How long until people figure out you're weird?

[Progster]

I have no idea when people figure out that I'm weird because I have no idea what people think of me and people don't usually express an opinion, good or bad. Also, it depends on how you define 'weird'. One year I got a birthday card from my sister which said "to the greatest friend in the world" and she had crossed out "greatest" and replaced it with "strangest". I always had the idea that people might think I'm wierd, or a bit different, though. I once asked a friend if she thought I was weird, and she said that I walked weird. But she wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't asked her.

One of my students who I know well and have a closer relationship with has told me on several occasions that I'm weird. He thinks that this is ok, because he's a bit weird too, but not as weird as I am. He also told me that he is constantly amazed at what I know and what I don't know

 

[clg114]

Well, I am your typical grumpy, old man who doesn't really care what other people think about me. Most of my contact with other people is because they want something from me, which probably has something to do with my attitude. I do not tell people that I am a Aspie, but I do not hide it ether. People probably see me as weird right from the get go.

 

[Spiller]

People seem to see me as weird straight away and never interact with me at all.. unless I ask them about it, in which case they say I'm fine - only they still never talk to me later..

..Weird!

 

[Slithytoves]

People seem to see me as weird straight away and never interact with me at all.. unless I ask them about it, in which case they say I'm fine - only they still never talk to me later..

..Weird!

I always wonder what I would have thought of some of my friends on AC had I originally encountered them in person. I'd like to think I can see who a person is pretty easily, but who knows? The weird factor only puts me off if it's an extreme, visual kind of weird that registers to me as hostile or unfriendly. Garden-variety "weird" vibes actually pique my interest more than anything.

I guess some people aren't very brave, or curious. No risk, no rewards, I say.

 

[tree]

I am surprised by the number of responses by people indicating that they believe
other people almost immediately evaluate them as 'weird.' This question seemed
particularly empty to me. Just a loaded question along the lines of 'when did you
stop beating your wife?'

I do not anticipate that people will think I am 'weird.'
It is more likely the reverse will happen.
I will consider other people to be peculiar/odd/"strange."
Strange in the sense of-----being not me.

The secondary dictionary definition of the word, 'strange'--
"not previously visited, seen, or encountered; unfamiliar or alien."

 

[Spiller]

I do not anticipate that people will think I am 'weird.'
It is more likely the reverse will happen.
I will consider other people to be peculiar/odd/"strange."
Strange in the sense of-----being not me.

I wonder how individuals' experience of low self esteem plays a part here?

I recognize a strong tendency in myself (I'm battling it fiercely) to compare and rate others as worth more than me - in intellect, success, appearance, whatever.. due to my chronic low self esteem.
So I think I assume, by default, that it's me who is weird as I know I'm different anyway.

Perhaps, if I was comfortable in my difference, my outward behavior would reflect that and I'd see a noticeable return.

Can I ask you, tree, if you have self esteem issues? Are you introverted or extroverted?

I always wonder what I would have thought of some of my friends on AC had I originally encountered them in person. I'd like to think I can see who a person is pretty easily, but who knows? The weird factor only puts me off if it's an extreme, visual kind of weird that registers to me as hostile or unfriendly. Garden-variety "weird" vibes actually pique my interest more than anything.

I guess some people aren't very brave, or curious. No risk, no rewards, I say.

I think that, if you fall outside the Bell-curve distribution of 'normal', the majority of that group would tend to disregard your presence as outside their range of typical interest, a kind of socialising instinct, maybe.
No slight to NT's here, I spent 6 months sitting in a pub every night for one drink, attempting to become 'a regular' and make friends - didn't work, I just sat there by myself, other than three brief conversations I managed to start and two fights I narrowly avoided (no idea at all what they were about).
I'm always intruigued by peoples' differences myself and, as I said in response to Tree, wonder if self esteem and in/extroversion are the bottom line here..

 

[Slithytoves]

I'm always intruigued by peoples' differences myself and, as I said in response to Tree, wonder if self esteem and in/extroversion are the bottom line here..

You're probably on to something with the in-/extroversion thing. People definitely give off closed/open vibes, though it can be for reasons beyond just personality type. Trauma, pain, and self-esteem (like you said). We must have some kind of vestigial aptitude for sensing injury. When I've been very depressed, people keep their distance even when I put a bold, smiling face on it. When I'm feeling genuinely good, I'm like a magnet for strangers if I'm out alone, for better or for worse.

I can't remember -- has anybody tried to define "weird" here? It seems like it would be subjective, to an extent.

 

[ancusmitis]

I can't remember -- has anybody tried to define "weird" here? It seems like it would be subjective, to an extent.

Unusual, clever, outside-context...but those are only synonyms

 

[Spiller]

Weird (slang term)- thinking/behavior outside the social norm.
Social norm - arbitrary peer-constructed parameters/framework within which currently acceptable thinking/behavior can be measured.

 

[Cerulean]

Two encounters.

I feel like it's more acceptable to be shy and not join in a group the first time you're there, but if everyone is nice and tries to talk to you, then the next time you are in the group it's expected you be social. But I'm usually not. Noticed this last night at my second night at bible study. I felt guilty for acting 'antisocial' so I went and stood in the kitchen where everybody was. It was awkward.

 

[tree]

Spiller "Can I ask you, tree, if you have self esteem issues? Are you introverted or extroverted?"

Not sure what you're getting at with the first question. Maybe 'issue' has taken the place of the much
older term 'complex.' Any person considers any topic to a greater or lesser degree. To say one has
issues or a complex indicates nothing regarding the volume of concern.

I am an introverted person.
My favorite topic of study is myself.

 

[Judge]

My official response to such a concern:

 

[Moore]

Never, unless I choose to drop my façade and be myself. I am very good at passing. I have friends I've known for twenty years or more that have no idea I'm an aspie and, wouldn't believe me if I told them, which I never would because they are not the sort to see me as anything but retarded if they knew.

I completely agree. No one notices or thinks I'm weird unless I know them well enough to be myself. That's probably around 5 people. I also like to view it as awesome instead of weird. Recently self diagnosed but as an adult I have grown to love the fact that I think differently. Sometimes pretending to be normal can be boring and physically draining, but I avoid situations that causes me to try too hard.

 

[Spiller]

Spiller "Can I ask you, tree, if you have self esteem issues? Are you introverted or extroverted?"

Not sure what you're getting at with the first question. Maybe 'issue' has taken the place of the much
older term 'complex.' Any person considers any topic to a greater or lesser degree. To say one has
issues or a complex indicates nothing regarding the volume of concern.

I am an introverted person.
My favorite topic of study is myself.

Apologies, tree, for the lack of specificity, though you've answered half my query, thank you.
I'm introverted and have a chronic low self esteem - I'm constantly working to build that up though.. difficult task, but fruitful.
I was asking if you had a high or low self esteem (complex is still a good word) that you might consider has affected how you view yourself in peer situations..
..I'm aware that this is rather subjective thing to ponder, but:

"I do not anticipate that people will think I am 'weird.'
It is more likely the reverse will happen.
I will consider other people to be peculiar/odd/"strange."

Nope, my first reaction is to think that they think I'm weird - I then have to have a whole rational conversation with myself where I conclude with something like, "Don't worry, I'm cool, that whole time they were staring at me they were probably thinking about Football, or something."

 

[Tom]

Not long.

 

[Warmheart]

What? ....... Why would they find me weird?...

 

[ChrisC1983]

"weird" in the sense that i'm not going to fit into a lot of typical expectations? almost instantly (i wear cartoon shirts a lot and work with antiques..)
"weird" in the sense that i'm significantly different from them and many others they've met to the point where i may be outright confusing, offputting, or unable to be understood? well... some of my family hasn't figured that out yet. ie: my father, who i still live with to this day

 

[Major]

I have no idea if people think I'm weird. I don't really talk to many people. I think I'm weird when I watch other people and it bothers me a lot lately because I recently realized how weird I am. Really weird. I didn't have a problem with it until more recently. I don't think I knew it was weird to be weird.. I thought it was just okay to do what ever you felt like in life. I didn't realize until this last year that me being weird is why I was treated like I was and now it bothers me. In the past I have been more told I am a "trouble maker" or "goof off" or "slow" by adult figures - "retarded" "stupid" and more by peers and family just says I don't try hard enough or "she has problems". So I assume that's how I am viewed but it's all wrong, I am none of those things. But weird. Yeah I'm weird. Actually my mother in law definitely thinks I'm "weird". I have been trying to figure out if my doctor thinks I'm weird but she always has a good cop out answer "everyone is different"

 

[cherryq]

I tend to assume that people think I am weird, particularly because I am very quiet/shy and often stand on the perimeter of groups listening but never really looking at who is talking. One-on-one, I can sometimes pass for slightly longer than in group settings, but oftentimes my lack of eye contact/poorly executed eye contact gives me away. Literal thinking gives me away, too, because I am terrible at catching when people are joking, using irony, or being sarcastic. Even my friends will call me weird sometimes, though they will follow it up by saying they're joking? I'm not sure why they do that. Joking makes no sense to me, especially when the joke puts someone else down. Other words that have been used to describe me include "too quiet," "bookworm" (used with a negative connotation), "different," "quirky," "strange," or "lacking common sense." These labels have been placed on me endlessly since at least Kindergarten (18 years ago), and I have finally began accepting that perhaps I might actually be "weird." I've tried calling some of my traits that fall outside of the social norm "weird" when speaking with my friends about them (if they bring something up that I have done), but it just feels wrong to be so down on myself. Overall, it's a constant battle to figure out where the weirdness actually lies. Am I the "weird" one, or are those putting me down actually the "weird" ones?

 

[Aspieistj]

Well, if the don't dislike me immediately upon meeting me because I am overweight, it usually takes about 5 minutes. I don't vibrate on a "normal" wavelength and don't last very long pretending.