I don't know whether I want to hug or strangle my childhood self

[Suzette]

While my mother tried to give us enriching activities, I felt that she was incapable of guiding me socially, so I interpreted much of her messages as demands. I think that even though I was mocked about my interests at first, the social isolation, feeling apart, even though among people, I feel most neglected by that isolation. Nobody cared. And at times I think acquaintences just assumed that I didn't have the same needs and desires as they.

Yes! This is exactly what I mean. In my case there was actual physical neglect, and my brother was truly an abusive bully, but I can see how I might interpret ordinary things negatively too.
My mothet always seems so dismissive of me as a person, like my accomplishents, experience and opinions don't matter. But what if her motives, tone, and words are benign and I just misinterpret them?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Yes! This is exactly what I mean. In my case there was actual physical neglect, and my brother was truly an abusive bully, but I can see how I might interpret ordinary things negatively too.
My mothet always seems so dismissive of me as a person, like my accomplishents, experience and opinions don't matter. But what if her motives, tone, and words are benign and I just misinterpret them?

Exactly. I developed negativity to keep myself from hurt and rejection and now recognize the bias that walled me away from connection. Very damaging during those years critical for social development.

 

[jleeb05]

While I'm sure autism is mostly, if not entirely, biological there seems to be a common theme of not having one's needs met as a child, especially by parents. For the most part, I feel that my Mom did a great job and we still talk every day on the phone. But growing up, I still had the experience of feeling misunderstood and not fully supported by her.

As I've done my research into ASD, my Mom and I have both realized that there are signs that she may also be on the spectrum. I wonder how this might have impacted her parenting style. On the other hand, I wonder how my autism might have influenced my perception of her. I clearly wanted a fighter/protector. Someone who would make the world feel safe but that was not her.