How does this go?

[Tom]

I feel some shame because I think a good amount of my kindness is rooted in a desire to feel worthy. But I think I have a lot of compassion too and it can be hard to know to what extent I act out of goodness or out of wanting to feel I’m good.

It has been said that self knowledge is the most difficult knowledge to acquire. And I think there is truth to that. At least for me it has been only slowly teased out over decades. So while the question of being on the spectrum may still be uncertain, in other aspects you seem quite ahead for your age.

 

[Sarah S]

Thanks Sarah. I am eager for answers. The soonest appointment I could schedule for testing is in five months. But seeing as I’ve gone without testing for 22 years I think I can bear the wait!

Just try to remain calm and have patience. It took them nearly 30 years to finally discover my ASD (i was 30) And i also suggest you read up on the other different often co morbid diagnosis within ADHD. It will blow youre mind to see how many other side diagnosis there is to ADHD (as i said one is ASD )

 

[Jojo_LB]

Hi, and welcome.

I'm autistic and have ADHD, so we'd probably have at least a few things in common!

I sense determination and a fighting spirit in your post. I wish you the best on your road to finding stability and peace and calm in your life.

 

[Fino]

Thanks Alex, I really appreciate your kindness. I feel like I’m in limbo more than anything but I’m trying to help myself and that feels better than not trying!

I feel some shame because I think a good amount of my kindness is rooted in a desire to feel worthy. But I think I have a lot of compassion too and it can be hard to know to what extent I act out of goodness or out of wanting to feel I’m good.

Thanks again for your words, they lifted my spirits

There are a lot of ways to feel worthy and ways to feel you're good, and most of those ways don't necessarily involve all that much kindness, often involving its opposites. Choosing kindness and compassion as your means of achieving self-worth should be a source of pride, not shame.

Goodness makes you feel good because you're good. When actions align with the Self, there is happiness. I also see this as a reason to feel gratitude, that it is in your nature to move in this direction.

But I understand where you're coming from, as I've gone through similar thought processes.

 

[100skerls]

It has been said that self knowledge is the most difficult knowledge to acquire. And I think there is truth to that. At least for me it has been only slowly teased out over decades. So while the question of being on the spectrum may still be uncertain, in other aspects you seem quite ahead for your age.

A lot of people have said I seem ahead of my years when I get to talking about the stuff I spend time thinking about but somehow I still feel I struggle with things that seem to come naturally for most people like eye contact (I make myself do it but don’t really know when to do it), reading facial expressions, and knowing what to do in social situations - especially if I feel there is pressure for me to know what to do.

For example I just started a nanny job about a month ago for a very wealthy family and I am used to being with only the kids but with this family the parents are often around and when they are I feel they expect me to know intuitively when to do and not do certain things. Maybe it’s when to come intervene during dinner if the kids are misbehaving. Maybe it’s whether to stay in the room or leave when they are saying goodnight to the kids. I can’t ever tell if they are tired and want me to distract the kids/ takeover or if they are welcoming the quality time/ want to handle things on their own. I end up just asking a lot for clarification from the mom and the other nannies or act on instinct and I am often then corrected. I think the mom is starting to doubt my competence.

 

[Tom]

A lot of people have said I seem ahead of my years when I get to talking about the stuff I spend time thinking about but somehow I still feel I struggle with things that seem to come naturally for most people like eye contact (I make myself do it but don’t really know when to do it), reading facial expressions, and knowing what to do in social situations - especially if I feel there is pressure for me to know what to do.

For example I just started a nanny job about a month ago for a very wealthy family and I am used to being with only the kids but with this family the parents are often around and when they are I feel they expect me to know intuitively when to do and not do certain things. Maybe it’s when to come intervene during dinner if the kids are misbehaving. Maybe it’s whether to stay in the room or leave when they are saying goodnight to the kids. I can’t ever tell if they are tired and want me to distract the kids/ takeover or if they are welcoming the quality time/ want to handle things on their own. I end up just asking a lot for clarification from the mom and the other nannies or act on instinct and I am often then corrected. I think the mom is starting to doubt my competence.

That is one of the main differences between ASD and NT folks: What comes naturally. One of the skills you can develop is learning over time and by experience what NT people expect. All employees (and employers) have strengths and weaknesses. One thing you can do is make the most of your strengths and openly admit you do better with assistance in other things (such as performing best with frequent direction). I do think most people do appreciate a worker who is honest and conscientious.

 

[100skerls]

Just try to remain calm and have patience. It took them nearly 30 years to finally discover my ASD (i was 30) And i also suggest you read up on the other different often co morbid diagnosis within ADHD. It will blow youre mind to see how many other side diagnosis there is to ADHD (as i said one is ASD )

I took an interesting quiz yesterday off this website Aspie Quiz and it gave me an 11 page list about what my answers might mean. It said that my answers suggested potential for my having ASD, OCD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, add/adhd, dyspraxia, and “attachment disorders”.

I think maybe I am not very OCD, or dyslexic, but dyscalculia probably, dyspraxia probably. I’m not really sure what it means by “attachment disorders” - if the meaning of the term is the same or different for people with ASD.

I’m quite anxious and sometimes think I’ve had on and off low-grade depression. I don’t know. There are a lot of things. But I don’t think I have as much of the mood disorder stuff. I have never been one to lash out.

If anyone knows of any tests online that are helpful and potentially accurate let me know!

That quiz I took also gave me a colorful little map which I thought was kind of cool. It says on the site the info will be used for research but not sure if it’s actually reliable.

 

[Jojo_LB]

I think Tom's advice is pretty spot on.

But I can't help thinking this: Why in the world are you a nanny to children whose parents are there often?? I mean, it's great you are getting money for this but... ah well. I just don't understand rich people (I don't want to understand rich people). And that's an entirely different thread altogether lol

I can totally understand why you feel confused about your role there. Hell I would be confused if I were in your position. In my head, I'd be like, "Why am I even here? Oh yeah, money!"

I would be so inclined to say, "You obviously don't need me, you can take care of your own children," but since you need the money (my goodness I hope they're paying you well) and that would not be helpful, I say, definitely get some clarification on what is expected of you while they're there.

 

[Tom]

I’m not really sure what it means by “attachment disorders”

I think that means when you have difficulty with things like hanging pictures on the wall, or gluing things together, or when you glue yourself to the project accidentally, etc.

 

[Sarah S]

I took an interesting quiz yesterday off this website Aspie Quiz and it gave me an 11 page list about what my answers might mean. It said that my answers suggested potential for my having ASD, OCD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, add/adhd, dyspraxia, and “attachment disorders”.

I think maybe I am not very OCD, or dyslexic, but dyscalculia probably, dyspraxia probably. I’m not really sure what it means by “attachment disorders” - if the meaning of the term is the same or different for people with ASD.

I’m quite anxious and sometimes think I’ve had on and off low-grade depression. I don’t know. There are a lot of things. But I don’t think I have as much of the mood disorder stuff. I have never been one to lash out.

If anyone knows of any tests online that are helpful and potentially accurate let me know!

That quiz I took also gave me a colorful little map which I thought was kind of cool. It says on the site the info will be used for research but not sure if it’s actually reliable.

If you look at my signature and my profile you see i have Multiple other diagnosis as well all often co morbid to ADHD & ASD

What you have to keep in mind with this online tests is there NOT meant as diagnose tool only there to give you hint that you have or dont have Autistic traits or other learning disabilities etc... . ONLY a professional diagnostic doctor can make said diagnose .

Belive me i understand how this must all feel for you as i have just recently (last year or so finally start to get some more puzzle pieces in all my diagnosis and being able to finally get some since in who i am and why i am and so on

Attachment disorder is Attachment disorder - Wikipedia

Heres a list of some other Co morbid diagnosis to ADHD http://cdn.intechopen.com/pdfs/28240/InTech-Adhd_and_comorbid_conditions.pdf

 

[100skerls]

Hi, and welcome.

I'm autistic and have ADHD, so we'd probably have at least a few things in common!

I sense determination and a fighting spirit in your post. I wish you the best on your road to finding stability and peace and calm in your life.

Thank you!!!!

 

[100skerls]

There are a lot of ways to feel worthy and ways to feel you're good, and most of those ways don't necessarily involve all that much kindness, often involving its opposites. Choosing kindness and compassion as your means of achieving self-worth should be a source of pride, not shame.

Goodness makes you feel good because you're good. When actions align with the Self, there is happiness. I also see this as a reason to feel gratitude, that it is in your nature to move in this direction.

But I understand where you're coming from, as I've gone through similar thought processes.

I think you’re right. Thanks so much for your perspective! I tend to want to question my motives because I think that people want to think they are good and sometimes ignore the bad in the process.

 

[Fino]

Your username is awesome!

 

[100skerls]

That is one of the main differences between ASD and NT folks: What comes naturally. One of the skills you can develop is learning over time and by experience what NT people expect. All employees (and employers) have strengths and weaknesses. One thing you can do is make the most of your strengths and openly admit you do better with assistance in other things (such as performing best with frequent direction). I do think most people do appreciate a worker who is honest and conscientious.

Yes I’ve said to the head nanny that I can get confused and direction is helpful for me. She told me she doesn’t think the parents would want to go through the trouble of having tell me things directly but I’ll probably tell them I’d like clear direction if I can’t catch on soon.

 

[100skerls]

I think Tom's advice is pretty spot on.

But I can't help thinking this: Why in the world are you a nanny to children whose parents are there often?? I mean, it's great you are getting money for this but... ah well. I just don't understand rich people (I don't want to understand rich people). And that's an entirely different thread altogether lol

I can totally understand why you feel confused about your role there. Hell I would be confused if I were in your position. In my head, I'd be like, "Why am I even here? Oh yeah, money!"

I would be so inclined to say, "You obviously don't need me, you can take care of your own children," but since you need the money (my goodness I hope they're paying you well) and that would not be helpful, I say, definitely get some clarification on what is expected of you while they're there.

Yes, The very wealthy bother me. They don’t do anything for themselves and they waste a lot. I’m always taking home food so it doesn’t get thrown away. I don’t eat meat though so most of it does go in the trash.

But the reason I work for them is because the mother has a lot of problems and the medicine she takes for her problems makes her unable to do much because it takes away a lot of her energy. She also says yes to them a lot and doesn’t like discipline so the boys aren’t very well behaved around her which makes them need extra help.

They pay me ok. $18 an hour. I get a raise in a few months to I think $20. I think it’s pretty good payment but I have some job offers for $20 an hour so I sometimes feel that they ought to pay me a bit more because working for them is a lot of work because of the discipline issues and the mom. But I am ok with it overall I think.

 

[Jojo_LB]

Yes, The very wealthy bother me. They don’t do anything for themselves and they waste a lot. I’m always taking home food so it doesn’t get thrown away. I don’t eat meat though so most of it does go in the trash.

But the reason I work for them is because the mother has a lot of problems and the medicine she takes for her problems makes her unable to do much because it takes away a lot of her energy. She also says yes to them and doesn’t like discipline so the boys aren’t very well behaved around her which makes them need extra help.

They pay me ok. $18 an hour. I get a raise in a few months to I think $20. I think it’s pretty good payment but I have some job offers for $20 an hour so I sometimes feel that they ought to pay me a bit more because working for them is a lot of work because of the discipline issues and the mom. But I am ok with it overall I think.

I see. Well, hopefully your employers will give you some guidance. It's perfectly reasonable for you to ask what they want you to do.

 

[100skerls]

I think that means when you have difficulty with things like hanging pictures on the wall, or gluing things together, or when you glue yourself to the project accidentally, etc.

Haha!!

 

[100skerls]

If you look at my signature and my profile you see i have Multiple other diagnosis as well all often co morbid to ADHD & ASD

What you have to keep in mind with this online tests is there NOT meant as diagnose tool only there to give you hint that you have or dont have Autistic traits or other learning disabilities etc... . ONLY a professional diagnostic doctor can make said diagnose .

Belive me i understand how this must all feel for you as i have just recently (last year or so finally start to get some more puzzle pieces in all my diagnosis and being able to finally get some since in who i am and why i am and so on

Attachment disorder is Attachment disorder - Wikipedia

Heres a list of some other Co morbid diagnosis to ADHD http://cdn.intechopen.com/pdfs/28240/InTech-Adhd_and_comorbid_conditions.pdf

Yes I know better than to use the internet but it’s just so tempting! I’m trying to find a doctor who can see me sooner. I might not even have time in the Fall after school starts.

 

[100skerls]

Your username is awesome!

Thanks! I love squirrels

 

[Fino]

Thanks! I love squirrels

My dad loves squirrels. We have portraits of them like they're his children.

I love ducks.