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How to keep the love going

Luvvinim said:
Now, please, if you feel tempted to tell me I am being insensitive or offensive, please don't... Please, kind answers only.
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Telling people what to think, feel, say or do is not okay. It is bad enough that most forums censor profanity without people's honest opinions being censored too. Mature grown-ups are mature enough to handle freedom of speech, because they are mature enough to take responsibility for their own feelings, no matter what.
 
??? Not sure what you are saying. Are you saying I have told people what to think or say? Cos I haven't. I have asked them.
 
Haven't told anybody what to think or what opinions they can and can't give, nor what to feel. All I asked, with reasons given, was for people not to be unkind. Of course if people choose to carry on and be unkind anyway, that's up to them and there's nothing I can do about it and didn't say there was. Not sure why they would want to be unkind anyway, but that's people for you. I didn't suggest anyone's opinions would be censored. I'm not in a position to even do that. I never contemplated or mentioned anybody being profane either.

Oh, look, what is the point? What IS it with people? Gosh, this post was going so well........

As far as I am concerned, I have had lots of lovely, kind, constructive help and now it's time to end the conversation seeing as this is the downward direction in which it seems to be heading. So I am now switching off email alerts to me on this post and won't be revisiting so everybody, you may as well be hurtful if you want to. It won't upset me because I won't be reading it.

Thank you very much.
 
Hi Luvinim,

Running into him on another walk and having a good time is a nice development. Having a lovely new friend in your life is always welcome. Whether he has AS or not!
 
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Luvvinim said:
??? Not sure what you are saying. Are you saying I have told people what to think or say? Cos I haven't. I have asked them.
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No, you haven't. You simply requested that people are gentle with you. Which I understand. Your feelings are a bit raw, and you weren't feeling up to people reading you the riot act because of something you might have inadvertently said "wrong". I get it.
Hopefully no one here would do that, because you came here FOR HELP.
Now, if you were nasty and disrespectful, it would be fair to let you have it with both barrels blazing!!! (JOKING!!!! ;). ) But you were anything but.
 
Luvvinim said:
Haven't told anybody what to think or what opinions they can and can't give, nor what to feel. All I asked, with reasons given, was for people not to be unkind. Of course if people choose to carry on and be unkind anyway, that's up to them and there's nothing I can do about it and didn't say there was. Not sure why they would want to be unkind anyway, but that's people for you. I didn't suggest anyone's opinions would be censored. I'm not in a position to even do that. I never contemplated or mentioned anybody being profane either.

Oh, look, what is the point? What IS it with people? Gosh, this post was going so well........

As far as I am concerned, I have had lots of lovely, kind, constructive help and now it's time to end the conversation seeing as this is the downward direction in which it seems to be heading. So I am now switching off email alerts to me on this post and won't be revisiting so everybody, you may as well be hurtful if you want to. It won't upset me because I won't be reading it.

Thank you very much.
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I'm sorry that happened. I don't know the poster who made that original statement. But it probably wasn't meant as harshly as it sounded.
I do hope you come back if your experience here was good!
I'd like to read more updates about you and your new friend

Best wishes to you both,

SnailPie
 
Hi
Thank you for the kindness here. In its own slow, quiet way, still all going beautifully with the gorgeous guy.
 
If this guy is still showing no desire to take it to the next level, then you need to get about and have a few dates with other men. This is looking after you. Plenty of dating agencies around. A date does not mean you are looking for a partner. You are just having some fun meetting others. You are entitled to do this where you and Mr nice guy are not exclusive. In fact it might make him decide he wants to be.
 
I too think it counterproductive to try and establish limits on responses. But I have read many people try and do so.

It comes accross as the person only wanting opinions supporting their own. Which is probably going to be useless. 95% of NTs posting about ASD love interests are here to address problems. And any suggestions or solutions will normally involve both parties usually.

You do want constructive criticism not trolling. But for that you have site rules. Here they are pretty tight. The proper place to address a aggressive poster is with a mod.

But back to original post. The basic facts point towards his, as you put it, 'going off you'. A relationship that is working out doesn't move along nicely and then suddenly drop off to nothing. Something changed. As far as to what it is, no one really knows, except him. Might he come back? Possibly. But I would neither count on it or wait for it. And he would have some explaining to do. Put him out of your mind would be best.
 
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I LOOK AT THIS POST. I HAVE CANCELLED EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS ON IT AND HAVE STOPPED WATCHING IT AS IT HAS RUN ITS COURSE SO I WON'T SEE WHAT ANYBODY WRITES ON IT FROM NOW ON. THE GUY IS AN ABSOLUTE DEAR AND IS BEING VERY, VERY NICE AND ATTENTIVE TOWARDS ME SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE PEOPLE GET THE IDEA THAT IT'S GOING WRONG. ANY PROBS IN THE FUTURE I WILL BE BACK TO THE FORUM BUT THIS POST HAS REACHED ITS END.

I wish I hadn't given the update.

@chocoholic Thank you for taking the trouble to protect me. I am grateful for the advice. However I did say it was all going very nicely with this guy.
I think it was you who gave that advice before and I did listen. Looking after me is something I know myself how to do and I am still doing that, continuing with everything I always did, all my hobbies and seeing all my other friends. There are loads of other friends in my life and I have many hobbies and activities. I have to chuckle cos I am not a dater, not one for seeking to get to know guys. It's just not me and nt what I want. But you are not to know that. Just trying to help, I know.

@Tom, things have moved a lot on since my original post. Did you not see what I wrote only minutes ago today? I said it was 'going beautifully'. He is definitely not going off me. He has made that very clear. I just worry too much. It has not dropped off, quite the opposite. No need to talk of him coming back cos he has not gone anywhere. Quite the opposite. Put him out of my mind? Em....read what I said. But thanks for trying to help me.

Over and out. ADIEU.
 
Luvvinim said:
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I LOOK AT THIS POST. I HAVE CANCELLED EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS ON IT AND HAVE STOPPED WATCHING IT AS IT HAS RUN ITS COURSE SO I WON'T SEE WHAT ANYBODY WRITES ON IT FROM NOW ON. THE GUY IS AN ABSOLUTE DEAR AND IS BEING VERY, VERY NICE AND ATTENTIVE TOWARDS ME SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE PEOPLE GET THE IDEA THAT IT'S GOING WRONG. ANY PROBS IN THE FUTURE I WILL BE BACK TO THE FORUM BUT THIS POST HAS REACHED ITS END.
I wish I hadn't given the update.
Chocoholic Thank you for taking the trouble to protect me. I am grateful for the advice. However I did say it was all going very nicely with this guy.
I think it was you who gave that advice before and I did listen. Looking after me is something I know myself how to do and I am still doing that, continuing with everything I always did, all my hobbies and seeing all my other friends. There are loads of other friends in my life and I have many hobbies and activities. I have to chuckle cos I am not a dater, not one for seeking to get to know guys. It's just not me and nt what I want. But you are not to know that. Just trying to help, I know.

Tom, things have moved a lot on since my original post. Did you not see what I wrote only minutes ago today? I said it was 'going beautifully'. He is definitely not going off me. He has made that very clear. I just worry too much. It has not dropped off, quite the opposite. No need to talk of him coming back cos he has not gone anywhere. Quite the opposite. Put him out of my mind? Em....read what I said. But thanks for trying to help me.

Over and out. ADIEU.
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You need to do what you feel the right thing is to do, and if that means not returning to continue reading the generally very positive and supportive posts, that is understandable. But if you have researched AS to the degree it seems you have, you'll know that Aspies can be very blunt, and that is how I read the comments you aren't comfortable with. Simply blunt, and largely irrelevant.

The reality is that leaving aside those comments, what has been posted in response to your questions and descriptions, has in part helped you get from the confused and puzzled state you were in in December, to the happy and contented person who came back today to post an update - and what that shows is that the vast majority of those who will respond to you here are supportive and interested in helping you navigate the almost-inevitably difficult environment of an NT/AS relationship.

Speaking as an Aspie who 'survived' a 15 year marriage to an NT, I could tell you how difficult it can be, and likely is, from his side, and how you can help him and in the process strengthen your relationship over time, and I am sure others would want to contribute to that conversation too.

But either way, I hope that things with your guy continue to go well. NT/AS relationships certainly can work, and work well, though they do take a fair bit of effort and understanding that AS/AS and NT/NT relationships usually don't.

Good luck to you!
 
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