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how was i in the dark for so many years?

C

chuckintime

Well-Known Member
Hi everyone, new to the site. Im 29 years old I have no "official" diagnosis, but I was researching autism the other day(was going to be at a friends with a son who is autistic) and I came across an article written by a man with Asperger's, and by the time I finished it I was in tears.. and not because it was sad or I felt bad for him, but because I completely 100% understood what he was saying and was relating with his story in almost every way. Now... I have always known I was different then most, my parents knew, doctors knew but nobody could ever really tell me what exactly it was. first it was adhd at age 4 then social anxiety later then ptsd and depression possibly bipolar, or maybe im just a bad kid. Is there anybody else out there that didn't find out until halfway through life?
 
Took two online tests and they both came out in the 90 percent yes... I guess I need to talk to a doctor again.. its so frustrating to be going to doctors for literally 29 years and not have a single one mention this. Is it some kind of big secret? Or better was it a secret 25 years ago when I was a kid.
 
I wouldn't call 29 halfway through life. ;)
I found out at age 28. My friend found out from teaching kids with ASD. I don't know how old he was.
 
chuckintime said:
Hi everyone, new to the site. Im 29 years old I have no "official" diagnosis, but I was researching autism the other day(was going to be at a friends with a son who is autistic) and I came across an article written by a man with Asperger's, and by the time I finished it I was in tears.. and not because it was sad or I felt bad for him, but because I completely 100% understood what he was saying and was relating with his story in almost every way. Now... I have always known I was different then most, my parents knew, doctors knew but nobody could ever really tell me what exactly it was. first it was adhd at age 4 then social anxiety later then ptsd and depression possibly bipolar, or maybe im just a bad kid. Is there anybody else out there that didn't find out until halfway through life?
Click to expand...

I agree with star stuff, if 29 is halfway I did not find out until 108% of my way through life.
 
I think i was about 18 when my friend from school/college first said he thought i had aspergers, but i never really thought about it until about a month ago, and after having looked it up i'm pretty sure they were right - i'm now 23 going on 24.

I don't really know what made me start looking into it. I think my mum made a comment in front of my closest friend that she thought i was "mildly autistic", when a few weeks earlier i'd spoken to this same friend and said i thought there was something not quite 'right' about the way i always seem to drift away from a group of friends when i'm no longer in a position where i have to see them regularly because they are in all the same lectures as i am at university and such, because i had realized i was no longer in touch with anyone i was at university with.
 
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I guess I'm more than a little upset that nobody thought to mention aspergers to me in the 29 years I have been going to doctors and councilors and people in all of the 20 different schools I had to go to. I have had a few people ask me sometimes at work sometimes or just a random somebody that is bewildered by my behaviour. I always just laughed and said no but I have everything else. I always figured somebody would have mentioned it(like a health professional) because Ive been to so many. But after many hours of research and several online tests all of which scored higher than 90% for aspergers, I guess Im still trying to sort out how I feel about all this. Anger is one emotion im good at. so it comes out first.
 
chuckintime said:
I guess I'm more than a little upset that nobody thought to mention aspergers to me in the 29 years I have been going to doctors and councilors and people in all of the 20 different schools I had to go to. I have had a few people ask me sometimes at work sometimes or just a random somebody that is bewildered by my behaviour. I always just laughed and said no but I have everything else. I always figured somebody would have mentioned it(like a health professional) because Ive been to so many. But after many hours of research and several online tests all of which scored higher than 90% for aspergers, I guess Im still trying to sort out how I feel about all this. Anger is one emotion im good at. so it comes out first.
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Well, to be honest, it's probably not the first thing that they would think of because this type of Autism isn't really known. An example is that most people think of Autism as being the whole 'Rainman' thing and when they don't see it they simply assume that your just being difficult of that your shy or introverted or sometimes your just a dick. No offense.
 
chuckintime said:
Hi everyone, new to the site. Im 29 years old I have no "official" diagnosis, but I was researching autism the other day(was going to be at a friends with a son who is autistic) and I came across an article written by a man with Asperger's, and by the time I finished it I was in tears.. and not because it was sad or I felt bad for him, but because I completely 100% understood what he was saying and was relating with his story in almost every way. Now... I have always known I was different then most, my parents knew, doctors knew but nobody could ever really tell me what exactly it was. first it was adhd at age 4 then social anxiety later then ptsd and depression possibly bipolar, or maybe im just a bad kid. Is there anybody else out there that didn't find out until halfway through life?
Click to expand...

Welcome. Same story for me...but I'm learning only now and I'm twice your age. A bit of a shock, as well as a relief. At least in finding a comprehensive explanation that is so central to our behavior. And most of all, that we are not alone.
 
I do believe the earlier in life we discover our ASD the better. Things made sense to me only after my diagnosis. I sure wish I had found out before age 63! But I am also pleased as punch I finally did find out what was the central thread running through my life story.
 
Hey!

It's better discover it now than never. Now that you know the why you're different, you can start living the way you want. Now you know that you're not alone, there are hundreds (or thousands?) of people here willing to help you, or at least, share a story, advice or experiences.

The past is in the past. You're still young. If you lived in darkness for so many years, now you can leave it, right? ;)

See ya.
 
Explosition_Rooster said:
Well, to be honest, it's probably not the first thing that they would think of because this type of Autism isn't really known. An example is that most people think of Autism as being the whole 'Rainman' thing and when they don't see it they simply assume that your just being difficult of that your shy or introverted or sometimes your just a dick. No offense.
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OMG exactly how I have been treated my entire life. Its so unbelievably frustrating to be seriously putting in effort into a relationship or friendship just to have people say man your an asshole. but in reality im trying so hard to be doing everything right...
 
chuckintime said:
OMG exactly how I have been treated my entire life. Its so unbelievably frustrating to be seriously putting in effort into a relationship or friendship just to have people say man your an asshole. but in reality im trying so hard to be doing everything right...
Click to expand...

That's a relatively simple way to put it, and yet so defining IMO. It says everything about our struggle.
 
chuckintime said:
Anger is one emotion im good at. so it comes out first.
Click to expand...

I learned for myself at 38 - once I started telling people, and they became familiar with what it is was, it was a huge "no s***" moment for them (aka it became obvious for them that this was it).

Most people, if they know anything at all about ASD, have a very thin knowledge of what it is and what to look for. Or worse: it might be based on television shows or unpleasant media accounts. Try not to get angry at anyone or yourself too much. If you now know what it is then you are on the way to much better times. Keep with it.
 
Man I cant even begin to explain all the feelings going through me at the moment. I must say its weird though to finally have some people that understand how I feel. I have gone through life feeling completely disconnected and alone... but all of a sudden I might not be alone anymore..
 
Hi chuckintime. Welcome to the forum! Like you & several other members, I was not officially DXed until I was 48!!! I knew I was not like other people from the time I was a kid but I learned to be a pretty fair mimic & could appear NT & fool people (for short spurts). I think that many of us are so used to appearing in NT drag, that we forget we're doing it! In my case, I can do NT, but I find it exhausting long term, not worth it & unrewarding. As a teacher, my daytime 'clientele' are kids. They are so busy being kids that they don't notice my Aspie-ness anywhere near as much as a hoard of adults in an office setting would. The kids sometimes ask me if I'm mad or sad when I forget my NT drag & the 'expession du jour' slips from my face. I just tell them that i'm fine: just thinking about an upcoming assignment and ways to improve it.
 
chuckintime said:
Man I cant even begin to explain all the feelings going through me at the moment. I must say its weird though to finally have some people that understand how I feel. I have gone through life feeling completely disconnected and alone... but all of a sudden I might not be alone anymore..
Click to expand...

You were never alone, you just hadn't found the right place to help you deal with these feelings.
 
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