if I hold out long enough, they’ll lose all their old friends and the NT’s will leave their comfort zone and check me out finally. i’m sorry but that is how shallow a lot of people are. They aren’t concerned with other people unless they need you. Some people say they have enough friends and don’t want any more because they don’t want to take the time to maintain and keep them. I’m telling you, society is complicated and messed up! You don’t have to be different to have this issue I don’t think. I noticed I didn't have a lot of friends in high school but I had some. But as a young adult I did, mainly as a married. young parents couldn’t afford to go out so we’d hang out, bbq, and let the kids play. Then I had my husband’s work department I got along with.Then when kids got bigger and into sports all my friends disappeared and were uber busy. No one had time. Then in reitirement, you will find people going to art shows, book signings, and festivals. That helps, but to me it isn’t real friends. lts not like I can call them if I got stranded somewhere. The only bad thing about that is they serve free wine and cheese. Since talking to them makes me nervous I drink enough to be able to talk. Usually three servings. Then I feel foolish and mad that my body does not need any booze and cheese. I don’t drink often but at my age it isn’t conducive to longevity even in smaller imbibes. Yet NT’s seem to have their favorites they always associate with at every stage of their life and I haven’t figured how how to be one that has at least five friends or couples. If I had stayed in my 6 generation original community, I think I’d have more friends because we all had a certain way of thinking. But some of those wacked out with divorce, drugs, and other issues so who knows. I miss having real pals. I’ve had a few and it was nice when I had them. I always wonder why moving away is a big deal. Some manage to stay in touch even after a move. I have one friend who is out of state. She won’t talk to me She has MS and says she doesn’t have the energy to talk, ever. But she calls me every year on my birthday. That is so weird! But she wants to tour my area someday so maybe i’m on a string as a place to stay. Who can read what is in people’s minds. Sometimes I give up trying to figure it out.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I am a member of one forum - this one. I have joined other forums before and left them fairly quickly (i.e. once someone starts getting rude or snarky).

My online persona very much matches my real life character: I very carefully manage what details I give out and how that could be used against me. I try to keep things positive. If I disagree with someone, I'd rather leave than engage. I probably express myself better online because I have more time to formulate what I want to say before the conversation moves on.

I treat my online persona as if it can be traced back to me at any time. I often avoid certain unique words or phrases online that I am known to use frequently in real life. However, anyone that knows me well and has read my posts on this forum would 100% know it's me.

Every day, I read two daily comics and do three different word puzzles online. I check Google News twice a day. Aside from that (and this forum), I use the internet for programming help and to look up random trivia that pops into my head.

 

[I love roses]

I find I interact with people on the internet very differently than in real life. Online I seek validation and attention, develop ideas, process my thoughts, practice empathy, and build an identity. The rest of the time I zone out and just ignore people. It's strange. Interaction with people in real life irritates the crap out of me, but online I can't get enough.

Does anyone identify with this? Do you use the internet to regulate emotion and develop a sense of self? Is your online persona different from your real life persona? If so, are they both real versions of you, or is one fake?

How much do you "need" interaction via the internet?

To answer your direct question if the online one is fake and the other physical side of me is real, I didn’t survive facebook long enough to find out. I didn’t “get it”. Hardly any one communicated with me. Now i’m new and was on here all day and some people dig what I said. But I think it is because I am so into topics and so are most people on the spectrum. I can talk about topics all day. I just don’t understand andy thing but pure straight logic and analysis. People that oooh and aaaah over female subjects make me want to go jim of a bridge!!! I mostly can only talk to men and that makes women mad. But I don’t want their darn man. I just want to talk smack about topics which a man will more easily do. So no, I can’t identify with that question. I can’t do fake. I probably won’t be on her all day every day from now on. But I had been depressed for since June 18th when my adult son went no contact. So I allowed myself to be on here all day because this is the first time other than my best friend that I have been able to communicate with people much at all for a pretty good while. Plus I just wanted to see how this site was and it became an obsession. So later I will have to limit myself. I don’t feel judgement on here.

 

[SusanLR]

I am lost without the net. Use it for online connecting like here at the forum.
I do have a Facebook page and several people I know in real life but can't be with that much do to
distance as a way to keep in touch since I don't like phones and they don't either.
When I was a moderator for two entertainer's fan clubs, I had more FB followers that I didn't even know.
Now the two entertainers are older and not so famous and only people I really know follow me on FB.

Secondly I use the net for informational purposes all the time. News, weather, special interest stories,
look up maps/addresses/destinations, (don't have a smart phone), and also use Amazon a lot, but not for
clothes or shoes. I prefer to be able to feel the objects and try them on for fit first.
But, a lot of things you can't find in regular stores are on Amazon.
I like some on-line games too. Especially POGO site.

As far as my persona on-line vs RL...
Same as many others stated. Online I have anonimity and time to compose what I want to say.
Just going through RL in general I ignore people and tend not to go to social gatherings.
Sometimes I might have a conversation while waiting somewhere like a lobby, if someone starts talking with me first and it is about something I find rather interesting.
Just not those who start off with the let me tell you about my grand kids type of things.

 

[Crossbreed]

My interests are very eclectic and are difficult to find like-minded people who share them, in real life.

On-line, I can find one or more forums devoted to each one of them, like

• autism,
• 1:6 action dolls,
• onomastics/etymology, etc.

I am not a different person off-line. Conversations are just more mundane.

 

[Progster]

I use the internet as a source of information.
I use it for entertainment (listening to music, watching shows).
I use it to communicate - this forum, email clients, family, friends/acquaintances.
I use it for shopping.

 

[I love roses]

I am lost without the net. Use it for online connecting like here at the forum.
I do have a Facebook page and several people I know in real life but can't be with that much do to
distance as a way to keep in touch since I don't like phones and they don't either.
When I was a moderator for two entertainer's fan clubs, I had more FB followers that I didn't even know.
Now the two entertainers are older and not so famous and only people I really know follow me on FB.

Secondly I use the net for informational purposes all the time. News, weather, special interest stories,
look up maps/addresses/destinations, (don't have a smart phone), and also use Amazon a lot, but not for
clothes or shoes. I prefer to be able to feel the objects and try them on for fit first.
But, a lot of things you can't find in regular stores are on Amazon.
I like some on-line games too. Especially POGO site.

As far as my persona on-line vs RL...
Same as many others stated. Online I have anonimity and time to compose what I want to say.
Just going through RL in general I ignore people and tend not to go to social gatherings.
Sometimes I might have a conversation while waiting somewhere like a lobby, if someone starts talking with me first and it is about something I find rather interesting.
Just not those who start off with the let me tell you about my grand kids type of things.

Art shows at this one gallery really works for me because the same people come each month. The art becomes the default subject, light food and cheese keep the mouth and hands busy most of the time and if I drink the free wine the lips get loose. The anxiety is way less after wine. There is a bench where I can sit when I feel awkward around anyone and let’s me opt out. Then the newspaper journalist always takes most of our pictures and has us pose like we are all best of friends. It comes out in a magazine. After a long while after all this reinforcement many people just except everyone. Then when they run into me at Walmart which I jokingly refer to as the community center, theynwill come up on their own and speak to me. But it didn’t happen over night. After a while even a village idiot will be excepted in some capacity. But I don’t get best friends from it. But my anxiety never leaves 100%. But I do finally enjoy it and it relieves depression to get out.

 

[Nihil]

I use it because without it I would have even less interaction with people than I already do. Also, there's tons of cool stuff on the internet.

 

[Nihil]

I use it because without it I would have even less interaction with people than I already do. Also, there's tons of cool stuff on the internet.

Double post.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

being on message boards is really just responding to topics with your own view.

that's not how real life interactions work. if someone online said "hey, how are you today" I would probably be as lost at how to respond as in real life.

 

[Nervous Rex]

If someone online said "hey, how are you today" I would probably be as lost at how to respond as in real life.

I always was, until I just started using "canned" responses. When someone asks me, "How are you doing?", I say "Alive, awake, and agreeable" or "it's another day on the right side of the dirt", or some other response that I've just decided to use. It's basically a pre-recorded message so I don't have to think about how to reply.

 

[DCA]

I always was, until I just started using "canned" responses. When someone asks me, "How are you doing?", I say "Alive, awake, and agreeable" or "it's another day on the right side of the dirt", or some other response that I've just decided to use. It's basically a pre-recorded message so I don't have to think about how to reply.

I chalked this sort of interaction up to "language." I'm a lot simpler in my response. When someone asks me "How you doin'?" the response is always "Good..." though occasionally I make the mistake of talking about how I'm REALLY doing (which is not the reason why someone, such as NTs ask that question: it's a greeting not an invitation to share information) & get the subject changed after some superficial exchanges. The more you understand why that question is asked, though, the easier it will be to respond "appropriately..."

 

[SDRSpark]

I find I interact with people on the internet very differently than in real life. Online I seek validation and attention, develop ideas, process my thoughts, practice empathy, and build an identity. The rest of the time I zone out and just ignore people. It's strange. Interaction with people in real life irritates the crap out of me, but online I can't get enough.

Does anyone identify with this? Do you use the internet to regulate emotion and develop a sense of self? Is your online persona different from your real life persona? If so, are they both real versions of you, or is one fake?

How much do you "need" interaction via the internet?

I can have much more in depth, emotional, "real" conversations online - even with strangers - than I can in real life. My "real life" conversations are mostly focused on small talk, or superficial life events, or a shared interest. But online I can get into the really deep intimate kind of conversations.

My best guess is it's because I feel safer online since I don't have all the extra input from facial expressions, tone of voice etc to try to sort through. Also, people can choose to either read what I have to say, or not, so I'm not really afraid of making someone uncomfortable either. It's also easier to find people I have certain things in common with than it is in real life.

None of my closest friends live in the same state, or even on the same side of the country.

 

[Prometheus]

As an extension of my senses.