How would you calm down when feeling criticized as "having attitudes"?

[FIVER]

(I'm not sure whether I'm aspie/autistic or not, but I feel I'm weird compared to other colleagues).

Sometimes at work or in the internet, there are some things I found inefficient, or just plain curious to know about it. So, I sometimes ask stupid questions or voice out blunt opinions, which might be perceived as "negativity" or "having attitudes".

But I'm just asking, or saying my opinion. Maybe there's better wording to my words, or I should've kept quiet. But also my job to take those seriously so that's why I'm asking/voicing out - heck why would I spend my energy to participate and think deeply about those.

Although not addressed to me, the leader even said, "Better leave than having attitudes because it's disrupting the organization" - something like that.

Is voicing out unconventional opinions bluntly considered as "having attitudes"? Sure, I could've word my questions/opinions better, but I dont automatically know how, it takes time, inefficient - why not people just go straight to the point, politely? Some people even being rude in response to my question - I didn't ask rudely even.

How you cope with this anger inside your heart, when feeling criticized like this (although they didn't actually criticize you)?

I know they didnt actually criticize me, but this makes me feel like an outcast when I'm doing my best to take these trivial tasks they've given me seriously.
I feel like I shouldn't have even participated, or just ignore these unimportant tasks. I know normal people wouldve handled it a lot easier.

But it's not like I can refuse because I feel like they will respond "everybody has even more and bigger responsibilities than your trivial worry". I know it's all just in my head, they dont even give a crap, which made me feel crappier..

Well, after working in low level positions in corporations, I have observed what gets people in trouble. You have to learn the office politics and not step on other peoples territory.
My husband would say, it's all in the delivery. If certain people are saying that you are having attitudes, then becareful of how you choose your words. Instead of saying this is wrong, then you would say, I think this would make things better. It takes practice, as I tend to spit it out unfiltered as well. I no longer work in corporations, so I don't have to worry about that anymore.

 

[The Pandector]

No if we cherish uniqueness instead of only noting the largest percentage decisions ,opinions

*sigh* How true.

 

[BlueSky Aozora]

Thank you everyone, I think I get your points, very interesting and helped me understand more. As per the advice, I will try to be more careful, to read the context/surrounding's mood, to add some layers before stating my main point, also about tone, and the genuine feeling of wanting to help/contribute, and to not let my rational thinking about efficiency to get too in the way, as to not hurt the feelings of the people involved.

However, I'm concerned that usually people will think that we merely follow a script, we can't process beyond that, and that we don't really get it like how they get it. But that's another point. I feel a bit downer if it's true that I can't get it how they get it, but it's ok, hopefully people will not get hurt with my actions/words/inaction; we can only try our best.

And yes, try to be careful to not get in the way in the office politics.. scary stuff. I was just thinking of how the system can be more efficient, that I didn't realize I've stepped into the office politics..

Actually I was having difficulty to sleep because thinking about this problem, and when I checked this thread, my heart feel so touched by your kindness, then managed to sleep well.

Love the people here, you always think seriously together with the people who start the threads. I think if I were to brought the issue I shared here, probably nobody will take me seriously, or worse I might be assumed as having attitudes again - I mean the issues seem like too trivial to be discussed out there.

I'm very grateful for this forum. Thank you again for taking this seriously together with me.

 

[Streetwise]

Thank you everyone, I think I get your points, very interesting and helped me understand more. As per the advice, I will try to be more careful, to read the context/surrounding's mood, to add some layers before stating my main point, also about tone, and the genuine feeling of wanting to help/contribute, and to not let my rational thinking about efficiency to get too in the way, as to not hurt the feelings of the people involved.

However, I'm concerned that usually people will think that we merely follow a script, we can't process beyond that, and that we don't really get it like how they get it. But that's another point. I feel a bit downer if it's true that I can't get it how they get it, but it's ok, hopefully people will not get hurt with my actions/words/inaction; we can only try our best.

And yes, try to be careful to not get in the way in the office politics.. scary stuff. I was just thinking of how the system can be more efficient, that I didn't realize I've stepped into the office politics..

Actually I was having difficulty to sleep because thinking about this problem, and when I checked this thread, my heart feel so touched by your kindness, then managed to sleep well.

Love the people here, you always think seriously together with the people who start the threads. I think if I were to brought the issue I shared here, probably nobody will take me seriously, or worse I might be assumed as having attitudes again - I mean the issues seem like too trivial to be discussed out there.

I'm very grateful for this forum. Thank you again for taking this seriously together with me.

We are what we are ,don't like masks,also there's little self help info for our neurology

 

[Gift2humanity]

(I'm not sure whether I'm aspie/autistic or not, but I feel I'm weird compared to other colleagues).

Sometimes at work or in the internet, there are some things I found inefficient, or just plain curious to know about it. So, I sometimes ask stupid questions or voice out blunt opinions, which might be perceived as "negativity" or "having attitudes".

But I'm just asking, or saying my opinion. Maybe there's better wording to my words, or I should've kept quiet. But also my job to take those seriously so that's why I'm asking/voicing out - heck why would I spend my energy to participate and think deeply about those.

Although not addressed to me, the leader even said, "Better leave than having attitudes because it's disrupting the organization" - something like that.

Is voicing out unconventional opinions bluntly considered as "having attitudes"? Sure, I could've word my questions/opinions better, but I dont automatically know how, it takes time, inefficient - why not people just go straight to the point, politely? Some people even being rude in response to my question - I didn't ask rudely even.

How you cope with this anger inside your heart, when feeling criticized like this (although they didn't actually criticize you)?

I know they didnt actually criticize me, but this makes me feel like an outcast when I'm doing my best to take these trivial tasks they've given me seriously.
I feel like I shouldn't have even participated, or just ignore these unimportant tasks. I know normal people wouldve handled it a lot easier.

But it's not like I can refuse because I feel like they will respond "everybody has even more and bigger responsibilities than your trivial worry". I know it's all just in my head, they dont even give a crap, which made me feel crappier..

If you know in your heart that you are treating people with respect, and someone is responding in a way that hurts you, perhaps the problem lies with them.
On the other hand, if someone feels upset with something you say, and you reflect back and feel that you would also have been upset if the shoe was on the other foot (sometimes this takes time in Aspie world) then it is fine to tell that person.
Here is the personal bill of rights, I hope it helps, as we cannot always tell if it someone or ourselves who is out of line. This is not a criticism.
I accidentally offend, and am happy to put things right, also I feel offended at times, and it takes me time to realise that I was spoken to/treated in an unfair way.