How lonely and alone are you?

[CJinherPJs]

When not at university or working, I spend most of my time alone. I live with my parents and brother, all of whom I'm close to, but I don't go out socially. I know a lot of people on a surface level, but I don't think I'd classify any of them as "friends" and I doubt they would consider me as such, and that's fine with me. Although I enjoy having conversations with people, there's only so much interaction I can handle before I want to retreat and be alone again. I rarely feel lonely these days; I'm content with the level of interaction I'm getting, although sometimes I think it would be nice if I wasn't so guarded and able to put myself out there a bit more.

 

[Nolan1971]

I am very lonely. I have lived alone for 7yrs after my divorce and I really hate it!
I lived with my ex wife for 13 yrs so I go used to and enjoyed someone always being there daily.
I used to always have a bunch of pets on average a cat, hamster, fish & snake to keep me company as well.
Not having a job for over a year only makes the loneliness worse. If I had more friends to hang out with then I could be happy enough
to go home to just my cat. I really wish I could have more pets including a dog that would also help.

 

[Dustman319]

There are times where it's just me my video games, internet &/or braille & I can be fine for days. There are times where I can talk to someone for hours, sometimes that person is fine with that, other times I get the hint that I'm talking too much & I have no ill will toward that person, sometimes I get depressed.
I was taken out of school after 6th grade when I was 12. Until I got my first when I was 19 in 2001, for 6 years the only contact with people I had was family & my family was so dysfunctional(some were verbally abusive, other treated me like a black-sheep) I think that's why I feel alone even when I'm around other people. It feels like when after I've been around my friends, it's not enough. It will take awhile to shake that feeling alone. The first friend I had since school was in 2006 when I was 24, 12 years since I was last in school.
I normally don't talk about stuff like that. It felt good to type it down.

 

[Drake Marino]

Oddly enough, I think that I'm the most NT of all of us in that I want to have friends, even though I suffer from just straight fear when it comes to talking to other people, which makes it hard to have friends.

Truthfully, I haven't really felt anything when it comes to being alone or being in company but I can point to several times in which I just wanted to be alone.[/

You're not the only one. I strongly desire to have friends and a social life, it's just that I don't really know how to effectively socialize, so I come off as aloof and reserved when I don't talk to people, yet when I try to it can be awkward at times.

 

[Judge]

You're not the only one. I strongly desire to have friends and a social life, it's just that I don't really know how to effectively socialize, so I come off as aloof and reserved when I don't talk to people, yet when I try to it can be awkward at times.

It's tough to find new people, let alone not be comfortable with them and be able to strike up a conversation where you aren't concerned about saying the wrong thing, or remaining relatively silent and simply being ignored in the process. A basic source of frustration in being an Aspie I suppose.

Instead of having a good time, I'm working the problem.

 

[Drake Marino]

It's tough to find new people, let alone not be comfortable with them and be able to strike up a conversation where you aren't concerned about saying the wrong thing, or remaining relatively silent and simply being ignored in the process. A basic source of frustration in being an Aspie I suppose.

Instead of having a good time, I'm working the problem.

I'm generally fairly good at one-on-one conversation, but when I'm in a group conversation I don't say much because I can't effectively process everything and develop a quick, relevent contribution to the conversation. It's so frustrating because NTs just can't comprehend how much trouble aspies tend to have with this.

 

[kcaco]

Hi All,

I am lonely and I am alone, but I do not generally like people very much as I find them too superficial and stupid.

I have a very small core group of friends and family which is getting smaller as Life Happens, and with whom I have increasingly limited contact. For most of my life I was somewhat of a loner as I did not feel that I fit in, and this didn't bother me until about 8 years ago when I became almost overnight incredibly lonely to the point where it became a major psychological issue.

I came to this forum to understand AS as it had been suggested that a family member exhibited AS traits. As for that, I am not convinced that they fit the general type (what ever that may be but there are indeed some ticks in the boxes.

Interesting is for me is that I have recognised certain (mostly minor) traits in myself that may be indicative of AS, although again I don't think that I fit the general type.
Some examples: I hate to wear synthetic materials as they feel so uncomfortable on my skin, and always cut off clothing labels; I have very few friends and find it difficult to make/maintain friendships; I get easily confused and tired in noisy stimulating environments; noises are physically painful as is light sometimes; I can't follow movie plots; I used to keep quiet in social situations as I was scared I would say inappropriate things. I don't take things like sayings literally, but find it difficult to learn/understand conceptual ideas. There are other things too.

Most of these uncomfortable things I manage OK by developing coping & compensation mechanisms.

The point is that I don't think that I have AS, but can identify well with some of things that other members have said on this forum and I ask the question if any of us are really completely 'normal' (again whatever that means Reading what some members have said, AS may clearly be very debilitating for some, and I do not intend to minimise their pain, but for others (and perhaps myself and millions of other people that appear reasonably normal to society in general) they are just somewhere in the middle third of a continuum between severe impact and no impact. And can anyone really say with 100% certainty that they are normal!?

 

[Gaukudix]

(New Here, Getting used to system)

I would consider myself quite social for an Aspie, in that I enjoy associating with people in social places. Although i cannot abide for small talk most of the time. It has to be about something important or interesting. Often i do spend days at home alone, wondering why i don't go out as much as other people, until I remember that i really am comfortable here on my one-some.

I used to think this was a bad thing, until i found this quote

"If you are lonely when you are alone, then you are in bad company" Sartre (Allegedly)

And I think that can summarize my comfort with being alone, and my comfort with loneliness.

 

[Jeff]

Very lonely.. ahh. I'm not sure if i should be avoiding being negative on here to avoid being known as such..
But I am lonely. I wake up alone, I fall asleep alone. Most days I don't interact with people at all. I can't deal with people anyway, it's exhaustive, tedious, uncomfortable. Therefor, I don't desire acquaintances or even 'friends'.

I just wish I had someone to fall asleep with. Or to cuddle with just so everything will feel alright even if it's not.

But I feel like a ****, like no one will ever want me and that I'm worthless. I've pushed people away my whole life and fear getting close, even if it's what I want.
:banghead:

 

[Judge]

Very lonely.. ahh. I'm not sure if i should be avoiding being negative on here to avoid being known as such..

Say what you feel, not what you think others expect. We Aspies get enough of that in the outside world.

 

[MoCoffee]

I am a solitary soul. I feel best when I am alone. I used to want to have friends so I would be "normal" and accepted, yet the loneliest time of my life was while I was married.

 

[Fluttershy]

I'm pretty lonely. Other than my partner, I don't really have anyone I'm close to or hang out with. I also have kind of high standards for friends. But I'm kind of contradictory. If I feel smothered I tend to push people away, but sometimes I smother people myself.

 

[anne.bc]

I have come to accept that not everyone likes me or will like me and that I still have people that care.

I still can't help but feel incomplete because I like some people that don't really return the same affection. I sometimes feel like I won't make any more friends now that I have graduated from college, but that's when work buddies come in. Which I don't have yet. My fiancé Sean and I are becoming good friends with his boss. :laugh:

 

[Nolan1971]

I have come to accept that not everyone likes me or will like me and that I still have people that care.

I still can't help but feel incomplete because I like some people that don't really return the same affection. I sometimes feel like I won't make any more friends now that I have graduated from college, but that's when work buddies come in. Which I don't have yet. My fiancé Sean and I are becoming good friends with his boss. :laugh:

We love you here Anne! It sucks but don't stop trying.

 

[Judge]

I sometimes feel like I won't make any more friends now that I have graduated from college, but that's when work buddies come in. Which I don't have yet. My fiancé Sean and I are becoming good friends with his boss. :laugh:

I think in many cases that's just how things pan out as an adult.

That your social life is likely to revolve mostly around those you work with. Which can be very good, very bad, or a little of both. You'll find new friends, but that sometimes they come with issues you wouldn't have with school mates alone.

 

[anne.bc]

I think in many cases that's just how things pan out as an adult.

That your social life is likely to revolve mostly around those you work with. Which can be very good, very bad, or a little of both. You'll find new friends, but that sometimes they come with issues you wouldn't have with school mates alone.

I feel like I scare people because I'm too weird. I don't change for anyone but me, so I guess they are missing out. Too bad that some of my fraternity sisters aren't really warming up to me. We're supposed to be there for one another and very few of them are giving me the cold shoulder. It could have been worse then... Haha oh well, at least I still have my fiancé, my best friend, my band mates and coffee. ;D

 

[Judge]

Haha oh well, at least I still have my fiancé, my best friend, my band mates and coffee. ;D

That's a lot from my perspective. Be content with what you have.

Movies: "The Big Chill", and "St. Elmo's Fire". The theme: After school, people change...they grow. They evolve. And it's ok.

 

[Dust Storm]

honestly, pretty damn lonely, i ahve 1 irl friend and that's it

 

[MoCoffee]

I've been reading your posts, and I'm sorry to hear so many of you are lonely. Reading these posts also makes me see that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I don't feel lonely. I would much rather have e-friends, than deal with people face to face. I spend as little time with friends and family as I can get away with.

When I was a child, I wanted friends, but I think it was more a matter of wanting to be "normal" rather than being lonely. I just can't handle being with other people. It kind of creeps me out. How weird is that?

 

[grapesicles]

When I was a child, I wanted friends, but I think it was more a matter of wanting to be "normal" rather than being lonely. I just can't handle being with other people. It kind of creeps me out. How weird is that?

Not weird in the least In typical social situations my brain kind of shuts down when I've had enough of being around other people and I make some excuse to leave. I have a small handful of very good friend plus the boyfriend (all male) as well as select family members who I'm happy to spend longer amounts of time with, since they understand me a lot better than most.

I realised today I absolutely have the trait of generally not tolerating small talk - it's funny in a way how you think you don't have a certain trait and then catch yourself being a prime example over and over. I usually say as little as possible, or if I'm trying to be super-polite I'll attempt to maybe think of question to ask and then not say anything else.

In general I don't feel lonely since I do have a very kind boyfriend, but I wish family members and other people in my life were more understanding about AS. I've always wanted a female best friend to share my girly interests with, but I'm also perfectly happy spending long amounts of time by myself.