I am really struggling...

[Skittlebisquit]

Good to meet you timothy. The best thing you can do is what you are doing. Lets stay away from guessing games, and comparisons, and negative self image expressions as a policy. There are roads in your mind, and down some of them you should not go, because of where they lead.

What you need most at this point in your life is to feel more like a person. Try and make some friends here. Some kind of positive contact with some one positive and enthusiastic, on your breaks at work, will help alot, even if its just texting. Can you use a modern smart phone up there?

Also i want you to start a journal, so you can see how awesome you are. Its a valuable practice. I do affirmations every day and that helps. So does any kind of exercise. I like doing range improvement, yard maintenance, things like that. Its going to be ok

 

[1ForAll]

I wish we knew a little more, as I feel we could have better understanding then. I know sometimes it can be hard to explain certain things in much detail, and that's why it's great to ask questions, and for others to probe deeper too. I mean you did say you felt trapped in your jobs and had anxiety and depression in high school, but you did not elaborate further why.

So, the first question would be, you feel trapped because? What, if any, specific issues with the job duties or about these environments bother you? You mentioned the work was easy, and the people nice, but you did not say any of those frustrated you. In general, do you think you could be doing more at those jobs you had, or do you just feel you need more independence and less being told what to do daily?

If not that any of those, could it be you feel there is less or no priority for you to work? Could your priorities be elsewhere, and regardless if you need money to live or want your parents happier, you may have other desires more important and/or it's more important you be yourself? Could any of these be true?

I mean, guys are stereotypically supposed to do certain x,y and z's, and women as well, to show responsibility, and to make their loved ones feel more secure, regardless of their desires, abilities conditions, other needs. And men are supposed to less talk about any perceived weaknesses, and not show a side that others could see as laziness, when in actuality it's not that but often part of their conditions.

The reason I said conditions, is I cannot assume your work difficulties are entirely or partly Aspergers related, as you said you had ADHD too. So, I am uncertain why you suggested this was an Aspergers issue, unless a doctor said so. For those with ADHD, for instance, many of those persons (not all obviously) can have difficulties with judgment, planning, prioritization, procrastination, and they can have much trouble completing things, and initiating. They can become overwhelmed by many things.

The reason why it's important, if possible, to know which condition(s), or parts of a condition(s) could be contributing to the behaviors, difficulties, thoughts and feelings is because it would seem like then it would be easier for that person and loved ones and others to understand that difficulty, and it could be easier then to accept or find a solution. Too often professionals and others want to make assumptions without really probing deeper.

 

[paloftoon]

If You Hate Going To Work, Read This
This could have some general, useful advice, maybe.