How to leave a suicide note..

[Rasputin]

I really miss my boyfriend, I don't get to see him until Tuesday, due to things that have happened, my dad passing etc, but I feel alone and I am holding on for nothing. Why am I even here. I may aswell die. The helpline I called didn't do anything, I'm useless I really am, how do I leave a suicide note?
Roxie

I am going to suggest that to do something different like take a walk or take a scenic drive to redirect your thoughts. It sounds like you are hyper focusing on loss and negative thoughts, and that is not healthy. Try to commit to breaking this cycle.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I'm gonna tell the police about my abuse, I'm so scared but excited. To get justice for myself

There you go, much better attitude. At the age of 54, I can tell you that if you don't advocate for yourself, almost nobody will. I don't depend upon anyone for anything. I don't allow people to have emotional or physical control of me.

If you are one that doesn't have a strong support system around you,...you cannot be a passive "sheep",...the "wolves" are going to sense this. I tend to be the "sheep dog",...I will go after a wolf and protect the sheep. I think it's a good balance.

At your age you are at the stage in life where you are just figuring out who you are and what you are going to be. I will say this,...strong, independent people are attractive to other strong, independent people. My wife of 35 years is one of those people,...she has a career, her own money, she is free to walk out the door anytime she wants,...I have told her this. The fact that she doesn't "need" me, and she still is with me, tells me the love is true.

If ever you find yourself getting attention from one of those people that has to put on a fake persona of "toughness", but also has to control your behavior, manipulate, etc...kick them to the curb as fast as you can. As soon as you see the tell-tale signs of a "beta",...run away as fast as your little legs can carry you. Both my sisters have ex husbands that just destroyed them by the "death by a thousand cuts",...tiny emotional digs,...you can't do this, you aren't that, I'm the best thing you're going to find, etc. If I ever see those guys again,...I will beat them senseless.

You're going to get knocked around in life,...it is what it is,...pick yourself up, dust yourself off, put up your fighting fists and go at it again. Other people, or the lack of other people, is not a reason for considering taking your own life,...it's actually quite the opposite,...it's a reason to take your own life back and fight.

Take care and best success in the future

 

[Owliet]

I am going to suggest that to do something different like take a walk or take a scenic drive to redirect your thoughts. It sounds like you are hyper focusing on loss and negative thoughts, and that is not healthy. Try to commit to breaking this cycle.

I agree with Rasputin. You’re focusing too much on the loss and negative thoughts, and it’s really easy to get into a viscous cycle where you go down this vortex that swells and makes it even worse. I know this because I still do this and it’s really needed to break the cycle.

Sorry that the support line didn’t work out for you, it’s a bit of a mixed bag — can work for some and not for others. Do really suggest that you get support, even if it is talking with your doctor. After my last depression burst, my doctor put me on anti depressants and referred me, which it was at least taking action.

I hope you get the support that you need.

 

[Roxiee]

I wanna die

 

[tree]

I wanna die

Everybody, so far as I know, gets a chance at that.

No need to rush it.

 

[Tom]

There are a lot of important reasons not to go that route, but I just wanted to mention one that always occurs to me. My dogs. I think I should carry on for them. I made a decision to take them on and don't want to let them down. My family cares about them, but doesn't love them like I do and they would end up much on their own and emotionally neglected.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Please do not do that. At my worst social isolation I contemplated ending the pain. Now I understand it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Fight for yourself instead. People here will support you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have no future, he only wants me for a shag, my friends have told me, I'm worth nothing to anyone.

Friends told you that? Are they mind readers? Because of my autism I was a bit afraid of sex that it took a strong mutual connection before I was ready for it. I even turned down one proposal because of my fear of being inexperienced. There is so much inner dialogue in the minds of Autistics, that he may be expressing how much he values you. With my spouse I know from that first time until now, I see sex an an expression of desire, respect, and love.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Write that letter, it's a good thing to do. I wrote a few, many years ago. Then I would wait a few days and read what I wrote. What I saw was a distortion of reality, my mind stuck in some sort of a rut.

Mine was about a relationship that failed, feeling like a total loser, health decline, being trapped and a few other issues. None of those were good enough reasons for me to do something like I was fantasizing about.

One thing that you might think of is how your destruction will affect others. People will find your corpse, and have to deal with your mortal remains. Your parents, relatives, neighbors, friends, everyone you ever knew will be affected by you wasting your life.

So if you really want to hurt everyone you have ever known, by spending such a precious gift on fulfilling a fantasy, then just know that it still hurts me, that a boy called tiger died by his own hand nearly 35 years ago.

He was a troubled young man and a rebel of sorts, and secretly just a little bit lavender. His parents found his corpse, I guess he really wanted to hurt them, and so he did. None of us were ever the same, not his kin or the people from the neighborhood or anyone, we all had the same thought.

I should have done something to help. That's what the survivors think about. What if I would have spent ten bucks on him? Just a little gift? What if I would have said something kind?

So write the note, but write it and wait 48 hours. Then read what you wrote, and think about who will read it. I wrote and re wrote that note a few times. Nothing has changed in the ten years since I was contemplating that horrible choice. I could look at myself and make the same judgements and get the same conclusion.

I had a great day on Thursday. I did something heroic and difficult and I didnt even get hurt at all! It was easier than I thought it would be. I had a camper shell stuck halfway up in the air, failure! I was trying to make a shed. Fence posts, barbwire, poles from the forest. It honestly looked like it was made by a drunken child in the dark, and then the big snow made it all fall down, alas!

My bs project doesnt matter at all, it's just a stupid thing that lonely old men do when they get bored. In my mind it was a great big deal, impossible to fix, yadda yadda.

It just came right apart, I only got a little bit scared once, but luckily I found a stick to push on it and everything worked out.

It's easy to add emphasis to a situation. It's easy to ignore that our choices will affect others. When people tell you to "get some help" they are talking about perspective. From my perspective a heartbreak at twenty is a good thing! Being married to that guy with two kids and another on the way would be a serious thing, right? Be grateful that you learned about dude and what he is like before you ran out of choices! Time will pass, it will get better I promise

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Also turning thirty has some serious benefits. You can actually have a friend with benefits, and they go home the next day! You figure out how to budget money and how to earn more. You realize that if you plan far enough ahead(years) and are willing to make some sacrifices of creature comforts, and compromise a bit, you can basically go anywhere you want and do anything you like, forever. Sounds like I'm being silly? Nope. You really can do anything. Wanna live by the sea? That's easy! Great big city? No problem. Sing in a band? Drive a limousine? Become an artiste? All things can be yours, whatever you desire. But you need some help getting to be that freaking awesome. It's all going to be alright

 

[Skittlebisquit]

This is a good one, it's like an anthem to me.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I'm sorry about your father. I really am. I'm a mother fighting for life for my daughter's sake. She's about your age. If it's anything similar to my situation, I know your father loved you with an unquenchable fire, and even now in Heaven, that love still burns for you.

I was a young mom, just a little older than you. Leave your boyfriend. I mean it. If all he wants is one thing. You deserve someone who will truly love you. Someone who will be there through rough times, someone that makes him look like the immature boy he is.

And those "friends" of yours... my father told me many times that it's better to be alone than be surrounded by the wrong kinds of people. This is something I've instilled in my daughter as well. There are nicer people out there, who will respect you and lift you up. You might even find a new friend on here who lives near you.

 

[Gerontius]

Seconded. ^^ Yeshuasdaughter has spoken. Her wisdom goes a lot further than just herbals of the Pacific Northwest: the leaf lady doesn't lie.

Boyfriends are a dime a dozen and you may be fine without one eventually. You say yours is already autistic, that you're 19 (19!!) and that "he only wants me for a shag"-- but you want to see him. Dear, this is not a healthy relationship if that's what you've got; you don't want to be valued by how useful you are to someone else. Human life has inherent dignity & worth, and it sounds like the situation you're in doesn't respect that.

Be Roxie on your own. Don't be Roxie in Context of These Other People -- And if you want to kill something, kill off that relationship by a nice quick breakup or ghosting. (When it's a matter of health, morals, legality, or not dying, all discussion of etiquette takes the back seat.)

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

This is a good one, it's like an anthem to me.

What an adorably uplifting song!

 

[Roxiee]

I'm still with him

 

[Roxiee]

There are a lot of important reasons not to go that route, but I just wanted to mention one that always occurs to me. My dogs. I think I should carry on for them. I made a decision to take them on and don't want to let them down. My family cares about them, but doesn't love them like I do and they would end up much on their own and emotionally neglected.

I am fighting for my dogs!

 

[Roxiee]

What kind of dogs do you have?

Rupert is the black and white one
Rosie is the brown one

 

[Roxiee]

So cute. The black and white one looks a little worried, or serious. Rosie is a very good name.

Rupert wants treats

 

[Roxiee]

Oh, so that's his `give me treats` face. I had a dog too but lost her last year. She was 4 pounds of pure joy, dogs are very good friends. Best wishes to Rupert and Rosie.

I'm so freaking scared

 

[Tom]

Rupert is the black and white one
Rosie is the brown one

It looks like you have two wonderful little friends there. Very cute too!

Five years ago I had to fight off Leukemia twice and it was hard and I briefly thought about giving up. But I didn't.

This year two of my dogs have developed serious medical issues (I have 4 Chihuahuas) and I have been able to help them thru the operations and medications and care. This week I spent a few nights sleeping on a futon on the floor with one to help her thru post operation pain and anxiety. (She's doing great now ). Things like this make me so glad I hung in there.