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I had a first date with a quality date, but. . .

Maggiepie said:
It was a first date. Going to his home to Meet his mom on a first date would be a lot. If it develops into a relationship I expect you will become welcome in his home and meet him mom. But that is at least a few dates down the line. Personally I don't have someone in my house until 5-10 dates in. And meeting family is several months into the relationship for me.
All the details about food preferences are irrelevant. Differing opinions and healthy discussions are totally fine and normal. What is relevant is "I feel like a child and I don't like that feeling." This is a major red flag. Trust your gut. You don't like how he makes you feel. Don't waste your time on someone who makes you feel small. Find someone who makes you feel valued as an equal.
If someone is right, there won't be a big old 'but'. Don't use good qualities to justify treating you bad. No bodies perfect, but in a good match the little annoying things are endearing.
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I am not expecting to meet his mom so soon. This date owns the place. So, it feels weird to not be able to meet at his place that he owns when I am open to him coming to my place and he knows that. If I'm going to his place, I wouldn't try to engage with his mother, but that is also a risk I want him to be open to at least maybe a few months down the line if not now.
 
Shaddock said:
I wouldn´t want that anyone does that with me, because it feels like manipulation/fooling someone. manipulation because you pretend something else, than you actually say/do and that´s not honest or okay.

maybe for some people this would be jokey, but I definitely would say that a person should stop this kind of behavior.


IMO everyone can eat what he/she wants. it is his/her problem when he is not healthy enough because of that. I also eat what I want, try also new things, but trying means "I don´t know how it tastes, taste it and when it tastes bad, then I stop eating it." and not "I eat something for someone else, even when I know that it tastes bad."
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I was thinking of dumping him. We texted since then and he's been trying to be extra careful not to offend. I don't have any other promising options either.


I had one awesome candidate earlier and I dated new person last Wednesday, but he didn't like me physically which made me sad. I really liked that person and that person and I even tried to talk with each other 3 years ago just to casually meet, but he forgot about that conversation and he wasn't living in the area at that time.
 
Shaddock said:
. . .


IMO everyone can eat what he/she wants. it is his/her problem when he is not healthy enough because of that. I also eat what I want, try also new things, but trying means "I don´t know how it tastes, taste it and when it tastes bad, then I stop eating it." and not "I eat something for someone else, even when I know that it tastes bad."
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While I understand what you're saying here, there are a few things to consider:
1. Since I'm dating the person, their habits might possibly affect me even if indirect. If I eat something they don't like, and then say, we're kissing, depending on their pickiness, they might not enjoy the kiss. Depending on the person, even breath mints or brushing my teeth might not be enough.
2. As a true foodie, someone with such peculiarities are not fun to be around. The sensitivities that picky eaters has takes away from the experience I get with enjoying variety of food and food in general. In some cases, I definitely feel that some people are opposed to food because of its newness and strangeness and not necessarily its actual taste. Maybe the texture bugs some people.



Thank you Google:

"Pickiness in eating is often associated with a lack of sophistication or just plain fussiness but taste research suggests that picky eaters may actually be highly sensitive tasters."

https://blog.donders.ru.nl/?p=8796&lang=en
"As long as you're picky about your own food that you went through the trouble of getting and making I think it's totally fine. On the other hand, if your pickiness takes for granted the time and generosity of other people, it's different."
https://www.quora.com/Is-being-picky-about-food-a-bad-thing
https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/05/18/picky-eater-adult-advice-stop/One thing this article doesn't mention which I ran into somewhere else is that maybe you can combine something you know you like with something new. This can help you adjust to something new or different as well.
 
I do not like anything bitter, never did do not drink beer, hate spinach, seem to have higher tolerance now my wife likes to eat grapefruit the membrane is extremely bitter, now I can finally drink grapefruit juice. some of my medication put a stop to that. I would hate to be called a picky eater, for not liking bitter. If she adds grapefruit to a fruit salad, she knows I cannot eat it. Liver another example of meat with a bitter taste.
 
In case you wanted to know what happened with this date, two weekends ago and last Tuesday, he told me that his best friend's dad, someone he considers an "uncle" because he is close with best friend's dad, passed away. We were planning to meet the following Sat but then canceled those plans.
I told this guy last Fri. to "stay strong". He responded Sat. morning that there was too much going on ("He's going to take a time out.") and he needed to "clear his head." There's nothing wrong with wanting some space, but he couldn't be honest with me directly that he didn't want to continue dating. If he was serious, maybe we could've scheduled something 2-4 weeks down the line, but he didn't bring that up.

I didn't break it off because I know sometimes people make mistakes, and me and him both said we were open to the idea of "fwb" on our profiles. He would've been suitable for this as he's not so dating material (for me) as he thought he was.

Good riddance- his attitude was terrible anyway.
 
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I'm reviving this thread because the dude contacted me today. We basically agreed for fwb only, but now he's like he doesn't know when he can meet but he knows he can't meet during the week because he has to travel to NC right now. Like, why would he contact me a month later if he doesn't even know if he can even meet or not. Like I was invested, but then if he was really invested too, he would've invited me in part of this mess of his. Also, he could be making up the "mess" as an excuse. I didn't ask him to come back to my life in the form of text. I do want fwb cause he's physically attractive and seems to be into me too, but if we don't actually meet for whatever reason and do stuff, it's like chatting endlessly on an app. I clearly state at the beginning that I'm not looking to chat endlessly.
I'm tempted to ask him directly 1-1 to contact me only when he know specific dates and times he can meet.

Normally, this would be too direct, but in this situation where things have been dragging on, it doesn't feel inappropriate for me.
 
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