"I Don't Like You"

[Major Tom]

I think your response to that is perfect. I haven't had anyone say that to me in person other than maybe children.(I'm a teacher). I usually don't take that to heart.

Sometimes on the internet it happens though, and I don't let it bother me, because the feeling is usually mutual.

Happy Birthday by the way!

 

[Misery]

I've gotten this before, the "I dont like you" or things like that.

I usually respond with "Congratulations". You can almost hear a few braincells just dribbling out their ears when that one hits.

 

[tducey]

I'd just ignore them or say okay.

 

[Thinx]

@Juliettaa said: Have you ever heard of 'sunk cost fallacy' in a relationship?

It's pretty sad to read your post @Rasputin

I updated my original comment. Considering we have accumulated a lot in assets and would have to divest those assets should we ever split, I can tolerate being called names. It's sort of an advantage to being able to detach emotionally, and not necessarily a bad thing despite what my psychiatrist says.

That may sound OK to you, @Rasputin, but I think you may find it's a bad thing for any attempt to improve your relationship. Additionally, you have sleep problems and stress to the point of needing medication. So maybe your toleration for being called names is running low?

If someone, and particularly a partner, is resorting to personal attacks and name-calling, it's time to take notice, for yourself as much as for them.

 

[Rasputin]

@Juliettaa said: Have you ever heard of 'sunk cost fallacy' in a relationship?

It's pretty sad to read your post @Rasputin





That may sound OK to you, @Rasputin, but I think you may find it's a bad thing for any attempt to improve your relationship. Additionally, you have sleep problems and stress to the point of needing medication. So maybe your toleration for being called names is running low?

If someone, and particularly a partner, is resorting to personal attacks and name-calling, it's time to take notice, for yourself as much as for them.

I appreciate the concern, but I was just diagnosed with ASD a week ago, and my wife will be going with me to my next appointment with the psychiatrist. Also, I am starting CBT next Tuesday.

There's a lot of things in motion now, and I don't give up on things easily, particularly with 28 years invested in a marriage. I am not perfect, and neither is my wife. What she is though is loyal and trustworthy. Considering I am 61 and just now learning I have ASD, I am sure I do have some behavioral things to work on, which @Rexi has also weighed in on. So, I am not at the point where I just give up.

 

[WildCat]

Probably would have been bothered by this in the past, but now I've got 3 choice words in response to this. I won't repeat those words here.

 

[Thinx]

I appreciate the concern, but I was just diagnosed with ASD a week ago, and my wife will be going with me to my next appointment with the psychiatrist. Also, I am starting CBT next Tuesday.

There's a lot of things in motion now, and I don't give up on things easily, particularly with 28 years invested in a marriage. I am not perfect, and neither is my wife. What she is though is loyal and trustworthy. Considering I am 61 and just now learning I have ASD, I am sure I do have some behavioral things to work on, which @Rexi has also weighed in on. So, I am not at the point where I just give up.

Sounds great, I think working on relationships is nearly always a good option, there were a couple of things you said that I thought meant you planned to detach emotionally while staying in the relationship, rather than working on it and engage with your partners perspectives, I am glad that's not what you meant.

28 years is a great investment in each other, best wishes for the work you are doing together.

 

[Peter Jansen]

I have been called worse. Doesn't really bother me too much. I embrace my weirdness.

I have made peace with mine for the most part. I care about how other people see me, but not to the point where my uniqueness something I would hide from the world.

 

[onlything]

People used to say it to me a lot, then they stopped, then started again and stopped again. It depended on my own attitude towards them, starting with quirky but indifferent, through intimidating, to very quirky and very awkward and to quirky but friendly. Sometimes I still hear how strange I can be but, honestly, I was tired of caring for opinions of meaningless people I will forget about soon enough. So I stopped. They don't matter.

I can curb down some of my quirks or tendencies but I can't be anyone else but myself, so if you don't like me? Welp, that's too bad. There are only 7 billions of people you can like instead.

 

[Markness]

I was honestly thinking about my ex-friend before I saw this thread and one of the last things she told me when she called me for the last time were the very words in the title. Seven years later, the memory still hurts.

 

[GadAbout]

I was honestly thinking about my ex-friend and one of the last things she told me when she called me for the last time were the very words in the title. Seven years later, the memory still hurts.

I'm sorry you have that memory. But read through most of the responses in this thread. Adults who have learned to blow off such things. Somehow, that's what you have to learn to do.

 

[Adora]

No one has outright said to me that they don’t like me (at least to my face) but I was called weird a lot while growing up. Being called weird did affect me and while it’s been a long time since I have been called that it still affects me to this day.

 

[Dismas]

I think it’s that someone with a intellectual disposition is way less tricked by false flattery. There also more rational about there friendships, and that means most people are beneath that standard and they know it.

 

[Dismas]

She needs a accidental bed pan spill all over her face

 

[selena]

Um. If someone ever said that to me I don't think I ever took it to heart enough to remember it. But I'm pretty sure I've said it to a few people, which I thought was a better option than misleading them into thinking I liked their company (which other people have done to me and caused more heartache for me at the end).

No one has ever called me a weirdo to my face but I am very paranoid about being perceived as one.

I think the last time someone called me a weirdo was in 2012, and it was my brother so I silently hoped his newborn would grow up to be autistic in a more obvious way than he ever was. Even then I realized another human being shouldn't be used as a tool to punish the actual jerk, but I remain convinced that having an autistic child would let him and his extra NT wife learn to have more empathy and it's not like there's anything inherently wrong with being autistic or disabled.

Eight years later, their school-aged two kids do look obviously autistic to me, but the parents are either in denial or completely unaware of what autism looks like. I just hope the daughter will be able to navigate middle school and high school a lot better than I did, because she likely won't receive any kind of diagnosis until she's an adult.

 

[Mister Anonymity]

At least they took the time to tell you to your face that they don't like you. I've had people act nice to me out of courtesy and respect, but it was actually something they feigned in order to maintain some sense of moral superiority. But when the mask came off, they were really nasty and mean-spirited. You think you have it worse. I remember an entire class hating me for my bizarre weird gestures and misguided acts of attempting to joke with them. In fact, they hated me so much, one of them came around during high school and told me that they all hated me. Same thing happened me in several schools because I asked the teacher too many questions because I didn't understand something. It doesn't get easy. If they tell you to your face that they don't like you, at least you have honesty and you know what to expect. If they hide behind your back and whisper about you, that's the worst. You're a joke to them and an inconceivable failure to them. They will laugh at you and scorn you with tremendous cruelty. Don't trust people to be nice. Everyone's default position is bitterness and nastiness. Never trust people to be nice. That being said, don't act snobbish or rude to people. Just be moderately welcoming.

 

[Janja]

I've had people say they hate me and I have no idea why! I typically conclude they're in love with me.

This is really the best conclusion!

 

[Kalinychta]

I love this thread. Honestly, it’s hilarious. But only if you have healthy self-esteem. Of course people don’t like us. We’re weird. Unusual. Shocking. <insert eccentric adjective here> Forget ‘em.

 

[watersprite]

Flip it around:
What would be worrisome is if that sort of person liked you.

 

[Janja]

I love this thread. Honestly, it’s hilarious. But only if you have healthy self-esteem. Of course people don’t like us. We’re weird. Unusual. Shocking. <insert eccentric adjective here> Forget ‘em.

Kalinychta, your post is just what I needed to hear! I just wish that I had known who I was in high school (many years ago) so that I hadn’t spent all my energy trying to be “normal,” which included trying to distance myself from those considered “weird,” not realizing they were part of my tribe! Don’t worry, I was very quiet, so my “distancing” was not hurtful to these people, they didn’t know what I was doing. Plus I was distant from the NTs, too! I just wish I had been able to have more self-awareness, much earlier in life. Anyway, thanks for the post!