Hug goodbye.

[MNAus]

Thank you all so much for all you advice but I agree with what @kenaij, @Rodafina and @All-Rounder said. I am taking it slow with her. I never had a woman even show me any interest even as a friend so it's still new too me.

I hope you noted that the rigid steps of phone number, formal date, etc. were utterly irrelevant to this person enjoying your company and giving you a hug. This happened not because you forced the issue, or tried to make it to the 'next stage' of the plan, but because you were a decent guy who took the time to listen to someone without judging. Asking for a phone number gets you a phone number (which is great if you have an actual genuine need to phone someone). But being a decent person gets you friends and maybe more. Not always, some people can be unpleasant or have other pressing matters on their mind, but often.

And what's even better, you actually get to enjoy your life in the meantime, having nice conversations with interesting people, independent of whether it leads anywhere. The outcome becomes less important when you enjoy the 'process'.

Nice one mate. Happy for you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Go for a walk somewhere interesting.

Invite her to see something about your city that is amazing or beautiful to you.

Right! The date that kicked off my first relationship was a nice Chinese meal followed by watching Canada Day (formerly Dominion Day) fireworks over the Detroit River.

 

[Aspychata]

We went to a Japenese restaurant, after a comedy movie. I was dressed up and was excited about meeting him. Surprisingly, we are still very close today. This led to many beach dates, and he taught me to scuba dive. I started managing his business, and turned into his career coach. You just never know where things go. Just keep a open mind. You never forget the first date. Lol

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Tony Ramirez . There is slow and easy, then there is slow to the point of disinterest. You do not want to give the impression of the latter. Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship and being able to phone her, following up on the nice times with her and giving her little affirmations that she is an interesting and worthwhile person, can go a ways in strengthening your bond, if that is what you want. My first relationship failed, in part, when I was too slow to move it forward (among other things).

BTW, does the Hayden Planetarium still have their Pink Floyd laser light show? I've been to some laser shows at different planetariums and they are fun. Always a good date idea.

 

[kenaij]

@Tony Ramirez . There is slow and easy, then there is slow to the point of disinterest. You do not want to give the impression of the latter. Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship and being able to phone her, following up on the nice times with her and giving her little affirmations that she is an interesting and worthwhile person, can go a ways in strengthening your bond, if that is what you want. My first relationship failed, in part, when I was too slow to move it forward (among other things).

BTW, does the Hayden Planetarium still have their Pink Floyd laser light show? I've been to some laser shows at different planetariums and they are fun. Always a good date idea.

I get what you are saying but Tony only talked to her ones. There is no too slow yet.
Tony has had a pleasant experience with a women he really enjoyed.
Meanwhile everyone is acting like this is going to be his wife, by telling him how their first dates went.
I`m glad Tony realises that this was a very nice experience despite of the outcome.
Ofcourse I wish for this to have a very nice future. But getting ahead of onesself will mostly cause hurt.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Agree @kenaij it was a nice social gathering with a woman I like hanging with and feel comfortable with. It was also enjoyable hanging out with her the prior Wednesday night dinner.

I would love to hang out with her privately but I am still afraid to ask first for to exchange numbers. But she is still very friendly to me. I have a feeling she will be open to exchange numbers.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I get what you are saying but Tony only talked to her ones. There is no too slow yet.
Tony has had a pleasant experience with a women he really enjoyed.
Meanwhile everyone is acting like this is going to be his wife, by telling him how their first dates went.
I`m glad Tony realises that this was a very nice experience despite of the outcome.
Ofcourse I wish for this to have a very nice future. But getting ahead of onesself will mostly cause hurt.

If you have read Tony previously, he has not not been very self assured, claims to want a relationship and finds ways to take things negatively, or is avoidant. He has made great progress yet has not thought of the ways a self assured person would handle an encounter in order to go from a brief connection to a relationship. People like positive feedback and Tony has the opportunity to provide that. Even if things do not work out, being known to be a caring person with small things like a follow up call is a positive. Too many times I've heard women complain about men not following up, especially after a hookup where she was hoping for something more (no, I have not done that or had the opportunity except with one person). Just trying to see Tony successful in all the little ways that make a successful relationship if that is what he wants.

 

[TBRS1]

I don't know how you should take this, but if it were me - I'd be nervously ecstatic.

Ecstatic because a nice person was nice to me, nervous because I want the friendship, but am afraid of not knowing how to deepen the friendship.

I agree with everyone who says "Go at your own comfortable pace, while also stretching a bit each time."

Maybe not an exchange of numbers at first. Maybe an invitation to enjoy the church garden (if your church has one of those little "silent reflection" gardens), or a walk about town to a coffee shop, or something similar.

Do this first, and see if the friendship will grow organically. Forced growth is always weak (ask any tree farmer ).

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Agree @kenaij it was a nice social gathering with a woman I like hanging with and feel comfortable with. It was also enjoyable hanging out with her the prior Wednesday night dinner.

I would love to hang out with her privately but I am still afraid to ask first for to exchange numbers. But she is still very friendly to me. I have a feeling she will be open to exchange numbers.

Tony, think like a cat! Cats are never shy about asking for what they want? She evidently is accepting and friendly. Now, despite anxiety, is the time to show that you can be vulnerable with her. It is the hardest step you will take up to this point, and with risk, there are rewards. It seems to me that she is giving you a chance to demonstrate your interest and the ball is in your court. This is what you have been working towards. Even if things do not work out you will learn more about handling yourself to make a connection for a relationship. Think about it that way and relieve some anxiety because of the positivity that you are experiencing.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I really enjoy her company. Her British accent is cute and was unexpected when I first went up and talked to her. When I talk to her I forget all about my obsessions.

She even said after the hug that I hope I see you next Sunday. She only had to use the restroom after.

 

[All-Rounder]

I get what you are saying but Tony only talked to her ones. There is no too slow yet.
Tony has had a pleasant experience with a women he really enjoyed.
Meanwhile everyone is acting like this is going to be his wife, by telling him how their first dates went.
I`m glad Tony realises that this was a very nice experience despite of the outcome.
Ofcourse I wish for this to have a very nice future. But getting ahead of onesself will mostly cause hurt.

I think there has been a misunderstanding I was almost about to make too.
At first I thought Wilgus has said he should move to the next step, but upon reading it multiple times I realized he actually said there is slow and easy and slow and too late. He wasnt saying to do it now, from what I understand, that in the future to be careful to not leave it too long like for many many years where the woman thinks he is rejecting her and becomes bored, loses the interest or frustrated.

(Tbh I would be interested in seeing what a person would do if they become bored, because I would want someone in for the long haul. Do they give up and leave or do they work to make it better. So to me it would not be a great loss or risk somebody who isn't interested in putting in work for a connection. But it is up to the person and their views.)

Edit: nvm I think I'm wrong.

 

[kenaij]

If you have read Tony previously, he has not not been very self assured, claims to want a relationship and finds ways to take things negatively, or is avoidant. He has made great progress yet has not thought of the ways a self assured person would handle an encounter in order to go from a brief connection to a relationship. People like positive feedback and Tony has the opportunity to provide that. Even if things do not work out, being known to be a caring person with small things like a follow up call is a positive. Too many times I've heard women complain about men not following up, especially after a hookup where she was hoping for something more (no, I have not done that or had the opportunity except with one person). Just trying to see Tony successful in all the little ways that make a successful relationship if that is what he wants.

I agree with you. But do you agree with the approach. This might very well be purely based on my own experience where I listened to people around me to follow through, or take a step because it should be the right time. For me, that never worked out. The only time it did was when I took things a my own (slow) pace.
I`m definetly not saying to stand still. But I think a slow, but deeper connection will provide the positive feedback you are talking about. To me, and I know you don`t mean to, it sounds like to use this as a practise round. Which feels highly insensitive to the lady we are talking about. But I assume that is because of the way I am reading.

There is only one person who truly knows how to move forward, and that is Tony.
However hard. He is the only one that can feel the situation and the moment.
I hope you keep us updated because I`m really curious how this positive experience plays out.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I agree with you. But do you agree with the approach. This might very well be purely based on my own experience where I listened to people around me to follow through, or take a step because it should be the right time. For me, that never worked out. The only time it did was when I took things a my own (slow) pace.
I`m definetly not saying to stand still. But I think a slow, but deeper connection will provide the positive feedback you are talking about. To me, and I know you don`t mean to, it sounds like to use this as a practise round. Which feels highly insensitive to the lady we are talking about. But I assume that is because of the way I am reading.

There is only one person who truly knows how to move forward, and that is Tony.
However hard. He is the only one that can feel the situation and the moment.
I hope you keep us updated because I`m really curious how this positive experience plays out.

NO! Nobody should be a practice round. Yet, the thought is that if things do not work out Tony has learned some of the joys of being vulnerable to another and will be ready to enjoy more interactions. Just as he enjoys little affirmations from her, he should be able to return such affection, unafraid. That is what people comfortable with themselves do and is very attractive. One should not be pushy , but communicate well with such an accepting and kind woman. Such a person seems to be rare.

 

[kenaij]

NO! Nobody should be a practice round. Yet, the thought is that if things do not work out Tony has learned some of the joys of being vulnerable to another and will be ready to enjoy more interactions. Just as he enjoys little affirmations from her, he should be able to return such affection, unafraid. That is what people comfortable with themselves do and is very attractive. One should not be pushy , but communicate well with such an accepting and kind woman. Such a person seems to be rare.

Got you! I think I misunderstood you at first. But I get it now