Things at home (the place I've been living for 7 months, my boyfriend and his family) are a bit awry. It's due to religious conflicts really - I bought some yogurt which didn't have THEIR preferred "kosher" symbol on it, and my boyfriend stuck up for me. Then the mother decided to go insane about other things. If you know anything about Jewish Orthodox families...you can guess. I'm not even supposed to live with my boyfriend until we're married.
But another long-lived issue with me is that I had an angel statue. It wasn't technically against Jewish law to have it because it had no face and didn't look like the real 6-winged angels mentioned in Judaism. It's wasn't an "idol." It had a poem on it to comfort me about my dead mother and dead best friend.
I got so sick of the drama about it I took it outside last night and destroyed it. I smashed it into pieces. I threw everything out but the head.
I also destroyed my other, smaller angel. Broke its head off, hands, wings... now it's sitting on my nightstand. Looks very Dexter-esque.
I have college coming up in 10 days. I haven't been around people in years, not like this. I don't know anyone, I have no sense of direction and it is a BIG campus (to me.) I'm horrible at social settings. Too much light, too much noise...
I've been taking more Valium than prescribed due to the anxiety and impending fear of doom. I don't even have the courage to walk to the pharmacy for hair dye to do my hair. I can't even do laundry.
I self-injured the other night, bad enough for stitches, although I'm not getting them because I know how to take care of them myself.
I don't know how the hell to keep myself calm. Only thing which ever worked without pills is pretending to be overly cocky. I've always been a nervous and panicky person although you can't detect it from the outside.
But another long-lived issue with me is that I had an angel statue. It wasn't technically against Jewish law to have it because it had no face and didn't look like the real 6-winged angels mentioned in Judaism. It's wasn't an "idol." It had a poem on it to comfort me about my dead mother and dead best friend.
I got so sick of the drama about it I took it outside last night and destroyed it. I smashed it into pieces. I threw everything out but the head.
I also destroyed my other, smaller angel. Broke its head off, hands, wings... now it's sitting on my nightstand. Looks very Dexter-esque.
I have college coming up in 10 days. I haven't been around people in years, not like this. I don't know anyone, I have no sense of direction and it is a BIG campus (to me.) I'm horrible at social settings. Too much light, too much noise...
I've been taking more Valium than prescribed due to the anxiety and impending fear of doom. I don't even have the courage to walk to the pharmacy for hair dye to do my hair. I can't even do laundry.
I self-injured the other night, bad enough for stitches, although I'm not getting them because I know how to take care of them myself.
I don't know how the hell to keep myself calm. Only thing which ever worked without pills is pretending to be overly cocky. I've always been a nervous and panicky person although you can't detect it from the outside.