I can't take initiative

[Ban]

I've always known this but an interaction today really drove it home. I was meeting my girlfriend at her house then going a walk. She said she was looking for a bottle to fill with water to take with us and asked if I had one I could bring. After I told her that I did have one and I'd bring it she sent me a follow up text asking me to also fill it up with water. The funny thing is it hadn't occurred to me to fill it up myself at all but I'm thinking it should have been obvious. My thought process was she was looking for a bottle so she could fill it up so what she needs is an empty bottle. I had even pictured giving it to her to fill up when I got to her house. It's not that I was being lazy either because I had also thought that I would rinse it out for her before I brought it.
I was meeting her outside at the bottom of her building so it would have been a lot of hassle for her to go back up thinking about it retrospectively.
It all worked out fine in this situation but this kind of thing causes me huge problems, especially with people who don't know me so well.

 

[Alexej]

It all sounds very familiar to me. I am very literal and if it is not spelled out it does not happen, even though it could/should be obvious.

Don't worry you are not alone in this, and I hope your girlfriend understands

 

[Suzette]

I don't see a problem.
You don't need to take responsibility for mind reading anothers intentions. Your girl friend seems to agree with me as she followed up to clarify her needs.

 

[Ban]

I don't see a problem.
You don't need to take responsibility for mind reading anothers intentions. Your girl friend seems to agree with me as she followed up to clarify her needs.

That's exactly how I feel about thinking I shouldn't have to be a mind reader. I feel like alot of the time though somebody will ask me to do something but not mention something which should obviously be included which I totally miss and it looks like I'm just making things difficult by not doing that part.
I think in this example the reason she sent the follow up text is just because she knows what I'm like and that I'll just do exactly what she's asked and not really speculate on what I should be doing much more than that. From my perspective its exactly as you said about not mind reading their intentions, I kind of think its not for me to try and second guess what I think they actually meant.
Obviously in this particular example everything was fine and there was no problems, I just used it because I wanted an example where I could remember the exact conversion and my thought process.

 

[Suzette]

I don't really think this is an n.d. only problem. The fact is, people are lazy and don't like to take responsibility for clear communication. That is neither your fault or your problem. You have to treat others complaints about how you "should have assumed" as a manipulation.
Here is a script (while smiling agreeably) "Yes, you should have told me. Maybe next time eh?"
Just pretend like they were appologetic to you. That should deflate their ire.

 

[Ken]

There are so many people who become annoyed at me for being too literal. My wife is learning how to be careful how she words things to me. It still annoys her, but less so as she is learning.
I do believe I am too literal. I miss a lot of what people tell me as well as missing a lot of what is said in movies. I generally have to re-watch it several times and/or ask my wife what did they mean by that?
I know it's me, because everyone else gets it.

 

[grommet]

I've always known this but an interaction today really drove it home. I was meeting my girlfriend at her house then going a walk. She said she was looking for a bottle to fill with water to take with us and asked if I had one I could bring. After I told her that I did have one and I'd bring it she sent me a follow up text asking me to also fill it up with water. The funny thing is it hadn't occurred to me to fill it up myself at all but I'm thinking it should have been obvious. My thought process was she was looking for a bottle so she could fill it up so what she needs is an empty bottle. I had even pictured giving it to her to fill up when I got to her house. It's not that I was being lazy either because I had also thought that I would rinse it out for her before I brought it.
I was meeting her outside at the bottom of her building so it would have been a lot of hassle for her to go back up thinking about it retrospectively.
It all worked out fine in this situation but this kind of thing causes me huge problems, especially with people who don't know me so well.

I would have done what you thought to do and brought an empty bottle because she asked if I had a bottle to fill with water. I am very literal. If she had also said to fill it with water I would have done that. I have problems too and I often feel bad about myself for not understanding things they other people do or what people meant when they told me something but I am autistic and I do not think my brain works like theirs so I cannot.

I was working on a boat with a friend and he told me to let the line (rope) all the way out. I did and he got very angry because now he had to send the line back through and start over with it but I did exactly what he said and I thought I was showing him respect by not guessing and doing what I thought was better but doing what he asked. He said all the way out. That is very clear but it turned out his words were not what he meant. It was the only time in fifteen years he ever got so angry with me.

 

[Fino]

If her wording really was "a bottle to fill" then you did what she said. Nothing happened here.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes because l am logical - I would ask do you need me to fill this. Because it's an empty bottle and the next sequence of events is to put something it. Just because you don't think that way doesn't make you wrong so don't beat yourself up. It's just everybody thinks differently. You can always ask people -okay and is there anything else l should do? Then she might have suggested water in the bottle. I am a sequential thinker and it's annoying to myself.

 

[Nervous Rex]

After I told her that I did have one and I'd bring it she sent me a follow up text asking me to also fill it up with water.

She sent the follow-up text because she believed she had initially asked for an empty bottle - she felt the need to clarify. It sounds like you understood her clearly both times.

 

[Kalinychta]

As others have pointed out, it isn’t that you didn’t take initiative; you simply followed her instructions in a literal sense. I would have done the same thing you did, possibly. Did you guys laugh about it? I think it’s kind of a funny story.

 

[Ban]

As others have pointed out, it isn’t that you didn’t take initiative; you simply followed her instructions in a literal sense. I would have done the same thing you did, possibly. Did you guys laugh about it? I think it’s kind of a funny story.

Yeah she understands what I'm like so she tends to just find these things funny so its never a huge problem, its more with people who don't know me and they assume I knew and I'm just being lazy or deliberately causing a problem that creates an issue.

 

[Fino]

Yeah she understands what I'm like so she tends to just find these things funny so its never a huge problem, its more with people who don't know me and they assume I knew and I'm just being lazy or deliberately causing a problem that creates an issue.

I've had that problem on a huge scale all my life, but less and less with age.