How frequently do you ruminate about the things you have done wrong or wish you had not done at all?

[Gracey]

sometimes I think it can be helpful to ruminate.

If we're talking about rumination being 'a deep and considered thought'

I can ruminate before carrying out a specific task or in self help/self discovery.

I'm supposing the trick is not to get stuck in the negatives.
- mentally beating oneself up for not being perfect, getting things wrong?

We're allowed to make mistakes.

Over my lifetime to date I've got more wrong than I've got right.

I wouldn't be the 'acquired taste' I am today if I'd coasted through life seamlessly.
Mistakes are important for learning.
Can't move forward or make changes without them.

 

[Aspychata]

To me ruminate has a negative connotation. And l consider it as stim to help me realise things are outside of my control. l have occasionally become extremely frustrated that l like my independence and freedom and l feel that society needs to respect this. So l occasionally ruminate on this. lol

 

[Ken]

It has only been the last few months since my ruminating has not been very destructive. It was only a few months ago that I discovered what autism and Asperger’s was and realized that that defines my life. That discovery was a monumental revelation for me. Before, I was in deep depression and self-loathing about 85-90 percent of my life, feeling that I could not understand or control myself. I learned that being autistic means that there are elements of life, particularly social, that I am indeed blind to - literally incapable of sensing or understanding. That revelation didn’t fix the blindness, but it does explain it. Now, I follow the logic that someone who is visually blind can’t be shamed for running into a wall or any such mistake that requires vision. This helps me to know that I had no way of knowing that I was hurting someone.

I still feel bad, but now when I ruminate about the bad things, instead of looking at the incident as a snapshot, I view the timeline up to and primarily beyond the incident. With that, I can see that many of the bad incidents, over time, evolved into a very good thing that is unlikely to have occurred if not for that distant bad incident.

At this point in my life, I feel that my life has turned out profoundly better than I ever imagined all the years prior. Now it is clear to see that I have achieved my childhood dreams that always seemed an impossible fantasy, and I also realize none of it could have happened if not for the Asperger’s. The depression has been so great, that even though I had actually achieved my fantasy dream I didn’t realize it. While the Asperger’s has cause me a lifetime of deep sorrow, I now realize that it did something far greater - even fantasy level greater. It has made my life... A very good life.

So, I guess my two cents worth is to realize that all these “bad” things you have done or said is not a stand-alone event. It is on a life’s timeline and the results have either not yet been reached or, just like me a few months ago, you haven’t yet realized the good results it has already produced.

 

[Ines]

I became a terrible ruminator for years. But I've been working with a therapist this year to try and overcome that and I'm finding now that I have 'more' control over it. Not total control, but more. To be clear the thoughts still come up regularly but I spend less time on them now before I move myself on to something more productive.

It's a real issue to me, something I really struggle with and that is preventing me from letting go. I would be interested to know what techniques you use and how you have regained a little bit of control over this.

 

[Aspychata]

Today l did ruim, about poor choices like getting married. It brought on so many personal problems for me. I feel so bad l gave up my freedom then l would spend the rest of my lifetime ruminating about that poor choice.

 

[BraidedPony]

Re: getting married, it seemed like a good idea at the time! I made a mistake marrying Mr. Wonderful, but I don't really ruminate about it. I miss the cat something fierce though.

 

[Aspychata]

l tried to get the cat but l couldn't. l love the cat and the cute little dog. He took my money, the animals, my daughter and 18 years of my life and never even loved me. But l take responsibility, l was the idiot that believed his lies.

BraidedPony and Aspychata need their own divorce ruimnating post. lol

 

[Ines]

It has only been the last few months since my ruminating has not been very destructive. It was only a few months ago that I discovered what autism and Asperger’s was and realized that that defines my life. That discovery was a monumental revelation for me. Before, I was in deep depression and self-loathing about 85-90 percent of my life, feeling that I could not understand or control myself. I learned that being autistic means that there are elements of life, particularly social, that I am indeed blind to - literally incapable of sensing or understanding. That revelation didn’t fix the blindness, but it does explain it. Now, I follow the logic that someone who is visually blind can’t be shamed for running into a wall or any such mistake that requires vision. This helps me to know that I had no way of knowing that I was hurting someone.

I still feel bad, but now when I ruminate about the bad things, instead of looking at the incident as a snapshot, I view the timeline up to and primarily beyond the incident. With that, I can see that many of the bad incidents, over time, evolved into a very good thing that is unlikely to have occurred if not for that distant bad incident.

At this point in my life, I feel that my life has turned out profoundly better than I ever imagined all the years prior. Now it is clear to see that I have achieved my childhood dreams that always seemed an impossible fantasy, and I also realize none of it could have happened if not for the Asperger’s. The depression has been so great, that even though I had actually achieved my fantasy dream I didn’t realize it. While the Asperger’s has cause me a lifetime of deep sorrow, I now realize that it did something far greater - even fantasy level greater. It has made my life... A very good life.

So, I guess my two cents worth is to realize that all these “bad” things you have done or said is not a stand-alone event. It is on a life’s timeline and the results have either not yet been reached or, just like me a few months ago, you haven’t yet realized the good results it has already produced.

Thank you for this, what a positive outlook. Since I was diagnosed three months ago, I have been wondering if it is indeed possible to regain faith in yourself and the future. I am glad you did, maybe I can too.

 

[tree]

https://getpocket.com/collections/a...to-do-about-it?utm_source=pocket-newtab-en-us
Collection of 11 articles on the subject,
including one about using rumination in
a positive way.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

All the time esp when it is high stakes and I am worried.
I used to do this when I was younger then I thought why bother because it is no point blaming yourself for trauma or something that is not your fault. So I let go of certain situations knowing it was not my fault.
However it is still something I can fall back into wishing things were thinking things were different especially when I am not doing well.
Esp..with ocd ruminations I thought I was a criminal person
However once I validated them as ocd, they fled a lot.

 

[FoxLovinPat]

I dunno if this counts as ruminating or not but I'll often after a conversation/social interaction with someone wonder how I came off to them, if I came off we annoying or strange or anything. However I feel like this is more of a result of my anxiety as I worry too much about what other people might think of me.. I blame my father for that one. x.x

I'll also often feel awful after a social interaction where I caused someone to become upset, either because I inadvertently said something that upset them or because I brought something up that's a sensitive subject to them and then end up triggered as a result. I know typically I'm quickly forgiven for these things but I still feel awful about it.


There's also a recurring thing I ruminate on... That's being my middle/high school experience but not for the typical reasons such as bullying or drama or anything but Because I didn't do too well in it.
I'm not sure if I should get into all that on this thread or start my own to delve into it, as I have been wanting to see if I could get some advice from this community about it.
Long story short I'm stuck on wondering how much of my can he excused/dismissed as me having troubles due to being on the spectrum and/or not having enough help and support and how much of it was actually me being lazy.

 

[Misty Avich]

I ruminate a lot, mostly about my teenage years. I know I could have done a lot better. I was very sociable and craved friendships, yet I didn't make much effort to help myself become more accepted, if that makes sense. I was stubborn and set in my ways, and lived in this fantasy world where teenagers don't mind how you look or what interests you have, they'll kindly be your friend no matter what. But I realised through plenty of agonising social rejection that the real world isn't as simple as that. To fit in with your peers you need to make the effort first. And the social rejection I faced then has shaped who I am as an adult. People say "forget about your teenage years, that was in the past" but it's not always as easy as that. The memories still stick in my mind and the past can have an effect on the present. If I could go back in time and be a little more approachable as a teenager then maybe I might be different now and might have stepped into adulthood with more confidence, less social trauma, and better memories to look back on.