How to deal with people who do not fullfill promises

[paloftoon]

Another "secret" is that people in general like positive things. No matter how bad a situation may seem, unless you know they are close friends with you, it's generally better to keep things positive or find a way to keep things positive. Worst case scenario, say it's too personal, or too depressing. If that person still asks, then the decision is up to you at that point and how you feel about that person.

 

[The Penguin]

I set high expectations too, and this has worked better for me. still relatively unhappy, but at least I finally understand it's not really me and it's them. Sounds like you are in a very similar situation. Don't shut them out completely, but if you've already initiated once or twice and they don't reciprocate, then move on. Don't completely shut the door, but keep leading them on to call and keep implying that you'll believe it when it actually happens. If the conversation keeps going on with excuses, just tell them that everyone is busy and has their own issues, and if and when the time comes, you will know. Also, you can let them know that you can't wait around for things to happen and that your idea of hanging out and what a friend versus acquaintance is may be different than what they say. The real truth of the matter is, a lot of people just don't want to be open about it. So, they play all the "games", not with the intention of playing the games necessarily, but it's accepted socially. I've also been too open with certain people on and off the spectrum, and they don't take it well. I had someone try to be open with me after the fact, but I was upset and that person because he lied to me about his interests, and I was willing to work with his situations if he was willing to work with mine despite our differences in interests. One reason why many people don't have many true friends is because this is the ugly world in which we really live in.

Trust me I don't shut everyone out. But I only open doors when I need to.

 

[icesyckel]

I just don't.

 

[waterrain]

How come they do not just say that in the first place? Honestly I would rather know that then put up with the run around. I can deal with people being blunt and rude, but it irritates me to no end when they act like this.

I feel the exact same. It is soo stressful when people just give the run around I'd rather someone just say the truth.

 

[Lukas]

Another "secret" is that people in general like positive things. No matter how bad a situation may seem, unless you know they are close friends with you, it's generally better to keep things positive or find a way to keep things positive. Worst case scenario, say it's too personal, or too depressing. If that person still asks, then the decision is up to you at that point and how you feel about that person.

I must admit, I think I am a bearer of bad tidings quite often... I suppose it is easier to rant about politics or the environment, horrid school systems or lack of jobs... I think I do this quite often.....

I shall start focusing on being more positive from now on... perhaps this will help indeed..

Thanks!!!!

 

[DogwoodTree]

He sounds bipolar.

How did you pick up on that from the little I said?

I got to spend the evening with him and his wife one day last week. We had been trying to get together to get to know each other better for a while. Turns out...his wife is the one with aspie-like qualities (though she didn't tell me of a specific dx or anything), and he actually has bipolar (he's on a couple of different meds for mood management and ADD). It's actually pretty obvious the difference when I got into a conversation with him, but I wouldn't have guessed that before. What clued you in?

 

[paloftoon]

I must admit, I think I am a bearer of bad tidings quite often... I suppose it is easier to rant about politics or the environment, horrid school systems or lack of jobs... I think I do this quite often.....

I shall start focusing on being more positive from now on... perhaps this will help indeed..

Thanks!!!!

I am not an optimistic person by any means! I have to "work" on it enough to fake it to make things more survivable. Thank goodness there are people who are real and honest, albeit hard to find. Most are fake or fake enough. You can eventually figure out the difference between faking because you have to and faking because you can. . .

 

[Ylva]

How did you pick up on that from the little I said?

Making enthusiastic plans and never following through (repeatedly, even) is a pretty unambiguous clue.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Making enthusiastic plans and never following through (repeatedly, even) is a pretty unambiguous clue.

Really? I didn't know that. Filing that fact away for future reference!

 

[Suzanne]

I have experienced this all my life and like you, just could not get my head around it! It has caused many arguments with my husband (sadly) because he always seems to defend the rude person and tell me that it is my problem. Well, after reading all the responses here, I guess it is my problem because I take things literally and this has caused me the most horrendous nasty emotions.

Just recently, it appears I again, took something literally and now, battling hatred for the person, because I did try to explain how hurt I was and this person even said that they felt deeply hurt that a misunderstanding occurred but if anything, it has made things worse! I am now struggling with hatred and I wish it would just go away!