i am here for aspie dating help

[Gerald Wilgus]

That is not his Autism. It is a deficiency in his personality. Run like the wind from such a dangerously imbalanced child. He is no man.

 

[Aspychata]

You did present facts it's just hard to draw lines and connect the dots. Most of us are worried, that could have been you that was punched. Sounds like he has a hard time regulating his emotions. It might be a good talk to have with him. Sometimes the mass shootings are people that can't regulate their feelings, and we need to address this more in the schools. Anyways, you seem to be a part of this drama by bringing her into the picture, when that leaves some of us scratching our head. What if she turned out to be violent? Do you want that? Or she was vindictive? In affairs of the heart, please tread lightly.

 

[tumbleweed]

Aggression in autism can involve severe tantrums, anger, hostility, sudden-onset violent outbursts including self-harm and rage 'episodes'. Up to 20% of individuals with autism exhibit such violent behaviors.


Emotion dysregulation -may be present in people with psychiatric disorders such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism spectrum disorders, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, and fetal alcohol spectrum disorders.

Thanks! Yes, the unifying attribute across these disorders is alexithymia; a mind blindness where the individual can't understand emotionally themselves nor the other person. But anger is an easy accessible catch all emotion for them somehow.

 

[tumbleweed]

You did present facts it's just hard to draw lines and connect the dots. Most of us are worried, that could have been you that was punched. Sounds like he has a hard time regulating his emotions. It might be a good talk to have with him. Sometimes the mass shootings are people that can't regulate their feelings, and we need to address this more in the schools. Anyways, you seem to be a part of this drama by bringing her into the picture, when that leaves some of us scratching our head. What if she turned out to be violent? Do you want that? Or she was vindictive? In affairs of the heart, please tread lightly.

To clarify, I asked a mutual friend about his relationship with his ex, I didn't contact his ex. Our mutual friend isn't and wasn't violent. I did ask my boyfriend if we could call his ex together and that made him cry so I told him I didnt want to do that. (Now I realize how I dont want to be in a relationship where i am suggesting we call an ex together, how screwed up that it even got to that.) I brought my situation to the forum because I thought maybe I could gain understanding about autism 'special interests' since I think she is a special interest to him and maybe isn't someone he prefers to be with instead of me but I guess there arent any words that could be said in that direction that would help either. Like you I believe he punched the wall wishing it was me! and that is likely a consequence of his alexithymia. Your replies and others on this forum have really helped me see that the relationship is screwed up. Thank you so much!!

 

[tumbleweed]

To me, there are too many assumtioms from very little data.


Does he know that she ghosted him?
Is there a reason why she ghosted him?
Did he hurt her and he regrets it?
Does she hurt him and he hates her?
Does he consider her his friend and he is not aware of the current situation?
Does he still loves her?
Is that mutual friend right?
Why did he became so angry? He may have thought you was spying him? Did you touch a trauma?


How do you know?
What metrics do you use to know if an aspie male show interests in you?
Doesnt he cumpliment your new haitcut?


"He is just aspie" sounds lovely.


So he loves his mom for sure.
You are in the same category.
And he does not love you for sure.
But he loves someone other person "because he follow her on social media"...

So if he started to go out with his ex-girlfriend but just followed you on social media, Would you feel more loved then?


But you said he doesnt care of you...

Why does he do that if he clearly doesnt love you?

What crazy guy... considering mundane girl in his future...

Maybe you are "just not aspie"
Just Aspie people are good not having interest in how people we love look. I dont pay much attention to how my wife looks. As I love her, her look is not that important to me.

I dont know. There is one person who know. I would ask him and I would ask her.


To me there are a lot of supositions and very little info here. Seems like two red flags.

One red flag is his behavour. Can be regret, trauma, love,... I would clarify.

The other red flag is your own behavour towards him. Why are you so insecure? Why it seems that you actually dont care for him? Why have you been in a relation for 2 years if you truly believe he is just sharing material things?

Its all quite strange to me.

I actually may be aspie too i dunno, but I am for sure not alexithymic style like he is. I didnt care that he didnt cre how i looked until I saw him behave crazy excited for women that sexually aroused him, he almost jumps up and down when he sees them. He memorizes everything about them, guesses their height/weight/age etc... yet I he wont notice if I wear lingerie etc.. Thank you so much for the sincere and astute observations which seem to fit the situation despite the limited info provided. I really cared tons for him but felt terrible rejection from that incident as well as many others. Though I do still love and care for him it is the material aspect of our relationship that keeps me here currently and it isn't enough or else I wouldn't be writing for your advice.

 

[tumbleweed]

I actually may be aspie too i dunno, but I am for sure not alexithymic style like he is. I didnt care that he didnt cre how i looked until I saw him behave crazy excited for women that sexually aroused him, he almost jumps up and down when he sees them. He memorizes everything about them, guesses their height/weight/age etc... yet I he wont notice if I wear lingerie etc.. Thank you so much for the sincere and astute observations which seem to fit the situation despite the limited info provided. I really cared tons for him but felt terrible rejection from that incident as well as many others. Though I do still love and care for him it is the material aspect of our relationship that keeps me here currently and it isn't enough or else I wouldn't be writing for your advice.

oh and he knows she ghosted him, one of his favorite music playlists he plays over and over are songs about being ghosted, about the lover not saying goodbye. i dont know why she ghosted him but it happened soon after she returned a large concrete garden gnome (gnomes are one of his special interests) statue he bought for her; knowing him he just bought it for her without even asking if she wanted anything like that.