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I hate grocery stores.

Working in a grocery store really opened my eyes to just how selfish, rude, and entitled most people are. Most, not all. The people that act polite, kind, or caring are like a breath of fresh air, as many customers don't even say hello back to me and wont even look at me. For most people, the rudeness is just who they are I think. I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother, so I think that for some people its just how they function. If it wasn't you they nearly ran into, and instead was somebody else, they would've probably had something harsh and rude and uncalled for to say about that person too. I'm really sensitive too and I tend to feel like its my job to keep people happy - that if they go off on me for anything its my fault - but I try to just remember that and shrug it off. They're rarely mad at me, per say, morelike they're just mad at the world and if it wasn't me it would have inevitably been somebody else regardless of how they acted.
 
Don't know if this has happened to anyone, but do people stalk you in grocery stores? I go to groceries during the off-hours when I know there will not be many people there. Usually late in the evening after nine or so. Often I'm alone in the store, or there are one or two people buying a few items.

Tonight I turned to find someone standing right beside me, so close that I hit him with a bag of oranges which I was about to put in my cart. There was no one else in the produce area. I apologized, he smiled and attempted to talk to me. I moved on. He didn't have a cart or a basket, he didn't appear to be shopping. He also hadn't come in through the main entrance, and was already in the store.

Two aisles further down as I was picking something from a shelf, another person stopped to look at something a foot away from me. It was the same person. I encountered two other men who stood right beside me while I was getting more groceries. They didn't have carts or anything in their hands.

This is not the first time this has occurred, it's happened several times. Is this a 'thing'? Do people actually go and hang around grocery stores at night to attempt to meet people who are shopping? I find this unnerving, even frightening. Has this happened to anyone else?
 
Mia said:
Don't know if this has happened to anyone, but do people stalk you in grocery stores? I go to groceries during the off-hours when I know there will not be many people there. Usually late in the evening after nine or so. Often I'm alone in the store, or there are one or two people buying a few items.

Tonight I turned to find someone standing right beside me, so close that I hit him with a bag of oranges which I was about to put in my cart. There was no one else in the produce area. I apologized, he smiled and attempted to talk to me. I moved on. He didn't have a cart or a basket, he didn't appear to be shopping. He also hadn't come in through the main entrance, and was already in the store.

Two aisles further down as I was picking something from a shelf, another person stopped to look at something a foot away from me. It was the same person. I encountered two other men who stood right beside me while I was getting more groceries. They didn't have carts or anything in their hands.

This is not the first time this has occurred, it's happened several times. Is this a 'thing'? Do people actually go and hang around grocery stores at night to attempt to meet people who are shopping? I find this unnerving, even frightening. Has this happened to anyone else?
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This just has red flags all over the place. Maybe I just watch too much crime shows, but someone following you might have ill intentions - perhaps they intend to steal from you. Especially if you are there alone. If you feel like you are being followed, you can always tell an employee. Pay particular attention to which desks/registers have phones, as this is the most immediate way to get assistance in my opinion. At my store, the electronics and lawn/garden front desks do as well as the fitting rooms and the tobacco register. I'm a cashier and I had a customer tell me she was being followed and she requested an employee walk her out to her car, so naturally I got the supervisor and he got someone to walk her out.
 
This is a reply to the Original Post. I can imagine how you feel. I used to get so nervous in any type of crowd I'd have trouble breathing! It just felt like there was no air left for me! I just got diagnosed after 43 years so we had no idea what was causing these reactions. My dad is one of those old school types who grew up in the era of the "suck it up, buttercup" and "walk it off" mentalities. I learned to just use my imagination and pretend I was in a wide open field or something so I could function. I can't really recommend this approach, however. It seemed like I always had knot in my stomach from "sucking it up" and toughing it out. You have my sympathies.
 
Kari Suttle said:
This just has red flags all over the place. Maybe I just watch too much crime shows, but someone following you might have ill intentions - perhaps they intend to steal from you. Especially if you are there alone.
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You know Kari you are probably right, I'm just so naive about these things. Don't expect strangers to have ulterior motives in a little burg in the middle of nowhere. Was more prepared for this kind of thing when I lived in the city.

They may be a group attempting to rob people. Two of the men looked almost identical, similar clothing, height, so much so it was difficult to tell them apart, they may have been brothers. One bumped into me on purpose and it seemed strange as there appeared to be only three people in the aisles.

My wallet was not in my bag, neither were my credit cards, both were in an inside pocket in my jacket. So they would have had to attack me to take my wallet. In future I'll be much more careful at that particular store.
 
Mia said:
You know Kari you are probably right, I'm just so naive about these things. Don't expect strangers to have ulterior motives in a little burg in the middle of nowhere. Was more prepared for this kind of thing when I lived in the city.

They may be a group attempting to rob people. Two of the men looked almost identical, similar clothing, height, so much so it was difficult to tell them apart, they may have been brothers. One bumped into me on purpose and it seemed strange as there appeared to be only three people in the aisles.

My wallet was not in my bag, neither were my credit cards, both were in an inside pocket in my jacket. So they would have had to attack me to take my wallet. In future I'll be much more careful at that particular store.
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Yeah, I agree with Kari. Not ever a good sign to see someone violate your personal space in such a way. Especially in a place where I see so many women leave their purse in a shopping cart while they are handling vegetables. As benign as a grocery store may seem, it's always a prime location for both shoplifters and pickpockets. Thieves abound.

I'm particularly sensitive to any stranger violating my personal space myself. I can only say as a word of advice, "don't".
 
Some folks are real bad at empathy. Perhaps the lady thought you were being rude, unable to comprehend that you were trying to be polite. Personally, I've come a long way being a pharmacist over the years and have come to that conclusion. Some are just bad at empathy. Others are trolling for victims, and pounce when they find one. Most are nice people, but just simply too much in their own heads to notice you or your motives and by default assume you are being negative (I do the same, sometimes and must guard against that... especially in my line of work). You seem like a sweet person. I'll wager you bring joy to this world :). As for the others, .... kill 'em with kindness!
 
Jerry said:
Agreed. If you think about it, those types are kind of pathetic. What kind of person takes joy from hurting others? What personal hell must they be living in?
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Whatever it is, it doesn't give them the right to take it out on innocent strangers. But I guess they're too immature and stupid to realize that.
 
This is unrelated to the discussion currently going on in the thread, but my local supermarket has an "autism friendly" hour where they dim the lights and turn off the loudspeakers and I think it's a pretty good idea. It definitely makes me want to shop there.
 
AspieDylan said:
This is unrelated to the discussion currently going on in the thread, but my local supermarket has an "autism friendly" hour where they dim the lights and turn off the loudspeakers and I think it's a pretty good idea. It definitely makes me want to shop there.
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Wow! I've never heard of that but its amazing! Do you live near a center that works with people who have autism or something? That's really cool provided store management sticks to the guidelines and its scheduled for a low-traffic day/time. It would be ideal for adults and children with autism provided they stick to it. I would love to shop at a place like that, cause I swear some days just walking into the store I get a headache.
 
Nothing is wrong with you. I have experienced the same thing in a different way.

Though I now work at a grocery store, it seems easier for me to work a shift there than to shop there.

I have given up using the buggy and use a small basket so I can get away from busy aisles full of buggies and shoppers. I just leave the basket in the aisle, remember where I put the basket and walk to where I want the products. I carry them in my arms a few items at a time, dodging the customers. I then walk back to the basket and put my handful of items in the basket.

Then I rest, and repeat the second half of the above paragraph. This is better than having a meltdown, and possibly getting reported to the authorities.

I learned this after much consternation, but now I feel much more at ease when shopping.
 
Rob said:
Nothing is wrong with you. I have experienced the same thing in a different way.

Though I now work at a grocery store, it seems easier for me to work a shift there than to shop there.

I have given up using the buggy and use a small basket so I can get away from busy aisles full of buggies and shoppers. I just leave the basket in the aisle, remember where I put the basket and walk to where I want the products. I carry them in my arms a few items at a time, dodging the customers. I then walk back to the basket and put my handful of items in the basket.

Then I rest, and repeat the second half of the above paragraph. This is better than having a meltdown, and possibly getting reported to the authorities.

I learned this after much consternation, but now I feel much more at ease when shopping.
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Ha! I do this, too! It's much more efficient that pushing that dumb cart 3 feet, stopping, and repeating.
 
LittleLemon said:
'm pushing my cart and this woman is coming in another direction from the left. We both stop. I wait for her to go (I ALWAYS let people go. I don't like to be in people's way). She didn't. So I politely said, "excuse me" and quickly went around her so she could go on her way. I then hear the bitterest and harshest voice say, 'do you drive like that too?' I stopped, looked back in shock, and she didn't look back. I immediately start shaking and I felt the hot tears spill. I hadn't cried in a grocery store in a few years. It's embarrassing. I attempted to approach her a few times, but I was shaking too hard and I'm consoling myself thinking that if I had, I probably wouldn't have got the words out and she would've walked away with another hurtful remark, and I would've felt worse. I'm also thinking, 'hey! I'm actually a really good driver!' I'm a rule follower and very observant and I don't miss much. It felt ridiculous that I also wanted to defend my driving record. I'm probably a better driver than her!
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Oh I'd have turned back and made sure she heard me telling her to step off. You know, up the ante a little (without making it personal of course) just to get a reaction so that I'd be the one walking away with her likely protests falling on deaf ears and then she'd rightfully be the one grumbling about it afterwards.
Give that a try and you might just feel empowered lol. If it were me you crossed paths (or trolleys) with then I'd have probably just smiled at you (to communicate the brief awkwardness) and trollied on.
I'm logical when it comes to naviagiting around and giving right of way to people or cars.

ksheehan88 said:
Theres nothing wrong with you.

I get really overwhelmed in busy supermarkets/shops.... More than once I've left a whole trolley of stuff and just walked out because I couldn't cope x
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And to think you first came on here thinking you weren't an aspie lol :relieved::smirk:
 
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Hopeless_Aspie_Guy said:
Oh I'd have turned back and made sure she heard me telling her to step off. You know, up the ante a little (without making it personal of course) just to get a reaction so that I'd be the one walking away with her likely protests falling on deaf ears and then she'd rightfully be the one grumbling about it afterwards.
Give that a try and you might just feel empowered lol. If it were me you crossed paths (or trolleys) with then I'd have probably just smiled at you (to communicate the brief awkwardness) and trollied on.
I'm logical when it comes to naviagiting around and giving right of way to people or cars.



And to think you first came on here thinking you weren't an aspie lol :relieved::smirk:
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I know lol!
 
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Rob said:
Nothing is wrong with you. I have experienced the same thing in a different way.

Though I now work at a grocery store, it seems easier for me to work a shift there than to shop there.

I have given up using the buggy and use a small basket so I can get away from busy aisles full of buggies and shoppers. I just leave the basket in the aisle, remember where I put the basket and walk to where I want the products. I carry them in my arms a few items at a time, dodging the customers. I then walk back to the basket and put my handful of items in the basket.

Then I rest, and repeat the second half of the above paragraph. This is better than having a meltdown, and possibly getting reported to the authorities.

I learned this after much consternation, but now I feel much more at ease when shopping.
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I wish the idiots who leave their big ol' carts smack in the middle of the aisle while they go off and look at items on the shelf would do this instead.
But they probably get too much stuff to fit in a basket.

Hopeless_Aspie_Guy said:
Oh I'd have turned back and made sure she heard me telling her to step off. You know, up the ante a little (without making it personal of course) just to get a reaction so that I'd be the one walking away with her likely protests falling on deaf ears and then she'd rightfully be the one grumbling about it afterwards.
Give that a try and you might just feel empowered lol.
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Even though I'm an employee I want to start doing this. Can't wait till I'm just a customer again so I can do it with no consequences. Anyone who's rude to me then should be terrified of what I'll say/do to them!!! I have much more horrific and cruel words in my mind than my sweet, innocent face lets on.
 
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