I'm anxious about most everything, like when i'm living home i became excessively worried about if i have everything, and i do check things like 10 times each thing. The travel to there is just stressful, like if something happens, i think what i will say to every situation that comes to my mind, and they are a lot, or i just think i'm on the wrong bus even if i check it a lot of times. Being surrounded by people makes me be very stressful, like i start to think that they talking about me, making fun of me, even if i'm able to check it. In class i do well with others and i can speak to then (like an aspie (although they just i'm shy)) but i became in such a stress that i sometimes have difficulties in moving, and my body starts to hurt. Anything make me became lost in my mind and i'm always thinking which with that stress i became exhaust and the day didn't even end. And in the way back home the same stress i had to go there. Sometimes it is so intense that i start to cry and my head hurt me a lot. Also happened sometimes that i started to laugh and to cry or being hyperactive and then sleepy.
I do take medications, i don't know the name, which is an injection, for sleep, to be calm and for hallucinations. I still don't want to be dependent to medication 'cause it takes part of my intelligence and i want to study in a lab of chemistry ( which i already of one diploma, which makes me able to work at this) and i need to be normal. I feel that after i start to take medications i'm not has smart has i was before and this make feel sad.
Another problem is that many times i feel such an intense feeling that i can't move and my head hurt me a lot. Like when i have depression i became stopped and i badly think about suicide, i just don't have the physical strength to do it. Or about frustration, i'm doing something that i like and suddenly i feel that nothing that i do have any meaning to life, until i feel that my life has no meaning, and just became stopped again.