I feel alone, even among other autistics.

[Jerri]

NO! You are not! We are going to save the world...one weird consciousness experiment after another. Time to dive into the rabbit hole...are you up for an adventure? What have you got to loose? We have angelic support!

It sounds dumb. Really, really dumb. BUT, it will work!
Step one...see my above comment.

And see if this magic we weave doesn’t go both ways. I was ‘told’, it would. But, let’s just keep it simple, and focussed on one thing...one small thing.

 

[Jerri]

Broken Boy....

You have free will. Do you will this healing session? Do you want to open up and feel proof you are connected? If you’re not opened to it, it may not work as well. Claw your way out of the cocoon from the inside. They rest of us will focus on you ¿from the outside?

we will free you from the matrix, if you will it. Red pill, or blue?

 

[Judge]

Personally I've always thought that the innate feeling of being alone, even in the company of others was yet another trait of autism. One that for some of us just something we can never truly shake.

That to some degree I will always have the feeling of being "on the outside looking in" whether or not I am socially accepted in whole or in part.

 

[Jerri]

Personally I've always thought that the innate feeling of being alone, even in the company of others was yet another trait of autism. One that for some of us just something we can never truly shake.

That to some degree I will always have the feeling of being "on the outside looking in" whether or not I am socially accepted in whole or in part.

That’s the pill. We are more connected than you think. That’s the illusion. Autism is a GIFT. let’s prove it! Spectacularly.

 

[Judge]

That’s the pill. We are more connected than you think. That’s the illusion. Autism is a GIFT. let’s prove it! Spectacularly.

I tend to view my own autism in a neutral fashion. Though as for my comorbid OCD and chronic clinical depression, that's another matter.

 

[tree]

@Judge
"Personally I've always thought that the innate feeling of being alone, even in the company of others was yet another trait of autism."

I agree.
One of the strongest themes, points of similarity, that I have noticed in posts
on this site is the idea of being alone. Of feeling "different."

Often accompanied by a sense of bewilderment, that having become
acquainted with other people who felt "different" they didn't all mesh,
bond, feel a commonality.

 

[Jerri]

I tend to view my own autism in a neutral fashion. Though as for my comorbid OCD and chronic clinical depression, that's another matter.

Forget the label. You are healthy, whole and complete. You are divine. We all are! Sounds dumb...yes. Play the game for this young hurting soul...after all, no harm will come of it. You just might be amazed at what happens. This is not a waste of time. But you have to trust the angels...not me. I’m just me. Trust the angels. Trust in God (no gender). Feel and sooth in a atypically, odd, abnormal, Aspie way. Because it will work.

 

[Judge]

Forget the label. You are healthy, whole and complete. You are divine. We all are! Sounds dumb...yes. Play the game for this young hurting soul...after all, no harm will come of it. You just might be amazed at what happens. This is not a waste of time. But you have to trust the angels...not me. I’m just me. Trust the angels. Trust in God (no gender). Feel and sooth in a atypically, odd, abnormal, Aspie way. Because it will work.

Unlike autism, conditions like OCD and chronic clinical depression don't require considerations based on the interactions of others. These conditions negatively follow you wherever you go, regardless of being alone or in the presence of others.

 

[Jerri]

@Judge
"Personally I've always thought that the innate feeling of being alone, even in the company of others was yet another trait of autism."

I agree.
One of the strongest themes, points of similarity, that I have noticed in posts
on this site is the idea of being alone. Of feeling "different."

Often accompanied by a sense of bewilderment, that having become
acquainted with other people who felt "different" they didn't all mesh,
bond, feel a commonality.

Nope. There is a secret...one uncommunicatable through words. I’m just following the sign posts, too. I’m following a path. You are with me, right? Because this is super weird for me too

 

[Mia]

1. I am an absolute airhead moron and I'm totally talentless. I'm 15 and can't even tie my shoes. I also have a really poor memory and I tend to forget things I learn soon after. I literally can't figure out anything by myself, I always need other people to give me answers.

2. Unlike most autistics, I don't like schedules in fact, I hate them. I have a reputation among people who know me of being very lazy and unorganized.

3. I don't have any of the "perks" of being autistic. All autism does is give me more flaws, challenges and complications I have to deal with.

=========================================================
1. Humm Broken Boy, I still have difficulty tying my shoes, I was never taught how to do it and I'm in my fifties.

2. Don't like schedules either, never did. School, work, all requires that you are up at a certain hour and on time for everything. The only thing I keep to schedule on now are meals and I too am disorganized. It's related to something called 'executive functioning skills'.

3. It's possible that at fifteen, it's too soon for you to look for the perks of autism. At fifteen I cared more about pop music, my hair, jeans, and drawing. Many of us are late bloomers.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[Judge]

3. It's possible that at fifteen, it's too soon for you to look for the perks of autism. At fifteen I cared more about pop music, my hair, jeans, and drawing. Many of us are late bloomers.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

An important point. Signs of maturity or autism aren't things that develop in any linear fashion. They're things more likely to happen in a rather random, sporadic way over an unspecified amount of time.

Perhaps a major reason in my own case why I didn't even consider that I could be on the spectrum until my mid fifties! I literally never noticed it and discovered it quite by accident.

Of course as well my doctor never associated my depression and OCD with autism at the time.

 

[Adora]

Hi Brokenboy I totally understand where you are coming from,I’m not a stereotypical aspie either and sometimes i think i missed out in the intelligence perks too but saying that there is a saying if you meet one aspie you have met one aspie and even though we may share being on a spectrum it is not called a spectrum for nothing,my husband always reminds the reason why it’s called a spectrum too and also it took me years to learn how to tie my shoes it even took me awhile to even learn how to buckle a seatbelt and my short term memory is awful.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Considering that you call yourself stupid, does that mean that you took an IQ test and the results were rather low? Because if you didn't then you cannot make that distinction, only way to know is to measure it.

I am the laziest dude you will ever meet. I bet I'm lazier than you. I'm too lazy to even do something when I'm doing nothing. Right now I want to watch some anime, but I'm too lazy to do that.

And shoelaces are the bane of my existence. Trying to find some Chelsea boots or something like that, but since I'm not only lazy but also a perfectionist... yea good luck on that.

Feeling this way at 15 is totally normal. I had a lot of friends, and everything should have been good but it wasn't. At 15 you have no ownership over your life, but when you grow up and become self sufficient you will be able to organize your life the way you want to and you never have to deal with people telling you what to do. At least that's what fixed my happiness conundrum.

You don't need anyone to relate to you. I'm far beyond that point. Nobody will ever understand me, or realize who or what I am. Once you accept the situation it's not bad at all. Why would someone need to understand? As long as I understand it's fine.

Analyze what your capabilities are (IQ, studying capacity, etc) and then start following a path that suits you. If you are truly lazy and unsuitable for any type of work (like me!) then I suggest you start saving money. I started at 25, if I started at 15 things would've been even better than they are now. You can be stupid and worthless at everything, but if you are good with money and start early then you'll end up alright.

 

[Mary Anne]

Considering that you call yourself stupid, does that mean that you took an IQ test and the results were rather low? Because if you didn't then you cannot make that distinction, only way to know is to measure it.

I am the laziest dude you will ever meet. I bet I'm lazier than you. I'm too lazy to even do something when I'm doing nothing. Right now I want to watch some anime, but I'm too lazy to do that.

And shoelaces are the bane of my existence. Trying to find some Chelsea boots or something like that, but since I'm not only lazy but also a perfectionist... yea good luck on that.

Feeling this way at 15 is totally normal. I had a lot of friends, and everything should have been good but it wasn't. At 15 you have no ownership over your life, but when you grow up and become self sufficient you will be able to organize your life the way you want to and you never have to deal with people telling you what to do. At least that's what fixed my happiness conundrum.

You don't need anyone to relate to you. I'm far beyond that point. Nobody will ever understand me, or realize who or what I am. Once you accept the situation it's not bad at all. Why would someone need to understand? As long as I understand it's fine.

Analyze what your capabilities are (IQ, studying capacity, etc) and then start following a path that suits you. If you are truly lazy and unsuitable for any type of work (like me!) then I suggest you start saving money. I started at 25, if I started at 15 things would've been even better than they are now. You can be stupid and worthless at everything, but if you are good with money and start early then you'll end up alright.

Might I ask the secret you seem to have? You call yourself “unsuitable for any type of work” and “lazy,”yet you “save money and are good at it.” Where might that money be coming from? I need some too. Curious, and a bit envious too.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

No secret. Minimum wage jobs (or slightly above minimum wage), getting fired every 6 months, unemployment benefits in between. Saved money and invested. Did a lot of stupid stuff, but luckily not stupid enough so I'm doing pretty well now.

 

[radiofixr]

I sometimes feel alone in a room of others on the spectrum and seem to feel like a piece of furniture until I am needed for something--never doubt yourself -everyone has value and talent in some way-you are still young and sometimes it takes people on the spectrum longer to discover talent and interests so do not get down on yourself because you will find your niche and talent and interest-everyone is worth something and can contribute something special in this world.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

1. I am an absolute airhead moron and I'm totally talentless. I'm 15 and can't even tie my shoes. I also have a really poor memory and I tend to forget things I learn soon after. I literally can't figure out anything by myself, I always need other people to give me answers.

You call you self "moron"... you just 15 what you expected. I bet you dont forget important things, fact you forget something you learn in school also normal everyone forgets what they never use.
Nor figure anything by yourself is a habit you need to break faster the better, but its also normal everyone like this they might buy a new tool and rather ask someone how to use it than read the manual.

2. Unlike most autistics, I don't like schedules in fact, I hate them. I have a reputation among people who know me of being very lazy and unorganized.

Same here.

3. I don't have any of the "perks" of being autistic. All autism does is give me more flaws, challenges and complications I have to deal with.

I understand how 15yo cannot see any benefits because at that age main goal is to be like everyone else not be a reject etc, but when you get older you learn to value your individuality and your superiority if you make a career decision that goes good with your personal traits.

Faster you believe that you smart faster the better if you program yourself you an idiot you will always feel this way. You are what you think you are.

Social downsides of being autistic i.e. paranoia (extra suspicious), excessive attention to detail, desire to order things are actually very important qualities to be success in computers industry and other jobs like engineering, drawing, modeling etc.

 

[Ginseng]

today, at 48, I still feel a sort of achievement when I tie a lace).

Me too! And I am 63.

 

[BK201]

If it makes you feel any better I only learned to tie my shoes at late age and I constantly had my gym teacher tie my shoes for me in front of the class. Your not alone in that.

I still don't know how to tie my shoelaces properly and I'm 34. I tie them differently and in a clumsy way.

 

[Decameron]

I have to agree with everyone else, your writing skills are pretty good, which is difficult even for an NT adult to pull off. Keep posting, I wouldn't be surprised if you find out a lot more about yourself through more dialog.