I am glad my kid's teen years are past. They are truly a living nightmare.
In my mind, I was thinking they were old enough to take care of themselves and I could actually go out and do things once in a while. My first date in years - was a blind date. I get a phone call from the kids that we're out of peanut butter. Okay, I'll pick some up on my way home. Second call five minutes later because they were fighting over tv programs. They continue to call every few minutes with various reasons until I tell them not to call me unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire, so the calls stop. But I guess by this time my date has determined the phone calls were planned to get me out of the date so he ends the date. I get home and my youngest daughter had been bitten by the dog (my mom's dog and it didn't come back to my house). I was like - "You know, that qualified as bleeding and a yes call."
Some time later I've got another date - someone I was looking forward to going to play pool with. I get a phone call saying this is officer so n so and I need you to come and pick up your son. I hear music in the background and know he's at his friends with a group of kids so I'm thinking prank call. But the other end is determined, "No, I really am a police officer and you need to come get your son from this party because we've busted the party up for having marijuana. So I finally tell them I will cancel my plans and come, but tell my son that if I come and this is a joke, he's still coming home with me. I cancel my date, drive over there and there are 3 police cars. Oh crap.
Again, much later on, I have a date. This guy is really nice looking, sent me expensive roses to work, bought a black trans am because I told him I had bought a black dress for the date. And he brings an ankle bracelet for me to wear. I mean, this guy had class. So we're getting into the car when a police car pulls into the driveway. My head kinda turns away from my date so he can't see my eye twitching. He's looking for my son because he had been involved in a fight. I'm delayed about 20 minutes being asked a hundred questions. Luckily my date just thought it was funny.
Ever drive past a place and just happen to see the police walking out of a house with 2 young guys, and one of them is one of yours? He told me later that he knew I'd be driving past any minute and was trying to get the cops to hurry so I wouldn't see them.
And one quiet evening at home there's a knock at the door and my son answers it. He comes skipping down the hall singing, "It's the police and they're not here for me, hee hee."
Apparently there was video of my daughter and her friend stealing a bathing suit. So we're sitting at the table, myself, the police officer and my daughter. My daughter has this attitude that the officer noticed and he tells me that if I want, he could take her and put her in a holding cell for a few hours. She quickly blurted out that she has a tanning bed appointment in an hour. At that moment, I turned to the officer and said, "Okay." Didn't quite work out as planned, turns out the magistrate decided she would spend the night and I couldn't get her until the next morning. She was singing Eminem songs to me the entire drive home.
I got into a big argument with my son once because he had my daughter with him and they had all been drinking and smoking pot. His excuse was that he was trying to teach her to drink responsibly. I said, at 15? There is no drinking responsibly at 15, there's no drinking responsibly at 17.
I called my daughter once when she had said she was spending the night with a friend, to remind her that I still needed to talk to the friend's mom first (a rule from a previous infraction). She said the mom was asleep so I said I was on my way to get her then. I got off the phone and told my youngest daughter to hurry and get her shoes on because I wanted to beat her over there, and I did. Funny thing about that was that her friend still tells me that's the maddest she has ever seen me. Funny because I wasn't even mad, I was having a hard time keeping myself from laughing.
My youngest only got into trouble once. She's the one who would actually call me to get her if a party started getting too wild (or someone brought out pot). She was at the mall with a friend and I had to go get her. Her and her friend both stole a cheap little necklace. Her friend got caught and my daughter felt guilty and took the necklace she had stolen out of her pocket and turned herself in. Whyyyyy??? Just put it back. Because she was only 13, they let her go to this experimental juvenile court, and they basically threw the book at her - she got maximum punishment they could give - maximum number of community hours, maximum days she had to serve on the juvenile jury and trip to an asylum about 2 hours away. With her guilt, she didn't complain - but I sure did. The man who suggested we go that route got an earful from me. If we had gone to regular court, it would have been first defense, turned self in, minor and dropped.
Oh, my oldest daughter, too - I was getting this feeling I get and I rode over to her school to check on her absences. The counselor was, at first like, I'm sure there's not a problem. The she pulled out her chart and looked at it and said, "Oh, yes, one more absence and they were going to come and arrest me". (That's what they did at the time). So they agreed that if I took her to counseling, they would not come after me.
I could go on and on. But the things is - with the laws, parents hands are tied. I learned all this stuff by talking to people in juvenile justice, police officers and everyone I could find to talk to. They all said there was nothing I could do. It was illegal to kick kids under 18 out. It was illegal to lay hands on them. For drugs I could not do an in-patient treatment unless we tried counseling first and counseling - the teen had to agree to it. But whatever the teenager does, the parent is responsible for. I never understood that - we can't do anything but are responsible and the ones who would go to jail. And guess what? It's always the parent's fault. I hate when people blame the parents for a teens actions because it is NOT always the parent's fault. Mine had good manners and respect and all the stuff I was supposed to teach them, but during teen years, they are gonna do what they do regardless. And other parents, teachers, coaches, etc, loved my kids. Even the principal when I asked him isn't he supposed to report that my son was not going to school to the DMV so they would take his license away, he responded that he really liked my son, he's such a good kid, that he wouldn't do that. And it was the school that taught my son that he could do what he wanted and I couldn't do anything about it. Yes, a teacher told him that. He could be immancipated if he chose to but I could not kick him out. Still, everything was my fault according to everyone.
Well, we did live through it and now they are all very responsible and caring adults and I get to laugh at them when their kids misbehave.
And don't think I don't.
In my mind, I was thinking they were old enough to take care of themselves and I could actually go out and do things once in a while. My first date in years - was a blind date. I get a phone call from the kids that we're out of peanut butter. Okay, I'll pick some up on my way home. Second call five minutes later because they were fighting over tv programs. They continue to call every few minutes with various reasons until I tell them not to call me unless someone is bleeding or the house is on fire, so the calls stop. But I guess by this time my date has determined the phone calls were planned to get me out of the date so he ends the date. I get home and my youngest daughter had been bitten by the dog (my mom's dog and it didn't come back to my house). I was like - "You know, that qualified as bleeding and a yes call."
Some time later I've got another date - someone I was looking forward to going to play pool with. I get a phone call saying this is officer so n so and I need you to come and pick up your son. I hear music in the background and know he's at his friends with a group of kids so I'm thinking prank call. But the other end is determined, "No, I really am a police officer and you need to come get your son from this party because we've busted the party up for having marijuana. So I finally tell them I will cancel my plans and come, but tell my son that if I come and this is a joke, he's still coming home with me. I cancel my date, drive over there and there are 3 police cars. Oh crap.
Again, much later on, I have a date. This guy is really nice looking, sent me expensive roses to work, bought a black trans am because I told him I had bought a black dress for the date. And he brings an ankle bracelet for me to wear. I mean, this guy had class. So we're getting into the car when a police car pulls into the driveway. My head kinda turns away from my date so he can't see my eye twitching. He's looking for my son because he had been involved in a fight. I'm delayed about 20 minutes being asked a hundred questions. Luckily my date just thought it was funny.
Ever drive past a place and just happen to see the police walking out of a house with 2 young guys, and one of them is one of yours? He told me later that he knew I'd be driving past any minute and was trying to get the cops to hurry so I wouldn't see them.
And one quiet evening at home there's a knock at the door and my son answers it. He comes skipping down the hall singing, "It's the police and they're not here for me, hee hee."
Apparently there was video of my daughter and her friend stealing a bathing suit. So we're sitting at the table, myself, the police officer and my daughter. My daughter has this attitude that the officer noticed and he tells me that if I want, he could take her and put her in a holding cell for a few hours. She quickly blurted out that she has a tanning bed appointment in an hour. At that moment, I turned to the officer and said, "Okay." Didn't quite work out as planned, turns out the magistrate decided she would spend the night and I couldn't get her until the next morning. She was singing Eminem songs to me the entire drive home.
I got into a big argument with my son once because he had my daughter with him and they had all been drinking and smoking pot. His excuse was that he was trying to teach her to drink responsibly. I said, at 15? There is no drinking responsibly at 15, there's no drinking responsibly at 17.
I called my daughter once when she had said she was spending the night with a friend, to remind her that I still needed to talk to the friend's mom first (a rule from a previous infraction). She said the mom was asleep so I said I was on my way to get her then. I got off the phone and told my youngest daughter to hurry and get her shoes on because I wanted to beat her over there, and I did. Funny thing about that was that her friend still tells me that's the maddest she has ever seen me. Funny because I wasn't even mad, I was having a hard time keeping myself from laughing.
My youngest only got into trouble once. She's the one who would actually call me to get her if a party started getting too wild (or someone brought out pot). She was at the mall with a friend and I had to go get her. Her and her friend both stole a cheap little necklace. Her friend got caught and my daughter felt guilty and took the necklace she had stolen out of her pocket and turned herself in. Whyyyyy??? Just put it back. Because she was only 13, they let her go to this experimental juvenile court, and they basically threw the book at her - she got maximum punishment they could give - maximum number of community hours, maximum days she had to serve on the juvenile jury and trip to an asylum about 2 hours away. With her guilt, she didn't complain - but I sure did. The man who suggested we go that route got an earful from me. If we had gone to regular court, it would have been first defense, turned self in, minor and dropped.
Oh, my oldest daughter, too - I was getting this feeling I get and I rode over to her school to check on her absences. The counselor was, at first like, I'm sure there's not a problem. The she pulled out her chart and looked at it and said, "Oh, yes, one more absence and they were going to come and arrest me". (That's what they did at the time). So they agreed that if I took her to counseling, they would not come after me.
I could go on and on. But the things is - with the laws, parents hands are tied. I learned all this stuff by talking to people in juvenile justice, police officers and everyone I could find to talk to. They all said there was nothing I could do. It was illegal to kick kids under 18 out. It was illegal to lay hands on them. For drugs I could not do an in-patient treatment unless we tried counseling first and counseling - the teen had to agree to it. But whatever the teenager does, the parent is responsible for. I never understood that - we can't do anything but are responsible and the ones who would go to jail. And guess what? It's always the parent's fault. I hate when people blame the parents for a teens actions because it is NOT always the parent's fault. Mine had good manners and respect and all the stuff I was supposed to teach them, but during teen years, they are gonna do what they do regardless. And other parents, teachers, coaches, etc, loved my kids. Even the principal when I asked him isn't he supposed to report that my son was not going to school to the DMV so they would take his license away, he responded that he really liked my son, he's such a good kid, that he wouldn't do that. And it was the school that taught my son that he could do what he wanted and I couldn't do anything about it. Yes, a teacher told him that. He could be immancipated if he chose to but I could not kick him out. Still, everything was my fault according to everyone.
Well, we did live through it and now they are all very responsible and caring adults and I get to laugh at them when their kids misbehave.
And don't think I don't.
